1 00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:09,529 Hello, everybody. 2 00:00:10,959 --> 00:00:13,759 I'm going to start with a question. 3 00:00:14,749 --> 00:00:19,469 How many of you know the person sitting next to you from before today? 4 00:00:21,648 --> 00:00:22,682 Interesting. 5 00:00:22,682 --> 00:00:26,988 So, do you remember the first conversation that you ever had with that person? 6 00:00:28,374 --> 00:00:31,251 You know conversations are links. 7 00:00:32,151 --> 00:00:35,551 Let's imagine every conversation to be a tiny metal link. 8 00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:38,121 And every time you talk to a stranger, 9 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,781 a metal link is formed. 10 00:00:41,019 --> 00:00:43,741 And every conversation that you have after that moment, 11 00:00:43,741 --> 00:00:46,986 the link gets stronger and stronger. 12 00:00:46,986 --> 00:00:51,882 And every day each one of us meets so many strangers: 13 00:00:51,882 --> 00:00:54,441 the grocery guy, the cab guy 14 00:00:54,441 --> 00:00:57,511 maybe the receptionist at a new office you went to. 15 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:01,311 And with every conversation we build new links. 16 00:01:02,361 --> 00:01:04,238 Until finally at the end, 17 00:01:05,318 --> 00:01:12,082 we've created a kind of massive World Wide Web of conversation. 18 00:01:12,922 --> 00:01:14,348 World Wide Web. 19 00:01:14,348 --> 00:01:17,518 It's a catchy word. I think I've heard that somewhere. 20 00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:22,805 That's it, right? A conversation. It's a fascinating thing. 21 00:01:22,805 --> 00:01:25,565 A conversation is an adventure. 22 00:01:25,565 --> 00:01:28,635 A conversation gives you a whole new perspective. 23 00:01:28,635 --> 00:01:31,095 A conversation opens a door. 24 00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:36,765 Conversations can make war and conversations can make peace. 25 00:01:36,765 --> 00:01:41,865 And conversations define who we are as a human race. 26 00:01:43,107 --> 00:01:44,607 Think about this. 27 00:01:44,607 --> 00:01:48,207 Every single person in your life was once a stranger to you. 28 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:55,387 And you knew nothing about them until you had that first conversation. 29 00:01:56,697 --> 00:02:00,227 So I'm here today to tell you to talk to strangers, 30 00:02:01,397 --> 00:02:03,218 to have a conversation. 31 00:02:03,218 --> 00:02:05,934 And I'm here to tell you how. 32 00:02:05,934 --> 00:02:10,124 Seven ways that you can make a conversation with almost anyone. 33 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,190 I'm a radio presenter 34 00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:17,380 and I love talking to people. 35 00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:20,040 I do. I love it. 36 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,110 And I'm so glad that I do it for a living. 37 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,940 Here's what my day is like. 38 00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:27,790 Every single morning, I go into an empty room, 39 00:02:27,790 --> 00:02:29,210 I put on a mic, 40 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:33,783 and I have a conversation with 1.6 million people ... 41 00:02:35,183 --> 00:02:36,513 that I can't see. 42 00:02:37,943 --> 00:02:39,063 Yeah. 43 00:02:39,783 --> 00:02:42,143 You know what the hardest part is, though? 44 00:02:42,143 --> 00:02:43,456 It's time. 45 00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:47,276 In a four-hour show, I get 20 minutes. 46 00:02:48,546 --> 00:02:50,386 That's all the talk there is. 47 00:02:50,386 --> 00:02:54,856 And in 20 minutes I have to convince you that I am your best friend. 48 00:02:56,208 --> 00:02:58,188 How do I do that? 49 00:02:58,188 --> 00:03:01,097 How do I establish a connection? 50 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:06,307 I have 20 minutes to inform you, to excite you, to engage with you 51 00:03:06,307 --> 00:03:07,837 but most importantly, 52 00:03:07,837 --> 00:03:10,697 20 out of the 20 times that I switch on that mic, 53 00:03:10,697 --> 00:03:13,777 I have to leave a smile on your face. 54 00:03:15,356 --> 00:03:18,791 Except, I can't see you, I know nothing about you, 55 00:03:18,791 --> 00:03:22,491 and I have no way of gauging your reactions. 56 00:03:22,491 --> 00:03:25,510 How do you do it? How do you talk to a stranger? 57 00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:31,470 Well, my nine years in radio have taught me these simple little tricks. 58 00:03:34,206 --> 00:03:35,319 Strangers, 59 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,789 they are everywhere. 60 00:03:38,849 --> 00:03:42,399 And we've always been told, "Don't talk to strangers!" 61 00:03:42,399 --> 00:03:45,159 But I beg to differ. 62 00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:49,409 Every stranger comes with an opportunity, 63 00:03:49,409 --> 00:03:51,709 an opportunity to learn something new, 64 00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:54,592 an opportunity to have an experience you've never had 65 00:03:54,592 --> 00:03:57,532 or hear a story that you've never heard before. 66 00:03:59,062 --> 00:04:01,855 And you've had that moment, right? 67 00:04:01,855 --> 00:04:04,295 You're in the room with someone you don't know, 68 00:04:04,295 --> 00:04:08,285 and you look across the room, you see a stranger, and you think, 69 00:04:08,285 --> 00:04:10,385 "I want to talk to this person." 70 00:04:10,385 --> 00:04:14,175 And you can almost hear the first word but it just won't come out, 71 00:04:14,175 --> 00:04:16,409 it kind of gets stuck about here, 72 00:04:16,409 --> 00:04:18,659 it kind of goes up and down 73 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,729 and you don't know - 74 00:04:20,729 --> 00:04:22,089 You know what? 75 00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:24,629 Here's my advice: just say it. 76 00:04:25,649 --> 00:04:27,245 What's the worst that can happen? 77 00:04:27,245 --> 00:04:30,590 They want to talk to you. Well, they're not talking to you now. 78 00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:33,750 The first word floodgates. 79 00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:36,570 I truly believe that the first word acts as a floodgate. 80 00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:41,171 You know, once you said the first word everything else just flows. 81 00:04:41,171 --> 00:04:42,416 So keep it simple. 82 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:45,776 A "Hi," a "Hey," a "Hello." 83 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:49,286 And do what every good bowler does. 84 00:04:49,286 --> 00:04:53,721 Just gather the enthusiasm, the positivity, the energy, 85 00:04:53,721 --> 00:04:57,211 put on a big smile and say, "Hi!" 86 00:04:59,095 --> 00:05:02,555 I know. There's going to be that strange moment right now. 87 00:05:02,555 --> 00:05:06,065 Turn to someone sitting next to you, stick your hand out and say hello. 88 00:05:06,065 --> 00:05:07,115 Go on. 89 00:05:08,130 --> 00:05:11,130 (Laughter) 90 00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:13,600 I love the awkward laughter. 91 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,800 "Why is she making us do this?" 92 00:05:16,803 --> 00:05:18,993 The first word floodgates. 93 00:05:21,386 --> 00:05:24,806 You know, here's a challenge we face every day. 94 00:05:24,806 --> 00:05:25,776 Time. 95 00:05:25,776 --> 00:05:27,656 We have 90 seconds on radio, 96 00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:31,416 and we have to make that conversation with a stranger memorable. 97 00:05:31,416 --> 00:05:32,993 So how do you do it? 98 00:05:34,023 --> 00:05:36,483 What's the biggest challenge? 99 00:05:36,483 --> 00:05:37,473 Honestly, 100 00:05:38,423 --> 00:05:40,763 if we get stuck in the rut of: 101 00:05:40,763 --> 00:05:42,503 "Hi!" "Hey!" 102 00:05:42,503 --> 00:05:44,587 "How are you?" "I'm fine." 103 00:05:44,587 --> 00:05:47,037 "What's going on?" "Nothing much." 104 00:05:47,037 --> 00:05:49,057 "Same old." "So tell me what's new?" 105 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:52,597 There you go, 45 seconds down, wasted. 106 00:05:52,597 --> 00:05:53,790 Right? 107 00:05:53,790 --> 00:05:55,020 So, here's my advice: 108 00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:59,023 skip the small talk and ask a really personal question. 109 00:05:59,023 --> 00:06:00,333 And don't be afraid. 110 00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:01,753 Trust me. 111 00:06:01,753 --> 00:06:06,793 You will be surprised how much people are willing to share if you just ask. 112 00:06:07,929 --> 00:06:10,009 So ask any kind of personal question. 113 00:06:10,009 --> 00:06:12,929 Maybe: Interesting name. 114 00:06:12,929 --> 00:06:15,831 How did your parents think of it? Is there a story behind it? 115 00:06:15,831 --> 00:06:16,831 Or ... 116 00:06:16,831 --> 00:06:18,671 How long have you lived in this city? 117 00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:21,531 And do you remember the first day you landed here? 118 00:06:23,071 --> 00:06:25,701 Answers to those questions are always something unique, 119 00:06:25,701 --> 00:06:27,641 always something personal. 120 00:06:28,601 --> 00:06:31,621 My favorite one to try is: 121 00:06:31,621 --> 00:06:34,351 Where do you come from? And where does your family live? 122 00:06:34,351 --> 00:06:35,431 Unfailingly, 123 00:06:35,431 --> 00:06:38,351 every single time I sit in a cab, I do this. 124 00:06:38,351 --> 00:06:39,701 I ask that question. 125 00:06:39,701 --> 00:06:42,381 Where do you come from? And where does your family live? 126 00:06:42,381 --> 00:06:43,991 Let me tell you a little story. 127 00:06:43,991 --> 00:06:46,641 I was coming home one night ... 128 00:06:46,641 --> 00:06:50,167 I get into this taxi, open the door, sit down and I say, 129 00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:52,541 "Where are you from? Where does your family live?" 130 00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:55,301 And the 60-year-old Pakistani cab-driver goes on to tell me 131 00:06:55,301 --> 00:06:57,571 all about his life in Peshawar. 132 00:06:57,571 --> 00:06:59,278 We talked about politics, 133 00:06:59,278 --> 00:07:03,598 we talked about music, family, wife, his farm. 134 00:07:04,328 --> 00:07:09,438 And 20 minutes later he is convinced that I am the perfect bride 135 00:07:09,438 --> 00:07:12,402 for his 26-year-old college-educated son from Peshawar. 136 00:07:12,402 --> 00:07:13,572 (Laughter) 137 00:07:13,572 --> 00:07:15,250 And as I'm getting out of the taxi, 138 00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:20,326 he is taking out a passport-sized photograph with this look of enthusiasm. 139 00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:23,057 I have to say, it was a very difficult goodbye. 140 00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:25,082 But the moral of the story, really, 141 00:07:25,082 --> 00:07:29,482 is what starts with a "Hello" can end with a marriage proposal. 142 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:32,158 And that is a warning. 143 00:07:32,158 --> 00:07:34,018 (Laughter) 144 00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,038 Step three. 145 00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:38,548 Find the "me too"s. 146 00:07:39,308 --> 00:07:40,912 Have you ever met someone 147 00:07:40,912 --> 00:07:44,118 who starts a conversation like they're starting a debate? 148 00:07:44,118 --> 00:07:46,238 "I am from Delhi." "I hate Delhi." 149 00:07:46,238 --> 00:07:47,860 (Laughter) 150 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:51,733 Yeah? Nothing kills a conversation like a negative. 151 00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:53,696 When you meet someone for the first time 152 00:07:53,696 --> 00:07:55,836 make an effort to find the one thing 153 00:07:55,836 --> 00:07:59,056 that you and that other person might have in common. 154 00:07:59,056 --> 00:08:03,208 When you start at that point and then move outward from there, 155 00:08:03,215 --> 00:08:07,904 you will find that all of a sudden the conversation becomes a lot easier. 156 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:13,485 And that's because both of you suddenly are on the same side of something. 157 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,744 And that's a really powerful feeling. 158 00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:23,276 Now, what could you possibly have in common with a stranger you ask? 159 00:08:23,276 --> 00:08:24,720 Could be anything, right? 160 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,934 You're both in the same place at the same time, 161 00:08:27,934 --> 00:08:29,894 maybe you're from the same country, 162 00:08:29,894 --> 00:08:32,314 maybe you both like the winter 163 00:08:32,314 --> 00:08:34,372 or you're longing for it to rain. 164 00:08:34,372 --> 00:08:36,612 I don't know, you'd find something. 165 00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:39,323 When you find a "me too," 166 00:08:39,323 --> 00:08:43,750 you automatically have a kind of buy-in from the other person. 167 00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:45,800 Trust me, that's helpful. 168 00:08:47,368 --> 00:08:49,828 Pay a unique compliment. 169 00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:54,260 I read somewhere that people will forget what you do, 170 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,860 and they'll forget what you say, 171 00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:58,557 but they will never forget how you made them feel. 172 00:08:59,517 --> 00:09:01,488 So be generous. 173 00:09:01,488 --> 00:09:07,023 And go out and give someone a nice full compliment. 174 00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:12,404 So, I have this belief about a "compliment immunity meter", 175 00:09:12,404 --> 00:09:14,684 and it comes from this experience I had 176 00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:17,070 when I met this gorgeous supermodel. 177 00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:18,420 And I look at her and I say, 178 00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:20,270 "Wow! You are beautiful!" 179 00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:24,090 And there is no reaction on her face. 180 00:09:24,090 --> 00:09:27,403 And I think to myself, "How?" 181 00:09:27,403 --> 00:09:28,993 That's when I realized, 182 00:09:28,993 --> 00:09:32,163 she is immune to the word "beautiful." 183 00:09:32,163 --> 00:09:34,953 She's probably heard it a hundred thousand times today. 184 00:09:34,953 --> 00:09:36,934 And if she's on social media, 185 00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:39,958 she's heard it a million times today. 186 00:09:40,328 --> 00:09:43,488 There are some words that each of us have developed an immunity to. 187 00:09:43,488 --> 00:09:47,367 It could be "nice," it could be "awesome," it could be "cool" ... 188 00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:49,542 Stay away from these. 189 00:09:49,542 --> 00:09:53,227 Try and construct a compliment that's unique and genuine, 190 00:09:53,227 --> 00:09:55,677 and you don't have to lie. 191 00:09:55,677 --> 00:09:56,876 Really. 192 00:09:56,876 --> 00:09:58,847 When you look at someone and say, 193 00:09:58,847 --> 00:10:00,913 "I love how when you smile, 194 00:10:00,913 --> 00:10:03,973 it's like your nose smiles, and then your eyes smile, 195 00:10:03,973 --> 00:10:06,293 and your ears smile, even your forehead smiles 196 00:10:06,293 --> 00:10:09,193 and suddenly, the whole person is just smiling." 197 00:10:09,473 --> 00:10:10,473 You see, 198 00:10:10,473 --> 00:10:13,736 I hope that's a compliment you're not going to forget for a while. 199 00:10:15,346 --> 00:10:18,546 Pay a unique and genuine compliment. 200 00:10:20,316 --> 00:10:21,977 Ask for an opinion. 201 00:10:23,297 --> 00:10:25,757 All of us have opinions; trust me. 202 00:10:25,757 --> 00:10:27,611 And we all want them to be heard 203 00:10:27,611 --> 00:10:30,311 and everybody wants validation. 204 00:10:31,351 --> 00:10:33,252 So go on and ask for an opinion, 205 00:10:33,252 --> 00:10:37,262 and that's when you open up a two-way street. 206 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,062 That is when the real communication begins, 207 00:10:40,062 --> 00:10:43,382 and you will be surprised how much you can pick up about a person 208 00:10:43,382 --> 00:10:47,231 just by asking their opinion on something pretty generic. 209 00:10:48,671 --> 00:10:51,661 Here's a mistake that some people make. 210 00:10:51,661 --> 00:10:55,111 They ask your opinion about something really difficult. 211 00:10:55,111 --> 00:10:57,318 It feels almost intimidating. 212 00:10:57,318 --> 00:11:00,749 Somewhere in a room, full of very well-informed people, 213 00:11:00,749 --> 00:11:03,126 and someone was to come up to me and say, 214 00:11:03,126 --> 00:11:05,576 "So what do you think about the way 215 00:11:05,576 --> 00:11:09,935 the oil prices have affected the real estate market in Dubai?" 216 00:11:11,835 --> 00:11:12,975 I feel a bit cornered. 217 00:11:12,975 --> 00:11:15,465 I feel like I might fail, and this is an examination, 218 00:11:15,465 --> 00:11:16,685 and that's the lesson. 219 00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:20,215 Nobody needs to fail at a first-time conversation. 220 00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:23,746 Just ask something simple. Keep it generic. 221 00:11:23,746 --> 00:11:25,106 How do you like your coffee? 222 00:11:25,106 --> 00:11:28,026 When did you watch your last movie? What did you think of it? 223 00:11:28,026 --> 00:11:30,646 And when somebody gives you their opinion: 224 00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,583 really listen. 225 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:36,503 Don't listen to reply. Listen to listen. 226 00:11:36,503 --> 00:11:37,763 There's a difference. 227 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,902 And that brings me to my next point. 228 00:11:42,062 --> 00:11:43,262 Be present. 229 00:11:44,812 --> 00:11:46,342 I know you've been through this. 230 00:11:46,342 --> 00:11:47,362 I know I have. 231 00:11:47,362 --> 00:11:49,522 You're pouring your heart out to someone, 232 00:11:49,522 --> 00:11:50,622 and they are like this, 233 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,762 "Yeah, yeah, go on, keep talking. 234 00:11:53,192 --> 00:11:54,842 I can multitask! 235 00:11:55,252 --> 00:11:56,812 What's with Wi-Fi?" 236 00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,862 (Laughter) 237 00:11:59,182 --> 00:12:01,804 You know, when someone's trying to communicate with you, 238 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,624 the least you can do is really be in that conversation. 239 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,884 Just be wholeheartedly present, 240 00:12:06,884 --> 00:12:09,164 just be there. 241 00:12:09,884 --> 00:12:13,780 And - oh! - my favorite part: make eye contact. 242 00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:18,350 Trust me, eye contact is where all the magic happens. 243 00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:21,240 You can feel the conversation. 244 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,030 And trust me, when you are looking at someone in the eye, 245 00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:28,940 nine out of ten times, they will not dare look away, right? 246 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:30,380 (Laughter) 247 00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:34,307 Now, if only I could look into the eyes of 1.6 million people, 248 00:12:34,307 --> 00:12:39,504 I would not have to worry about you guys tuning out during the ad breaks. 249 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:46,850 That brings me to this, my favorite point because I think it's got a catchy name. 250 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,100 Name, place, animal, thing. 251 00:12:50,179 --> 00:12:51,829 You remember that game? 252 00:12:52,709 --> 00:12:55,156 Remember the little details about a person. 253 00:12:55,156 --> 00:12:57,886 Remember their name. It's so important. 254 00:12:57,886 --> 00:13:01,266 It's awful when you meet someone for 18th time, and you say, 255 00:13:01,266 --> 00:13:06,761 "You must be Paul, no Peter. Something with the P and it ends with ..." 256 00:13:08,761 --> 00:13:12,231 It's terrible. Remember someone's name and say it back to them. 257 00:13:13,141 --> 00:13:16,178 You have no idea how important you're making them feel, 258 00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:17,757 and that's not the only detail. 259 00:13:17,757 --> 00:13:19,737 Remember all the other details as well. 260 00:13:19,737 --> 00:13:23,287 The places they like to go to, the places they've been to, 261 00:13:23,287 --> 00:13:26,837 the places they want to go to, their pet's names. 262 00:13:26,837 --> 00:13:30,473 How their pet's been feeling lately? The things they like. 263 00:13:30,473 --> 00:13:33,477 Remember their children's names, that's such a winner. 264 00:13:33,477 --> 00:13:36,027 Remember their wife's names, their girlfriend's names. 265 00:13:36,027 --> 00:13:39,077 Just don't mix up the last two because that could be disastrous. 266 00:13:39,077 --> 00:13:41,277 (Laughter) 267 00:13:41,277 --> 00:13:44,659 Remember these little things about people and repeat it back to them, 268 00:13:44,659 --> 00:13:47,269 ask be genuinely interested, 269 00:13:47,269 --> 00:13:51,249 and automatically you kind of become an investor in their well-being, 270 00:13:51,249 --> 00:13:55,509 so they'll feel responsible to you to keep that conversation going. 271 00:13:56,989 --> 00:13:58,189 There we go. 272 00:13:58,189 --> 00:14:02,009 Seven amazing ways that you can make conversation with anyone, 273 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,839 and seven reasons why you should use the break 274 00:14:04,839 --> 00:14:08,649 that's going to come up to talk to a stranger that you don't know. 275 00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,752 I'm going to end with this analogy. 276 00:14:14,402 --> 00:14:17,582 A conversation is like reading a book. 277 00:14:17,582 --> 00:14:19,772 You can turn to any page you want. 278 00:14:20,872 --> 00:14:23,282 You can flip to your favorite chapter. 279 00:14:24,292 --> 00:14:28,430 You can read as long as you want, and you can read what you want, 280 00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:32,290 and every person, trust me, is a really good book. 281 00:14:33,170 --> 00:14:36,059 And it saddens me so much 282 00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:39,179 that entire human lives are being boiled down 283 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:43,239 to 140 characters and catchy headlines. 284 00:14:43,239 --> 00:14:46,009 Because that's not what we are. 285 00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:48,559 We are not abridged versions. 286 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,789 We are entire human stories. 287 00:14:51,789 --> 00:14:54,059 We deserve more from each other. 288 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:58,199 So what are you going to do in this big world we call the library? 289 00:14:59,049 --> 00:15:01,244 Are you going to walk around, 290 00:15:01,244 --> 00:15:04,724 look at the hard bound copies and read the titles? 291 00:15:05,914 --> 00:15:09,734 Or are you going to actually reach for a book, 292 00:15:10,804 --> 00:15:14,154 open a page and start reading a story? 293 00:15:16,234 --> 00:15:17,484 You decide. 294 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:18,491 Thank you. 295 00:15:18,491 --> 00:15:21,501 (Applause)