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Wait For My Boyfriend to Get Saved Again? - Ask Pastor Tim

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    This comes from Alvarina.
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    And she asks this question:
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    "If I broke up with my boyfriend
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    because he stopped being a Christian,
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    is it ok to wait for him
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    till he comes back to Christ,
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    or do I have to move on?"
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    It sounds kind of high school, right?
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    "If I broke up with my boyfriend
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    because he stopped being a Christian
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    is it ok to wait for him
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    till he comes back to Christ,
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    or do I have to move on?"
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    When I hear a question like that,
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    my first thing is not yes or no.
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    My first thought is,
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    where is this girl going to church?
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    What kind of pastor is she sitting under?
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    Is she going to church?
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    If she is, what is she getting taught?
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    Who are her parents?
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    What are her parents allowing her to do?
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    What are they teaching her?
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    Those are the first questions
    that come into my mind.
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    "If I broke up with my boyfriend
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    because he stopped being a Christian,
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    is it ok to wait for him
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    till he comes back to Christ,
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    or do I have to move on?"
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    I mean, in that question,
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    she kind of sees Christianity as something
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    you pop in and pop out of.
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    Well, he's a Christian, and then...
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    he stopped being a Christian.
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    And maybe he'll just pop back in
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    and he'll become a Christian again.
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    And so, should I wait for him?
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    You get the picture of what's going on.
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    But what is it to be a Christian?
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    I think if this was a young lady
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    in the church,
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    and she sat down with me,
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    she'd just come
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    or her family had moved here
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    or however - she came with a friend.
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    And she asked this question.
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    You know, the first thing
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    I would want to ask Alvarina is
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    do you have a good idea
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    about what it is to be a Christian?
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    Because the thing that came to my mind
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    is being a Christian is miraculous.
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    It's supernatural.
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    It's a mighty work of God.
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    And it's permanent.
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    I mean, truly being a Christian
    is permanent.
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    This "you're in, you're out"
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    and we know people can make
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    false professions,
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    and we know people can
    come face to face with truth.
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    And we know people can claim
    to be a Christian today
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    and make shipwreck tomorrow.
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    But one of the things that you see
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    in Scripture is to once have been
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    in that light and depart from it
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    is extremely dangerous.
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    It's like the seed that comes up
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    and the persecution comes
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    and away it goes.
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    Making shipwreck of the faith.
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    They were there and they're not there.
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    Demas never comes back again.
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    Judas never comes back again.
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    There's a point of no return
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    as we see in Hebrews 6.
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    All these things about this flippant view
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    of Christian - you're in, you're out,
    you're exposed to the truth,
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    you're back and forth,
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    you claim to be a Christian,
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    you're not a Christian.
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    It's kind of missing the supernatural
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    flavor of what Christianity's all about.
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    I mean as I'm thinking about it,
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    a series of texts start coming
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    through my mind
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    just about Christianity.
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    The first thing I think of is that text
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    right out of Jonah;
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    salvation is of the Lord,
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    it's not something men do,
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    it's not just this decision.
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    Yes, men make decisions,
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    but it's not basically, ultimately
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    at the level of decisions of mankind.
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    It's at the decision of God.
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    Salvation is of the Lord.
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    And you've got, of course, John 1:12-13,
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    that says that we were born of God,
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    not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh,
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    nor of the will of man, but of God.
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    This is something that God does.
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    A text very much like it in Romans 9.
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    He says to Moses,
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    I will have mercy upon whom
    I will have mercy;
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    I will have compassion upon whom
    I will have compassion.
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    So that it depends not on human will
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    or exertion, but on God who has mercy.
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    I thought of Hebrews 7.
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    Christ saving to the uttermost.
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    This picture of Christianity:
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    Well, we're kind of in, we're kind of out,
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    we're in, we're out, we're in...
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    back and forth.
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    Being saved to the uttermost,
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    that's complete; that's permanent.
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    He says eternal life.
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    I give them eternal life.
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    He says all that the Father gives Me,
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    where is that, John 6:39?
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    All that the Father gives Me,
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    He says He's not going
    to lose any of them.
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    And He says He's going
    to raise them up
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    in the last day.
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    He says He gives them eternal life.
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    Where is that? John 3:36.
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    If you believe in the Son,
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    you have eternal life.
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    Eternal life is eternal.
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    It doesn't go away.
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    Now we know men make shipwreck
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    of the faith.
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    We know people take Christianity
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    in a flippant way,
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    we know they do that.
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    But that's what's going on here.
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    True Christianity is permanent.
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    True Christianity doesn't go away.
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    I thought of the text in 2 Corinthians
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    about being a new creation.
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    When you're a new creation,
    you're a new creation,
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    and you don't get uncreated.
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    When God creates something,
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    it's created.
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    It doesn't stop being created.
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    It doesn't go into oblivion.
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    It's not like He created today,
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    and then you're not created tomorrow,
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    and then you can come back
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    and be created again,
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    and you're just going back and forth
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    in and out of being this new creation.
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    None of that.
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    And so, I was thinking,
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    if I actually sat down
    with this young lady,
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    I'd be saying,
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    have you even been taught
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    what true Christianity is?
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    The radical nature;
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    the miraculous, the mighty nature,
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    the permanent nature of what it is
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    to be a true Christian,
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    and have you experienced this yourself?
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    Are you viewing Christianity
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    the way you are
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    because perhaps you're not even aware
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    yourself of what this looks like.
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    But then I thought, too,
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    she uses this term,
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    "broke up with my boyfriend."
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    "Broke up with my boyfriend."
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    What do you guys think
    about that terminology?
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    What do you think about a girl
    breaking up with her boyfriend?
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    You got any thoughts, Abraham?
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    You start thinking,
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    think about the relationships
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    between a man and a woman
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    in Scripture.
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    I find three God-condoned,
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    appropriate relationships
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    between men and women.
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    Can you tell me what they are?
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    Marriage.
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    You won't find courtship in there.
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    What do you find?
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    Betrothal.
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    Betrothal's in the Bible.
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    And then what else?
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    What's the third relationship?
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    (from the room) Father and daughter?
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    Tim: I'm just talking about
    a man and a woman.
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    Obviously, there's brother/sister,
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    father/daughter,
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    there's all those relationships,
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    but I mean, father/daughter
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    would fall into this category,
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    but young men and young women here,
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    it's appropriate for you to be married,
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    it's appropriate, perhaps, for
    you to be in a betrothal
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    where you're headed to marriage,
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    and what would be
    the third that's appropriate?
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    Yeah, you live together in the same world,
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    or in the same church
    or in the same society
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    and you're pure.
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    Those are the three
    God-condoned relationships
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    between a man and a woman.
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    And you think about marriage.
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    Marriage.
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    When we're talking about intimacy,
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    there is no other place
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    where intimacy is condoned in Scripture,
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    other than marriage.
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    Proverbs 5:18
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    Let your fountain be blessed;
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    rejoice in the wife of your youth;
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    a lovely deer, a graceful doe,
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    let her breasts fill you at all times
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    with delight,
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    be intoxicated always in her love.
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    You've got 1 Corinthians 7:2,
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    because of temptation
    to sexual immorality,
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    each man should have his own wife
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    and each woman her own husband.
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    You've got Hebrews 13:4,
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    let marriage be held in honor among all
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    and let the marriage bed be undefiled,
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    for God will judge the sexually
    immoral and adulterous.
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    Clearly, the author of Hebrews
    is saying this:
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    The marriage bed is the only place
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    of intimacy condoned by God.
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    Everything else falls into that category
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    of being that which is sexually immoral
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    and adulterous and those that
    God is going to judge.
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    Now, we see betrothal in Scripture
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    which might be akin to engagement
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    in our time.
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    Why?
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    Both of them involve a commitment
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    and both of them are headed to marriage.
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    And both of them are to be
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    radically pure,
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    because only the marriage bed
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    is the place where God
    allows that intimacy.
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    And God is very serious about that.
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    We can look at Joseph in the New Testament
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    acting as a righteous man
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    and he's ready to put Mary away
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    because of some perceived infidelity
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    on his part when they were in
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    this betrothal period.
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    But under Moses,
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    it was very pronounced.
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    Deuteronomy 22:23
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    If there is a betrothed virgin
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    and a man meets her in the city
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    and lies with her,
    then you shall bring
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    them both out to the gate of that city,
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    and you shall stone them to death
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    with stones.
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    The young woman because she did not
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    cry for help,
    though she was in the city;
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    and the man, because he violated
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    his neighbor's wife.
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    So you shall purge
    the evil from your midst.
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    If in the open country, a man meets
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    a young woman who is betrothed
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    and the man seizes her
    and lies with her
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    then only the man who lay with her
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    shall die.
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    This betrothal period - it even inter-uses
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    betrothal and marriage,
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    because it was something that you
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    actually had to have a divorce to break.
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    It was that permanent.
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    Our engagments, although they involve
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    a token of that pledge
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    in a ring typically,
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    and there's a commitment,
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    and usually when there's an engagement
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    there's a marriage date set.
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    But we don't count it as binding
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    in our society.
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    But nevertheless, it's a
    period of commitment.
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    Marriage is the goal.
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    And absolute purity is to be maintained.
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    The other one is where you're just
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    existing side-by-side.
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    You're friends.
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    Or maybe you're not friends.
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    Maybe it's a father/daughter;
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    maybe it's a brother/sister; whatever.
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    Every other relationship is single
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    and pursuing purity.
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    I guess one of the parties
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    or both of the parties could be married,
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    but we're talking about the specific
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    relationship between any man
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    and any woman.
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    What we're doing is we're answering
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    the question that
    this young lady has posed.
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    And look, she's talking about
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    "if I broke up with my boyfriend..."
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    what does breaking up with a boyfriend
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    even look like?
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    Well, it's a very worldly terminology.
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    It's the idea of dating, boyfriends,
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    going out, casual dating, going steady,
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    whatever.
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    There's lots of different
    ways that it's said today.
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    But it's this idea that I specifically
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    have a relationship with
    this person over here
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    with no commitment.
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    It's not headed towards marriage.
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    We're not married.
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    We're not getting married.
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    Why do they do that?
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    What do they want?
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    Well, they want something from the other
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    person without commitment.
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    That's basically what is wanted.
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    Typically, in our society today,
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    it runs into enjoying the fullness
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    of all the intimacy that
    is had in marriage
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    and it's just done without any commitment.
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    It's done in high school,
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    it's done in middle school.
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    And what Scripture says
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    is you have this spoken to Timothy,
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    "do not rebuke an older man,"
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    in 1 Timothy 5:1-2.
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    "Do not rebuke an older man,
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    but encourage him as you would a father;
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    younger men as brothers;
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    older women as mothers."
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    And Timothy, this is how you're
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    supposed to deal -
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    Timothy is a young man;
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    this is how you deal with young women.
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    How?
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    In all purity.
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    You want a blanket statement
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    from the apostle as to how
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    young men and young women
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    who are not engaged
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    and headed towards marriage;
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    who are not in marriage.
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    Well, even if you are engaged,
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    but this is the kind of summary statement.
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    Purity, purity, purity.
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    All purity.
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    1 Timothy 2:22
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    "So flee youthful passions;
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    pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace
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    along with those who call on the Lord
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    from a pure heart."
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    Of course, you have 1 Corinthians 6:18
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    that says, "Flee from sexual immorality."
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    And so, my point to Alvarina,
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    listen, it's like she's saying this:
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    "Well, I thought this guy was a Christian,
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    and I had to break up with him
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    because he stopped being a Christian.
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    Is it ok for me to wait for him
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    to come back to Christ?"
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    To do what?
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    Well, so that she can
    go out with him again.
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    Or do I have to move on?
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    Move on to what?
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    Some other guy
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    that professes to be a Christian.
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    She really needs a pastor,
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    she needs a father or mother
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    in her life that's telling her,
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    look, this isn't even an acceptable
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    kind of relationship before the Lord.
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    The Lord wants purity.
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    What in the world kind of
    relationship are you getting into
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    and why are you getting into it?
    What does it mean?
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    You go out on dates?
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    It's totally inappropriate.
  • 14:46 - 14:48
    It's not specified in Scripture.
  • 14:48 - 14:50
    There's no such recognized
  • 14:50 - 14:54
    relationships like this
    that God gives to us.
  • 14:54 - 14:56
    The only one where any kind of intimacy
  • 14:56 - 14:58
    is accepted in Scripture
    is the marriage bed
  • 14:58 - 15:00
    and everything else is to be kept
  • 15:00 - 15:01
    absolutely pure.
  • 15:01 - 15:03
    Everything else.
  • 15:03 - 15:06
    And so, there needs to be a fleeing
  • 15:06 - 15:07
    from youthful passions,
  • 15:07 - 15:10
    a fleeing from sexual immorality,
  • 15:10 - 15:12
    and certainly, we know it,
  • 15:12 - 15:15
    you can be blind and you understand,
  • 15:15 - 15:18
    that all this casual dating
    that's going on
  • 15:18 - 15:19
    in our world,
  • 15:19 - 15:21
    all this going out and going steady,
  • 15:21 - 15:23
    and having this girlfriend/boyfriend stuff.
  • 15:23 - 15:27
    Even down into probably
    elementary schools now
  • 15:27 - 15:31
    it's leading to all manner
    of sexual immorality,
  • 15:31 - 15:33
    and all sorts of wickedness.
  • 15:33 - 15:36
    It's done for a reason.
  • 15:36 - 15:37
    And most of us here were lost
  • 15:37 - 15:39
    and are first generation Christians.
  • 15:39 - 15:42
    We were lost when we
    were in elementary school
  • 15:42 - 15:44
    and middle school and high school,
  • 15:44 - 15:46
    and we know exactly what it's all about.
  • 15:46 - 15:49
    We know.
  • 15:49 - 15:53
    And I hope we don't have any parents
  • 15:53 - 15:55
    in this church that would ever condone
  • 15:55 - 15:58
    that kind of relationship between
  • 15:58 - 16:01
    young people.
  • 16:01 - 16:03
    So anyway, that's basically how I would
  • 16:03 - 16:08
    answer Alvarina if I
    was able to sit with her
  • 16:08 - 16:11
    face to face.
  • 16:11 - 16:14
    God wants a commitment in relationships.
  • 16:14 - 16:15
    Why?
  • 16:15 - 16:18
    Because ultimately what
    this leads to is marriage,
  • 16:18 - 16:19
    which is what?
  • 16:19 - 16:20
    It's a foreshadowing of
  • 16:20 - 16:24
    the relationship between Jesus Christ
    and the church.
  • 16:24 - 16:31
    And our Lord has relationship with people
  • 16:31 - 16:35
    by way of covenant.
  • 16:35 - 16:37
    He's committed.
  • 16:37 - 16:39
    He's all out committed to that relationship.
  • 16:39 - 16:43
    And that's the only kind that is
  • 16:43 - 16:46
    honoring to God.
  • 16:46 - 16:51
    Everything else is dishonoring.
Title:
Wait For My Boyfriend to Get Saved Again? - Ask Pastor Tim
Description:

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Video Language:
English
Duration:
16:52

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