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← Series of Unfortunate People, Ep. #8 - Me Me Me

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Showing Revision 1 created 05/10/2011 by joesackett.

  1. The following incident is a reenactment.
  2. Professional actors will depict different characters in each episode.
  3. (BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP)
  4. ME, ME, ME
  5. It’s my day off.
  6. I can’t reach it.
  7. Ugh.
  8. (And there was another drive-by shooting today...)
  9. Blah, blah, blah! Get to the weather already.
  10. Honey, could you turn that down?
  11. WHOA!
  12. Dammit! My ankle!
  13. Oh yeah! I didn’t want to trip on them.
  14. Ow!
  15. Sweetie, is your car running OK?
  16. Yeah, why?
  17. Great! I’m fresh out of gas. I’ll take yours.
  18. I’m late for work.
  19. (DING-DONG!)
  20. Just a minute.
  21. Oh! Hi, Marla.
  22. We need to talk.
  23. Come in.
  24. What happened to your ankle?
  25. Getting out of bed this morning ...
  26. Tripped over Barry’s golf clubs.
  27. Yeah.
  28. Happened to me many times when we were married.
  29. I still wear a brace when it rains.
  30. So, what’s in the box?
  31. I thought Barry cleared all of his stuff out after we got divorced.
  32. I was cleaning today and I found something.
  33. What is it?
  34. You’re not gonna like it.
  35. Like what?
  36. Well, all those years, I knew there was something.
  37. But I never had the proof.
  38. What are you talking about, Marla?
  39. Your husband, Barry.... my ex-husband, Barry...
  40. Denise, Barry’s a selfish bastard.
  41. What? No! No, he’s not.
  42. No. Look.
  43. -Oh my god. -Mm-hm
  44. This is not happening.
  45. He fooled me too. There were always signs.
  46. What signs?
  47. Think about it!
  48. Haven’t you ever been stuck out in the cold with him?
  49. I got pneumonia once, but...
  50. You got lucky.
  51. I lost a finger.
  52. Frostbite.
  53. Think about your last birthday.
  54. Happy Birthday to you!
  55. Mmm! It’s spongy.
  56. Selfish bastards can’t participate in the celebration of others.
  57. It’s been documented.
  58. No! It’s not true!
  59. He loves people. He was so close to his brother and sister.
  60. Selfish bastards recreate the past for personal gain.
  61. Letter to Santa.
  62. “Dear Santa, I have been SO good this year..."
  63. You know what? No!
  64. No, I am not listening to any more of this!
  65. You’re just jealous!
  66. Long term exposure has compromised your ability to judge.
  67. There is no way I am married to a selfish bastard!
  68. (SMACK!)
  69. Focus, Denise!
  70. Think about all that you have sacrificed.
  71. How could I be so stupid?
  72. Don’t go there, Denise!
  73. You deserve so much more.
  74. I do?
  75. Denise, you deserve oral sex.
  76. But... he said that was...
  77. Impossible.
  78. That it’s just...
  79. A scam.
  80. Can’t he get help?
  81. No. It’s terminal.
  82. If he were a loser or even a prick, maybe...
  83. NOOO!
  84. I hate G-d! I hate Christmas!
  85. Pull yourself together! Denise!
  86. NOOOOO!!!
  87. Your life is in danger.
  88. Earthquake!
  89. It is an earthquake!
  90. (RUMBLE! CRASH!)
  91. Come on.
  92. You’ll stay with me until you get back on your feet...foot.
  93. Wait, he was so close with his mom.
  94. No, Denise. It’s genetic.
  95. Oh, no you’re not!
  96. I am.
  97. Our short webseries tells these stories.
  98. Real stories.
  99. You married the whiny bitch.
  100. Well, we made them up,
  101. but they’ll remind you of folks you know.
  102. Speaking of horse c*ck
  103. This seriously hurts my titties.
  104. Mine too!
  105. She has a condition.
  106. She does.
  107. It’s so wet!
  108. A Series of Unfortunate People
  109. We’re gonna need back up.
  110. The walls are closing in on me!
  111. Now.