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← Wait For My Boyfriend to Get Saved Again? - Ask Pastor Tim

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Showing Revision 2 created 10/03/2017 by Carrie Spradlin.

  1. This comes from Alvarina.
  2. And she asks this question:
  3. "If I broke up with my boyfriend
  4. because he stopped being a Christian,
  5. is it ok to wait for him
  6. till he comes back to Christ,
  7. or do I have to move on?"
  8. It sounds kind of high school, right?
  9. "If I broke up with my boyfriend
  10. because he stopped being a Christian
  11. is it ok to wait for him
  12. till he comes back to Christ,
  13. or do I have to move on?"
  14. When I hear a question like that,
  15. my first thing is not yes or no.
  16. My first thought is,
  17. where is this girl going to church?
  18. What kind of pastor is she sitting under?
  19. Is she going to church?
  20. If she is, what is she getting taught?
  21. Who are her parents?
  22. What are her parents allowing her to do?
  23. What are they teaching her?
  24. Those are the first questions
    that come into my mind.
  25. "If I broke up with my boyfriend
  26. because he stopped being a Christian,
  27. is it ok to wait for him
  28. till he comes back to Christ,
  29. or do I have to move on?"
  30. I mean, in that question,
  31. she kind of sees Christianity as something
  32. you pop in and pop out of.
  33. Well, he's a Christian, and then...
  34. he stopped being a Christian.
  35. And maybe he'll just pop back in
  36. and he'll become a Christian again.
  37. And so, should I wait for him?
  38. You get the picture of what's going on.
  39. But what is it to be a Christian?
  40. I think if this was a young lady
  41. in the church,
  42. and she sat down with me,
  43. she'd just come
  44. or her family had moved here
  45. or however - she came with a friend.
  46. And she asked this question.
  47. You know, the first thing
  48. I would want to ask Alvarina is
  49. do you have a good idea
  50. about what it is to be a Christian?
  51. Because the thing that came to my mind
  52. is being a Christian is miraculous.
  53. It's supernatural.
  54. It's a mighty work of God.
  55. And it's permanent.
  56. I mean, truly being a Christian
    is permanent.
  57. This "you're in, you're out"
  58. and we know people can make
  59. false professions,
  60. and we know people can
    come face to face with truth.
  61. And we know people can claim
    to be a Christian today
  62. and make shipwreck tomorrow.
  63. But one of the things that you see
  64. in Scripture is to once have been
  65. in that light and depart from it
  66. is extremely dangerous.
  67. It's like the seed that comes up
  68. and the persecution comes
  69. and away it goes.
  70. Making shipwreck of the faith.
  71. They were there and they're not there.
  72. Demas never comes back again.
  73. Judas never comes back again.
  74. There's a point of no return
  75. as we see in Hebrews 6.
  76. All these things about this flippant view
  77. of Christian - you're in, you're out,
    you're exposed to the truth,
  78. you're back and forth,
  79. you claim to be a Christian,
  80. you're not a Christian.
  81. It's kind of missing the supernatural
  82. flavor of what Christianity's all about.
  83. I mean as I'm thinking about it,
  84. a series of texts start coming
  85. through my mind
  86. just about Christianity.
  87. The first thing I think of is that text
  88. right out of Jonah;
  89. salvation is of the Lord,
  90. it's not something men do,
  91. it's not just this decision.
  92. Yes, men make decisions,
  93. but it's not basically, ultimately
  94. at the level of decisions of mankind.
  95. It's at the decision of God.
  96. Salvation is of the Lord.
  97. And you've got, of course, John 1:12-13,
  98. that says that we were born of God,
  99. not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh,
  100. nor of the will of man, but of God.
  101. This is something that God does.
  102. A text very much like it in Romans 9.
  103. He says to Moses,
  104. I will have mercy upon whom
    I will have mercy;
  105. I will have compassion upon whom
    I will have compassion.
  106. So that it depends not on human will
  107. or exertion, but on God who has mercy.
  108. I thought of Hebrews 7.
  109. Christ saving to the uttermost.
  110. This picture of Christianity:
  111. Well, we're kind of in, we're kind of out,
  112. we're in, we're out, we're in...
  113. back and forth.
  114. Being saved to the uttermost,
  115. that's complete; that's permanent.
  116. He says eternal life.
  117. I give them eternal life.
  118. He says all that the Father gives Me,
  119. where is that, John 6:39?
  120. All that the Father gives Me,
  121. He says He's not going
    to lose any of them.
  122. And He says He's going
    to raise them up
  123. in the last day.
  124. He says He gives them eternal life.
  125. Where is that? John 3:36.
  126. If you believe in the Son,
  127. you have eternal life.
  128. Eternal life is eternal.
  129. It doesn't go away.
  130. Now we know men make shipwreck
  131. of the faith.
  132. We know people take Christianity
  133. in a flippant way,
  134. we know they do that.
  135. But that's what's going on here.
  136. True Christianity is permanent.
  137. True Christianity doesn't go away.
  138. I thought of the text in 2 Corinthians
  139. about being a new creation.
  140. When you're a new creation,
    you're a new creation,
  141. and you don't get uncreated.
  142. When God creates something,
  143. it's created.
  144. It doesn't stop being created.
  145. It doesn't go into oblivion.
  146. It's not like He created today,
  147. and then you're not created tomorrow,
  148. and then you can come back
  149. and be created again,
  150. and you're just going back and forth
  151. in and out of being this new creation.
  152. None of that.
  153. And so, I was thinking,
  154. if I actually sat down
    with this young lady,
  155. I'd be saying,
  156. have you even been taught
  157. what true Christianity is?
  158. The radical nature;
  159. the miraculous, the mighty nature,
  160. the permanent nature of what it is
  161. to be a true Christian,
  162. and have you experienced this yourself?
  163. Are you viewing Christianity
  164. the way you are
  165. because perhaps you're not even aware
  166. yourself of what this looks like.
  167. But then I thought, too,
  168. she uses this term,
  169. "broke up with my boyfriend."
  170. "Broke up with my boyfriend."
  171. What do you guys think
    about that terminology?
  172. What do you think about a girl
    breaking up with her boyfriend?
  173. You got any thoughts, Abraham?
  174. You start thinking,
  175. think about the relationships
  176. between a man and a woman
  177. in Scripture.
  178. I find three God-condoned,
  179. appropriate relationships
  180. between men and women.
  181. Can you tell me what they are?
  182. Marriage.
  183. You won't find courtship in there.
  184. What do you find?
  185. Betrothal.
  186. Betrothal's in the Bible.
  187. And then what else?
  188. What's the third relationship?
  189. (from the room) Father and daughter?
  190. Tim: I'm just talking about
    a man and a woman.
  191. Obviously, there's brother/sister,
  192. father/daughter,
  193. there's all those relationships,
  194. but I mean, father/daughter
  195. would fall into this category,
  196. but young men and young women here,
  197. it's appropriate for you to be married,
  198. it's appropriate, perhaps, for
    you to be in a betrothal
  199. where you're headed to marriage,
  200. and what would be
    the third that's appropriate?
  201. Yeah, you live together in the same world,
  202. or in the same church
    or in the same society
  203. and you're pure.
  204. Those are the three
    God-condoned relationships
  205. between a man and a woman.
  206. And you think about marriage.
  207. Marriage.
  208. When we're talking about intimacy,
  209. there is no other place
  210. where intimacy is condoned in Scripture,
  211. other than marriage.
  212. Proverbs 5:18
  213. Let your fountain be blessed;
  214. rejoice in the wife of your youth;
  215. a lovely deer, a graceful doe,
  216. let her breasts fill you at all times
  217. with delight,
  218. be intoxicated always in her love.
  219. You've got 1 Corinthians 7:2,
  220. because of temptation
    to sexual immorality,
  221. each man should have his own wife
  222. and each woman her own husband.
  223. You've got Hebrews 13:4,
  224. let marriage be held in honor among all
  225. and let the marriage bed be undefiled,
  226. for God will judge the sexually
    immoral and adulterous.
  227. Clearly, the author of Hebrews
    is saying this:
  228. The marriage bed is the only place
  229. of intimacy condoned by God.
  230. Everything else falls into that category
  231. of being that which is sexually immoral
  232. and adulterous and those that
    God is going to judge.
  233. Now, we see betrothal in Scripture
  234. which might be akin to engagement
  235. in our time.
  236. Why?
  237. Both of them involve a commitment
  238. and both of them are headed to marriage.
  239. And both of them are to be
  240. radically pure,
  241. because only the marriage bed
  242. is the place where God
    allows that intimacy.
  243. And God is very serious about that.
  244. We can look at Joseph in the New Testament
  245. acting as a righteous man
  246. and he's ready to put Mary away
  247. because of some perceived infidelity
  248. on his part when they were in
  249. this betrothal period.
  250. But under Moses,
  251. it was very pronounced.
  252. Deuteronomy 22:23
  253. If there is a betrothed virgin
  254. and a man meets her in the city
  255. and lies with her,
    then you shall bring
  256. them both out to the gate of that city,
  257. and you shall stone them to death
  258. with stones.
  259. The young woman because she did not
  260. cry for help,
    though she was in the city;
  261. and the man, because he violated
  262. his neighbor's wife.
  263. So you shall purge
    the evil from your midst.
  264. If in the open country, a man meets
  265. a young woman who is betrothed
  266. and the man seizes her
    and lies with her
  267. then only the man who lay with her
  268. shall die.
  269. This betrothal period - it even inter-uses
  270. betrothal and marriage,
  271. because it was something that you
  272. actually had to have a divorce to break.
  273. It was that permanent.
  274. Our engagments, although they involve
  275. a token of that pledge
  276. in a ring typically,
  277. and there's a commitment,
  278. and usually when there's an engagement
  279. there's a marriage date set.
  280. But we don't count it as binding
  281. in our society.
  282. But nevertheless, it's a
    period of commitment.
  283. Marriage is the goal.
  284. And absolute purity is to be maintained.
  285. The other one is where you're just
  286. existing side-by-side.
  287. You're friends.
  288. Or maybe you're not friends.
  289. Maybe it's a father/daughter;
  290. maybe it's a brother/sister; whatever.
  291. Every other relationship is single
  292. and pursuing purity.
  293. I guess one of the parties
  294. or both of the parties could be married,
  295. but we're talking about the specific
  296. relationship between any man
  297. and any woman.
  298. What we're doing is we're answering
  299. the question that
    this young lady has posed.
  300. And look, she's talking about
  301. "if I broke up with my boyfriend..."
  302. what does breaking up with a boyfriend
  303. even look like?
  304. Well, it's a very worldly terminology.
  305. It's the idea of dating, boyfriends,
  306. going out, casual dating, going steady,
  307. whatever.
  308. There's lots of different
    ways that it's said today.
  309. But it's this idea that I specifically
  310. have a relationship with
    this person over here
  311. with no commitment.
  312. It's not headed towards marriage.
  313. We're not married.
  314. We're not getting married.
  315. Why do they do that?
  316. What do they want?
  317. Well, they want something from the other
  318. person without commitment.
  319. That's basically what is wanted.
  320. Typically, in our society today,
  321. it runs into enjoying the fullness
  322. of all the intimacy that
    is had in marriage
  323. and it's just done without any commitment.
  324. It's done in high school,
  325. it's done in middle school.
  326. And what Scripture says
  327. is you have this spoken to Timothy,
  328. "do not rebuke an older man,"
  329. in 1 Timothy 5:1-2.
  330. "Do not rebuke an older man,
  331. but encourage him as you would a father;
  332. younger men as brothers;
  333. older women as mothers."
  334. And Timothy, this is how you're
  335. supposed to deal -
  336. Timothy is a young man;
  337. this is how you deal with young women.
  338. How?
  339. In all purity.
  340. You want a blanket statement
  341. from the apostle as to how
  342. young men and young women
  343. who are not engaged
  344. and headed towards marriage;
  345. who are not in marriage.
  346. Well, even if you are engaged,
  347. but this is the kind of summary statement.
  348. Purity, purity, purity.
  349. All purity.
  350. 1 Timothy 2:22
  351. "So flee youthful passions;
  352. pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace
  353. along with those who call on the Lord
  354. from a pure heart."
  355. Of course, you have 1 Corinthians 6:18
  356. that says, "Flee from sexual immorality."
  357. And so, my point to Alvarina,
  358. listen, it's like she's saying this:
  359. "Well, I thought this guy was a Christian,
  360. and I had to break up with him
  361. because he stopped being a Christian.
  362. Is it ok for me to wait for him
  363. to come back to Christ?"
  364. To do what?
  365. Well, so that she can
    go out with him again.
  366. Or do I have to move on?
  367. Move on to what?
  368. Some other guy
  369. that professes to be a Christian.
  370. She really needs a pastor,
  371. she needs a father or mother
  372. in her life that's telling her,
  373. look, this isn't even an acceptable
  374. kind of relationship before the Lord.
  375. The Lord wants purity.
  376. What in the world kind of
    relationship are you getting into
  377. and why are you getting into it?
    What does it mean?
  378. You go out on dates?
  379. It's totally inappropriate.
  380. It's not specified in Scripture.
  381. There's no such recognized
  382. relationships like this
    that God gives to us.
  383. The only one where any kind of intimacy
  384. is accepted in Scripture
    is the marriage bed
  385. and everything else is to be kept
  386. absolutely pure.
  387. Everything else.
  388. And so, there needs to be a fleeing
  389. from youthful passions,
  390. a fleeing from sexual immorality,
  391. and certainly, we know it,
  392. you can be blind and you understand,
  393. that all this casual dating
    that's going on
  394. in our world,
  395. all this going out and going steady,
  396. and having this girlfriend/boyfriend stuff.
  397. Even down into probably
    elementary schools now
  398. it's leading to all manner
    of sexual immorality,
  399. and all sorts of wickedness.
  400. It's done for a reason.
  401. And most of us here were lost
  402. and are first generation Christians.
  403. We were lost when we
    were in elementary school
  404. and middle school and high school,
  405. and we know exactly what it's all about.
  406. We know.
  407. And I hope we don't have any parents
  408. in this church that would ever condone
  409. that kind of relationship between
  410. young people.
  411. So anyway, that's basically how I would
  412. answer Alvarina if I
    was able to sit with her
  413. face to face.
  414. God wants a commitment in relationships.
  415. Why?
  416. Because ultimately what
    this leads to is marriage,
  417. which is what?
  418. It's a foreshadowing of
  419. the relationship between Jesus Christ
    and the church.
  420. And our Lord has relationship with people
  421. by way of covenant.
  422. He's committed.
  423. He's all out committed to that relationship.
  424. And that's the only kind that is
  425. honoring to God.
  426. Everything else is dishonoring.