Domestic sex trafficking - a survivor's perspective | Karly Church | TEDxOshawaED

As she defines what domestic sex trafficking is, Karly talks about the stages of exploitation while drawing upon her personal experiences. Karly helps educators to understand how they can help to elicit change. Karly Church is a crisis intervention counselor, social service worker, and advocate for survivors of domestic sex trafficking. She has worked in the front line with youth in sex work and trafficking for over four years. Church works at Victim Services of Durham Region, where she provides specialized services and support to survivors of human trafficking. Church is a Canadore College graduate from two separate programs: mental health and addictions, and social service. As a survivor of domestic human trafficking, she harnesses her lived experience, extensive knowledge, and her passion to work with her fellow survivors. She meets individuals at their needs while providing support with a trauma-informed perspective. Church has delivered keynote speeches throughout Canada and has trained and presented to thousands of social service providers. She is dedicated to providing preventative education through youth symposiums, presentations, consultations, interviews, and panels on human trafficking.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

Hi, everybody.

I'm really excited to be here today

and grateful to speak to you all

about something
that I'm so passionate about.

I'm going to speak to you today
about domestic sex trafficking.

This is something I hold very dear -

being a survivor of domestic
sex trafficking myself.

This is something
I'm extremely passionate about,

and I've dedicated my life
to bringing awareness

to this ever-growing issue.

So today, what I want to focus on
in the time that I have

is I'd like to define
domestic sex trafficking for you.

I want to paint a picture
of what human trafficking looks like

in an Ontario context

and walk you through the stages
of commercial exploitation

to give you an idea
of what this really looks like.

Media and movies portray
human trafficking to look one way,

and it looks completely
different than that.

Then I want to end by talking
about how we can all ignite change.

I'm a huge believer
that education is power,

and I often wonder

if somebody came into my high school
when I was growing up,

would this have happened to me

or would I have been able to identify
those red flags before it was too late?

I'm not sure,

but I think I would have been equipped
with a lot more information

that would have helped me
when this started to happen to me.

I'm going to jump right in, and I really
want to start by defining those words:

domestic sex trafficking.

I'm going to differentiate
between domestic and international

so we can understand
that they look completely different.

The best way to differentiate
between the two

is to think of it the exact way you would
if you walked into an airport.

Really, you have two choices.

You can take a domestic flight
or an international flight.

If you take an international flight,

it means you get
on that plane in one country

and you land in a completely
different country.

if you take a domestic flight,

you're getting on that plane
in one country

and you land in the exact same country.

It means the same thing
when it comes to human trafficking.

International human trafficking

means you're from one country
and brought to another country

for the purpose of exploitation
or the purpose of trafficking.

Domestic human trafficking means
you are from one country.

Either born and raised

or have come to this country
for whatever reason -

nothing to do with trafficking.

Call this country your home

and then are trafficked
within that country.

The majority of human trafficking
that occurs in Canada

is domestic sex trafficking.

The UN's stat says that 71%
of all trafficking that occurs in Canada

is domestic sex trafficking.

That means this is happening
to our young people.

This is happening to people
in your schools,

in your communities,
in your neighborhoods.

It is not an issue
that is happening somewhere else;

it is happening to people here
that call Canada their home.

Next, I really want to give you that
definition of what human trafficking is.

Human trafficking is an umbrella term -

there's many forms of human trafficking -

but, again, today I'm only talking
about domestic sex trafficking.

The reason being
is that's my area of expertise,

and that's the majority
of what we see here in Canada.

So the UN has a definition
for human trafficking,

the Criminal Code has a definition
for human trafficking -

they're very long, they're wordy,
they're hard to remember.

I have a cheating definition -

it's super easy to remember,
so I use it all the time.

There's four elements
that have to be present

in order for human trafficking to exist.

If you have these four elements,
then you have human trafficking.

So there needs to be force,
there needs to be fraud,

there needs to be coercion,

and it all needs to be facilitated
by a third party or a group of people -

so somebody behind the scenes
doing it to you and profiting from you.

Force, fraud, coercion,
facilitated by a third party -

that is the definition
of human trafficking.

If all those elements are present,
then you have human trafficking.

So now that we understand

what human trafficking is,
by the definition,

I really want to paint a picture for you
of what it actually looks like

because what I said
when I first walked in here

is that movies and media
portray human trafficking to look one way

and they look completely different.

The education that I got growing up
around what human trafficking was

was from movies.

And I was taught wrong.

I'm going to walk you through
the stages of commercial exploitation.

This chart was developed
by listening to survivors' stories.

This is how it happens.

Every single young person
I have ever worked with

has been brought through these stages.

This is a thought-out
psychological process

that people are brought through

in order for somebody
to have control and manipulation over.

So I'm going to walk you
through stage by stage.

The first stage is the luring stage.

In this stage,

this is when your trafficker
begins to assess your vulnerabilities.

So somebody isn't just pointing out
somebody in a crowd,

being like "I'm going
to traffic this person."

It is thought out.

That's what that luring process is for.

In this luring process,

your trafficker is going to begin
to assess your vulnerabilities.

He's looking for somebody
who's vulnerable.

He's looking for somebody

who has both individual risk factors
and societal and systemic risk factors.

He is going to begin to test the waters
to figure out these vulnerabilities.

He's going to put feelers out.

He's going to see if you will be able
to buy what he's selling.

He does this by asking you
a million questions.

It does not feel
like you're being interrogated.

It does not feel
like you're being interviewed.

It feels incredibly, incredibly special

that for once somebody
has taken time out of their life

and asked you about yours.

For once, somebody stopped
and noticed you were struggling

and asked you about it.

He's going to ask you about your life.

He's going to ask you
about your family, your friends,

and ask you about your hopes
and dreams for the future,

the struggles you've been through.

And he's going to listen to everything.

What he's doing in this moment

is he's gathering information
he's later going to use against you,

but in that moment,
it feels incredibly good.

So you're going to tell them
anything and everything.

The other thing they do in this stage

is they're going to look
at every single one of your basic needs

that are not being met,

and very quickly, they're going
to begin to meet them.

So it moves to that next stage,

that grooming and gaming stage
also known as the honeymoon stage.

So they are going to begin to meet
every single one of your basic needs.

If you told them in that luring stage

that you didn't feel safe at home
or you didn't have a safe place to stay,

they're going to offer you
a safe place to stay.

They're going to take you shopping.

They're going to get
your hair done, your nails done.

They're going to wine and dine you.

They're going to shower you
with compliments,

boost your self-esteem,
boost your self-worth.

They're going to begin
to introduce you to all their friends.

They're going to make you
feel a part of something,

that sense of belonging,
that sense of family.

They're going to tell you things
like they're going to keep you safe,

that they're never going
to let anybody hurt you again.

No matter what, they're going
to be there for you.

They're continuing to ask you questions
and be interested in your life

during this stage as well.

85% of the young people I work with

identified their trafficker
to be their boyfriend or their girlfriend.

So we also know it's incredibly,
incredibly relational,

even that other 15%
is usually quite relational.

It's usually a companionship
or a friendship

or, in fact, a family member
that's doing it to you.

If drugs are involved in this stage,
they'll be given to you freely,

no questions asked.

If they're not involved,
they might keep it that way.

Or they could introduce them
in a very playful way:

"Whatever you need, I've got for you."

If you are in that loving relationship,

it feels as if you have met
your dream man.

It feels as if you have hit the jackpot,

as if finally your luck has turned around.

I cannot stress enough

that in this stage,

it feels as if this is the best
your life has ever been.

Even if your life was not that bad before,

they took the time in that luring stage

to get to know everything
that was lacking in your life.

And now they're providing it for you.

So this feels as if this is the best
your life has ever been.

There is little to no
red flags in this stage.

The biggest red flag
is it is too good to be true,

and who wants to believe
that this is too good to be true

if nobody has ever treated you
this way before?

The red flags don't come in
until the next stage.

So the next stage is the coercion
and manipulation stage.

This is when your trafficker begins
to give you all that love and affection -

and then pulls it all away.

Then gives you all that love
and attention -

and then pulls it all away.

It's like you're walking on eggshells.

You're wondering,

is he going to have
a good day today or a bad day?

You actually start to think in your mind,

"What did I do wrong?

I must have done something wrong.

Because I know he's capable
of treating me better

than anybody has ever treated me before.

So I must have done something."

You actually start to think in your mind -

you start to feel indebted
in the relationship:

"He's done so much for me
in this relationship,

what have I done to contribute?"

You might actually start
to think things in your mind

you can offer in that relationship.

But before you can do that,

he's going to start
to ask you to do things,

He's going to ask you to do things
you're probably not comfortable doing.

Or he'll ask you to do things

that you talked about in the luring stage

that you said you would never do.

Those are things that you held on to.

Those are your morals and your values -

that you were never willing
to step out of that comfort zone.

He's now going to ask you again,
in this coercion-manipulation stage.

You're going to be
much more likely to say yes

because you just want it
to go back to that honeymoon stage.

You want him to treat you in a way

that you know he's capable
of treating you,

which is better than anybody
has ever treated you before.

So as soon as you start
to do those things,

he's going to give you
all that love and attention back.

Then he's going to pull it away again,

and he'll ask you to do something else.

As soon as you do it,

he's going to give you
all that love and affection back.

He's breaking down
your boundaries, morals, and values,

and then he's rewarding you for them.

He could ask you to do things
that are sexual or not sexual.

If they're not sexual,

they might ask you to do things
like hold drugs for them, lie for them,

or look out while they commit
a crime or rob somebody.

And immediately after,

they give you the love and attention back.

Or it could be sexual.

They start to desensitize you
to certain sexual acts,

prepare you for the sex trade.

So they might ask you

to send that naked picture
they've been begging you for.

They might ask you
to make a video with them

or have sex with one of their friends.

Immediately after, they give you
the love and affection back -

it goes back to that honeymoon stage -

and then they pull it all the way again.

This is an incredibly confusing time.

The other thing
they're doing in this stage

is they might do something
called "conditioning,"

where they have sex with you
and shortly after take you shopping,

or they have sex with you

and then take you
to get your hair or nails done.

Then that slowly gets replaced by cash.

They'll have sex with you,
then throw you 60 bucks and say,

"Oh, baby, that's amazing.
You're so good at that.

Go treat yourself,
do something nice for yourself."

Your brain actually starts to associate
sex with a reward, sex with money.

The last thing they do in this stage
is they're going to build a wedge

between you and anybody
who's healthy in your life.

So they'll pick fights with your friends.

They are going to blow up stories

that you maybe told them
way back in the luring stage

that's something that your family
or loved one did you that really hurt you.

They're going to blow it up
and amplify that.

They want to build that wedge.

They want when something
goes wrong in your life

that the first person
that you call is them.

They want you to be
a 100% dependent on them.

I used to work with a young woman

whose trafficker actually
used to go into her phone

and delete messages from loved ones
who were reaching out.

She actually started to believe
nobody else cared about her,

that he was the only one that loved her,

he was the only one
that she could depend on.

This is when he has you
exactly where they want you.

Now they bring up the idea
of working in the sex trade.

Then it moves to that
full-on exploitation stage.

They bring up that idea
of working in the sex trade

in a variety of different ways,

but it's usually either extremely direct
or the complete opposite -

incredibly, incredibly insidious.

So if it's direct, he'll literally say,

"You know all I've done for you -

the clothes I bought you,

the condo you've been
staying in, the drugs?

It's actually not free.

You owe me money,

and this is how you're going
to pay me back.

And if you don't do it,

I'm not going to love you,
I'm not going to be there for you,

I'm not going to take care of you.

I'll circulate that video we made."

He's got all the ammo
he needs to use against you

to get you to take your first trick.

And once you do, then again,

he's got even more ammo to keep you there.

If he goes the insidious route,
what he's going to do

is he'll bring up the idea
of working in the sex trade

by playing off information
he gained from you in the luring stage.

Maybe in that luring stage, you told him

that your dream for the future

was to one day create
your own loving, supportive family.

Maybe you told him growing up
you never had that,

and that was your dream.

You wanted to get married
and buy a house and have kids

and really create
that loving supportive family.

He's going to say something to you like,
"You know that life you want to have,

you know that wedding you want,
that house you want, those kids you want?

I love you so much,
and I don't want to wait any longer.

I can't picture my life without you.

I got this crazy idea.

We'll make stacks of cash.

We'll only have to do it
for a couple of months.

No matter what, I'm going to love you
and be there for you."

Of course, you're going to say yes.

He just sold you a dream,

your exact dream that you told him
way back in the luring stage.

This is what human trafficking looks like.

It does not look like the movies.

You're not kidnapped;
you're not moved from place to place;

you're not locked in a room;
you're not beaten every day.

This is what it looks like.

I want to touch on why it's not as simple
as asking somebody to leave -

because it is horrific.

Just because you believe
somebody loves you

doesn't mean you don't have to do things
you never thought you'd do.

You have absolutely no control.

I can tell you from my experience

my traffickers had taken
all control from me.

I hated every minute of it.

I had no idea who was coming
to my hotel room door,

and I had no idea what services
I was expected to provide.

I hated every minute of it.

It was the most traumatic
and horrific experience of my life,

but as crazy as it sounds,

my life was still better
than before I had met them.

I had a roof over my head,
I had food in my stomach,

I wasn't withdrawing on the streets
in the freezing cold.

I would have done
whatever it took to keep it there.

And I would have never walked out
of that hotel room door.

Physically, I could have.

I was not locked up.

I was not tied in a room.

My pimps were not there 24/7.

I could have opened my hotel room door,

I could have walked out,
and I could have asked for help -

I never would have.

There are three reasons
I wouldn't have left,

and after working with young people,
for years now, in similar situations,

these are the three reasons
why people don't just leave.

The first is the obvious: the fear.

I was afraid of them.

There was some physical
violence in my situation,

and all I could think was if I walk out,
what are they going to do to me?

That fear was real.

More so than that, though,
was the fear of the unknown.

If I walk out this door,
where am I going to go?

Where am I going to get my next meal?

Where am I going to sleep? get my fix?

Who is ever going to love me after this?

Who is ever going to take care of me?

That was much scarier than they were,

and the final reason I didn't leave

was the psychological hold
that they had on me -

the trauma bond.

It is unbelievable how strong that is.

They picked me up off the ground
when everybody else had given up on me.

They were there for me
when nobody else was.

They treated me better than anybody
had ever treated me before.

The best way I can explain
that trauma bond -

I'll tell you a very short story.

It happened to me
after I took my very first trick.

One of my pimps came in the room
and sat down on the bed beside me.

He looked at me in the eyes,
and it was so genuine.

Every time I tell this story,
I can in fact still picture the moment,

and it still feels just as genuine.

Logically, I know it's not, but that's
how strong it was in that moment.

He sat there and looked at me
in the eyes, and he said,

"Carly, I am so proud of you."

He said it because I told him,
way back in the luring stage,

that the only thing I'd ever
wanted to hear growing up

is that somebody was proud of me.

Now, he said it.

Didn't matter anymore who was proud of me
or what they were proud of me for -

somebody was finally proud of me.

I was finally good at something.

I was going to do whatever it took
to hear that over and over and over again.

This is what human trafficking looks like.

So really quickly, just to end,
what can everybody do today?

Starting today, how can we ignite change?

And it's simple.

We need to educate others.

You need to educate yourself
and educate others

on what you've heard today.

Continue to look into
what human trafficking really looks like.

Know the signs.

Know how to identify
who might be being trafficked.

Know where the resources
are in your community

and what to do if you identify somebody
who could be being trafficked.

You need to advocate.

You need to advocate for change.

You need to advocate for more resources.

And you need to advocate for more funding
specialized in human trafficking.

And lastly, we need to -
I'm going to put these two together -

but we need to know consent
and we need to empower youth.

Get people to come
and talk in your schools

about what human trafficking is,

talk about the true definition of consent.

We were taught wrong growing up.

You need to let people know

that consent has certain elements
that have to be present.

It must be clear, it must be coherent,

it must be willing,
and it must be ongoing.

And again, empower our youth.

Give them more
socioeconomic opportunities.

In fact, boost their self-esteem
and boost their self-worth.

If I can leave you with one thing today,

it's that if a young person is empowered,

it is incredibly difficult
to traffic them.

Thank you.

(Applause)