0:00:08.259,0:00:09.529
Hello, everybody.

0:00:10.959,0:00:13.759
I'm going to start with a question.

0:00:14.749,0:00:19.469
How many of you know the person[br]sitting next to you from before today?

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Interesting.

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So, do you remember the first conversation[br]that you ever had with that person?

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You know conversations are links.

0:00:32.151,0:00:35.551
Let's imagine every conversation[br]to be a tiny metal link.

0:00:35.551,0:00:38.121
And every time you talk to a stranger,

0:00:38.121,0:00:39.781
a metal link is formed.

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And every conversation that you have[br]after that moment,

0:00:43.741,0:00:46.986
the link gets stronger and stronger.

0:00:46.986,0:00:51.882
And every day each one of us[br]meets so many strangers:

0:00:51.882,0:00:54.441
the grocery guy, the cab guy[br]

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maybe the receptionist[br]at a new office you went to.

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And with every conversation[br]we build new links.

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Until finally at the end,

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we've created a kind of massive[br]World Wide Web of conversation.

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World Wide Web.

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It's a catchy word.[br]I think I've heard that somewhere.

0:01:19.178,0:01:22.805
That's it, right? A conversation.[br]It's a fascinating thing.

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A conversation is an adventure.

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A conversation gives you[br]a whole new perspective.

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A conversation opens a door.

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Conversations can make war[br]and conversations can make peace.

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And conversations define[br]who we are as a human race.

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Think about this.

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Every single person in your life[br]was once a stranger to you.

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And you knew nothing about them[br]until you had that first conversation.

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So I'm here today to tell you[br]to talk to strangers,

0:02:01.397,0:02:03.218
to have a conversation.

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And I'm here to tell you how.

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Seven ways that you can make[br]a conversation with almost anyone.

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I'm a radio presenter

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and I love talking to people.

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I do. I love it.

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And I'm so glad that I do it for a living.

0:02:23.110,0:02:24.940
Here's what my day is like.

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Every single morning,[br]I go into an empty room,

0:02:27.790,0:02:29.210
I put on a mic,

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and I have a conversation[br]with 1.6 million people ...

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that I can't see.

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Yeah.

0:02:39.783,0:02:42.143
You know what the hardest part is, though?

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It's time.

0:02:43.456,0:02:47.276
In a four-hour show, I get 20 minutes.

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That's all the talk there is.

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And in 20 minutes I have to convince you[br]that I am your best friend.

0:02:56.208,0:02:58.188
How do I do that?

0:02:58.188,0:03:01.097
How do I establish a connection?

0:03:01.097,0:03:06.307
I have 20 minutes to inform you,[br]to excite you, to engage with you

0:03:06.307,0:03:07.837
but most importantly,

0:03:07.837,0:03:10.697
20 out of the 20 times[br]that I switch on that mic,

0:03:10.697,0:03:13.777
I have to leave a smile on your face.

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Except, I can't see you,[br]I know nothing about you,

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and I have no way[br]of gauging your reactions.

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How do you do it?[br]How do you talk to a stranger?

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Well, my nine years in radio[br]have taught me these simple little tricks.

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Strangers,

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they are everywhere.

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And we've always been told,[br]"Don't talk to strangers!"

0:03:42.399,0:03:45.159
But I beg to differ.

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Every stranger comes with an opportunity,[br]

0:03:49.409,0:03:51.709
an opportunity to learn something new,

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an opportunity to have an experience[br]you've never had

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or hear a story that you've[br]never heard before.

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And you've had that moment, right?

0:04:01.855,0:04:04.295
You're in the room[br]with someone you don't know,

0:04:04.295,0:04:08.285
and you look across the room,[br]you see a stranger, and you think,

0:04:08.285,0:04:10.385
"I want to talk to this person."

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And you can almost hear the first word[br]but it just won't come out,

0:04:14.175,0:04:16.409
it kind of gets stuck about here,

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it kind of goes up and down

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and you don't know -

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You know what?

0:04:22.089,0:04:24.629
Here's my advice: just say it.

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What's the worst that can happen?

0:04:27.245,0:04:30.590
They want to talk to you.[br]Well, they're not talking to you now.

0:04:31.830,0:04:33.750
The first word floodgates.

0:04:33.750,0:04:36.570
I truly believe that the first word[br]acts as a floodgate.

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You know, once you said the first word[br]everything else just flows.

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So keep it simple.

0:04:42.416,0:04:45.776
A "Hi," a "Hey," a "Hello."

0:04:47.086,0:04:49.286
And do what every good bowler does.

0:04:49.286,0:04:53.721
Just gather the enthusiasm,[br]the positivity, the energy,

0:04:53.721,0:04:57.211
put on a big smile and say, "Hi!"

0:04:59.095,0:05:02.555
I know. There's going[br]to be that strange moment right now.

0:05:02.555,0:05:06.065
Turn to someone sitting next to you,[br]stick your hand out and say hello.

0:05:06.065,0:05:07.115
Go on.

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(Laughter)

0:05:11.130,0:05:13.600
I love the awkward laughter.

0:05:13.600,0:05:16.800
"Why is she making us do this?"

0:05:16.803,0:05:18.993
The first word floodgates.

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You know, here's a challenge[br]we face every day.

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Time.

0:05:25.776,0:05:27.656
We have 90 seconds on radio,

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and we have to make that conversation[br]with a stranger memorable.

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So how do you do it?

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What's the biggest challenge?

0:05:36.483,0:05:37.473
Honestly,

0:05:38.423,0:05:40.763
if we get stuck in the rut of:

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"Hi!" "Hey!"

0:05:42.503,0:05:44.587
"How are you?" "I'm fine."

0:05:44.587,0:05:47.037
"What's going on?" "Nothing much."

0:05:47.037,0:05:49.057
"Same old." "So tell me what's new?"

0:05:49.057,0:05:52.597
There you go, 45 seconds down, wasted.

0:05:52.597,0:05:53.790
Right?

0:05:53.790,0:05:55.020
So, here's my advice:

0:05:55.020,0:05:59.023
skip the small talk[br]and ask a really personal question.

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And don't be afraid.

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Trust me.

0:06:01.753,0:06:06.793
You will be surprised how much people[br]are willing to share if you just ask.

0:06:07.929,0:06:10.009
So ask any kind of personal question.

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Maybe: Interesting name.

0:06:12.929,0:06:15.831
How did your parents think of it?[br]Is there a story behind it?

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Or ...

0:06:16.831,0:06:18.671
How long have you lived in this city?

0:06:18.671,0:06:21.531
And do you remember[br]the first day you landed here?

0:06:23.071,0:06:25.701
Answers to those questions[br]are always something unique,

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always something personal.

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My favorite one to try is:

0:06:31.621,0:06:34.351
Where do you come from?[br]And where does your family live?

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Unfailingly,

0:06:35.431,0:06:38.351
every single time[br]I sit in a cab, I do this.

0:06:38.351,0:06:39.701
I ask that question.

0:06:39.701,0:06:42.381
Where do you come from?[br]And where does your family live?

0:06:42.381,0:06:43.991
Let me tell you a little story.

0:06:43.991,0:06:46.641
I was coming home one night ...

0:06:46.641,0:06:50.167
I get into this taxi, open the door,[br]sit down and I say,

0:06:50.167,0:06:52.541
"Where are you from?[br]Where does your family live?"

0:06:52.541,0:06:55.301
And the 60-year-old Pakistani[br]cab-driver goes on to tell me

0:06:55.301,0:06:57.571
all about his life in Peshawar.

0:06:57.571,0:06:59.278
We talked about politics,

0:06:59.278,0:07:03.598
we talked about music,[br]family, wife, his farm.

0:07:04.328,0:07:09.438
And 20 minutes later he is convinced[br]that I am the perfect bride

0:07:09.438,0:07:12.402
for his 26-year-old[br]college-educated son from Peshawar.

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(Laughter)

0:07:13.572,0:07:15.250
And as I'm getting out of the taxi,

0:07:15.250,0:07:20.326
he is taking out a passport-sized[br]photograph with this look of enthusiasm.

0:07:20.326,0:07:23.057
I have to say, it was a very[br]difficult goodbye.

0:07:23.057,0:07:25.082
But the moral of the story, really,

0:07:25.082,0:07:29.482
is what starts with a "Hello"[br]can end with a marriage proposal.

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And that is a warning.

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(Laughter)

0:07:34.018,0:07:35.038
Step three.

0:07:36.458,0:07:38.548
Find the "me too"s.

0:07:39.308,0:07:40.912
Have you ever met someone

0:07:40.912,0:07:44.118
who starts a conversation[br]like they're starting a debate?

0:07:44.118,0:07:46.238
"I am from Delhi."[br]"I hate Delhi."

0:07:46.238,0:07:47.860
(Laughter)

0:07:47.860,0:07:51.733
Yeah? Nothing kills[br]a conversation like a negative.

0:07:51.733,0:07:53.696
When you meet someone for the first time

0:07:53.696,0:07:55.836
make an effort to find the one thing

0:07:55.836,0:07:59.056
that you and that other person[br]might have in common.

0:07:59.056,0:08:03.208
When you start at that point[br]and then move outward from there,

0:08:03.215,0:08:07.904
you will find that all of a sudden[br]the conversation becomes a lot easier.

0:08:07.904,0:08:13.485
And that's because both of you suddenly[br]are on the same side of something.

0:08:14.695,0:08:17.744
And that's a really powerful feeling.

0:08:18.394,0:08:23.276
Now, what could you possibly have[br]in common with a stranger you ask?

0:08:23.276,0:08:24.720
Could be anything, right?

0:08:24.720,0:08:27.934
You're both in the same place[br]at the same time,

0:08:27.934,0:08:29.894
maybe you're from the same country,

0:08:29.894,0:08:32.314
maybe you both like the winter

0:08:32.314,0:08:34.372
or you're longing for it to rain.

0:08:34.372,0:08:36.612
I don't know, you'd find something.

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When you find a "me too,"

0:08:39.323,0:08:43.750
you automatically have a kind of[br]buy-in from the other person.

0:08:43.750,0:08:45.800
Trust me, that's helpful.

0:08:47.368,0:08:49.828
Pay a unique compliment.

0:08:51.820,0:08:54.260
I read somewhere[br]that people will forget what you do,

0:08:54.260,0:08:55.860
and they'll forget what you say,

0:08:55.860,0:08:58.557
but they will never forget[br]how you made them feel.

0:08:59.517,0:09:01.488
So be generous.

0:09:01.488,0:09:07.023
And go out and give someone[br]a nice full compliment.

0:09:08.113,0:09:12.404
So, I have this belief[br]about a "compliment immunity meter",

0:09:12.404,0:09:14.684
and it comes from this experience I had

0:09:14.684,0:09:17.070
when I met this gorgeous supermodel.

0:09:17.070,0:09:18.420
And I look at her and I say,

0:09:18.420,0:09:20.270
"Wow! You are beautiful!"

0:09:21.380,0:09:24.090
And there is no reaction on her face.

0:09:24.090,0:09:27.403
And I think to myself, "How?"

0:09:27.403,0:09:28.993
That's when I realized,

0:09:28.993,0:09:32.163
she is immune to the word "beautiful."

0:09:32.163,0:09:34.953
She's probably heard it[br]a hundred thousand times today.

0:09:34.953,0:09:36.934
And if she's on social media,

0:09:36.934,0:09:39.958
she's heard it a million times today.

0:09:40.328,0:09:43.488
There are some words that each of us[br]have developed an immunity to.

0:09:43.488,0:09:47.367
It could be "nice," it could be "awesome,"[br]it could be "cool" ...

0:09:47.367,0:09:49.542
Stay away from these.

0:09:49.542,0:09:53.227
Try and construct a compliment[br]that's unique and genuine,

0:09:53.227,0:09:55.677
and you don't have to lie.

0:09:55.677,0:09:56.876
Really.

0:09:56.876,0:09:58.847
When you look at someone and say,

0:09:58.847,0:10:00.913
"I love how when you smile,

0:10:00.913,0:10:03.973
it's like your nose smiles,[br]and then your eyes smile,

0:10:03.973,0:10:06.293
and your ears smile,[br]even your forehead smiles

0:10:06.293,0:10:09.193
and suddenly, the whole person[br]is just smiling."

0:10:09.473,0:10:10.473
You see,

0:10:10.473,0:10:13.736
I hope that's a compliment[br]you're not going to forget for a while.

0:10:15.346,0:10:18.546
Pay a unique and genuine compliment.

0:10:20.316,0:10:21.977
Ask for an opinion.

0:10:23.297,0:10:25.757
All of us have opinions; trust me.

0:10:25.757,0:10:27.611
And we all want them to be heard

0:10:27.611,0:10:30.311
and everybody wants validation.

0:10:31.351,0:10:33.252
So go on and ask for an opinion,

0:10:33.252,0:10:37.262
and that's when you[br]open up a two-way street.

0:10:37.262,0:10:40.062
That is when the real communication begins,

0:10:40.062,0:10:43.382
and you will be surprised[br]how much you can pick up about a person

0:10:43.382,0:10:47.231
just by asking their opinion[br]on something pretty generic.

0:10:48.671,0:10:51.661
Here's a mistake that some people make.

0:10:51.661,0:10:55.111
They ask your opinion[br]about something really difficult.

0:10:55.111,0:10:57.318
It feels almost intimidating.

0:10:57.318,0:11:00.749
Somewhere in a room,[br]full of very well-informed people,

0:11:00.749,0:11:03.126
and someone was to come up to me and say,

0:11:03.126,0:11:05.576
"So what do you think about the way

0:11:05.576,0:11:09.935
the oil prices have affected[br]the real estate market in Dubai?"

0:11:11.835,0:11:12.975
I feel a bit cornered.[br]

0:11:12.975,0:11:15.465
I feel like I might fail,[br]and this is an examination,

0:11:15.465,0:11:16.685
and that's the lesson.

0:11:16.685,0:11:20.215
Nobody needs to fail[br]at a first-time conversation.

0:11:21.285,0:11:23.746
Just ask something simple.[br]Keep it generic.

0:11:23.746,0:11:25.106
How do you like your coffee?

0:11:25.106,0:11:28.026
When did you watch your last movie?[br]What did you think of it?

0:11:28.026,0:11:30.646
And when somebody gives you their opinion:

0:11:30.646,0:11:32.583
really listen.

0:11:33.443,0:11:36.503
Don't listen to reply. Listen to listen.

0:11:36.503,0:11:37.763
There's a difference.

0:11:38.823,0:11:40.902
And that brings me to my next point.[br]

0:11:42.062,0:11:43.262
Be present.

0:11:44.812,0:11:46.342
I know you've been through this.

0:11:46.342,0:11:47.362
I know I have.

0:11:47.362,0:11:49.522
You're pouring your heart out to someone,

0:11:49.522,0:11:50.622
and they are like this,

0:11:50.622,0:11:52.762
"Yeah, yeah, go on, keep talking.

0:11:53.192,0:11:54.842
I can multitask!

0:11:55.252,0:11:56.812
What's with Wi-Fi?"

0:11:57.092,0:11:58.862
(Laughter)

0:11:59.182,0:12:01.804
You know, when someone's trying[br]to communicate with you,

0:12:01.804,0:12:04.624
the least you can do[br]is really be in that conversation.

0:12:04.624,0:12:06.884
Just be wholeheartedly present,

0:12:06.884,0:12:09.164
just be there.

0:12:09.884,0:12:13.780
And - oh! - my favorite part:[br]make eye contact.

0:12:13.780,0:12:18.350
Trust me, eye contact[br]is where all the magic happens.

0:12:18.350,0:12:21.240
You can feel the conversation.

0:12:21.240,0:12:24.030
And trust me, when you[br]are looking at someone in the eye,

0:12:24.030,0:12:28.940
nine out of ten times,[br]they will not dare look away, right?

0:12:28.940,0:12:30.380
(Laughter)

0:12:30.380,0:12:34.307
Now, if only I could look[br]into the eyes of 1.6 million people,

0:12:34.307,0:12:39.504
I would not have to worry about you guys[br]tuning out during the ad breaks.

0:12:41.480,0:12:46.850
That brings me to this, my favorite point[br]because I think it's got a catchy name.

0:12:46.850,0:12:49.100
Name, place, animal, thing.

0:12:50.179,0:12:51.829
You remember that game?

0:12:52.709,0:12:55.156
Remember the little details[br]about a person.

0:12:55.156,0:12:57.886
Remember their name.[br]It's so important.[br]

0:12:57.886,0:13:01.266
It's awful when you meet someone[br]for 18th time, and you say,

0:13:01.266,0:13:06.761
"You must be Paul, no Peter.[br]Something with the P and it ends with ..."

0:13:08.761,0:13:12.231
It's terrible. Remember someone's name[br]and say it back to them.

0:13:13.141,0:13:16.178
You have no idea how important[br]you're making them feel,

0:13:16.178,0:13:17.757
and that's not the only detail.

0:13:17.757,0:13:19.737
Remember all the other details as well.

0:13:19.737,0:13:23.287
The places they like to go to,[br]the places they've been to,

0:13:23.287,0:13:26.837
the places they want to go to,[br]their pet's names.

0:13:26.837,0:13:30.473
How their pet's been feeling lately?[br]The things they like.

0:13:30.473,0:13:33.477
Remember their children's names,[br]that's such a winner.

0:13:33.477,0:13:36.027
Remember their wife's names,[br]their girlfriend's names.

0:13:36.027,0:13:39.077
Just don't mix up the last two[br]because that could be disastrous.

0:13:39.077,0:13:41.277
(Laughter)

0:13:41.277,0:13:44.659
Remember these little things about people[br]and repeat it back to them,

0:13:44.659,0:13:47.269
ask be genuinely interested,

0:13:47.269,0:13:51.249
and automatically you kind of[br]become an investor in their well-being,

0:13:51.249,0:13:55.509
so they'll feel responsible to you[br]to keep that conversation going.

0:13:56.989,0:13:58.189
There we go.

0:13:58.189,0:14:02.009
Seven amazing ways that you can[br]make conversation with anyone,

0:14:02.009,0:14:04.839
and seven reasons[br]why you should use the break

0:14:04.839,0:14:08.649
that's going to come up to talk[br]to a stranger that you don't know.

0:14:09.759,0:14:12.752
I'm going to end with this analogy.

0:14:14.402,0:14:17.582
A conversation is like reading a book.

0:14:17.582,0:14:19.772
You can turn to any page you want.

0:14:20.872,0:14:23.282
You can flip to your favorite chapter.

0:14:24.292,0:14:28.430
You can read as long as you want,[br]and you can read what you want,

0:14:28.430,0:14:32.290
and every person, trust me,[br]is a really good book.

0:14:33.170,0:14:36.059
And it saddens me so much

0:14:36.059,0:14:39.179
that entire human lives[br]are being boiled down

0:14:39.179,0:14:43.239
to 140 characters and catchy headlines.

0:14:43.239,0:14:46.009
Because that's not what we are.

0:14:46.009,0:14:48.559
We are not abridged versions.

0:14:49.789,0:14:51.789
We are entire human stories.

0:14:51.789,0:14:54.059
We deserve more from each other.

0:14:54.059,0:14:58.199
So what are you going to do[br]in this big world we call the library?

0:14:59.049,0:15:01.244
Are you going to walk around,

0:15:01.244,0:15:04.724
look at the hard bound copies[br]and read the titles?

0:15:05.914,0:15:09.734
Or are you going to actually[br]reach for a book,

0:15:10.804,0:15:14.154
open a page and start reading a story?

0:15:16.234,0:15:17.484
You decide.

0:15:17.484,0:15:18.491
Thank you.

0:15:18.491,0:15:21.501
(Applause)