The difference between healthy and unhealthy love

So when you think about a child,
a close friend, or a romantic partner,

the word "love" probably comes to mind,

and instantly other emotions rush in:

joy and hope,

excitement, trust and security,

and yes, sometimes
sadness and disappointment.

There might not be
a word in the dictionary

that more of us
are connected to than love.

Yet, given its central
importance in our lives,

isn't it interesting that we're never
explicitly taught how to love?

We build friendships,

navigate early romantic relationships,

get married and bring babies
home from the hospital

with the expectation
that we'll figure it out.

But the truth is, we often harm
and disrespect the ones we love.

It can be subtle things
like guilting a friend

into spending time with you

or sneaking a peak
at your partner's texts

or shaming a child
for their lack of effort at school.

100 percent of us will be
on the receiving end

of unhealthy relationship behaviors,

and 100 percent of us
will do unhealthy things.

It's part of being human.

In its worst form, the harm
we inflict on loved ones

shows up as abuse and violence,

and relationship abuse

is something that one in three women
and one in four men

will experience in their lifetime.

Now, if you're like most people,
when you hear those stats,

you'll go, oh, no no no,
that would never happen to me.

It's instinctual to move away
from the words "abuse" and "violence,"

to think that they happen
to someone else somewhere else.

But the truth is, unhealthy relationships
and abuse are all around us.

We just call them different things
and ignore the connection.

Abuse sneaks up on us
disguised in unhealthy love.

I work for an organization called One Love

started by a family whose daughter
Yeardley was killed by her ex-boyfriend.

This was a tragedy no one saw coming,

but when they looked back,

they realized the warning signs were there

just no one understood
what they were seeing.

Called crazy or drama
or too much drinking,

his actions weren't understood
to be what they really were,

which was clear signs of danger.

Her family realized that if anyone
had been educated about these signs,

her death could have been prevented.

So today we're on a mission
to make sure that others

have the information
that Yeardley and her friends didn't.

We have three main goals:

give all of us a language
for talking about a subject

that's quite awkward
and uncomfortable to discuss;

empower a whole frontline,
namely friends, to help;

and, in the process, improve
all of our ability to love better.

To do this, it's always important
to start by illuminating

the unhealthy signs
that we frequently miss,

and our work really focuses
on creating content

to start conversations with young people.

As you'd expect, most of our content is
pretty serious, given the subject at hand,

but today I'm going to use
one of our more light-hearted

yet still thought-provoking pieces,

the Couplets,