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← "Open House" - Ep. 3 of RANDOM COMEDIES

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Showing Revision 3 created 07/16/2011 by joesackett.

  1. OPEN HOUSE
  2. Did you--?
  3. Yeah. I did.
  4. Oh crap, I forgot--
  5. I got it.
  6. (DING DONG!)
  7. We should get the--
  8. Yeah, let’s go.
  9. Max! Max, go to the bedroom.
  10. -Uh oh! Get a room! -Hey!
  11. -Sorry! -Sorry!
  12. -Come in. -Yeah!
  13. After you, beautiful.
  14. -Look at that. -Wow.
  15. -How you doing? -Hi!
  16. You two are brand spankin’ new, huh?
  17. Yeah. Not married, right?
  18. Oh, no, no! Not yet.
  19. In June.
  20. Awww!
  21. YAY!
  22. Wanna go in?
  23. Oh, yeah.
  24. Great ceilings.
  25. Twenty one footers!
  26. Twenty two.
  27. Twenty two.
  28. And this is a great ‘hood.
  29. -It is. Really. -Yeah.
  30. What school system are you guys in?
  31. Oh, you’re right in the middle of P.S. 190.
  32. 180.
  33. 90.
  34. 80.
  35. -90. -80.
  36. But who’s having kids, right?
  37. It’d just be another bunch of us’s running around.
  38. We actually want kids.
  39. And I’m willing to do my part.
  40. Russell! Yes, we want kids.
  41. Hey, good luck with that.
  42. -That sounds like fun. -That's gonna be fun.
  43. Why not.
  44. So, uh, the master bedroom’s right over here.
  45. Actually, we have two!
  46. Two masters.
  47. Yeah, yeah. She hangs out over there--
  48. That’s where I hang.
  49. And I have my stuff back there.
  50. And he can keep it there.
  51. You guys don’t sleep together?
  52. Uh, no. Actually, we--we don’t.
  53. We are in the process of, uh, well--
  54. We’re breaking the hell up.
  55. That’s what we’re doin’.
  56. -Oh, I didn't mean to bring that up. -I'm so sorry!
  57. -Oh, no, no, no, no, no. -Oh, no! It’s fine.
  58. -We’re completely solid with it. -We are so good with that.
  59. It’s fine, it’s fine.
  60. YAY!
  61. Anyway, wanna see my room?
  62. Yeah! Sure, okay.
  63. -I'll show you the grill and the pool. -Oh, nice.
  64. Okay, baby, I’ll miss you!
  65. Sweet!
  66. Beautiful!
  67. It’s identical in the other one, too.
  68. Yeah.
  69. Max, c’mon! Go to daddy. Go bother him.
  70. Beautiful flowers!
  71. Oh, yeah. Dick sends those all the time.
  72. Oh, that is so sweet!
  73. Well...
  74. You know what, most guys are not that thoughtful.
  75. Yeah, well.
  76. Turns out he masterminded a staggered delivery schedule.
  77. He prepaid two years ahead of time.
  78. He scheduled that? And you never knew?
  79. Oh, inside, you know.
  80. Yeah, she’s more of a Mac person.
  81. I go the PC route.
  82. Do you have her passwords?
  83. Uh, no, that’s not necessary with us.
  84. Dana gave me hers.
  85. The whole, uh, ‘I have nothing to hide’ thing, you know?
  86. Oh, she must really trust you, man.
  87. Yeah!
  88. She didn’t think I’d use ‘em.
  89. I did.
  90. Hey, so Emily seems pretty normal.
  91. Oh, yeah.
  92. Until she starts in with the baby talk like she’s four years old.
  93. That's a great dog.
  94. -Yeah. -Yeeaaahh.
  95. Can’t split him in half.
  96. Honey, do you have my computer passwords?
  97. I’ll show you the bedroom.
  98. I guess I’ll just go ahead and show you the kitchen, okay?
  99. I’m sorry, but--but I think your dog had an accident.
  100. Yeah. I apologize.
  101. He was supposed to clean that up last night.
  102. No. He cleaned it up the last two times.
  103. She knew we had an open house.
  104. Okay.
  105. Is someone gonna do anything about it?
  106. -Not really. Sorry. -No, I'm not touching that.
  107. It happens!
  108. Uh, Emily and I are gonna go talk about the house right now ‘cuz we--
  109. Just one second.
  110. You used a potted plant to cover up the poop?
  111. Your dog opened up
  112. and sprayed ass all over my coffee table and rug.
  113. My dog does not ‘sprass!’
  114. You fed him your rancid jambalaya.
  115. We had a good time. Goodbye.
  116. No! No, this is jambalaya he asked for, I will have you know.
  117. And you know what? You don’t exactly poop roses.
  118. You know what? I will take that any day to the creamed corn catastrophe of --
  119. Pwamise we’ll never tawk that way.
  120. Why are you speaking like that?
  121. FOR SALE BY OWNER
  122. You know how hot defecation makes me.
  123. I know you like it.
  124. But not as much as when you mention my jambalaya!
  125. I was a virgin. You took my virginity.
  126. Put these back?
  127. I’m gonna need the--
  128. Oh, wanna put this back?
  129. No, um...
  130. YAY!
  131. (Random Comedies stand alone.)
  132. You sprayed ass all over the toilet.
  133. (Don’t look for a connection.)
  134. (‘Cuz there’s none.)
  135. The customer with the white woman has decided...
  136. Can I call you “Whore”?
  137. Yeah, but I also have this sign, and I’m not gonna do that!
  138. (They’re just random.)