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So I want to start this talk
by showing y'all a photo,

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and it's a photo many of you
have probably seen before.

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So I want you all to take a moment

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and look at this photo,

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and really reflect on some
of the things that come to mind,

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and what are some
of those things, those words.

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Now, I'm going to ask you all
to look at me.

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What words come to mind
when you look at me?

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What separates that man up there

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from me?

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The man in that photo is named David Kirby

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and it was taken in 1990
as he was dying from AIDS-related illness,

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and it was subsequently
published in "Life Magazine."

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The only real thing
separating me from Kirby

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is about 30 years of medical advancements
in the way that we treat HIV and AIDS.

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So what I want to ask next is this:

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if we have made such exponential progress

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in combatting HIV,

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why haven't our perceptions
of those with the virus evolved alongside?

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Why does HIV elicit this reaction from us
when it's so easily managed?

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When did the stigmatization even occur

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and why hasn't it subsided?

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And these are not
easy questions to answer.

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They're the congealing
of so many different factors and ideas.

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Powerful images, like this one of Kirby,

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these were the faces of the AIDS crisis
in the '80s and '90s,

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and at the time the crisis
had a very obvious impact

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on an already stigmatized group of people,

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and that was gay men.

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So what the general straight public saw
was this very awful thing

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happening to a group of people who
were already on the fringes of society.

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The media at the time began
to use the two almost interchangeably --

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gay and AIDS --

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and at the 1984
Republican National Convention,

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one of the speakers joked
that gay stood for "got AIDS yet?"

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And that was the mindset at the time.

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But as we started
to understand the virus more

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and how it was transmitted,

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we realized that that risk
had increased its territory.

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The highly profiled case
of Ryan White in 1985,

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who was a 13-year-old hemophiliac

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who had contracted HIV
from a contaminated blood treatment,

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and this marked the most profound shift
in America's perception of HIV.

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No longer was it restricted
to these dark corners of society,

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to queers and drug users,

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but now it was affecting people

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that society deemed
worthy of their empathy,

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to children.

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But that permeating fear
and that perception, it still lingers.

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And I want a show of hands
for these next few questions.

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How many of you in here
were aware that with treatment,

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those with HIV not only
fend off AIDS completely,

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but they live full and normal lives?

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Y'all are educated.

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(Laughter)

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How many of you are aware
that with treatment,

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those with HIV can reach
an undetectable status,

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and that makes them
virtually uninfectious?

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Much less.

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How many of you were aware
of the pre- and postexposure treatments

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that are available
that reduce the risk of transmission

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by over 90 percent?

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See, these are incredible advancements
that we have made in fighting HIV,

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yet they have not managed
to dent the perception

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that most Americans have
of the virus and those living with it.

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And I don't want you to think
I'm downplaying the danger of this virus,

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and I am not ignorant of
the harrowing past of the AIDS epidemic.

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I am trying to convey
that there is hope for those infected

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and HIV is not the death sentence
it was in the '80s.

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And now you may ask, and I asked
this question myself initially,

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where are the stories?

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Where are these people living with HIV?
Why haven't they been vocal?

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How can I believe these successes,
or these statistics,

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without seeing the successes?

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And this is actually
a very easy question for me to answer.

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Fear, stigma and shame:

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these keep those living with HIV
in the closet, so to speak.

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Our sexual histories are as personal
to us as our medical histories,

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and when you overlap the two,

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you can find yourself
in a very sensitive space.

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The fear of how others
perceive us when we're honest

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keeps us from doing many things in life,

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and this is the case
for the HIV-positive population.

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To face social scrutiny and ridicule
is the price that we pay for transparency,

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and why become a martyr

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when you can effectively pass
as someone without HIV?

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After all, there are no
physical indications you have the virus.

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There's no sign that you wear.

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There is safety in assimilation

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and there is safety in invisibility.

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I'm here to throw back that veil
and share my story.

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So in the fall of 2014,
I was a sophomore in college

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and like most college students,
I was sexually active,

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and I generally took precautions
to minimize the risk that sex carries.

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Now, I say generally,
because I wasn't always safe.

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It only takes a single misstep
before we're flat on the ground

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and my misstep is pretty obvious.

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I had unprotected sex
and I didn't think much of it.

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Fast-forward about three weeks

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and it felt like I'd been trampled
by a herd of wildebeest.

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The aches in my body were
like nothing I have felt before or since.

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I would get these bouts
of fever and chill.

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I would reel with nausea
and it was difficult to walk.

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Being a biology student,
I had some prior exposure to disease

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and being a fairly informed gay man,
I had read a bit on HIV,

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so to me, it clicked
that this was seroconversion,

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or as it's sometimes called,
acute HIV infection,

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and this is the body's reaction

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in producing antibodies
to the HIV antigen.

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It's important to know that not everybody
goes through this phase of sickness,

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but I was one of the lucky ones who did,

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and I was lucky as in,
there were these physical symptoms

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that let me know, hey, something is wrong,

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and it let me detect
the virus pretty early.

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So just to clarify,
just to hit the nail on head,

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I got tested on campus

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and they said they would call me
the next morning with the results,

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and they called me,

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but they asked me to come in
and speak to the doctor on staff.

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And the reaction I received from her
wasn't what I was expecting.

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She reassured me what I already knew,
that this wasn't a death sentence,

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and she even offered
to put me in contact with her brother,

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who had been living with HIV
since the early '90s.

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I declined her offer,
but I was deeply touched.

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I was expecting to be reprimanded.

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I was expecting pity and disappointment

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and I was shown compassion
and human warmth,

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and I'm forever grateful
for that first exchange.

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So obviously for a few weeks,
I was a physical mess.

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Emotionally, mentally, I was doing OK.

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I was taking it well.

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But my body was ravaged

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and those close to me,
they weren't oblivious.

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So I sat my roommates down

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and I let them know
I'd been diagnosed with HIV,

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that I was about to receive treatment
and I didn't want them to worry.

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And I remember the look on their faces.

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They were holding each other
on the couch and they were crying,

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and I consoled them.

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I consoled them about my own bad news,

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but it was heartwarming
to see that they cared.

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But from that night, I noticed a shift

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in the way that I was treated at home.

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My roommates wouldn't
touch anything of mine

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and they wouldn't eat
anything I had cooked.

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Now, in South Louisiana,

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we all know that you don't refuse food.

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(Laughter)

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And I'm a damn good cook,
so don't think that passed me by.

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(Laughter)

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But from these first silent hints,
their aversion got gradually more obvious

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and more offensive.

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I was asked to move my toothbrush
from the bathroom,

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I was asked to not share towels

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and I was even asked
to wash my clothes on a hotter setting.

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This wasn't head lice, y'all.

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This wasn't scabies. This was HIV.

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It can be transmitted through blood,

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sexual fluids like semen or vaginal fluids

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and breast milk.

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Since I wasn't sleeping with my roommates,

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I wasn't breastfeeding them --

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(Laughter)

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and we weren't reenacting "Twilight,"

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I was of no risk to them

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and I made this aware to them,

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but still, this discomfort, it continued,

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until eventually I was asked to move out.

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And I was asked to move out

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because one of my roommates
had shared my status with her parents.

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She shared my personal
medical information to strangers.

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And now I'm doing that
in a roomful of 300 of y'all,

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but at the time, this was not
something I was comfortable with,

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and they expressed their discomfort
with their daughter living with me.

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So being gay, raised
in a religious household

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and living in the South,

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discrimination wasn't new to me,

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but this form was

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and it was tremendously disappointing

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because it came
from such an unlikely source.

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Not only were these
college-educated people,

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not only were they other members
of the LGBT community,

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but they were also my friends.

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So I did. I moved out
at the end of the semester,

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but it wasn't to appease them.

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It was out of respect for myself.

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I wasn't going to subject myself to people

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who were unwilling
to remedy their ignorance

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and I wasn't going to let something
that was now a part of me

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ever be used as a tool against me.

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So I opted for transparency
about my status,

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always being visible.

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And this is what I like to call
being the everyday advocate.

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The point of this transparency,
the point of this everyday advocacy,

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was to dispel ignorance,

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and ignorance is a very scary word.

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We don't want to be seen as ignorant

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and we definitely
don't want to be called it.

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But ignorance is not
synonymous with stupid.

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It's not the inability to learn.

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It's the state you're in before you learn.

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So when I saw someone
coming from a place of ignorance,

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I saw an opportunity for them to learn

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and hopefully, if I could
spread some education,

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then I could mitigate
situations for others

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like I had experienced with my roommates

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and save someone else
down the line that humiliation.

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So the reactions I received
haven't been all positive.

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Here in the South,

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we have a lot stigma
due to religious pressures,

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our lack of a comprehensive sex education

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and our general conservative outlook
on anything sexual.

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We view this as a gay disease.

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Globally, most new HIV infections
occur between heterosexual partners

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and here in the States,
women, especially women of color,

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are at an increased risk.

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This is not a gay disease.
It never has been.

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It's a disease we should
all be concerned with.

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So initially, I felt limited.

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I wanted to expand my scope
and reach beyond what was around me.

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So naturally,

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I turned to the dark underworld
of online dating apps,

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to apps like Grindr,

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and for those of you who are unfamiliar,

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these are dating apps
targeted towards gay men.

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You can upload a profile and a picture

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and it will show you
available guys within a radius.

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Y'all have probably heard of Tinder.

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Grindr has been around for a lot longer,

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since it was much harder
to meet your future gay husband

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at church or the grocery store,

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or whatever straight people did

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before they found out
they could date on their phones.

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(Laughter)

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So on Grindr, if you liked
what you saw or read,

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you could send someone a message,
you can meet up, you can do other things.

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So on my profile,
I obviously stated that I had HIV,

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I was undetectable and I welcomed
questions about my status.

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And I received a lot of questions

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and a lot of comments,
both positive and negative.

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And I want to start with the negative,

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just to frame some of this ignorance
that I've mentioned before.

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And most of these negative comments
were passing remarks or assumptions.

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They would assume things
about my sex life or my sex habits.

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00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,600
They would assume
I put myself or others at risk.

246
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But very often I would just be met
with these passing ignorant remarks.

247
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In the gay community,
it's common to hear the word "clean"

248
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when you're referring to someone
who is HIV negative.

249
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Of course the flip side to that
is being unclean, or dirty,

250
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when you do have HIV.

251
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Now, I'm not sensitive

252
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and I'm only truly dirty
after a day in the field,

253
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but this is damaging language.

254
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This is a community-driven stigma

255
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that keeps many gay men
from disclosing their status

256
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,456
and it keeps those newly diagnosed

257
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from seeking support
within their own community,

258
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and I find that truly distressing.

259
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But thankfully, the positive responses
have been a lot more numerous

260
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and they came from guys who were curious.

261
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And they were curious
about the risks of transmission,

262
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or what exactly "undetectable" meant,

263
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or where they could get tested,

264
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or some guys would ask me
about my experiences

265
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and I could share my story with them.

266
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But most importantly,

267
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I would get approached by guys
who were newly diagnosed with HIV

268
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and they were scared, and they were alone,

269
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and they didn't know
what step to take next.

270
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They didn't want to tell their family,

271
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they didn't want to tell their friends

272
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and they felt damaged,
and they felt dirty.

273
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And I did whatever I could
to immediately calm them,

274
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and then I would put them in contact
with AcadianaCares,

275
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which is a wonderful resource
we have in our community

276
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for those with HIV.

277
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And I'd put them in contact
with people I knew personally

278
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so that they could not only
have this safe space to feel human again,

279
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but so they could also have
the resources they needed

280
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in affording their treatment.

281
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,416
And this was by far
the most humbling aspect

282
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of my transparency,

283
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:42,856
that I could have some positive impact
on those who were suffering like I did,

284
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,456
that I could help those
who were in the dark,

285
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,400
because I had been there
and it wasn't a good place to be.

286
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These guys came from
all different backgrounds

287
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,296
and many of them
weren't as informed as I had been,

288
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,560
and they were coming to me
from a place of fear.

289
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,696
Some of these people I knew personally,

290
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,256
or they knew of me,

291
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,616
but many more, they were anonymous.

292
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:07,216
They were these blank profiles
who were too afraid to show their faces

293
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,600
after what they had told me.

294
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And on the topic of transparency,

295
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,240
I want to leave y'all with a few thoughts.

296
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,216
I found that with whatever risk
or gamble I took

297
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,216
in putting my face out there,

298
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,456
it was well worth any negative comment,

299
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,840
any flak I received,

300
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:28,440
because I felt I was able to make
this real and this tangible impact.

301
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,536
And it showed me that our efforts resound,

302
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:36,336
that we can alter the lives
that we encounter for the good,

303
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,440
and they in turn can take that momentum
and push it even further.

304
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,256
And if any of you or anyone you know
is dealing with HIV,

305
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:47,336
or if you want to see what resources
you have in your community,

306
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,920
or just educate yourself
more on the disease,

307
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,896
here are some wonderful national sites
that you can access

308
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,576
and you are more than welcome
to find me after this talk

309
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,240
and ask me anything you'd like.

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00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,160
We've all heard the phrase
"to see the forest through the trees,"

311
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so I implore all of you here to really
see the human through the disease.

312
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:13,056
It's a very easy thing
to see numbers and statistics

313
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,640
and only see the perceived dangers.

314
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:21,080
It's a much harder thing to see
all the faces behind those numbers.

315
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,416
So when you find yourself
thinking those things, those words,

316
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,840
what you might have thought
looking at David Kirby,

317
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I ask you instead,

318
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,520
think son,

319
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,520
or think brother,

320
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,640
think friend

321
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,600
and most importantly, think human.

322
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,816
Seek education when faced with ignorance

323
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,736
and always be mindful,

324
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,000
and always be compassionate.

325
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:49,776
Thank you.

326
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,560
(Applause)