How to resolve racially stressful situations
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0:01 - 0:03There's an African proverb that goes,
-
0:03 - 0:05"The lion's story will never be known
-
0:06 - 0:08as long as the hunter
is the one to tell it." -
0:09 - 0:14More than a racial conversation,
we need a racial literacy -
0:14 - 0:17to decode the politics
of racial threat in America. -
0:18 - 0:21Key to this literacy is a forgotten truth,
-
0:22 - 0:25that the more we understand
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0:25 - 0:28that our cultural differences
represent the power -
0:28 - 0:30to heal the centuries
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0:30 - 0:32of racial discrimination,
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0:32 - 0:34dehumanization and illness.
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0:34 - 0:37Both of my parents were African-American.
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0:38 - 0:40My father was born in Southern Delaware,
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0:40 - 0:41my mother, North Philadelphia,
-
0:41 - 0:46and these two places are as different
from each other as east is from west, -
0:46 - 0:48as New York City is
from Montgomery, Alabama. -
0:49 - 0:52My father's way of dealing
with racial conflict -
0:52 - 0:55was to have my brother Bryan,
my sister Christy and I in church -
0:55 - 0:58what seemed like 24 hours a day,
seven days a week. -
0:58 - 1:00(Laughter)
-
1:00 - 1:04If anybody bothered us
because of the color of our skin, -
1:04 - 1:07he believed that you should pray for them,
-
1:07 - 1:09knowing that God
would get them back in the end. -
1:09 - 1:11(Laughter)
-
1:11 - 1:15You could say that his racial-coping
approach was spiritual -- -
1:15 - 1:17for later on, one day,
-
1:17 - 1:18like Martin Luther King.
-
1:19 - 1:21My mother's coping approach
was a little different. -
1:21 - 1:24She was, uh, you could say,
more relational -- -
1:24 - 1:26right now, like, in your face,
-
1:26 - 1:27right now.
-
1:28 - 1:29More like Malcolm X.
-
1:29 - 1:31(Laughter)
-
1:31 - 1:32She was raised from neighborhoods
-
1:32 - 1:35in which there was racial
violence and segregation, -
1:35 - 1:37where she was chased out of neighborhoods,
-
1:37 - 1:39and she exacted violence
to chase others out of hers. -
1:39 - 1:41When she came to Southern Delaware,
-
1:41 - 1:44she thought she had come
to a foreign country. -
1:44 - 1:45She didn't understand anybody,
-
1:46 - 1:49particularly the few black and brown folks
-
1:49 - 1:52who were physically deferential
and verbally deferential -
1:52 - 1:54in the presence of whites.
-
1:54 - 1:55Not my mother.
-
1:55 - 1:58When she wanted to go
somewhere, she walked. -
1:58 - 1:59She didn't care what you thought.
-
2:00 - 2:03And she pissed a lot of people off
with her cultural style. -
2:04 - 2:06Before we get into the supermarket,
-
2:06 - 2:07she would give us the talk:
-
2:08 - 2:10"Don't ask for nothin',
-
2:10 - 2:11don't touch nothin'.
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2:12 - 2:15Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
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2:16 - 2:19I don't care if all the other children
are climbing the walls. -
2:19 - 2:21They're not my children.
-
2:21 - 2:23Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"
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2:24 - 2:26In three-part harmony:
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2:26 - 2:27"Yes, Mom."
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2:29 - 2:31Before we'd get into the supermarket,
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2:31 - 2:33that talk was all we needed.
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2:33 - 2:35Now, how many of you ever got that talk?
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2:36 - 2:38How many of you ever give that talk?
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2:38 - 2:40(Laughter)
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2:40 - 2:42How many of you ever give that talk today?
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2:44 - 2:47My mother didn't give us the talk
because she was worried about money -
2:47 - 2:48or reputation
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2:48 - 2:50or us misbehaving.
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2:50 - 2:51We never misbehaved.
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2:51 - 2:52We were too scared.
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2:53 - 2:55We were in church 24 hours a day,
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2:55 - 2:56seven days a week.
-
2:56 - 2:57(Laughter)
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2:58 - 3:00She gave us that talk to remind us
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3:00 - 3:04that some people in the world
would interpret us as misbehaving -
3:04 - 3:05just by being black.
-
3:06 - 3:10Not every parent has to worry
about their children being misjudged -
3:10 - 3:12because of the color of their skin,
-
3:12 - 3:14just by breathing.
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3:15 - 3:17So we get into the supermarket,
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3:17 - 3:18and people look at us --
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3:18 - 3:20stare at us as if we just stole something.
-
3:22 - 3:25Every now and then, a salesperson
would do something or say something -
3:25 - 3:28because they were pissed
with our cultural style, -
3:28 - 3:30and it would usually happen
at the conveyor belt. -
3:30 - 3:34And the worst thing they could do
was to throw our food into the bag. -
3:35 - 3:37And when that happened, it was on.
-
3:37 - 3:38(Laughter)
-
3:38 - 3:40My mother began
to tell them who they were, -
3:40 - 3:42who their family was,
-
3:42 - 3:43where to go,
-
3:43 - 3:45how fast to get there.
-
3:45 - 3:46(Laughter)
-
3:46 - 3:49If you haven't been cursed out
by my mother, you haven't lived. -
3:49 - 3:50(Laughter)
-
3:51 - 3:52The person would be on the floor,
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3:52 - 3:56writhing in utter decay and decomposition,
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3:56 - 3:58whimpering in a pool of racial shame.
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3:58 - 3:59(Laughter)
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3:59 - 4:01Now, both my parents were Christians.
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4:02 - 4:05The difference is my father prayed
before a racial conflict -
4:05 - 4:07and my mother prayed after.
-
4:07 - 4:08(Laughter)
-
4:09 - 4:12There is a time, if you use
both of their strategies, -
4:12 - 4:15if you use them in the right time
and the right way. -
4:15 - 4:17But it's never a time --
-
4:17 - 4:19there's a time for conciliation,
-
4:19 - 4:21there's a time for confrontation,
-
4:21 - 4:25but it's never a time to freeze up
like a deer in the headlights, -
4:26 - 4:30and it's never a time to lash out
in heedless, thoughtless anger. -
4:31 - 4:33The lesson in this is
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4:33 - 4:35that when it comes to race relations,
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4:35 - 4:37sometimes, we've got to know how to pray,
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4:37 - 4:39think through, process, prepare.
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4:40 - 4:42And other times,
we've got to know how to push, -
4:42 - 4:43how to do something.
-
4:43 - 4:46And I'm afraid that neither
of these two skills -- -
4:47 - 4:48preparing,
-
4:49 - 4:50pushing --
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4:50 - 4:52are prevalent in our society today.
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4:55 - 4:58If you look at the neuroscience research
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5:00 - 5:02which says that when
we are racially threatened, -
5:02 - 5:04our brains go on lockdown,
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5:04 - 5:06and we dehumanize black and brown people.
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5:07 - 5:13Our brains imagine that children
and adults are older than they really are, -
5:13 - 5:15larger than they really are
-
5:15 - 5:17and closer than they really are.
-
5:18 - 5:20When we're at our worst,
we convince ourselves -
5:20 - 5:22that they don't deserve
affection or protection. -
5:24 - 5:26At the Racial Empowerment Collaborative,
-
5:26 - 5:31we know that some of the scariest
moments are racial encounters, -
5:31 - 5:34some of the scariest moments
that people will ever face. -
5:35 - 5:40If you look at the police encounters
that have led to some wrongful deaths -
5:40 - 5:43of mostly Native Americans
and African-Americans in this country, -
5:43 - 5:45they've lasted about two minutes.
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5:46 - 5:48Within 60 seconds,
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5:48 - 5:50our brains go on lockdown.
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5:51 - 5:52And when we're unprepared,
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5:52 - 5:53we overreact.
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5:54 - 5:55At best, we shut down.
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5:56 - 5:58At worst, we shoot first
and ask no questions. -
6:00 - 6:03Imagine if we could reduce
the intensity of threat -
6:03 - 6:05within those 60 seconds
-
6:05 - 6:08and keep our brains
from going on lockdown. -
6:09 - 6:12Imagine how many children
would get to come home from school -
6:12 - 6:13or 7-Eleven
-
6:13 - 6:15without getting expelled or shot.
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6:16 - 6:20Imagine how many mothers
and fathers wouldn't have to cry. -
6:21 - 6:27Racial socialization can help young people
negotiate 60-second encounters, -
6:27 - 6:29but it's going to take more than a chat.
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6:29 - 6:31It requires a racial literacy.
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6:33 - 6:35Now, how do parents
have these conversations, -
6:35 - 6:37and what is a racial literacy?
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6:37 - 6:38Thank you for asking.
-
6:38 - 6:39(Laughter)
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6:39 - 6:44A racial literacy involves
the ability to read, -
6:44 - 6:47recast and resolve
a racially stressful encounter. -
6:47 - 6:51Reading involves recognizing
when a racial moment happens -
6:51 - 6:53and noticing our stress reactions to it.
-
6:54 - 6:56Recasting involves
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6:57 - 7:02taking mindfulness and reducing
my tsunami interpretation of this moment -
7:02 - 7:05and reducing it
to a mountain-climbing experience, -
7:05 - 7:07one that is --
-
7:07 - 7:10from impossible situation
to one that is much more doable -
7:10 - 7:11and challenging.
-
7:13 - 7:16Resolving a racially stressful
encounter involves -
7:16 - 7:18being able to make a healthy decision
-
7:18 - 7:22that is not an underreaction,
where I pretend, "That didn't bother me," -
7:22 - 7:26or an overreaction,
where I exaggerate the moment. -
7:27 - 7:31Now, we can teach parents and children
how to read, recast and resolve -
7:32 - 7:37using a mindfulness strategy
we call: "Calculate, locate, communicate, -
7:37 - 7:38breathe and exhale."
-
7:38 - 7:39Stay with me.
-
7:40 - 7:41"Calculate" asks,
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7:41 - 7:43"What feeling am I having right now,
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7:43 - 7:46and how intense is it
on a scale of one to 10?" -
7:47 - 7:51"Locate" asks, "Where
in my body do I feel it?" -
7:51 - 7:52And be specific,
-
7:53 - 7:57like the Native American girl at a Chicago
fifth-grade school said to me, -
7:58 - 8:02"I feel angry at a nine
because I'm the only Native American. -
8:03 - 8:06And I can feel it in my stomach,
-
8:06 - 8:09like a bunch of butterflies
are fighting with each other, -
8:09 - 8:12so much so that they fly up
into my throat and choke me." -
8:13 - 8:14The more detailed you can be,
-
8:14 - 8:16the easier it is to reduce that spot.
-
8:17 - 8:18"Communicate" asks,
-
8:18 - 8:21"What self-talk and what images
are coming in my mind?" -
8:21 - 8:24And if you really want help,
try breathing in -
8:24 - 8:25and exhaling slowly.
-
8:27 - 8:30With the help of my many colleagues
at the Racial Empowerment Collaborative, -
8:30 - 8:33we use in-the-moment stress-reduction
-
8:33 - 8:35in several research and therapy projects.
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8:36 - 8:41One project is where we use basketball
to help youth manage their emotions -
8:41 - 8:43during 60-second eruptions on the court.
-
8:44 - 8:49Another project, with the help
of my colleagues Loretta and John Jemmott, -
8:50 - 8:54we leverage the cultural style
of African-American barbershops, -
8:54 - 8:58where we train black barbers
to be health educators in two areas: -
8:58 - 9:03one, to safely reduce the sexual risk
in their partner relationships; -
9:03 - 9:04and the other,
-
9:04 - 9:06to stop retaliation violence.
-
9:07 - 9:10The cool part is the barbers use
their cultural style -
9:10 - 9:13to deliver this health education
to 18- to 24-year-old men -
9:13 - 9:15while they're cutting their hair.
-
9:16 - 9:19Another project is where we teach teachers
-
9:19 - 9:24how to read, recast and resolve
stressful moments in the classroom. -
9:24 - 9:29And a final project, in which we teach
parents and their children separately -
9:30 - 9:32to understand their racial traumas
-
9:32 - 9:36before we bring them together
to problem-solve daily microaggressions. -
9:37 - 9:41Now, racially literate conversations
with our children can be healing, -
9:41 - 9:43but it takes practice.
-
9:43 - 9:45And I know some of you
are saying, "Practice? -
9:45 - 9:46Practice?
-
9:46 - 9:48We're talking about practice?"
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9:48 - 9:50Yes, we are talking about practice.
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9:51 - 9:53I have two sons.
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9:54 - 9:55My oldest, Bryan, is 26,
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9:55 - 9:58and my youngest, Julian, is 12.
-
9:58 - 10:01And we do not have time
to talk about how that happened. -
10:01 - 10:03(Laughter)
-
10:03 - 10:04But,
-
10:04 - 10:06when I think of them,
-
10:06 - 10:07they are still babies to me,
-
10:07 - 10:10and I worry every day
that the world will misjudge them. -
10:12 - 10:14In August of 2013,
-
10:15 - 10:18Julian, who was eight at the time,
and I were folding laundry, -
10:18 - 10:20which in and of itself
is such a rare occurrence, -
10:20 - 10:24I should have known something
strange was going to happen. -
10:24 - 10:26On the TV were Trayvon Martin's parents,
-
10:26 - 10:27and they were crying
-
10:28 - 10:30because of the acquittal
of George Zimmerman. -
10:30 - 10:32And Julian was glued to the TV.
-
10:34 - 10:37He had a thousand questions,
and I was not prepared. -
10:37 - 10:38He wanted to know why:
-
10:38 - 10:44Why would a grown man stalk
and hunt down and kill -
10:44 - 10:46an unarmed 17-year-old boy?
-
10:47 - 10:48And I did not know what to say.
-
10:48 - 10:51The best thing that could
come out of my mouth was, -
10:51 - 10:54"Julian, sometimes in this world,
there are people -
10:54 - 10:56who look down on black and brown people
-
10:57 - 10:59and do not treat them --
and children, too -- -
10:59 - 11:01do not treat them as human."
-
11:02 - 11:04He interpreted the whole situation as sad.
-
11:05 - 11:07(Voice-over) Julian Stevenson: That's sad.
-
11:07 - 11:09"We don't care. You're not our kind."
-
11:09 - 11:10HS: Yes.
-
11:10 - 11:13JS: It's like, "We're better than you."
-
11:13 - 11:15HS: Yes.
-
11:15 - 11:18JS: "And there's nothing
you can do about that. -
11:18 - 11:20And if you scare me,
or something like that, -
11:20 - 11:23I will shoot you
because I'm scared of you." -
11:23 - 11:24HS: Exactly.
-
11:25 - 11:27But if somebody's stalking you --
-
11:27 - 11:29JS: It's not the same for everyone else.
-
11:29 - 11:32HS: It's not always the same, no.
You've got to be careful. -
11:32 - 11:34JS: Yeah, because people
can disrespect you. -
11:34 - 11:35HS: Exactly.
-
11:35 - 11:37JS: And think that you're,
-
11:39 - 11:43"You don't look --
you don't look like you're ..." -
11:44 - 11:48It's like they're saying
that "You don't look right, -
11:48 - 11:51so I guess I have the right
to disrespect you." -
11:51 - 11:53HS: Yeah, and that's what we call,
-
11:53 - 11:54we call that racism.
-
11:55 - 11:57And we call that racism, Julian,
-
11:57 - 12:00and yes, some people -- other
people -- can wear a hoodie, -
12:00 - 12:02and nothing happens to them.
-
12:02 - 12:04But you and Trayvon might,
-
12:05 - 12:08and that's why Daddy wants you to be safe.
-
12:08 - 12:10(Voice-over) HS: And that's why --
-
12:10 - 12:13JS: So you mean like,
when you said "other people," -
12:13 - 12:16you mean, like if Trayvon was a white,
-
12:16 - 12:19um, that he wouldn't be
disrespected like that? -
12:20 - 12:22HS: Yes, Julian, Daddy meant white people
-
12:22 - 12:24when I said, "other people," all right?
-
12:25 - 12:27So there was a way in which
I was so awkward in the beginning, -
12:27 - 12:30but once I started getting
my rhythm and my groove, -
12:30 - 12:35I started talking about stereotypes
and issues of discrimination, -
12:35 - 12:37and just when I was getting my groove on,
-
12:37 - 12:39Julian interrupted me.
-
12:40 - 12:43(Voice-over) HS: ... dangerous,
or you're a criminal because you're black, -
12:43 - 12:45and you're a child or a boy --
-
12:45 - 12:47That is wrong,
it doesn't matter who does it. -
12:47 - 12:49JS: Dad, I need to stop you there.
-
12:49 - 12:50HS: What?
-
12:50 - 12:52JS: Remember when we were ...
-
12:52 - 12:54HS: So he interrupts me to tell me a story
-
12:54 - 12:57about when he was racially threatened
at a swimming pool with a friend -
12:57 - 12:59by two grown white men,
-
12:59 - 13:01which his mother confirmed.
-
13:01 - 13:04And I felt happy
that he was able to talk about it; -
13:04 - 13:05it felt like he was getting it.
-
13:05 - 13:08We moved from the sadness
of Trayvon's parents -
13:08 - 13:11and started talking about
George Zimmerman's parents, -
13:11 - 13:13which, I read in a magazine,
-
13:13 - 13:15condoned the stalking of Trayvon.
-
13:15 - 13:18And Julian's reaction to me was priceless.
-
13:18 - 13:20It made me feel like he was getting it.
-
13:20 - 13:22(Voice-over) JS: What did
they say about him? -
13:22 - 13:25HS: Well, I think they basically
felt that he was justified -
13:26 - 13:28to follow and stalk --
-
13:28 - 13:29JS: What the -- ?
-
13:29 - 13:31HS: Yeah, I think that's wrong.
-
13:31 - 13:32JS: That's -- one minute.
-
13:32 - 13:36So they're saying he has the right
to follow a black kid, -
13:36 - 13:38get in a fight with him and shoot him?
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13:40 - 13:41HS: As Julian was getting it,
-
13:41 - 13:43I started to lose it.
-
13:43 - 13:45Because in my mind's eye, I was thinking:
-
13:45 - 13:48What if my Julian or Bryan was Trayvon?
-
13:49 - 13:52I calculated my anger at a 10.
-
13:52 - 13:55I found, located, my right
leg was shaking uncontrollably -
13:55 - 13:57like I was running.
-
13:57 - 14:00And in my mind's eye,
I could see somebody chasing Julian, -
14:00 - 14:02and I was chasing them.
-
14:03 - 14:05And the only thing
that could come out of my mouth -
14:05 - 14:08was if anybody tries
to bother my child ... -
14:10 - 14:13(Voice-over) HS: If anybody tries
to bother my child ... -
14:13 - 14:14mmm, mmm, mmm.
-
14:14 - 14:15JS: What will happen?
-
14:15 - 14:17HS: Well, they better run.
-
14:18 - 14:21JS: Because what?
HS: I'm gonna get 'em. -
14:21 - 14:22JS: See? (Laughs)
-
14:22 - 14:24HS: I'm gonna get 'em.
JS: Really? -
14:24 - 14:25HS: Oh, yeah.
-
14:25 - 14:28JS: Then they're gonna get you
because they might have weapons. -
14:28 - 14:31HS: Well, you know what, I'm gonna
call police, too, like I should. -
14:31 - 14:33But I feel like I wanna get 'em.
-
14:33 - 14:36But you can't; you're right,
you can't just go chasing people. -
14:36 - 14:37JS: They can be armed.
-
14:37 - 14:39HS: Yeah, you right. Yeah, you right.
-
14:39 - 14:40I feel like I wanna chase 'em.
-
14:40 - 14:42JS: Plus they could be
an army or something. -
14:42 - 14:46HS: I know -- I feel like I wanna
go get 'em, messing with my son. -
14:46 - 14:47I don't like that.
-
14:47 - 14:48JS: Um ...
-
14:48 - 14:50HS: But you right. You gotta be careful.
-
14:51 - 14:54And um, you gotta be careful.
-
14:54 - 14:57You never know what some crazy people
will think about you. -
14:59 - 15:01Just as long as you believe
you're beautiful -
15:01 - 15:04like Daddy believes
you're beautiful and handsome, -
15:04 - 15:07and Mommy believes you're beautiful
and handsome and smart. -
15:08 - 15:11And you deserve to be on this planet,
-
15:11 - 15:14just as happy and beautiful
and smart as you want to be. -
15:15 - 15:17You can do anything you want, baby.
-
15:19 - 15:23HS: Racial socialization is not just
what parents teach their children. -
15:24 - 15:27It's also how children respond
to what their parents teach. -
15:28 - 15:30Is my child prepared?
-
15:31 - 15:35Can they recognize when a racial elephant
shows up in a room? -
15:35 - 15:39Can they reduce
their tsunami interpretation -
15:39 - 15:41down to a mountain-climbing adventure
-
15:41 - 15:43that they can engage and not run away?
-
15:44 - 15:48Can they make a healthy
and just decision in 60 seconds? -
15:49 - 15:50Can I?
-
15:50 - 15:51Can you?
-
15:52 - 15:53Yes, we can.
-
15:54 - 15:58We can build healthier
relationships around race -
15:58 - 16:02if we learn to calculate, locate
communicate, breathe and exhale -
16:02 - 16:06in the middle of our most
threatening moments, -
16:06 - 16:08when we come face-to-face
with our lesser selves. -
16:11 - 16:13If you take the centuries of racial rage
-
16:13 - 16:17that boils up in all of our bodies,
minds and souls -- -
16:18 - 16:22and anything that affects our bodies,
minds and souls affects our health -- -
16:23 - 16:26we could probably use
gun control for our hearts. -
16:27 - 16:30I just want what all parents
want for their children -
16:30 - 16:31when we're not around:
-
16:31 - 16:33affection and protection.
-
16:34 - 16:37When police and teachers see my children,
-
16:37 - 16:39I want them to imagine their own,
-
16:39 - 16:43because I believe if you see
our children as your children, -
16:44 - 16:45you won't shoot them.
-
16:46 - 16:49With racial literacy, and yes, practice,
-
16:49 - 16:53we can decode the racial trauma
from our stories, -
16:53 - 16:56and our healing will come in the telling.
-
16:56 - 16:59But we must never forget
-
17:00 - 17:04that our cultural differences
are full of affection and protection, -
17:04 - 17:08and remember always
that the lion's story will never be known -
17:08 - 17:10as long as the hunter
is the one to tell it. -
17:11 - 17:12Thank you very much.
-
17:12 - 17:17(Applause)
- Title:
- How to resolve racially stressful situations
- Speaker:
- Howard Stevenson
- Description:
-
If we hope to heal the racial tensions that threaten to tear the fabric of society apart, we're going to need the skills to openly express ourselves in racially stressful situations. Through racial literacy -- the ability to read, recast and resolve these situations -- psychologist Howard C. Stevenson helps children and parents reduce and manage stress and trauma. In this inspiring, quietly awesome talk, learn more about how this approach to decoding racial threat can help youth build confidence and stand up for themselves in productive ways.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 17:34
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to resolve racially stressful situations | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to resolve racially stressful situations | ||
Brian Greene approved English subtitles for How to resolve racially stressful situations | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to resolve racially stressful situations | ||
Camille Martínez accepted English subtitles for How to resolve racially stressful situations | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for How to resolve racially stressful situations | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for How to resolve racially stressful situations | ||
Leslie Gauthier edited English subtitles for How to resolve racially stressful situations |