WEBVTT

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Vulture Peak Gathering
Upper Hamlet, Plum Village

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Where is Thay?
June 8. 2016

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A teaching from Lay dharma teacher
Eveline Beumkes

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Yesterday the Dharma teachers

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were invited to come together

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and sit near the Buddha,

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next to the hall.

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And Sister Chan Khong was there.

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And she started our coming together

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with saying to us,

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“Dear Friends, I have,

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I have a riddle for you:

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" Where, where, is Thay?”

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(laughter)

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No one answered.

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But we all smiled.

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And I thought, right away.

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“Wow."

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(Is it working?)

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Wow.

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This is exactly the theme of my talk,

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what I want to speak about tomorrow:

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"Where is Thay?”

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More, a little bit more precisely,

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for me the theme is

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"In what way Thay is with me?"

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And this has been
a burning question to me,

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right from the moment I met Thay.

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I came from a very dark place.

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I had been looking for so long

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and finally I found Thay

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and the practice. So precious.

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And right away I was afraid

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that I might lose Thay.

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I might lose him 
before knowing what I needed to know.

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And I knew that he was the one who could

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teach me.

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He was the only one I knew who really knew

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what I needed to know in order to live.

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Because I felt very closed,

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I felt very fearful, unhappy, hopeless

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and I knew that I needed Thay,

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to get the information from him,

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in order to find the way out.

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So I was afraid that he ...

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he might continue his journey

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before I had received the information

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I needed to be able to swim by myself.

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I’ll give you

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a little bit of background information

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about the place where I came from,

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so you understand better my happiness

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to find Thay.

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When I was 12 years old, or I guess 11,

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the world turned grey. I lost my joy.

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I was very surprised.

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I didn’t understand it.

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I used to enjoy playing,

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going to school, seeing my friends.

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And all of a sudden,

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everything lost its meaning.

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I didn’t care any more, doing this or that.

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I didn’t understand it.

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This mood, state of mind, 
stayed maybe for a year,

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and then it fortunately dissolved.

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But it has been coming back, 
more or less intense.

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And it made me question,

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what am I doing here on earth?

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What is the reason of my life?

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What is the meaning of life?

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When I was 18,

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there was a booklet

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called...

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It was a booklet written about the 
report on the state of the environment,

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a report from the Club of Rome.

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And it was called Dead Spring, and 
on the cover was a dead tree.

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I was 18. I haven’t read the book.

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I understood right away what was in it,
and I felt hopeless.

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Already for some years, when I was 
washing the dishes in the evening,

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when I put soap in the water to 
wash the dishes, I wondered ...

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We were living in Amsterdam 
on the third floor,

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with many, many apartments around us.

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When everybody in Amsterdam, 
in Holland, all over the world,

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is putting soap in the dish-washing
water a few times a day,

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how can we drink the water?

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How can we continue to survive? 
And then this is only dish-washing water.

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I was then maybe 15, 16.

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So when I read, when I saw this booklet,
it confirmed my fear.

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And, when I spoke about it with other
people, they said,

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“Eveline, don’t worry. 
Nature is very strong.

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It can heal itself.”

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Nobody understood my fear.

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I felt very alone for a long time, 
and I stopped talking about it.

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But I always had this fear of 
what is going to come.

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I felt a cloud, a black cloud of 
the threat, above my head, always.

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And I didn’t see a way out.

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It felt meaningless to me to do anything.

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There was no sense, 
there was no sense in doing anything.

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So this was not a happy place to be.

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I thought, well, this is it.

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This seems to be it.

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I will have to put up with this 
and live my life.

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I did, not very happy.

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And then when I was 28, I read 
a book about parapsychology.

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Para... well, anyway, miraculous things.

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I didn’t know whether what was 
written in the book was true or not.

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I didn’t say it was not true; 
I didn’t say it was true.

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But when I finished reading, I thought,

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“Well, you never know.

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Maybe there is more between
heaven and earth than I know.”

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Maybe... So there was a small opening.

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And then - I was 28 - I started to look,

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to explore in different 
spiritual traditions,

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starting to read books and going 
to workshops in Holland, retreats.

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And then I found,

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then I found a book of Etty Hillesum, 
the diary of Etty Hillesum.

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She is like Anne Frank.

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You may know her, a Jewish woman
in the Second World War.

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Anne was 12 years, but Etty was 28, 
just like me at that time.

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And Etty became a friend.

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I read every day
a few pages of her diary.

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And Etty showed me a way from her…

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She was 28, and she died finally,
in the war. So she didn’t survive.

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But I read in her book that…

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You could follow her way, 
written day by day,

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and you could see how she was growing, 
how compassion

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– I would say now,
I wouldn’t say it at that time –

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that compassion and understanding
were growing in her.

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And I saw that the darker 
the situation she was in

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- she went to a camp and the situation 
became, for the Jews in Holland,

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became more difficult and more difficult.

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So it was a squeezing situation.

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But the darker the situation is,
I could read,

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the more intense and faster 
her inner light was growing and shining.

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And her strength was growing 
very fast. And that gave me hope.

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Because with the idea that in my life 
very dark times might come,

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now I had hope that however 
dark it might get,

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and even when the world around me 
gets darker and darker,

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then that it may be helpful for me to 
grow in the direction of the light faster.

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So I was less afraid 
for the darkness to come.

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And then I was so lucky 
to find some day

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The Miracle of Mindfulness, 
a very small booklet.

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And, um, no, no, before that, yes, yes, 
I was looking.

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I kept looking in different directions, 
but I didn’t find anywhere a teacher

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or a way, a spiritual path, where 
my heart really resonated and

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where I really said, “Yes, this is it.”

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So, I didn’t want to make a compromise 
and I continued searching.

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And then I found 
The Miracle of Mindfulness.

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And before finishing that book, I knew,

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“Now, this is it. Now I have found what 
I have been looking for all these years.”

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And half way the book, 
there is an exercise,

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“washing the dishes in mindfulness”.

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(laughter)

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I wrote a song about it.

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But ... So I practised that 
for the very first time,


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and I clearly remember where it was 
and I remember my experience.

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It proved to me, it was such a different 
experience to wash the dishes

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and really be aware of the movement of my 
hand, of the temperature of the water, and

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the contact with the cup that I picked up.

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And suddenly joy opened, 
I really enjoyed it.

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And this was what I had been looking for. 
You know, I was not in touch.

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I was hopeless, what I missed was the 
connection with things.

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And here I felt a real, direct connection.
I was in touch.

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So I was very happy.

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I knew this is my path.

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But now ... the teacher -

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because the author was a monk
who seemed to be living in Vietnam.

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And who can describe my surprise when two 
days after finishing reading this book,

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I read somewhere in a newspaper that 
the author, Thich Nhat Hanh,

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was coming to Amsterdam - yes! - and
giving a meditation weekend in Amsterdam.

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So, I was very, very, very curious
to meet him.

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I came from a slightly 
Christian background,

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So Buddhism .... yes, that was something 
to be very carefully explored.

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And then Thay came with Sister Chan Khong.

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And right away I felt, well,

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I was so moved, so moved.

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But. I need not explore,
tell you more about that,

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because I guess that is the experience 
we all know when we see Thay,

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with his gentle energy, his smile. 
How can your heart not melt?

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(laughter)

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And then I heard about Plum Village.

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It was May when Thay and Sister Chan Khong
came to Amsterdam.

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And I decided when I heard about 
Plum Village, to go there.

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And when I arrived, 
I felt when I was in Plum Village...

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Oh, maybe I should tell you what it
was like.

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Lower Hamlet ...

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at most 60 people, maybe 40, 
mostly Vietnamese, 6 westerners.

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And I felt so happy, 
I felt so extremely happy.

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I felt really like coming home.

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And I’ve heard so many people 
after me using the same words.

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“It feels like coming home here.”

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I went back to Amsterdam and I thought

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I thought, “Now my life has changed; 
now I will be happy.”

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I really believed that. 
And I was so surprised that within …

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in less than 3 days I was back in my 
old track of … as I used to feel before.

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And so we, here, of course, 
we understand that was because …

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because… there was no Sangha. 
There was no Sangha!

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Next summer I went back to Plum Village,
of course looking forward, very much.

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And the same experience, 
enjoying it so deeply.

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And then I remember one day I was in the
library, a very small room,

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and I read a magazine. And until the 
day of today I remember what I read there.

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It made a very deep impression. It was an
article about

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Rumi, from the twelfth century, 
I think a Sufi mystic.

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And in the article it was described 
how much Rumi loved his master.

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He loved him so dearly. And I really 
could connect with that.

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And then, his master died, 
and Rumi was inconsolable.

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And surely I could connect with that.

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And there was a description of how
Rumi kept looking for his master.

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He kept looking and looking 
and looking for years.

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And then, after 5 years, it was written,
he found his master.

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He found him everywhere.

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And that was such a hopeful news to me. 


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I thought - and it was a deep intention,
a deep determination, deep in me -

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"This is what I want, 
I want to find Thay everywhere."

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But in the magazine was not a description.

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I had no clue how Rumi had found his 
master. So this was a koan.

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I had to find out for myself.

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(The bell is awoken... )

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(The bell is invited one time...)

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So this was a question that I was holding 
in my heart,

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knowing about Rumi’s example

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. And for me the question was: 
“How can I find Thay everywhere?”

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So it was in my heart. 
I carried it along.

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Then around Christmas that same year, Thay
and Sister Chan Khong offered a retreat

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in Paris, in Fleur de Cactus, 
which is now Maison de l’Inspire.

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I think we were about 20, 25 people then.

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And I had started to think 
about quitting my job.

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I felt very unhappy at my job. And at 
first, I had been thinking that,

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with the practice, I should be able 
to make myself happy there.

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I tried, but I did not succeed. And then, 
one day I heard Thay say that a seedling -

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-- you know, 
a seed that has just sprouted --- 


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a seedling needs protection
in order to grow.

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And then I knew I had 
permission to leave my job.

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(laughter)

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But I was deadly scared to do so.

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And during that winter retreat,
I spoke about my situation and my fear

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with Thay and with Sister Chan Khong.

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And when I left, Thay said to me,
“Eveline, we are with you.”

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Well, those were precious words.

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“We are with you.”

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I don’t know how often I have turned 
these words around in my mind,

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wondering what exactly Thay meant by
“We are with you.”

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In what way?

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And what came up was a story I had read 
in a book a few years ago,

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one of the books 
I read on my quest for a path.

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The book was called 
Living with the Himalayan Masters,

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the masters of the Himalayas, and one of 
the stories in the book described

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a disciple who was walking by night 
on a very small mountain path, alone.

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And all of a sudden, he slipped from the 
road and fell into an abyss.

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And then, miraculously, his master lifted 
him up and put him back on the path.

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So that story came up, reflecting on 
the question, “How is Thay with me?”

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It didn’t feel like this was the way that 
Thay was with me.

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A few months later, I did quit my job, and

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I went to America on invitation 
of a monk and a friend,

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who both lived in San Francisco,
and who had invited me to go there.

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Again, I was deadly scared to make such a
big trip, with an airplane, all by myself,

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to America. 
But, I wanted the adventure.

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No, that’s not true.

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I wanted, in fact, to explore the 
different Zen centers that were in America,

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because in Holland by that time, we had 
no Zen centers at all.

00:24:49.895 --> 00:24:56.120
And from coming in Plum Village, I had 
heard from people coming from America

00:24:56.127 --> 00:25:00.467
that there were places in America 
where you could practice.

00:25:00.491 --> 00:25:07.781
And I was curious to go there and 
to see other teachers than Thay.

00:25:07.781 --> 00:25:14.619
Thay was the only teacher that I knew. 
I can tell you, that it just confirmed,

00:25:14.619 --> 00:25:22.429
being in America, that I was on 
the right path being with Thay.

00:25:22.429 --> 00:25:28.165
Okay. I went to San Francisco,
invited by Thay Tu Luc.

00:25:28.166 --> 00:25:33.256
And he was living in a temple there, 
in the busy streets.

00:25:33.256 --> 00:25:37.256
And then he said, “Eveline, if you want 
to, I can bring you to the monastery

00:25:37.256 --> 00:25:43.106
in the mountains, in the middle
of the woods, the Kim Son monastery.”

00:25:43.106 --> 00:25:50.373
That seemed a very nice adventure. 
So I went to the Kim Son monastery,

00:25:50.373 --> 00:25:52.103
and I enjoyed it very much,

00:25:52.117 --> 00:25:57.267
with the redwood trees, the woods
- I had never seen so beautiful.

00:25:57.288 --> 00:26:00.848
It was really wild there.

00:26:00.848 --> 00:26:06.208
And after - I was planning to stay in 
America for half a year at least,

00:26:06.228 --> 00:26:11.458
maybe a year - and after a few weeks,

00:26:11.458 --> 00:26:17.488
guess who visited, who came to 
the Kim Son monastery?

00:26:17.488 --> 00:26:19.238
(laughter)

00:26:19.238 --> 00:26:27.999
Yes, yes, Thay came. I had no idea. 
For me this was worlds apart.

00:26:27.999 --> 00:26:32.971
And all of a sudden, there he was. 
And he recognized me,

00:26:32.971 --> 00:26:39.061
the woman with the bicycle, because 
I came to Plum Village on my bicycle.

00:26:39.061 --> 00:26:41.521
(laughter)

00:26:41.521 --> 00:26:48.091
Not all the way from Amsterdam.

00:26:48.091 --> 00:26:57.791
And I was so happy to be with Thay, 
so happy, and I started to wonder,

00:26:57.791 --> 00:27:02.471
“Is it a good decision to stay in America? 


00:27:02.471 --> 00:27:09.528
Shouldn’t I go back to Europe 
and spend the summer in Plum Village?

00:27:09.528 --> 00:27:13.358
It’s so precious to be with Thay. 
Who knows how long he is around?”

00:27:13.358 --> 00:27:18.295
(I always was aware of that.) 
“Shouldn’t I go back?”

00:27:18.295 --> 00:27:22.240
I was doubting and doubting.

00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:26.950
It was a squeezing question
because finally I had come to America.

00:27:26.950 --> 00:27:30.324
It had taken me so much courage 
to make this step.

00:27:30.324 --> 00:27:34.164
Now I was here, and should I go back?

00:27:34.164 --> 00:27:38.164
So, I haven’t asked Thay many 
questions in my life,

00:27:38.164 --> 00:27:40.764
but this is one of the questions I asked him.

00:27:40.764 --> 00:27:47.724
I went to him and explained the situation 
and asked him, “Thay, what do you think?

00:27:47.724 --> 00:27:55.782
Should I stay or should I go 
and be with you in the summer retreat?”

00:27:55.782 --> 00:27:59.759
And you may guess what Thay answered...

00:28:00.589 --> 00:28:07.309
He said - a very nice answer that I always 
keep with me when I have to make a choice

00:28:07.309 --> 00:28:09.822
- “Both are OK.”

00:28:09.822 --> 00:28:17.612
(laughter)

00:28:17.615 --> 00:28:20.985
I decided to stay.

00:28:20.985 --> 00:28:28.675
And then after about ten days, 
the moment came that Thay left us again.

00:28:28.675 --> 00:28:34.455
It was a beautiful day, a beautiful evening.

00:28:34.455 --> 00:28:38.335
Thay was gone and I had decided to stay,


00:28:38.335 --> 00:28:44.005
and I knew I wouldn’t see him 
for a very long time.

00:28:44.007 --> 00:28:54.557
I went - I felt sad,
and I went into nature. I sat on a tree.

00:28:54.557 --> 00:29:01.948
I sat for hours there in the neighbourhood
of the temple, looking at the trees,

00:29:01.948 --> 00:29:08.118
at the sky and the sky was turning dark.

00:29:08.118 --> 00:29:18.398
And of course, I was wondering,
"In what way Thay is with me?"

00:29:18.398 --> 00:29:28.597
And then as I was looking at the sky, there
were mountains, mountains very far away.

00:29:28.597 --> 00:29:36.125
And all of a sudden I noticed there was 
some light above the mountains.

00:29:36.125 --> 00:29:43.447
I was surprised. I thought I must not 
have been looking very well before,

00:29:43.447 --> 00:29:49.555
because I never noticed 
there was a city over there.

00:29:49.555 --> 00:29:55.753
But the light grew intenser, 
more and more light.

00:29:55.753 --> 00:30:03.453
And then, all of a sudden, 
there was the moon.

00:30:03.453 --> 00:30:07.420
It was not a city. 
It was the light of the moon.

00:30:07.420 --> 00:30:13.350
And as the moon was rising, 
it wasn’t just the moon.

00:30:13.351 --> 00:30:23.071
It was the most amazing, biggest,
radiant moon I have ever seen.

00:30:23.071 --> 00:30:34.776
I could spread my arms to show 
how huge this moon was.

00:30:34.776 --> 00:30:41.056
And it moved so gracefully. 
There were no clouds in the sky,

00:30:41.056 --> 00:30:48.763
none at all. It was a very silent evening, 
without the wind, very peaceful.

00:30:48.763 --> 00:30:57.924
And very, very slowly, without moving, 
the moon was moving and rising and rising.

00:30:57.924 --> 00:31:04.354
And all of a sudden there was 
a sound, the sound of the bell:

00:31:04.361 --> 00:31:10.381
the bell inviting us to come to meditation.

00:31:10.381 --> 00:31:18.664
I was not happy. 
I was so gazing at the moon.

00:31:18.664 --> 00:31:21.361
I was completely connected,

00:31:21.361 --> 00:31:28.851
and I was so happy - and unhappy 
at the same time as I was missing Thay.

00:31:28.854 --> 00:31:36.034
And after - I don’t understand now 
why I made the decision,

00:31:36.050 --> 00:31:38.840
because now I would have
made a different decision,

00:31:38.840 --> 00:31:46.210
but in those days I obviously did more
what was expected of me.

00:31:46.210 --> 00:31:49.660
So I went in.

00:31:49.660 --> 00:31:55.365
And as soon as I was in 
with the other people, I did regret it.

00:31:55.365 --> 00:31:59.555
I thought, “What have I done? 
I should have stayed outside!”

00:31:59.555 --> 00:32:08.072
Fortunately, the Kim Son monastery
has huge glass windows, really

00:32:08.072 --> 00:32:11.530
- at least,in my memory,
but then it’s thirty years ago,

00:32:11.530 --> 00:32:17.100
but in my memory the windows are 
from the floor to the ceiling.

00:32:17.100 --> 00:32:23.046
So, I took a place, I choose a place from 
where I could see the moon.

00:32:23.046 --> 00:32:29.837
I continued to look at the moon.
I wasn’t very concentrated.

00:32:29.837 --> 00:32:37.344
I felt sad. Thay wasn’t there. I had
come inside. I should have stayed outside.

00:32:37.344 --> 00:32:44.724
And as much as possible, 
I tried to stay connected with the moon.

00:32:44.744 --> 00:32:54.567
And then something happened. 
I’ve never understood it. Not even today.

00:32:54.567 --> 00:32:57.615
But what happened was that

00:32:57.615 --> 00:33:05.730
this huge, brilliant, radiant moon
that I saw shining over there,

00:33:05.736 --> 00:33:15.506
began shining from my own belly, 
just as big and radiant.

00:33:15.506 --> 00:33:22.482
I saw it. It wasn’t something I figured 
with my mind. It happened to me.

00:33:22.495 --> 00:33:26.495
And as we say in Dutch, “Ik stond er bij
en ik keek er naar.” Ik zat er bij.

00:33:26.495 --> 00:33:31.215
[Translated to English: “I stood there, and
I looked at what was there.” I sat there.]

00:33:31.215 --> 00:33:35.905
So I just observed it, in surprise.

00:33:35.905 --> 00:33:40.455
Something else happened 
at the same moment.

00:33:40.455 --> 00:33:43.135
As this moon was shining

00:33:43.135 --> 00:33:48.825
-- now there were two moons, 
the moon outside and the moon inside --

00:33:48.825 --> 00:33:57.253
at the same time, I felt that
Thay’s smile was sinking into me.

00:33:57.253 --> 00:34:02.927
I really felt it.
I had seen Thay smiling so often.

00:34:02.927 --> 00:34:09.664
And his smile, his serenity, 
was just sinking into me,

00:34:09.664 --> 00:34:16.148
and I felt it resting
at the bottom of my being. 


00:34:16.148 --> 00:34:26.392
And I knew, I would always find Thay there.

00:34:26.392 --> 00:34:34.978
I had, from Store Consciousness I think, 
received an answer to my question,

00:34:34.978 --> 00:34:43.846
“How is Thay with me?”

00:34:43.846 --> 00:34:48.514
And I always can find him there.

00:34:48.514 --> 00:34:55.137
Although there have been waves - 
but they have been on the surface -

00:34:55.137 --> 00:35:03.034
in the depths of my being, 
I feel Thay’s presence.

00:35:03.034 --> 00:35:08.359
Then I stayed one year in America.

00:35:08.359 --> 00:35:12.310
When I came back to Europe, Plum Village

00:35:12.310 --> 00:35:19.310
opened its doors for the very first time
to residents, permanent residents,

00:35:19.310 --> 00:35:24.276

and I didn’t need to think what to do.

00:35:24.280 --> 00:35:32.880
Of course, I went to live in Plum Village.
This could be a story in itself.

00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:37.978
(laughter)

00:35:38.365 --> 00:35:40.755
[Sister Chan Khong asks from off-stage: 
“Can you sing your song?”]

00:35:40.755 --> 00:35:43.201
Yes, yes, it’s coming, Sister Chan Khong.

00:35:43.201 --> 00:35:46.728
(laughter)

00:35:46.728 --> 00:35:49.098
Yes, yes, yes. .

00:35:49.098 --> 00:35:57.968
I was given a room from where
I could watch the sunset every evening

00:35:57.968 --> 00:36:00.365
It was so beautiful. 


00:36:00.365 --> 00:36:06.835
[Looking around.]
No, no, we are in Upper Hamlet.

00:36:06.835 --> 00:36:12.965
And there... So that was maybe a 
few months after coming back from America.

00:36:12.965 --> 00:36:19.681
And there Thay invited all of us
– that means eight people - 


00:36:19.681 --> 00:36:28.155
to express our experience with 
the practice in a creative way. 


00:36:28.155 --> 00:36:33.495
He encouraged us to sing and to write songs.

00:36:33.502 --> 00:36:39.602
And so I wrote a song about 
this experience of the moon:

00:36:39.602 --> 00:36:44.232
together, the moon in America 
and the sun in Plum Village.

00:36:44.232 --> 00:36:49.099
And I’ll give it a try...

00:37:11.333 --> 00:37:15.653
The sun is going down,

00:37:15.653 --> 00:37:21.396
and the sky is turning grey.

00:37:21.396 --> 00:37:25.566
The day has not yet ended

00:37:25.566 --> 00:37:31.695
while the night is on its way.

00:37:31.695 --> 00:37:36.093
I hear a last bird singing,

00:37:36.093 --> 00:37:41.104
and I join it in its song.

00:37:41.110 --> 00:37:46.082
And then everything falls silent

00:37:46.082 --> 00:37:52.966
while the twilight lingers on.

00:37:52.966 --> 00:37:57.774
Now the stars are growing brighter,


00:37:57.774 --> 00:38:03.042
we are waiting for the moon.

00:38:03.042 --> 00:38:08.659
It is rising from a mountain

00:38:08.659 --> 00:38:13.926
like a luminous balloon.


00:38:13.926 --> 00:38:19.708
Shining brighter than the sunshine,

00:38:19.708 --> 00:38:24.734
smiling limitless serene,


00:38:24.734 --> 00:38:30.845
Shining inside, shining outside,

00:38:30.845 --> 00:38:36.623
it’s a moon I’ve never seen.

00:38:36.623 --> 00:38:42.951
I keep looking in amazement,

00:38:42.951 --> 00:38:48.204
I keep looking in delight.


00:38:48.204 --> 00:38:53.682
Every leaf has turned transparent;

00:38:53.682 --> 00:38:59.701
now it seems no longer night.


00:38:59.701 --> 00:39:05.450
I would like to look forever,

00:39:05.450 --> 00:39:10.651
and I pray we never part.


00:39:10.651 --> 00:39:16.446
Then at once I find it shining

00:39:16.446 --> 00:39:22.951
from the bottom from my heart.

00:39:22.951 --> 00:39:28.880
Shining brighter than the sunshine,

00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:33.914
smiling limitless serene,


00:39:33.914 --> 00:39:39.580
Shining inside, shining outside,

00:39:39.580 --> 00:39:45.330
it’s a moon I’ve never seen.


00:39:45.330 --> 00:39:51.075
I keep looking in amazement,

00:39:51.075 --> 00:39:56.165
I keep looking in delight.


00:39:56.165 --> 00:40:02.600
And my joy surmounts the mountains,

00:40:02.600 --> 00:40:11.012
I have found the moon inside.

00:40:27.354 --> 00:40:32.420
I’m aware of time ...

00:40:32.420 --> 00:40:41.056
And this is one of the ways I have found Thay.

00:40:41.056 --> 00:40:56.377
Very shortly I will share with you other 
ways I’ve found Thay in the course of years.

00:40:56.377 --> 00:41:04.981
I’ve discovered that when I am 
concentrated in my practice -

00:41:04.981 --> 00:41:10.339
which of course I’m not always, 
which is from time to time -

00:41:10.339 --> 00:41:19.263
the more I am concentrated, really 
concentrated, then Thay’s energy is there.

00:41:19.263 --> 00:41:23.713
The more I am concentrated, 
the more I feel Thay near.

00:41:23.713 --> 00:41:29.076
He is there, in my practice.

00:41:29.076 --> 00:41:33.967
My favorite practice is walking meditation.

00:41:33.967 --> 00:41:37.853
And a few years, no, I guess many years ago,

00:41:39.008 --> 00:41:44.956
Thay taught us what he did 
sometimes during walking meditation.

00:41:44.956 --> 00:41:52.792
He said, “Sometimes I walk with my 
students, with one of my students. 


00:41:52.792 --> 00:42:00.714
On my in-breath as I walk, I say 
the name of that student. 


00:42:00.714 --> 00:42:08.970
And on my out-breath, I say, 
‘I am here, I am here, I am here’.”

00:42:08.970 --> 00:42:15.662
I thought, “This is a very nice practice.
I’m going to try that for myself.”

00:42:15.662 --> 00:42:18.668
I tried it when my father died.

00:42:18.668 --> 00:42:31.045
And I said, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,
I am here, I am here, I am here.”

00:42:31.045 --> 00:42:36.738
And as I continued to walk in this way,

00:42:36.738 --> 00:42:39.857
my father became so present

00:42:39.857 --> 00:42:49.644
that all by itself - I didn’t think of it -
but the words “I am here” changed into

00:42:49.664 --> 00:42:55.102

“We are here, we are here, we are here.”


00:42:55.102 --> 00:43:01.464
And the same, when I invite 
Thay to walk with me.

00:43:01.464 --> 00:43:09.820
then I always begin with “I am here” 
until I really feel the presence of Thay.

00:43:09.830 --> 00:43:14.235
And then I change it
- or it changes itself - into

00:43:14.235 --> 00:43:18.485
“We are here, we are here.”

00:43:18.495 --> 00:43:23.711
So this is another way I have 
found Thay in my practice.

00:43:23.711 --> 00:43:30.882
And then, much to my relief, after coming 
a few years to Plum Village

00:43:30.882 --> 00:43:36.432
and making friends here
- dear friends, Dharma friends -

00:43:36.432 --> 00:43:43.327
I began to sense that when I was 
with my friends, I began to sense,

00:43:43.327 --> 00:43:47.716
"Thay is here, Thay is here."

00:43:47.716 --> 00:43:51.981
He is in my friends.

00:43:51.981 --> 00:43:59.481
And that was… that took away my fear 
that when Thay is no longer there … 


00:43:59.531 --> 00:44:08.238
I knew I have my friends. 
I will find Thay in my Dharma friends.

00:44:08.238 --> 00:44:15.410
And when I heard about Thay’s stroke,
I was shocked at first.

00:44:15.410 --> 00:44:20.993
And that week, I went to the
Sangha in Amsterdam.

00:44:20.993 --> 00:44:30.353
And in the Sangha, though there were people
who not even had been coming very often,

00:44:30.353 --> 00:44:36.809
but yet the energy of the Sangha was there
and I experienced Thay’s presence there.

00:44:36.809 --> 00:44:42.993
And I was so relieved.
It was such a reassurance to feel

00:44:42.993 --> 00:44:48.354
Thay is really here. I can feel him.

00:44:48.354 --> 00:44:57.578
And I am also aware that 
Thay is in the way I look.

00:44:57.578 --> 00:45:07.771
I have taken in so much of his words, 
of what he has taught, that the way I see,

00:45:07.771 --> 00:45:14.831
the way I hear, the way I think,
is so interwoven with what I’ve learned.

00:45:14.831 --> 00:45:21.826
So Thay is there in what I see, 
what I hear, what I think,

00:45:21.826 --> 00:45:27.886
at least when I’m mindful.

00:45:27.886 --> 00:45:34.746
And, now I am in the most lucky place 


00:45:34.746 --> 00:45:46.414
to see Thay all around me
-- inside and all around.

00:45:46.414 --> 00:45:53.237
Now, thank you for listening so long.
It’s already almost 12:30.

00:45:58.200 --> 00:46:02.730
[The bell is woken up.]

00:46:03.507 --> 00:46:21.377
[The bell is invited the first of 3 times.]

00:46:21.377 --> 00:46:35.289
[The bell second of the bell.]

00:46:35.289 --> 00:46:38.299
[And soon, the third sound of the bell.]