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← A Series of Unfortunate People Ep #6: Dangerously Clean

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Showing Revision 2 created 05/03/2011 by joesackett.

  1. The following incident is a reenactment.
  2. Professional actors will depict different characters in each episode.
  3. Ah, babe! Sorry I can’t help you unpack.
  4. I have a major deadline in 20 minutes.
  5. But Svetlana over there is pure gold, aren’t you?
  6. DANGEROUSLY CLEAN
  7. I am Mr. Dave’s cleaning lady eight years.
  8. Wow.
  9. In my country these hands deliver 45 baby lambs
  10. ...each week.
  11. Wow!
  12. Oh, Mr. Dave, you very lucky man.
  13. Have a beautiful lady in house.
  14. Aw! That’s too sweet.
  15. Alright. Good luck today. Bye!
  16. So many book. You smart girl.
  17. Thank you.
  18. You pretend read. Is good trick.
  19. No, I read. I’ve read all of these.
  20. Is good one.
  21. (Bark! Bark!)
  22. AAGH!
  23. What’s the matter?
  24. Oh no, no, no! That’s just my dog.
  25. Dog? Uch. I no clean dog.
  26. No, you don’t... I take him to the groomer.
  27. Is okay, I take to butcher.
  28. Is taste very good with curry.
  29. Is joke, uhn?
  30. Aahhnn!
  31. AAAGH!
  32. What’s the matter?
  33. Some old lady leave underwears in basket!
  34. Is okay, I burn.
  35. Those are mine. I wear them when I have my...
  36. Working girl wear this for sexing with men?
  37. Mr. Dave pay for this?
  38. You think I’m a prostitute?
  39. If shoe fit...
  40. Excuse me! I’m in here.
  41. I interrupt your TV.
  42. I’m working. I’m a writer.
  43. Oh! You artist!?
  44. Yes. Yes, I’m an artist. I’m actually working on--
  45. My niece is artist, too.
  46. She make pictures with crayons. She is four.
  47. Intercourse Aficionado, Butts: An In-Depth Look
  48. (KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!)
  49. (Just a second!)
  50. OHHH!
  51. UGGHHN!
  52. I just went number one!
  53. Break-time?
  54. Oh!
  55. What?
  56. No cooking for man?
  57. No, Svetlana. Dave's working late tonight.
  58. He order new prostitute. I see.
  59. No! Svetlana, I’m not a prostitute.
  60. -Okay. -Okay.
  61. Good for you!
  62. (Tom and Harriet Banks are the lucky winners of this...)
  63. Svetlana! Do you mind?
  64. Oh no, no! I no mind! No mind.
  65. Niiiice.
  66. (Assault charges were filed today against actor Mel Gibson)
  67. (by his former cleaning lady, Channah Rosenstein.)
  68. My sister Verlockin have same problem.
  69. She give employer ringworm. No more problem.
  70. In a related story, breaking news about
  71. a rash of PACLs in the Beverly Hills Area.
  72. (A PACL stands for “passive aggressive cleaning lady”)
  73. that terrorizes families.
  74. (Homemaker Sheryl Lindenbaum was taken in)
  75. (by her PACL’s warm demeanor.)
  76. (Then the path to destruction began.)
  77. (PACLS do not discriminate)
  78. (as Paul and Tom Prince of West Hollywood would testify.)
  79. (PACLS use such phrases as)
  80. “In my country” and refer to women as prostitutes.
  81. Dave!
  82. (What’s up babe?)
  83. Svetlana’s a passive aggressive cleaning lady.
  84. I just saw her face on the news.
  85. You have to get rid of her!
  86. (She’s family. There’s nothing wrong with her.)
  87. No! She says she wants to cook my dog
  88. ...with curry.
  89. (She’s kidding.)
  90. No, she’s not. She said I was illiterate
  91. ...and she called me a smelly prostitute!
  92. (Look, you’re misunderstanding her.)
  93. (I trust that woman with my life. Do not upset her!)
  94. You have problem with me?
  95. Um...Svetalana, you know you have, uh...
  96. worked so hard today.
  97. You should just take the rest of the day off.
  98. In my country, if you take half day
  99. we dangle over hot oil.
  100. Besides, I’M not going anywhere.
  101. I’m onto you. You PACL!
  102. I’ve carved out some time for you.
  103. AAAAGH!
  104. I have very sorry news.
  105. Beautiful girlfriend leave with man.
  106. I don’t know...Catch plane to Bora Bora?
  107. I’m sorry.
  108. I love you, Mr. Dave.
  109. You’re mine.
  110. Our short webseries tells these stories.
  111. Real stories.
  112. You married the whiny bitch.
  113. Well, we made them up
  114. but they’ll remind you of folks you know.
  115. Speaking of horse c*ck
  116. This seriously hurts my titties.
  117. Mine too!
  118. She has a condition.
  119. She does.
  120. It’s so wet!
  121. A Series of Unfortunate People
  122. We’re gonna need back up.
  123. The walls are closing in on me!
  124. Now.