Before I introduce the iFone 5,
I'd just like to say
Steve Jobs built this company.
He's the reason we're here today,
and we see the effects of his legacy
in everything we do.
But not anymore!
[Chuckle]
Now begins the era of Cook!
Apple's mine, you hear me? All mine!
Huh?
[Gasping]
Steve?! How the hell?
>>What?
You thought if Tupac could come back from the dead,
Steve Jobs couldn't figure it out? Please!
I'm back, bitches.
The man with the plan!
Mac Daddy, even as a hologram.
>>He's back.
It's been a while, but it's worth the wait,
because I got the OS that makes ya salivate.
Y'all been waitin', debatin'
and speculatin', no patience.
You peepin' mock-ups and chock-ups and mentally masterbatin'.
I been in Heaven,
workin' on the specs,
choosin' the hotness I'm gonna drop on ya next.
>>Word.
My designs so tasty, they edible.
Even Jesus Christ like,
"Jesus, you're incredible!"
>>But Steve, you don't handle design.
That's Jonathan Ive.
It's a bald-faced lie!
No one likes you!
>>Uh-uh.
So shut up, Cook!
Or I'll beat your skinny ass
with my new MacBook.
I'm sick of your whinin' and stitchin,
always complainin' and bitchin'.
Someone get this hack Cook outta my kitchen!
>>It's hot.
Now get ready for some monumental cash flows,
'cause cinco is gonna blow your mind, fo sho!
iFone 5!
I'm a Mac Daddy, dead or alive!
So just buy, and don't ask why.
You know you're gonna get an iFone 5!
iFone 5!
I'm Mac Daddy, dead or alive!
So just buy, and don't ask why.
You know you're gonna get an iFone 5!
3Gizzle, that sh*t was a huge success,
then I sold a butt load of the 3Gizzle S.
Number 4, another score, jaws hittin' the floor,
Y'all actin' like you never seen a phone before.
I was rich, bitch,
didn't give a single f*ck.
Swan diving into gold like I'm Scrooge McDuck.
San Francisco ridin' all up on my jock,
more California love than my boy, Tupac.
Changes.
But then the word hit the street.
My hardware was obsolete.
>>Damn.
iFone 5!
I'm Mac Daddy, dead or alive!
So just buy, and don't ask why.
You know you're gonna get an iFone 5!
And now, the real star of the show,
the future of talk,
iFone cinco!
>>Bullsh*t! It's the same phone as before!
>>Not true! It's got a new power cord.
We switched up the dock arbitrarily,
so I hope you like buying new accessories.
See the new design? Yeah, it's out of control.
We went nuts and switched it up from black to charcoal.
>>Say what?
Plus the screen's 2 millimeters taller.
That's gotta be worth at least 400 dollars.
>>You did all the cool stuff with the iFone 4!
>>But you're still gonna buy for the app store.
Whatcha gonna do? Buy the Galaxy?
You'll still line up for iFone 83!
Eighty-thrizzle!
'Cause Apple got the sh*t y'all crave.
I teabag Bill Gates from beyond the grave.
>>Hallelujah, Steve!
You've shown me the light!
It's your apple, and I'm just taking a bite.
>>It's cool, Cook.
I got a turtleneck for you.
Now let's tell these people what they need to do!
>Sing it!
iFone 5!
I'm Mac Daddy, dead or alive!
So just buy, and don't ask why.
You know you're gonna get an iFone 5!
iFone 5!
I'm MacDaddy, dead or alive!
So just buy, and don't ask why.
You know you're gonna get an iFone 5!