1
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Inner North London, top floor flat

2
00:00:16,991 --> 00:00:20,045
All white walls, white carpet, white cat,

3
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Rice Paper partitions,

4
00:00:21,982 --> 00:00:23,567
Modern art and ambition

5
00:00:23,567 --> 00:00:25,045
The host’s a physician,

6
00:00:25,045 --> 00:00:26,563
Bright bloke, has his own practice

7
00:00:26,563 --> 00:00:27,770
His girlfriend’s an actress

8
00:00:27,770 --> 00:00:29,425
An old mate of ours from home

9
00:00:29,425 --> 00:00:30,952
And they’re always great fun.

10
00:00:30,952 --> 00:00:33,392
So to dinner we’ve come.

11
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The 5th guest is an unknown,

12
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:39,298
The hosts have just thrown us together for a favor

13
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'cause this girl’s just arrived from Australia

14
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And she's moved to North London

15
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And she’s the sister of someone

16
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Or has some connection.

17
00:00:46,099 --> 00:00:47,731
As we make introductions

18
00:00:47,731 --> 00:00:49,562
I’m struck by her beauty

19
00:00:49,562 --> 00:00:51,166
She’s irrefutably fair

20
00:00:51,166 --> 00:00:53,302
With dark eyes and dark hair

21
00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:54,614
But as she sits

22
00:00:54,614 --> 00:00:56,745
I admit I’m a little bit wary

23
00:00:56,745 --> 00:00:59,348
because I notice the tip of the wing of a fairy

24
00:00:59,348 --> 00:01:01,312
Tattooed on that popular area

25
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Just above the derrière

26
00:01:02,675 --> 00:01:05,003
And when she says “I’m Sagittarien”

27
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I confess a pigeonhole starts to form

28
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And is immediately filled with pigeon

29
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When she says her name is Storm.

30
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,559
Conversation is initially bright and light hearted

31
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But it’s not long before Storm gets started:

32
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“You can’t know anything,

33
00:01:22,085 --> 00:01:24,082
Knowledge is merely opinion”

34
00:01:24,082 --> 00:01:26,898
She opines, over her Cabernet Sauvignon

35
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Vis a vis

36
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,045
Some unhippily

37
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:31,562
Empirical comment made by me

38
00:01:31,562 --> 00:01:33,242
“Not a good start” I think

39
00:01:33,242 --> 00:01:34,735
We’re only on pre-dinner drinks

40
00:01:34,735 --> 00:01:36,265
And across the room, my wife

41
00:01:36,265 --> 00:01:37,622
Widens her eyes

42
00:01:37,622 --> 00:01:39,640
Silently begs me: Be Nice!

43
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:40,820
A matrimonial warning

44
00:01:40,820 --> 00:01:42,236
Not worth ignoring

45
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,179
So I resist the urge to ask Storm

46
00:01:44,179 --> 00:01:46,229
Whether knowledge is so loose-weave

47
00:01:46,229 --> 00:01:47,456
Of a morning

48
00:01:47,456 --> 00:01:48,630
When deciding whether to leave

49
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:50,734
Her apartment by the front door

50
00:01:50,734 --> 00:01:53,969
Or a window on her second floor.

51
00:01:54,861 --> 00:01:57,025
The food is delicious and Storm,

52
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Whilst avoiding all meat

53
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Happily sits and eats

54
00:01:59,906 --> 00:02:02,439
As the good doctor, slightly pissedly

55
00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:06,900
Holds court on some anachronistic aspect of medical history

56
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:09,637
When Storm suddenly insists

57
00:02:09,637 --> 00:02:11,309
“But the human body is a mystery!

58
00:02:11,309 --> 00:02:13,399
Science just falls in a hole

59
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:17,247
When it tries to explain the the nature of the soul.”

60
00:02:17,247 --> 00:02:18,716
My hostess throws me a glance

61
00:02:18,716 --> 00:02:20,968
She, like my wife, knows there’s a chance

62
00:02:20,968 --> 00:02:23,894
I’ll be off on one of my rare, but fun, rants

63
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But I shan't. My lips are sealed.

64
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I just want to enjoy the meal

65
00:02:27,377 --> 00:02:29,606
And although Storm is starting to get my goat

66
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I have no intention of rocking the boat,

67
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Although it’s becoming a bit of a wrestle

68
00:02:33,646 --> 00:02:35,597
Because -- like her meteorological namesake -

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Storm has no such concerns for our vessel.

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“Pharmaceutical companies are the enemy

71
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They promote drug dependency

72
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At the cost of the natural remedies

73
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That are all our bodies need

74
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They are immoral and driven by greed.

75
00:02:48,530 --> 00:02:49,947
Why take drugs

76
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When herbs can solve it?

77
00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:52,571
Why use chemicals

78
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When homeopathic solvents

79
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Can resolve it?

80
00:02:54,978 --> 00:02:56,634
It’s time we all return to live

81
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With natural medical alternatives.”

82
00:02:58,065 --> 00:03:00,767
And try as I like,

83
00:03:00,767 --> 00:03:02,602
A small crack appears

84
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In my diplomacy-dike.

85
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:08,035
“By definition”, I begin

86
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“Alternative Medicine”, I continue

87
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“Has either not been proved to work,

88
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Or been proved not to work.

89
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Do you know what they call “alternative medicine”

90
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That’s been proved to work?

91
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Medicine.”

92
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“So you don’t believe

93
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In ANY Natural remedies?”

94
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“On the contrary, Storm.

95
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Actually, before we came to tea,

96
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I took a remedy

97
00:03:28,447 --> 00:03:30,048
Derived from the bark of a willow tree

98
00:03:30,048 --> 00:03:32,927
A painkiller that’s virtually side-effect free

99
00:03:32,927 --> 00:03:34,483
It’s got a weird name,

100
00:03:34,483 --> 00:03:35,667
Darling, what was it again?

101
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Masprin?

102
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,966
Basprin?

103
00:03:37,966 --> 00:03:39,011
Oh, yes. Asprin!

104
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Which I paid about a buck for

105
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Down at the local drugstore.

106
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The debate briefly abates

107
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As our hosts collects plates

108
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but as they return with desserts

109
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Storm pertly asserts,

110
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“Shakespeare said it first:

111
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There are more things in heaven and earth

112
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Than exist in your philosophy…

113
00:03:54,313 --> 00:03:57,331
Science is just how we’re trained to look at reality,

114
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It doesn't explain love or spirituality.

115
00:04:00,628 --> 00:04:03,066
How does science explain psychics?

116
00:04:03,066 --> 00:04:05,737
Auras; the afterlife; the power of prayer?”

117
00:04:05,737 --> 00:04:07,084
I’m becoming aware

118
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That I’m staring,

119
00:04:08,361 --> 00:04:10,102
I’m like a rabbit suddenly trapped

120
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In the blinding headlights of vacuous crap.

121
00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:15,861
Maybe it’s the Hamlet she just misquothed

122
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Or the eighth glass of wine I just quaffed

123
00:04:18,228 --> 00:04:20,365
But my diplomacy dike groans

124
00:04:20,365 --> 00:04:22,641
And the arsehole held back by its stones

125
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Can be held back no more:

126
00:04:24,283 --> 00:04:25,938
“Look , Storm, I don’t mean to bore ya

127
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But there’s no such thing as an aura!

128
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Reading Auras is like reading minds

129
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Or tea-leaves or star-signs or meridian lines

130
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These people aren’t plying a skill,

131
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They are either lying or mentally ill.

132
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:41,054
Same goes for people who claim they can hear God’s demands

133
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Or spiritual healers who think they've got magic hands.

134
00:04:43,943 --> 00:04:44,750
By the way,

135
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:45,907
Why do we think it's OK

136
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For people to pretend they can talk to the dead?

137
00:04:47,393 --> 00:04:49,901
Isn't that totally fucked in the head?

138
00:04:49,901 --> 00:04:53,523
Lying to some crying woman whose child has died

139
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And telling her you’re in touch with the other side?

140
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I think that’s just fundamentally sick

141
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Do we need to clarify here that there’s no such thing as a psychic?

142
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What, are we fucking 2?

143
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Do we actually think that Horton Heard a Who?

144
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Do we still believe that Santa brings us gifts?

145
00:05:08,825 --> 00:05:11,310
That Michael Jackson didn't have face lifts?

146
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:13,214
Are we still so stunned by circus tricks

147
00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:14,886
That we think that the dead would

148
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Wanna talk to pricks

149
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:18,251
Like John Edwards?

150
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Storm to her credit despite my derision

151
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,360
Keeps firing off clichés with startling precision

152
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Like a sniper using bollocks for ammunition

153
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“You’re so sure of your position

154
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But you’re just closed-minded

155
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I think you’ll find

156
00:05:32,788 --> 00:05:35,064
That your faith in science and tests

157
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Is just as blind

158
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As the faith of any fundamentalist”

159
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“Wow, that’s a good point, let me think for a bit

160
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Oh wait, my mistake, that’s absolute bullshit.

161
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Science adjusts it’s views based on what’s observed

162
00:05:50,598 --> 00:05:55,228
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved.

163
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If you show me

164
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That, say, homeopathy works,

165
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Then I will change my mind

166
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I’ll spin on a fucking dime

167
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I’ll be as embarrassed as hell,

168
00:06:03,392 --> 00:06:05,366
But I will run through the streets yelling

169
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:08,431
It’s a miracle! Take physics and bin it!

170
00:06:08,431 --> 00:06:10,103
Water has memory!

171
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:14,050
And while it’s memory of a long lost drop of onion juice is Infinite

172
00:06:14,050 --> 00:06:16,395
It somehow forgets all the poo it’s had in it!

173
00:06:16,395 --> 00:06:18,726
You show me that it works and how it works

174
00:06:18,726 --> 00:06:20,074
And when I’ve recovered from the shock

175
00:06:20,074 --> 00:06:23,269
I will take a compass and carve Fancy That on the side of my cock.”

176
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Everyone's just staring now,

177
00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:29,417
But I’m pretty pissed and I’ve dug this far down,

178
00:06:29,417 --> 00:06:32,487
So I figure, in for penny, in for a pound:

179
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“Life is full of mysteries, yeah

180
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But there are answers out there

181
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And they won’t be found

182
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By people sitting around

183
00:06:40,103 --> 00:06:41,241
Looking serious

184
00:06:41,241 --> 00:06:42,750
And saying isn’t life mysterious?

185
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,445
Let’s sit here and hope

186
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:45,931
Let’s call up the fucking Pope

187
00:06:45,931 --> 00:06:47,208
Let’s go watch Oprah

188
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:48,903
Interview Deepak Chopra

189
00:06:48,903 --> 00:06:52,735
If you’re going to watch telly, you should watch Scooby Doo.

190
00:06:52,735 --> 00:06:54,430
That show was so cool

191
00:06:54,430 --> 00:06:56,659
because every time there’s a church with a ghoul

192
00:06:56,659 --> 00:06:58,307
Or a ghost in a school

193
00:06:58,307 --> 00:07:02,139
They looked beneath the mask and what was inside?

194
00:07:02,139 --> 00:07:05,353
The fucking janitor or the dude who runs the waterslide.

195
00:07:05,353 --> 00:07:07,015
Because throughout history

196
00:07:07,015 --> 00:07:08,989
Every mystery

197
00:07:08,989 --> 00:07:12,843
Ever solved has turned out to be

198
00:07:12,843 --> 00:07:15,081
Not Magic.

199
00:07:15,081 --> 00:07:16,582
Does the idea that there might be knowledge

200
00:07:16,582 --> 00:07:17,928
Frighten you?

201
00:07:17,928 --> 00:07:19,647
Does the idea that one afternoon

202
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,736
On Wiki-fucking-pedia might enlighten you

203
00:07:21,736 --> 00:07:23,053
Frighten you?

204
00:07:23,053 --> 00:07:25,266
Does the notion that there may not be a supernatural

205
00:07:25,266 --> 00:07:26,984
So blow your hippy noodle

206
00:07:26,984 --> 00:07:29,074
That you would rather just stand in the fog

207
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:31,158
Of your inability to Google?

208
00:07:31,512 --> 00:07:33,643
Isn’t this enough?

209
00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:39,451
Just this world?

210
00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:46,653
Just this beautiful, complex

211
00:07:46,653 --> 00:07:49,935
Wonderfully unfathomable, natural world?

212
00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:55,196
How does it so fail to hold our attention

213
00:07:55,196 --> 00:07:57,054
That we have to diminish it with the invention

214
00:07:57,054 --> 00:08:00,330
Of cheap, man-made Myths and Monsters?

215
00:08:01,346 --> 00:08:03,114
If you’re so into Shakespeare

216
00:08:03,114 --> 00:08:05,549
Lend me your ear:

217
00:08:07,549 --> 00:08:11,938
“To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,

218
00:08:11,938 --> 00:08:17,650
To throw perfume on the violet… is just fucking silly”

219
00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:19,810
Or something like that.

220
00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:21,074
Or what about Satchmo?!

221
00:08:21,074 --> 00:08:22,712
I see trees of green,

222
00:08:22,712 --> 00:08:24,895
Red roses too,

223
00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:26,265
And fine, if you wish to

224
00:08:26,265 --> 00:08:27,844
Glorify Krishna and Vishnu

225
00:08:27,844 --> 00:08:29,864
In a post-colonial, condescending

226
00:08:29,864 --> 00:08:31,907
Bottled-up and labeled kind of way

227
00:08:31,907 --> 00:08:33,092
Then whatever, that’s ok.

228
00:08:33,092 --> 00:08:35,929
But here’s what gives me a hard-on:

229
00:08:36,852 --> 00:08:42,350
I am a tiny, insignificant, ignorant bit of carbon.

230
00:08:42,350 --> 00:08:45,653
I have one life, and it is short

231
00:08:45,653 --> 00:08:47,139
And unimportant…

232
00:08:47,631 --> 00:08:51,110
But thanks to recent scientific advances

233
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:57,946
I get to live twice as long as my great great great great uncleses and auntses.

234
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:03,161
Twice as long to live this life of mine

235
00:09:03,161 --> 00:09:06,830
Twice as long to love this wife of mine

236
00:09:06,830 --> 00:09:11,056
Twice as many years of friends and wine

237
00:09:11,056 --> 00:09:14,725
Of sharing curries and getting shitty

238
00:09:14,725 --> 00:09:16,141
With good-looking hippies

239
00:09:16,141 --> 00:09:17,581
With fairies on their spines

240
00:09:17,581 --> 00:09:18,858
And butterflies on their titties.

241
00:09:21,658 --> 00:09:25,894
And if perchance I have offended

242
00:09:25,894 --> 00:09:29,214
Think but this and all is mended:

243
00:09:29,214 --> 00:09:31,652
We’d as well be 10 minutes back in time,

244
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For all the chance you’ll change your mind.

245
00:09:38,414 --> 00:09:43,233
Written and performed by Tim Minchin

246
00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:48,115
Directed by DC Turner

247
00:09:48,115 --> 00:09:50,716
Produced by Tracy King

248
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:53,107
Character Design and animation by DC Turner

249
00:09:53,107 --> 00:09:57,542
Camera & Effects: Ricky Earl, Fraser Davidson, DC Turner, Andrew Flatt

250
00:09:57,542 --> 00:10:02,650
Supporting Character Animation: Ricky Earl, Kei Phillips, Ash Collins, Valentina Grasso, Betty Le Bon, Fraser Davidson

251
00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:06,778
Supporting character artwork: Kei Phillips, Ricky Earl, Diego Garcia, Betty Le Bon, Fraiser Davidson, Rachael King, Stuart Mason, Manu Roig

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Sound: Milton Mermikedes, Bridget Merkimedes, Holley Gray, Matthias Simmons, Pete Clements

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Additional Storyboards: Tracy King, Fraser Davidson, Ricky Earl, Joe Pavlo

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With thanks to: Sid Rodrigues, Rebecca Watson, Jane Goldman and family, Chris Blohm, Loretta King, Susan Turner

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With thanks to: Lyndsey Brown, Shella Livingston, Helen Jack, Chris Cox, Tom Milsom, Robin Ince

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© Storm Movie 2011 All Rights Reserved. stormmovie.net, timminchin.com, kershoot.com