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There's an African proverb that goes,

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"The lion's story will never be known

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as long as the hunter
is the one to tell it."

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More than a racial conversation,
we need a racial literacy

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to decode the politics
of racial threat in America.

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Key to this literacy is a forgotten truth,

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that the more we understand

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that our cultural differences
represent the power

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to heal the centuries

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of racial discrimination,

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dehumanization and illness.

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Both of my parents were African-American.

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My father was born in Southern Delaware,

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my mother, North Philadelphia,

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and these two places are as different
from each other as east is from west,

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as New York City is
from Montgomery, Alabama.

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My father's way of dealing
with racial conflict

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was to have my brother Bryan,
my sister Christy and I in church

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what seemed like 24 hours a day,
seven days a week.

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(Laughter)

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If anybody bothered us
because of the color of our skin,

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he believed that you should pray for them,

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knowing that God
would get them back in the end.

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(Laughter)

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You could say that his racial-coping
approach was spiritual --

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for later on, one day,

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like Martin Luther King.

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My mother's coping approach
was a little different.

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She was, uh, you could say,
more relational --

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right now, like, in your face,

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right now.

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More like Malcolm X.

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(Laughter)

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She was raised from neighborhoods

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in which there was racial
violence and segregation,

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where she was chased out of neighborhoods,

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and she exacted violence
to chase others out of hers.

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When she came to Southern Delaware,

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she thought she had come
to a foreign country.

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She didn't understand anybody,

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particularly the few black and brown folks

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who were physically deferential
and verbally deferential

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in the presence of whites.

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Not my mother.

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When she wanted to go
somewhere, she walked.

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She didn't care what you thought.

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And she pissed a lot of people off
with her cultural style.

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Before we get into the supermarket,

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she would give us the talk:

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"Don't ask for nothin',

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don't touch nothin'.

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Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

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I don't care if all the other children
are climbing the walls.

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They're not my children.

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Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

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In three-part harmony:

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"Yes, Mom."

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Before we'd get into the supermarket,

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that talk was all we needed.

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Now, how many of you ever got that talk?

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How many of you ever give that talk?

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(Laughter)

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How many of you ever give that talk today?

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My mother didn't give us the talk
because she was worried about money

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or reputation

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or us misbehaving.

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We never misbehaved.

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We were too scared.

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We were in church 24 hours a day,

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seven days a week.

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(Laughter)

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She gave us that talk to remind us

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that some people in the world
would interpret us as misbehaving

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just by being black.

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Not every parent has to worry
about their children being misjudged

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because of the color of their skin,

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just by breathing.

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So we get into the supermarket,

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and people look at us --

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stare at us as if we just stole something.

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Every now and then, a salesperson
would do something or say something

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because they were pissed
with our cultural style,

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and it would usually happen
at the conveyor belt.

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And the worst thing they could do
was to throw our food into the bag.

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And when that happened, it was on.

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(Laughter)

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My mother began
to tell them who they were,

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who their family was,

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where to go,

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how fast to get there.

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(Laughter)

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If you haven't been cursed out
by my mother, you haven't lived.

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(Laughter)

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The person would be on the floor,

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writhing in utter decay and decomposition,

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whimpering in a pool of racial shame.

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(Laughter)

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Now, both my parents were Christians.

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The difference is my father prayed
before a racial conflict

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and my mother prayed after.

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(Laughter)

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There is a time, if you use
both of their strategies,

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if you use them in the right time
and the right way.

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But it's never a time --

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there's a time for conciliation,

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there's a time for confrontation,

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but it's never a time to freeze up
like a deer in the headlights,

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and it's never a time to lash out
in heedless, thoughtless anger.

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The lesson in this is

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that when it comes to race relations,

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sometimes, we've got to know how to pray,

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think through, process, prepare.

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And other times,
we've got to know how to push,

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how to do something.

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And I'm afraid that neither
of these two skills --

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preparing,

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pushing --

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are prevalent in our society today.

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If you look at the neuroscience research

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which says that when
we are racially threatened,

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our brains go on lockdown,

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and we dehumanize black and brown people.

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Our brains imagine that children
and adults are older than they really are,

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larger than they really are

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and closer than they really are.

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When we're at our worst,
we convince ourselves

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that they don't deserve
affection or protection.

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At the Racial Empowerment Collaborative,

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we know that some of the scariest
moments are racial encounters,

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some of the scariest moments
that people will ever face.

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If you look at the police encounters
that have led to some wrongful deaths

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of mostly Native Americans
and African-Americans in this country,

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they've lasted about two minutes.

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Within 60 seconds,

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our brains go on lockdown.

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And when we're unprepared,

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we overreact.

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At best, we shut down.

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At worst, we shoot first
and ask no questions.

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Imagine if we could reduce
the intensity of threat

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within those 60 seconds

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and keep our brains
from going on lockdown.

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Imagine how many children
would get to come home from school

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or 7-Eleven

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without getting expelled or shot.

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Imagine how many mothers
and fathers wouldn't have to cry.

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Racial socialization can help young people
negotiate 60-second encounters,

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but it's going to take more than a chat.

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It requires a racial literacy.

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Now, how do parents
have these conversations,

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and what is a racial literacy?

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Thank you for asking.

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(Laughter)

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A racial literacy involves
the ability to read,

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recast and resolve
a racially stressful encounter.

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Reading involves recognizing
when a racial moment happens

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and noticing our stress reactions to it.

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Recasting involves

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taking mindfulness and reducing
my tsunami interpretation of this moment

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and reducing it
to a mountain-climbing experience,

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one that is --

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from impossible situation
to one that is much more doable

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and challenging.

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Resolving a racially stressful
encounter involves

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being able to make a healthy decision

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that is not an underreaction,
where I pretend, "That didn't bother me,"

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or an overreaction,
where I exaggerate the moment.

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Now, we can teach parents and children
how to read, recast and resolve

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using a mindfulness strategy
we call: "Calculate, locate, communicate,

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breathe and exhale."

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Stay with me.

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"Calculate" asks,

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"What feeling am I having right now,

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and how intense is it
on a scale of one to 10?"

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"Locate" asks, "Where
in my body do I feel it?"

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And be specific,

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like the Native American girl at a Chicago
fifth-grade school said to me,

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"I feel angry at a nine
because I'm the only Native American.

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And I can feel it in my stomach,

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like a bunch of butterflies
are fighting with each other,

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so much so that they fly up
into my throat and choke me."

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The more detailed you can be,

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the easier it is to reduce that spot.

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"Communicate" asks,

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"What self-talk and what images
are coming in my mind?"

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And if you really want help,
try breathing in

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and exhaling slowly.

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With the help of my many colleagues
at the Racial Empowerment Collaborative,

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we use in-the-moment stress-reduction

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in several research and therapy projects.

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One project is where we use basketball
to help youth manage their emotions

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during 60-second eruptions on the court.

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Another project, with the help
of my colleagues Loretta and John Jemmott,

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we leverage the cultural style
of African-American barbershops,

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where we train black barbers
to be health educators in two areas:

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one, to safely reduce the sexual risk
in their partner relationships;

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and the other,

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to stop retaliation violence.

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The cool part is the barbers use
their cultural style

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to deliver this health education
to 18- to 24-year-old men

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while they're cutting their hair.

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Another project is where we teach teachers

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how to read, recast and resolve
stressful moments in the classroom.

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And a final project, in which we teach
parents and their children separately

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to understand their racial traumas

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before we bring them together
to problem-solve daily microaggressions.

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Now, racially literate conversations
with our children can be healing,

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but it takes practice.

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And I know some of you
are saying, "Practice?

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Practice?

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We're talking about practice?"

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Yes, we are talking about practice.

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I have two sons.

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My oldest, Bryan, is 26,

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and my youngest, Julian, is 12.

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And we do not have time
to talk about how that happened.

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(Laughter)

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But,

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when I think of them,

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they are still babies to me,

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and I worry every day
that the world will misjudge them.

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In August of 2013,

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Julian, who was eight at the time,
and I were folding laundry,

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which in and of itself
is such a rare occurrence,

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I should have known something
strange was going to happen.

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On the TV were Trayvon Martin's parents,

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and they were crying

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because of the acquittal
of George Zimmerman.

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And Julian was glued to the TV.

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He had a thousand questions,
and I was not prepared.

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He wanted to know why:

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Why would a grown man stalk
and hunt down and kill

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an unarmed 17-year-old boy?

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And I did not know what to say.

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The best thing that could
come out of my mouth was,

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"Julian, sometimes in this world,
there are people

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who look down on black and brown people

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and do not treat them --
and children, too --

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do not treat them as human."

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He interpreted the whole situation as sad.

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(Voice-over) Julian Stevenson: That's sad.

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"We don't care. You're not our kind."

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HS: Yes.

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JS: It's like, "We're better than you."

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HS: Yes.

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JS: "And there's nothing
you can do about that.

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And if you scare me,
or something like that,

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I will shoot you
because I'm scared of you."

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HS: Exactly.

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But if somebody's stalking you --

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JS: It's not the same for everyone else.

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HS: It's not always the same, no.
You've got to be careful.

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JS: Yeah, because people
can disrespect you.

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HS: Exactly.

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JS: And think that you're,

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"You don't look --
you don't look like you're ..."

257
00:11:43,611 --> 00:11:48,256
It's like they're saying
that "You don't look right,

258
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,713
so I guess I have the right
to disrespect you."

259
00:11:50,737 --> 00:11:52,522
HS: Yeah, and that's what we call,

260
00:11:52,972 --> 00:11:54,181
we call that racism.

261
00:11:54,705 --> 00:11:56,520
And we call that racism, Julian,

262
00:11:56,544 --> 00:11:59,675
and yes, some people -- other
people -- can wear a hoodie,

263
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:01,688
and nothing happens to them.

264
00:12:01,712 --> 00:12:04,056
But you and Trayvon might,

265
00:12:04,747 --> 00:12:08,356
and that's why Daddy wants you to be safe.

266
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:10,012
(Voice-over) HS: And that's why --

267
00:12:10,036 --> 00:12:12,597
JS: So you mean like,
when you said "other people,"

268
00:12:12,621 --> 00:12:15,557
you mean, like if Trayvon was a white,

269
00:12:16,362 --> 00:12:18,876
um, that he wouldn't be
disrespected like that?

270
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:22,087
HS: Yes, Julian, Daddy meant white people

271
00:12:22,111 --> 00:12:23,997
when I said, "other people," all right?

272
00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:27,465
So there was a way in which
I was so awkward in the beginning,

273
00:12:27,489 --> 00:12:29,921
but once I started getting
my rhythm and my groove,

274
00:12:29,945 --> 00:12:34,545
I started talking about stereotypes
and issues of discrimination,

275
00:12:34,569 --> 00:12:37,012
and just when I was getting my groove on,

276
00:12:37,036 --> 00:12:38,539
Julian interrupted me.

277
00:12:39,688 --> 00:12:43,207
(Voice-over) HS: ... dangerous,
or you're a criminal because you're black,

278
00:12:43,231 --> 00:12:44,681
and you're a child or a boy --

279
00:12:44,705 --> 00:12:46,863
That is wrong,
it doesn't matter who does it.

280
00:12:46,887 --> 00:12:48,531
JS: Dad, I need to stop you there.

281
00:12:48,555 --> 00:12:49,709
HS: What?

282
00:12:49,733 --> 00:12:51,537
JS: Remember when we were ...

283
00:12:51,561 --> 00:12:53,672
HS: So he interrupts me to tell me a story

284
00:12:53,696 --> 00:12:57,342
about when he was racially threatened
at a swimming pool with a friend

285
00:12:57,366 --> 00:12:59,011
by two grown white men,

286
00:12:59,035 --> 00:13:00,884
which his mother confirmed.

287
00:13:00,908 --> 00:13:03,757
And I felt happy
that he was able to talk about it;

288
00:13:03,781 --> 00:13:05,388
it felt like he was getting it.

289
00:13:05,412 --> 00:13:07,753
We moved from the sadness
of Trayvon's parents

290
00:13:07,777 --> 00:13:10,527
and started talking about
George Zimmerman's parents,

291
00:13:10,551 --> 00:13:12,551
which, I read in a magazine,

292
00:13:12,575 --> 00:13:14,823
condoned the stalking of Trayvon.

293
00:13:14,847 --> 00:13:17,546
And Julian's reaction to me was priceless.

294
00:13:17,570 --> 00:13:20,055
It made me feel like he was getting it.

295
00:13:20,079 --> 00:13:22,227
(Voice-over) JS: What did
they say about him?

296
00:13:22,251 --> 00:13:25,485
HS: Well, I think they basically
felt that he was justified

297
00:13:25,509 --> 00:13:27,887
to follow and stalk --

298
00:13:27,911 --> 00:13:29,082
JS: What the -- ?

299
00:13:29,106 --> 00:13:31,025
HS: Yeah, I think that's wrong.

300
00:13:31,049 --> 00:13:32,464
JS: That's -- one minute.

301
00:13:32,488 --> 00:13:36,456
So they're saying he has the right
to follow a black kid,

302
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,421
get in a fight with him and shoot him?

303
00:13:39,789 --> 00:13:41,378
HS: As Julian was getting it,

304
00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:42,747
I started to lose it.

305
00:13:43,470 --> 00:13:45,463
Because in my mind's eye, I was thinking:

306
00:13:45,487 --> 00:13:48,464
What if my Julian or Bryan was Trayvon?

307
00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,573
I calculated my anger at a 10.

308
00:13:51,986 --> 00:13:55,268
I found, located, my right
leg was shaking uncontrollably

309
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,532
like I was running.

310
00:13:57,022 --> 00:14:00,004
And in my mind's eye,
I could see somebody chasing Julian,

311
00:14:00,028 --> 00:14:02,056
and I was chasing them.

312
00:14:02,528 --> 00:14:04,910
And the only thing
that could come out of my mouth

313
00:14:04,934 --> 00:14:08,238
was if anybody tries
to bother my child ...

314
00:14:09,688 --> 00:14:12,804
(Voice-over) HS: If anybody tries
to bother my child ...

315
00:14:12,828 --> 00:14:13,995
mmm, mmm, mmm.

316
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,415
JS: What will happen?

317
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:17,403
HS: Well, they better run.

318
00:14:18,436 --> 00:14:20,653
JS: Because what?
HS: I'm gonna get 'em.

319
00:14:20,677 --> 00:14:21,828
JS: See? (Laughs)

320
00:14:21,852 --> 00:14:23,653
HS: I'm gonna get 'em.
JS: Really?

321
00:14:23,677 --> 00:14:24,835
HS: Oh, yeah.

322
00:14:24,859 --> 00:14:27,916
JS: Then they're gonna get you
because they might have weapons.

323
00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:31,088
HS: Well, you know what, I'm gonna
call police, too, like I should.

324
00:14:31,112 --> 00:14:32,693
But I feel like I wanna get 'em.

325
00:14:32,717 --> 00:14:35,722
But you can't; you're right,
you can't just go chasing people.

326
00:14:35,746 --> 00:14:36,916
JS: They can be armed.

327
00:14:36,940 --> 00:14:38,849
HS: Yeah, you right. Yeah, you right.

328
00:14:38,873 --> 00:14:40,328
I feel like I wanna chase 'em.

329
00:14:40,352 --> 00:14:42,437
JS: Plus they could be
an army or something.

330
00:14:42,461 --> 00:14:45,631
HS: I know -- I feel like I wanna
go get 'em, messing with my son.

331
00:14:45,655 --> 00:14:47,154
I don't like that.

332
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,329
JS: Um ...

333
00:14:48,353 --> 00:14:50,478
HS: But you right. You gotta be careful.

334
00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:53,571
And um, you gotta be careful.

335
00:14:54,247 --> 00:14:57,365
You never know what some crazy people
will think about you.

336
00:14:58,756 --> 00:15:00,900
Just as long as you believe
you're beautiful

337
00:15:00,924 --> 00:15:03,766
like Daddy believes
you're beautiful and handsome,

338
00:15:03,790 --> 00:15:07,283
and Mommy believes you're beautiful
and handsome and smart.

339
00:15:08,202 --> 00:15:11,182
And you deserve to be on this planet,

340
00:15:11,206 --> 00:15:14,307
just as happy and beautiful
and smart as you want to be.

341
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,963
You can do anything you want, baby.

342
00:15:19,056 --> 00:15:23,111
HS: Racial socialization is not just
what parents teach their children.

343
00:15:23,541 --> 00:15:27,064
It's also how children respond
to what their parents teach.

344
00:15:28,277 --> 00:15:29,733
Is my child prepared?

345
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,757
Can they recognize when a racial elephant
shows up in a room?

346
00:15:35,288 --> 00:15:38,556
Can they reduce
their tsunami interpretation

347
00:15:38,580 --> 00:15:40,751
down to a mountain-climbing adventure

348
00:15:40,775 --> 00:15:43,125
that they can engage and not run away?

349
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:47,924
Can they make a healthy
and just decision in 60 seconds?

350
00:15:48,511 --> 00:15:49,694
Can I?

351
00:15:50,103 --> 00:15:51,270
Can you?

352
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,189
Yes, we can.

353
00:15:53,955 --> 00:15:57,517
We can build healthier
relationships around race

354
00:15:57,541 --> 00:16:01,931
if we learn to calculate, locate
communicate, breathe and exhale

355
00:16:01,955 --> 00:16:05,826
in the middle of our most
threatening moments,

356
00:16:05,850 --> 00:16:08,499
when we come face-to-face
with our lesser selves.

357
00:16:10,898 --> 00:16:13,226
If you take the centuries of racial rage

358
00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:16,835
that boils up in all of our bodies,
minds and souls --

359
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:22,142
and anything that affects our bodies,
minds and souls affects our health --

360
00:16:22,658 --> 00:16:25,731
we could probably use
gun control for our hearts.

361
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:29,707
I just want what all parents
want for their children

362
00:16:29,731 --> 00:16:31,057
when we're not around:

363
00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:32,743
affection and protection.

364
00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,791
When police and teachers see my children,

365
00:16:36,815 --> 00:16:38,811
I want them to imagine their own,

366
00:16:39,404 --> 00:16:42,973
because I believe if you see
our children as your children,

367
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,119
you won't shoot them.

368
00:16:46,388 --> 00:16:48,917
With racial literacy, and yes, practice,

369
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:53,073
we can decode the racial trauma
from our stories,

370
00:16:53,097 --> 00:16:55,506
and our healing will come in the telling.

371
00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:58,824
But we must never forget

372
00:16:59,848 --> 00:17:03,994
that our cultural differences
are full of affection and protection,

373
00:17:04,018 --> 00:17:07,940
and remember always
that the lion's story will never be known

374
00:17:07,964 --> 00:17:10,352
as long as the hunter
is the one to tell it.

375
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,147
Thank you very much.

376
00:17:12,171 --> 00:17:17,224
(Applause)