1 00:00:03,050 --> 00:00:04,820 Before I introduce the iFone 5, 2 00:00:04,820 --> 00:00:06,215 I'd just like to say 3 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,401 Steve Jobs built this company. 4 00:00:08,401 --> 00:00:10,304 He's the reason we're here today, 5 00:00:10,304 --> 00:00:12,004 and we see the effects of his legacy 6 00:00:12,004 --> 00:00:13,838 in everything we do. 7 00:00:13,838 --> 00:00:15,299 But not anymore! 8 00:00:15,299 --> 00:00:16,381 [Chuckle] 9 00:00:16,381 --> 00:00:19,068 Now begins the era of Cook! 10 00:00:19,068 --> 00:00:22,836 Apple's mine, you hear me? All mine! 11 00:00:23,205 --> 00:00:23,994 Huh? 12 00:00:23,994 --> 00:00:25,676 [Gasping] 13 00:00:27,491 --> 00:00:29,734 Steve?! How the hell? 14 00:00:29,734 --> 00:00:30,735 >>What? 15 00:00:30,735 --> 00:00:32,519 You thought if Tupac could come back from the dead, 16 00:00:32,519 --> 00:00:36,154 Steve Jobs couldn't figure it out? Please! 17 00:00:36,154 --> 00:00:37,369 I'm back, bitches. 18 00:00:37,369 --> 00:00:38,936 The man with the plan! 19 00:00:38,936 --> 00:00:40,919 Mac Daddy, even as a hologram. 20 00:00:40,919 --> 00:00:41,505 >>He's back. 21 00:00:41,505 --> 00:00:43,105 It's been a while, but it's worth the wait, 22 00:00:43,105 --> 00:00:45,529 because I got the OS that makes ya salivate. 23 00:00:45,529 --> 00:00:46,770 Y'all been waitin', debatin' 24 00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:47,996 and speculatin', no patience. 25 00:00:47,996 --> 00:00:50,389 You peepin' mock-ups and chock-ups and mentally masterbatin'. 26 00:00:50,389 --> 00:00:51,954 I been in Heaven, 27 00:00:51,954 --> 00:00:53,272 workin' on the specs, 28 00:00:53,272 --> 00:00:55,149 choosin' the hotness I'm gonna drop on ya next. 29 00:00:55,149 --> 00:00:55,649 >>Word. 30 00:00:55,649 --> 00:00:58,072 My designs so tasty, they edible. 31 00:00:58,072 --> 00:00:59,317 Even Jesus Christ like, 32 00:00:59,317 --> 00:01:00,618 "Jesus, you're incredible!" 33 00:01:00,618 --> 00:01:02,387 >>But Steve, you don't handle design. 34 00:01:02,387 --> 00:01:04,103 That's Jonathan Ive. 35 00:01:04,103 --> 00:01:05,256 It's a bald-faced lie! 36 00:01:05,256 --> 00:01:06,264 No one likes you! 37 00:01:06,264 --> 00:01:06,764 >>Uh-uh. 38 00:01:06,764 --> 00:01:07,668 So shut up, Cook! 39 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,233 Or I'll beat your skinny ass 40 00:01:09,233 --> 00:01:09,751 with my new MacBook. 41 00:01:09,751 --> 00:01:11,552 I'm sick of your whinin' and stitchin, 42 00:01:11,552 --> 00:01:12,836 always complainin' and bitchin'. 43 00:01:12,836 --> 00:01:14,764 Someone get this hack Cook outta my kitchen! 44 00:01:14,764 --> 00:01:15,333 >>It's hot. 45 00:01:15,333 --> 00:01:17,600 Now get ready for some monumental cash flows, 46 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,153 'cause cinco is gonna blow your mind, fo sho! 47 00:01:20,153 --> 00:01:21,573 iFone 5! 48 00:01:21,573 --> 00:01:23,920 I'm a Mac Daddy, dead or alive! 49 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,348 So just buy, and don't ask why. 50 00:01:26,348 --> 00:01:28,371 You know you're gonna get an iFone 5! 51 00:01:29,879 --> 00:01:31,400 iFone 5! 52 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,722 I'm Mac Daddy, dead or alive! 53 00:01:33,722 --> 00:01:36,334 So just buy, and don't ask why. 54 00:01:36,334 --> 00:01:39,529 You know you're gonna get an iFone 5! 55 00:01:39,529 --> 00:01:41,686 3Gizzle, that sh*t was a huge success, 56 00:01:41,686 --> 00:01:44,216 then I sold a butt load of the 3Gizzle S. 57 00:01:44,216 --> 00:01:46,488 Number 4, another score, jaws hittin' the floor, 58 00:01:46,488 --> 00:01:49,150 Y'all actin' like you never seen a phone before. 59 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,553 I was rich, bitch, 60 00:01:50,553 --> 00:01:51,735 didn't give a single f*ck. 61 00:01:51,735 --> 00:01:53,952 Swan diving into gold like I'm Scrooge McDuck. 62 00:01:53,952 --> 00:01:56,287 San Francisco ridin' all up on my jock, 63 00:01:56,287 --> 00:01:59,058 more California love than my boy, Tupac. 64 00:01:59,058 --> 00:02:00,010 Changes. 65 00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:02,062 But then the word hit the street. 66 00:02:02,062 --> 00:02:03,603 My hardware was obsolete. 67 00:02:03,603 --> 00:02:04,328 >>Damn. 68 00:02:04,328 --> 00:02:05,675 iFone 5! 69 00:02:05,675 --> 00:02:07,874 I'm Mac Daddy, dead or alive! 70 00:02:07,874 --> 00:02:10,427 So just buy, and don't ask why. 71 00:02:10,427 --> 00:02:14,023 You know you're gonna get an iFone 5! 72 00:02:14,023 --> 00:02:16,355 And now, the real star of the show, 73 00:02:16,355 --> 00:02:17,426 the future of talk, 74 00:02:17,426 --> 00:02:18,927 iFone cinco! 75 00:02:18,927 --> 00:02:20,987 >>Bullsh*t! It's the same phone as before! 76 00:02:20,987 --> 00:02:23,507 >>Not true! It's got a new power cord. 77 00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:25,786 We switched up the dock arbitrarily, 78 00:02:25,786 --> 00:02:28,340 so I hope you like buying new accessories. 79 00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:30,660 See the new design? Yeah, it's out of control. 80 00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:33,307 We went nuts and switched it up from black to charcoal. 81 00:02:33,307 --> 00:02:34,012 >>Say what? 82 00:02:34,012 --> 00:02:35,861 Plus the screen's 2 millimeters taller. 83 00:02:35,861 --> 00:02:38,125 That's gotta be worth at least 400 dollars. 84 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,577 >>You did all the cool stuff with the iFone 4! 85 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,162 >>But you're still gonna buy for the app store. 86 00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:45,427 Whatcha gonna do? Buy the Galaxy? 87 00:02:45,427 --> 00:02:47,927 You'll still line up for iFone 83! 88 00:02:47,927 --> 00:02:48,445 Eighty-thrizzle! 89 00:02:48,445 --> 00:02:50,392 'Cause Apple got the sh*t y'all crave. 90 00:02:50,392 --> 00:02:52,875 I teabag Bill Gates from beyond the grave. 91 00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:54,293 >>Hallelujah, Steve! 92 00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:55,786 You've shown me the light! 93 00:02:55,786 --> 00:02:57,622 It's your apple, and I'm just taking a bite. 94 00:02:57,622 --> 00:02:58,609 >>It's cool, Cook. 95 00:02:58,609 --> 00:02:59,987 I got a turtleneck for you. 96 00:02:59,987 --> 00:03:02,156 Now let's tell these people what they need to do! 97 00:03:02,156 --> 00:03:02,938 >Sing it! 98 00:03:02,938 --> 00:03:04,228 iFone 5! 99 00:03:04,228 --> 00:03:06,557 I'm Mac Daddy, dead or alive! 100 00:03:06,557 --> 00:03:08,996 So just buy, and don't ask why. 101 00:03:08,996 --> 00:03:12,380 You know you're gonna get an iFone 5! 102 00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:13,961 iFone 5! 103 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,125 I'm MacDaddy, dead or alive! 104 00:03:16,125 --> 00:03:18,943 So just buy, and don't ask why. 105 00:03:18,943 --> 00:03:21,699 You know you're gonna get an iFone 5!