1
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Hello, everybody.

2
00:00:10,959 --> 00:00:13,759
I'm going to start with a question.

3
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How many of you know the person
sitting next to you from before today?

4
00:00:21,648 --> 00:00:22,682
Interesting.

5
00:00:22,682 --> 00:00:26,988
So, do you remember the first conversation
that you ever had with that person?

6
00:00:28,374 --> 00:00:31,251
You know conversations are links.

7
00:00:32,151 --> 00:00:35,551
Let's imagine every conversation
to be a tiny metal link.

8
00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:38,121
And every time you talk to a stranger,

9
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a metal link is formed.

10
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And every conversation that you have
after that moment,

11
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the link gets stronger and stronger.

12
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And every day each one of us
meets so many strangers:

13
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the grocery guy, the cab guy


14
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maybe the receptionist
at a new office you went to.

15
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And with every conversation
we build new links.

16
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Until finally at the end,

17
00:01:05,318 --> 00:01:12,082
we've created a kind of massive
World Wide Web of conversation.

18
00:01:12,922 --> 00:01:14,348
World Wide Web.

19
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It's a catchy word.
I think I've heard that somewhere.

20
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That's it, right? A conversation.
It's a fascinating thing.

21
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A conversation is an adventure.

22
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A conversation gives you
a whole new perspective.

23
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A conversation opens a door.

24
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Conversations can make war
and conversations can make peace.

25
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And conversations define
who we are as a human race.

26
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Think about this.

27
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Every single person in your life
was once a stranger to you.

28
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And you knew nothing about them
until you had that first conversation.

29
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So I'm here today to tell you
to talk to strangers,

30
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to have a conversation.

31
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And I'm here to tell you how.

32
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Seven ways that you can make
a conversation with almost anyone.

33
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I'm a radio presenter

34
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and I love talking to people.

35
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I do. I love it.

36
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And I'm so glad that I do it for a living.

37
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Here's what my day is like.

38
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Every single morning,
I go into an empty room,

39
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I put on a mic,

40
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and I have a conversation
with 1.6 million people ...

41
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that I can't see.

42
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Yeah.

43
00:02:39,783 --> 00:02:42,143
You know what the hardest part is, though?

44
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It's time.

45
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In a four-hour show, I get 20 minutes.

46
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That's all the talk there is.

47
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And in 20 minutes I have to convince you
that I am your best friend.

48
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How do I do that?

49
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How do I establish a connection?

50
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:06,307
I have 20 minutes to inform you,
to excite you, to engage with you

51
00:03:06,307 --> 00:03:07,837
but most importantly,

52
00:03:07,837 --> 00:03:10,697
20 out of the 20 times
that I switch on that mic,

53
00:03:10,697 --> 00:03:13,777
I have to leave a smile on your face.

54
00:03:15,356 --> 00:03:18,791
Except, I can't see you,
I know nothing about you,

55
00:03:18,791 --> 00:03:22,491
and I have no way
of gauging your reactions.

56
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How do you do it?
How do you talk to a stranger?

57
00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:31,470
Well, my nine years in radio
have taught me these simple little tricks.

58
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Strangers,

59
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,789
they are everywhere.

60
00:03:38,849 --> 00:03:42,399
And we've always been told,
"Don't talk to strangers!"

61
00:03:42,399 --> 00:03:45,159
But I beg to differ.

62
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Every stranger comes with an opportunity,


63
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an opportunity to learn something new,

64
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an opportunity to have an experience
you've never had

65
00:03:54,592 --> 00:03:57,532
or hear a story that you've
never heard before.

66
00:03:59,062 --> 00:04:01,855
And you've had that moment, right?

67
00:04:01,855 --> 00:04:04,295
You're in the room
with someone you don't know,

68
00:04:04,295 --> 00:04:08,285
and you look across the room,
you see a stranger, and you think,

69
00:04:08,285 --> 00:04:10,385
"I want to talk to this person."

70
00:04:10,385 --> 00:04:14,175
And you can almost hear the first word
but it just won't come out,

71
00:04:14,175 --> 00:04:16,409
it kind of gets stuck about here,

72
00:04:16,409 --> 00:04:18,659
it kind of goes up and down

73
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,729
and you don't know -

74
00:04:20,729 --> 00:04:22,089
You know what?

75
00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:24,629
Here's my advice: just say it.

76
00:04:25,649 --> 00:04:27,245
What's the worst that can happen?

77
00:04:27,245 --> 00:04:30,590
They want to talk to you.
Well, they're not talking to you now.

78
00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:33,750
The first word floodgates.

79
00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:36,570
I truly believe that the first word
acts as a floodgate.

80
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You know, once you said the first word
everything else just flows.

81
00:04:41,171 --> 00:04:42,416
So keep it simple.

82
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:45,776
A "Hi," a "Hey," a "Hello."

83
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:49,286
And do what every good bowler does.

84
00:04:49,286 --> 00:04:53,721
Just gather the enthusiasm,
the positivity, the energy,

85
00:04:53,721 --> 00:04:57,211
put on a big smile and say, "Hi!"

86
00:04:59,095 --> 00:05:02,555
I know. There's going
to be that strange moment right now.

87
00:05:02,555 --> 00:05:06,065
Turn to someone sitting next to you,
stick your hand out and say hello.

88
00:05:06,065 --> 00:05:07,115
Go on.

89
00:05:08,130 --> 00:05:11,130
(Laughter)

90
00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:13,600
I love the awkward laughter.

91
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,800
"Why is she making us do this?"

92
00:05:16,803 --> 00:05:18,993
The first word floodgates.

93
00:05:21,386 --> 00:05:24,806
You know, here's a challenge
we face every day.

94
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Time.

95
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We have 90 seconds on radio,

96
00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:31,416
and we have to make that conversation
with a stranger memorable.

97
00:05:31,416 --> 00:05:32,993
So how do you do it?

98
00:05:34,023 --> 00:05:36,483
What's the biggest challenge?

99
00:05:36,483 --> 00:05:37,473
Honestly,

100
00:05:38,423 --> 00:05:40,763
if we get stuck in the rut of:

101
00:05:40,763 --> 00:05:42,503
"Hi!" "Hey!"

102
00:05:42,503 --> 00:05:44,587
"How are you?" "I'm fine."

103
00:05:44,587 --> 00:05:47,037
"What's going on?" "Nothing much."

104
00:05:47,037 --> 00:05:49,057
"Same old." "So tell me what's new?"

105
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:52,597
There you go, 45 seconds down, wasted.

106
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Right?

107
00:05:53,790 --> 00:05:55,020
So, here's my advice:

108
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:59,023
skip the small talk
and ask a really personal question.

109
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And don't be afraid.

110
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Trust me.

111
00:06:01,753 --> 00:06:06,793
You will be surprised how much people
are willing to share if you just ask.

112
00:06:07,929 --> 00:06:10,009
So ask any kind of personal question.

113
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Maybe: Interesting name.

114
00:06:12,929 --> 00:06:15,831
How did your parents think of it?
Is there a story behind it?

115
00:06:15,831 --> 00:06:16,831
Or ...

116
00:06:16,831 --> 00:06:18,671
How long have you lived in this city?

117
00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:21,531
And do you remember
the first day you landed here?

118
00:06:23,071 --> 00:06:25,701
Answers to those questions
are always something unique,

119
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always something personal.

120
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My favorite one to try is:

121
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Where do you come from?
And where does your family live?

122
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Unfailingly,

123
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every single time
I sit in a cab, I do this.

124
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I ask that question.

125
00:06:39,701 --> 00:06:42,381
Where do you come from?
And where does your family live?

126
00:06:42,381 --> 00:06:43,991
Let me tell you a little story.

127
00:06:43,991 --> 00:06:46,641
I was coming home one night ...

128
00:06:46,641 --> 00:06:50,167
I get into this taxi, open the door,
sit down and I say,

129
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"Where are you from?
Where does your family live?"

130
00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:55,301
And the 60-year-old Pakistani
cab-driver goes on to tell me

131
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all about his life in Peshawar.

132
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We talked about politics,

133
00:06:59,278 --> 00:07:03,598
we talked about music,
family, wife, his farm.

134
00:07:04,328 --> 00:07:09,438
And 20 minutes later he is convinced
that I am the perfect bride

135
00:07:09,438 --> 00:07:12,402
for his 26-year-old
college-educated son from Peshawar.

136
00:07:12,402 --> 00:07:13,572
(Laughter)

137
00:07:13,572 --> 00:07:15,250
And as I'm getting out of the taxi,

138
00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:20,326
he is taking out a passport-sized
photograph with this look of enthusiasm.

139
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I have to say, it was a very
difficult goodbye.

140
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But the moral of the story, really,

141
00:07:25,082 --> 00:07:29,482
is what starts with a "Hello"
can end with a marriage proposal.

142
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And that is a warning.

143
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(Laughter)

144
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,038
Step three.

145
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Find the "me too"s.

146
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Have you ever met someone

147
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who starts a conversation
like they're starting a debate?

148
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"I am from Delhi."
"I hate Delhi."

149
00:07:46,238 --> 00:07:47,860
(Laughter)

150
00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:51,733
Yeah? Nothing kills
a conversation like a negative.

151
00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:53,696
When you meet someone for the first time

152
00:07:53,696 --> 00:07:55,836
make an effort to find the one thing

153
00:07:55,836 --> 00:07:59,056
that you and that other person
might have in common.

154
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When you start at that point
and then move outward from there,

155
00:08:03,215 --> 00:08:07,904
you will find that all of a sudden
the conversation becomes a lot easier.

156
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:13,485
And that's because both of you suddenly
are on the same side of something.

157
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And that's a really powerful feeling.

158
00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:23,276
Now, what could you possibly have
in common with a stranger you ask?

159
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Could be anything, right?

160
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,934
You're both in the same place
at the same time,

161
00:08:27,934 --> 00:08:29,894
maybe you're from the same country,

162
00:08:29,894 --> 00:08:32,314
maybe you both like the winter

163
00:08:32,314 --> 00:08:34,372
or you're longing for it to rain.

164
00:08:34,372 --> 00:08:36,612
I don't know, you'd find something.

165
00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:39,323
When you find a "me too,"

166
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you automatically have a kind of
buy-in from the other person.

167
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Trust me, that's helpful.

168
00:08:47,368 --> 00:08:49,828
Pay a unique compliment.

169
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I read somewhere
that people will forget what you do,

170
00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,860
and they'll forget what you say,

171
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:58,557
but they will never forget
how you made them feel.

172
00:08:59,517 --> 00:09:01,488
So be generous.

173
00:09:01,488 --> 00:09:07,023
And go out and give someone
a nice full compliment.

174
00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:12,404
So, I have this belief
about a "compliment immunity meter",

175
00:09:12,404 --> 00:09:14,684
and it comes from this experience I had

176
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:17,070
when I met this gorgeous supermodel.

177
00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:18,420
And I look at her and I say,

178
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"Wow! You are beautiful!"

179
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And there is no reaction on her face.

180
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And I think to myself, "How?"

181
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That's when I realized,

182
00:09:28,993 --> 00:09:32,163
she is immune to the word "beautiful."

183
00:09:32,163 --> 00:09:34,953
She's probably heard it
a hundred thousand times today.

184
00:09:34,953 --> 00:09:36,934
And if she's on social media,

185
00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:39,958
she's heard it a million times today.

186
00:09:40,328 --> 00:09:43,488
There are some words that each of us
have developed an immunity to.

187
00:09:43,488 --> 00:09:47,367
It could be "nice," it could be "awesome,"
it could be "cool" ...

188
00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:49,542
Stay away from these.

189
00:09:49,542 --> 00:09:53,227
Try and construct a compliment
that's unique and genuine,

190
00:09:53,227 --> 00:09:55,677
and you don't have to lie.

191
00:09:55,677 --> 00:09:56,876
Really.

192
00:09:56,876 --> 00:09:58,847
When you look at someone and say,

193
00:09:58,847 --> 00:10:00,913
"I love how when you smile,

194
00:10:00,913 --> 00:10:03,973
it's like your nose smiles,
and then your eyes smile,

195
00:10:03,973 --> 00:10:06,293
and your ears smile,
even your forehead smiles

196
00:10:06,293 --> 00:10:09,193
and suddenly, the whole person
is just smiling."

197
00:10:09,473 --> 00:10:10,473
You see,

198
00:10:10,473 --> 00:10:13,736
I hope that's a compliment
you're not going to forget for a while.

199
00:10:15,346 --> 00:10:18,546
Pay a unique and genuine compliment.

200
00:10:20,316 --> 00:10:21,977
Ask for an opinion.

201
00:10:23,297 --> 00:10:25,757
All of us have opinions; trust me.

202
00:10:25,757 --> 00:10:27,611
And we all want them to be heard

203
00:10:27,611 --> 00:10:30,311
and everybody wants validation.

204
00:10:31,351 --> 00:10:33,252
So go on and ask for an opinion,

205
00:10:33,252 --> 00:10:37,262
and that's when you
open up a two-way street.

206
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,062
That is when the real communication begins,

207
00:10:40,062 --> 00:10:43,382
and you will be surprised
how much you can pick up about a person

208
00:10:43,382 --> 00:10:47,231
just by asking their opinion
on something pretty generic.

209
00:10:48,671 --> 00:10:51,661
Here's a mistake that some people make.

210
00:10:51,661 --> 00:10:55,111
They ask your opinion
about something really difficult.

211
00:10:55,111 --> 00:10:57,318
It feels almost intimidating.

212
00:10:57,318 --> 00:11:00,749
Somewhere in a room,
full of very well-informed people,

213
00:11:00,749 --> 00:11:03,126
and someone was to come up to me and say,

214
00:11:03,126 --> 00:11:05,576
"So what do you think about the way

215
00:11:05,576 --> 00:11:09,935
the oil prices have affected
the real estate market in Dubai?"

216
00:11:11,835 --> 00:11:12,975
I feel a bit cornered.


217
00:11:12,975 --> 00:11:15,465
I feel like I might fail,
and this is an examination,

218
00:11:15,465 --> 00:11:16,685
and that's the lesson.

219
00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:20,215
Nobody needs to fail
at a first-time conversation.

220
00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:23,746
Just ask something simple.
Keep it generic.

221
00:11:23,746 --> 00:11:25,106
How do you like your coffee?

222
00:11:25,106 --> 00:11:28,026
When did you watch your last movie?
What did you think of it?

223
00:11:28,026 --> 00:11:30,646
And when somebody gives you their opinion:

224
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,583
really listen.

225
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:36,503
Don't listen to reply. Listen to listen.

226
00:11:36,503 --> 00:11:37,763
There's a difference.

227
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,902
And that brings me to my next point.


228
00:11:42,062 --> 00:11:43,262
Be present.

229
00:11:44,812 --> 00:11:46,342
I know you've been through this.

230
00:11:46,342 --> 00:11:47,362
I know I have.

231
00:11:47,362 --> 00:11:49,522
You're pouring your heart out to someone,

232
00:11:49,522 --> 00:11:50,622
and they are like this,

233
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,762
"Yeah, yeah, go on, keep talking.

234
00:11:53,192 --> 00:11:54,842
I can multitask!

235
00:11:55,252 --> 00:11:56,812
What's with Wi-Fi?"

236
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,862
(Laughter)

237
00:11:59,182 --> 00:12:01,804
You know, when someone's trying
to communicate with you,

238
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,624
the least you can do
is really be in that conversation.

239
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,884
Just be wholeheartedly present,

240
00:12:06,884 --> 00:12:09,164
just be there.

241
00:12:09,884 --> 00:12:13,780
And - oh! - my favorite part:
make eye contact.

242
00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:18,350
Trust me, eye contact
is where all the magic happens.

243
00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:21,240
You can feel the conversation.

244
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,030
And trust me, when you
are looking at someone in the eye,

245
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:28,940
nine out of ten times,
they will not dare look away, right?

246
00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:30,380
(Laughter)

247
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:34,307
Now, if only I could look
into the eyes of 1.6 million people,

248
00:12:34,307 --> 00:12:39,504
I would not have to worry about you guys
tuning out during the ad breaks.

249
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:46,850
That brings me to this, my favorite point
because I think it's got a catchy name.

250
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,100
Name, place, animal, thing.

251
00:12:50,179 --> 00:12:51,829
You remember that game?

252
00:12:52,709 --> 00:12:55,156
Remember the little details
about a person.

253
00:12:55,156 --> 00:12:57,886
Remember their name.
It's so important.


254
00:12:57,886 --> 00:13:01,266
It's awful when you meet someone
for 18th time, and you say,

255
00:13:01,266 --> 00:13:06,761
"You must be Paul, no Peter.
Something with the P and it ends with ..."

256
00:13:08,761 --> 00:13:12,231
It's terrible. Remember someone's name
and say it back to them.

257
00:13:13,141 --> 00:13:16,178
You have no idea how important
you're making them feel,

258
00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:17,757
and that's not the only detail.

259
00:13:17,757 --> 00:13:19,737
Remember all the other details as well.

260
00:13:19,737 --> 00:13:23,287
The places they like to go to,
the places they've been to,

261
00:13:23,287 --> 00:13:26,837
the places they want to go to,
their pet's names.

262
00:13:26,837 --> 00:13:30,473
How their pet's been feeling lately?
The things they like.

263
00:13:30,473 --> 00:13:33,477
Remember their children's names,
that's such a winner.

264
00:13:33,477 --> 00:13:36,027
Remember their wife's names,
their girlfriend's names.

265
00:13:36,027 --> 00:13:39,077
Just don't mix up the last two
because that could be disastrous.

266
00:13:39,077 --> 00:13:41,277
(Laughter)

267
00:13:41,277 --> 00:13:44,659
Remember these little things about people
and repeat it back to them,

268
00:13:44,659 --> 00:13:47,269
ask be genuinely interested,

269
00:13:47,269 --> 00:13:51,249
and automatically you kind of
become an investor in their well-being,

270
00:13:51,249 --> 00:13:55,509
so they'll feel responsible to you
to keep that conversation going.

271
00:13:56,989 --> 00:13:58,189
There we go.

272
00:13:58,189 --> 00:14:02,009
Seven amazing ways that you can
make conversation with anyone,

273
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,839
and seven reasons
why you should use the break

274
00:14:04,839 --> 00:14:08,649
that's going to come up to talk
to a stranger that you don't know.

275
00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,752
I'm going to end with this analogy.

276
00:14:14,402 --> 00:14:17,582
A conversation is like reading a book.

277
00:14:17,582 --> 00:14:19,772
You can turn to any page you want.

278
00:14:20,872 --> 00:14:23,282
You can flip to your favorite chapter.

279
00:14:24,292 --> 00:14:28,430
You can read as long as you want,
and you can read what you want,

280
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:32,290
and every person, trust me,
is a really good book.

281
00:14:33,170 --> 00:14:36,059
And it saddens me so much

282
00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:39,179
that entire human lives
are being boiled down

283
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:43,239
to 140 characters and catchy headlines.

284
00:14:43,239 --> 00:14:46,009
Because that's not what we are.

285
00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:48,559
We are not abridged versions.

286
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,789
We are entire human stories.

287
00:14:51,789 --> 00:14:54,059
We deserve more from each other.

288
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:58,199
So what are you going to do
in this big world we call the library?

289
00:14:59,049 --> 00:15:01,244
Are you going to walk around,

290
00:15:01,244 --> 00:15:04,724
look at the hard bound copies
and read the titles?

291
00:15:05,914 --> 00:15:09,734
Or are you going to actually
reach for a book,

292
00:15:10,804 --> 00:15:14,154
open a page and start reading a story?

293
00:15:16,234 --> 00:15:17,484
You decide.

294
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:18,491
Thank you.

295
00:15:18,491 --> 00:15:21,501
(Applause)