WEBVTT

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Hello, everybody.

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I'm going to start with a question.

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How many of you know the person
sitting next to you from before today?

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Interesting.

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So, do you remember the first conversation
that you ever had with that person?

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You know conversations are links.

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Let's imagine every conversation
to be a tiny metal link.

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And every time you talk to a stranger,

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a metal link is formed.

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And every conversation that you have
after that moment,

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the link gets stronger and stronger.

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And every day each one of us
meets so many strangers:

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the grocery guy, the cab guy


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maybe the receptionist
at a new office you went to.

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And with every conversation
we build new links.

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Until finally at the end,

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we've created a kind of massive
World Wide Web of conversation.

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World Wide Web.

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It's a catchy word.
I think I've heard that somewhere.

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That's it, right? A conversation.
It's a fascinating thing.

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A conversation is an adventure.

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A conversation gives you
a whole new perspective.

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A conversation opens a door.

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Conversations can make war
and conversations can make peace.

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And conversations define
who we are as a human race.

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Think about this.

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Every single person in your life
was once a stranger to you.

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And you knew nothing about them
until you had that first conversation.

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So I'm here today to tell you
to talk to strangers,

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to have a conversation.

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And I'm here to tell you how.

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Seven ways that you can make
a conversation with almost anyone.

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I'm a radio presenter

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and I love talking to people.

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I do. I love it.

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And I'm so glad that I do it for a living.

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Here's what my day is like.

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Every single morning,
I go into an empty room,

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I put on a mic,

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and I have a conversation
with 1.6 million people ...

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that I can't see.

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Yeah.

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You know what the hardest part is, though?

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It's time.

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In a four-hour show, I get 20 minutes.

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That's all the talk there is.

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And in 20 minutes I have to convince you
that I am your best friend.

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How do I do that?

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How do I establish a connection?

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I have 20 minutes to inform you,
to excite you, to engage with you

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but most importantly,

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20 out of the 20 times
that I switch on that mic,

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I have to leave a smile on your face.

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Except, I can't see you,
I know nothing about you,

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and I have no way
of gauging your reactions.

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How do you do it?
How do you talk to a stranger?

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Well, my nine years in radio
have taught me these simple little tricks.

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Strangers,

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they are everywhere.

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And we've always been told,
"Don't talk to strangers!"

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But I beg to differ.

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Every stranger comes with an opportunity,


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an opportunity to learn something new,

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an opportunity to have an experience
you've never had

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or hear a story that you've
never heard before.

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And you've had that moment, right?

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You're in the room
with someone you don't know,

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and you look across the room,
you see a stranger, and you think,

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"I want to talk to this person."

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And you can almost hear the first word
but it just won't come out,

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it kind of gets stuck about here,

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it kind of goes up and down

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and you don't know -

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You know what?

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Here's my advice: just say it.

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What's the worst that can happen?

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They want to talk to you.
Well, they're not talking to you now.

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The first word floodgates.

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I truly believe that the first word
acts as a floodgate.

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You know, once you said the first word
everything else just flows.

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So keep it simple.

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A "Hi," a "Hey," a "Hello."

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And do what every good bowler does.

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Just gather the enthusiasm,
the positivity, the energy,

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put on a big smile and say, "Hi!"

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I know. There's going
to be that strange moment right now.

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Turn to someone sitting next to you,
stick your hand out and say hello.

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Go on.

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(Laughter)

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I love the awkward laughter.

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"Why is she making us do this?"

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The first word floodgates.

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You know, here's a challenge
we face every day.

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Time.

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We have 90 seconds on radio,

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and we have to make that conversation
with a stranger memorable.

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So how do you do it?

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What's the biggest challenge?

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Honestly,

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if we get stuck in the rut of:

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"Hi!" "Hey!"

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"How are you?" "I'm fine."

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"What's going on?" "Nothing much."

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"Same old." "So tell me what's new?"

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There you go, 45 seconds down, wasted.

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Right?

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So, here's my advice:

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skip the small talk
and ask a really personal question.

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And don't be afraid.

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Trust me.

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You will be surprised how much people
are willing to share if you just ask.

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So ask any kind of personal question.

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Maybe: Interesting name.

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How did your parents think of it?
Is there a story behind it?

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Or ...

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How long have you lived in this city?

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And do you remember
the first day you landed here?

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Answers to those questions
are always something unique,

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always something personal.

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My favorite one to try is:

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Where do you come from?
And where does your family live?

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Unfailingly,

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every single time
I sit in a cab, I do this.

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I ask that question.

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Where do you come from?
And where does your family live?

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Let me tell you a little story.

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I was coming home one night ...

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I get into this taxi, open the door,
sit down and I say,

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"Where are you from?
Where does your family live?"

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And the 60-year-old Pakistani
cab-driver goes on to tell me

NOTE Paragraph

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all about his life in Peshawar.

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We talked about politics,

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we talked about music,
family, wife, his farm.

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And 20 minutes later he is convinced
that I am the perfect bride

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for his 26-year-old
college-educated son from Peshawar.

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(Laughter)

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And as I'm getting out of the taxi,

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he is taking out a passport-sized
photograph with this look of enthusiasm.

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I have to say, it was a very
difficult goodbye.

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But the moral of the story, really,

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is what starts with a "Hello"
can end with a marriage proposal.

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And that is a warning.

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(Laughter)

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Step three.

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Find the "me too"s.

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Have you ever met someone

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who starts a conversation
like they're starting a debate?

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"I am from Delhi."
"I hate Delhi."

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(Laughter)

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Yeah? Nothing kills
a conversation like a negative.

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When you meet someone for the first time

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make an effort to find the one thing

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that you and that other person
might have in common.

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When you start at that point
and then move outward from there,

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you will find that all of a sudden
the conversation becomes a lot easier.

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And that's because both of you suddenly
are on the same side of something.

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And that's a really powerful feeling.

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Now, what could you possibly have
in common with a stranger you ask?

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Could be anything, right?

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You're both in the same place
at the same time,

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maybe you're from the same country,

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maybe you both like the winter

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or you're longing for it to rain.

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I don't know, you'd find something.

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When you find a "me too,"

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you automatically have a kind of
buy-in from the other person.

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Trust me, that's helpful.

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Pay a unique compliment.

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I read somewhere
that people will forget what you do,

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and they'll forget what you say,

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but they will never forget
how you made them feel.

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So be generous.

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And go out and give someone
a nice full compliment.

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So, I have this belief
about a "compliment immunity meter",

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and it comes from this experience I had

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when I met this gorgeous supermodel.

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And I look at her and I say,

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"Wow! You are beautiful!"

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And there is no reaction on her face.

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And I think to myself, "How?"

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That's when I realized,

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she is immune to the word "beautiful."

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She's probably heard it
a hundred thousand times today.

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And if she's on social media,

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she's heard it a million times today.

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There are some words that each of us
have developed an immunity to.

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It could be "nice," it could be "awesome,"
it could be "cool" ...

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Stay away from these.

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Try and construct a compliment
that's unique and genuine,

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and you don't have to lie.

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Really.

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When you look at someone and say,

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"I love how when you smile,

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it's like your nose smiles,
and then your eyes smile,

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and your ears smile,
even your forehead smiles

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and suddenly, the whole person
is just smiling."

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You see,

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I hope that's a compliment
you're not going to forget for a while.

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Pay a unique and genuine compliment.

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Ask for an opinion.

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All of us have opinions; trust me.

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And we all want them to be heard

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and everybody wants validation.

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So go on and ask for an opinion,

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and that's when you
open up a two-way street.

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That is when the real communication begins,

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and you will be surprised
how much you can pick up about a person

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just by asking their opinion
on something pretty generic.

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Here's a mistake that some people make.

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They ask your opinion
about something really difficult.

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It feels almost intimidating.

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Somewhere in a room,
full of very well-informed people,

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and someone was to come up to me and say,

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"So what do you think about the way

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the oil prices have affected
the real estate market in Dubai?"

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I feel a bit cornered.


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I feel like I might fail,
and this is an examination,

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and that's the lesson.

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Nobody needs to fail
at a first-time conversation.

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Just ask something simple.
Keep it generic.

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How do you like your coffee?

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When did you watch your last movie?
What did you think of it?

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And when somebody gives you their opinion:

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really listen.

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Don't listen to reply. Listen to listen.

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There's a difference.

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And that brings me to my next point.


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Be present.

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I know you've been through this.

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I know I have.

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You're pouring your heart out to someone,

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and they are like this,

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"Yeah, yeah, go on, keep talking.

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I can multitask!

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What's with Wi-Fi?"

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(Laughter)

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You know, when someone's trying
to communicate with you,

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the least you can do
is really be in that conversation.

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Just be wholeheartedly present,

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just be there.

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And - oh! - my favorite part:
make eye contact.

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Trust me, eye contact
is where all the magic happens.

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You can feel the conversation.

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And trust me, when you
are looking at someone in the eye,

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nine out of ten times,
they will not dare look away, right?

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(Laughter)

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Now, if only I could look
into the eyes of 1.6 million people,

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I would not have to worry about you guys
tuning out during the ad breaks.

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That brings me to this, my favorite point
because I think it's got a catchy name.

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Name, place, animal, thing.

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You remember that game?

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Remember the little details
about a person.

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Remember their name.
It's so important.


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It's awful when you meet someone
for 18th time, and you say,

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"You must be Paul, no Peter.
Something with the P and it ends with ..."

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It's terrible. Remember someone's name
and say it back to them.

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You have no idea how important
you're making them feel,

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and that's not the only detail.

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Remember all the other details as well.

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The places they like to go to,
the places they've been to,

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the places they want to go to,
their pet's names.

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How their pet's been feeling lately?
The things they like.

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Remember their children's names,
that's such a winner.

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Remember their wife's names,
their girlfriend's names.

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Just don't mix up the last two
because that could be disastrous.

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(Laughter)

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Remember these little things about people
and repeat it back to them,

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ask be genuinely interested,

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and automatically you kind of
become an investor in their well-being,

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so they'll feel responsible to you
to keep that conversation going.

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There we go.

00:13:58.189 --> 00:14:02.009
Seven amazing ways that you can
make conversation with anyone,

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and seven reasons
why you should use the break

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that's going to come up to talk
to a stranger that you don't know.

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I'm going to end with this analogy.

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A conversation is like reading a book.

00:14:17.582 --> 00:14:19.772
You can turn to any page you want.

00:14:20.872 --> 00:14:23.282
You can flip to your favorite chapter.

00:14:24.292 --> 00:14:28.430
You can read as long as you want,
and you can read what you want,

00:14:28.430 --> 00:14:32.290
and every person, trust me,
is a really good book.

00:14:33.170 --> 00:14:36.059
And it saddens me so much

00:14:36.059 --> 00:14:39.179
that entire human lives
are being boiled down

00:14:39.179 --> 00:14:43.239
to 140 characters and catchy headlines.

00:14:43.239 --> 00:14:46.009
Because that's not what we are.

00:14:46.009 --> 00:14:48.559
We are not abridged versions.

00:14:49.789 --> 00:14:51.789
We are entire human stories.

00:14:51.789 --> 00:14:54.059
We deserve more from each other.

00:14:54.059 --> 00:14:58.199
So what are you going to do
in this big world we call the library?

00:14:59.049 --> 00:15:01.244
Are you going to walk around,

00:15:01.244 --> 00:15:04.724
look at the hard bound copies
and read the titles?

00:15:05.914 --> 00:15:09.734
Or are you going to actually
reach for a book,

00:15:10.804 --> 00:15:14.154
open a page and start reading a story?

00:15:16.234 --> 00:15:17.484
You decide.

00:15:17.484 --> 00:15:18.491
Thank you.

00:15:18.491 --> 00:15:21.501
(Applause)