Marriage Advice for Christians - Clint Leiter

Question: To those who are married,

what are the strongest encouragements

or strongest points of exhortation

that you could give as you look back

on what you've learned in
your 40 years of marriage?

Clint: Well, communication is a big one.

You can't exist in a happy marriage

apart from communication.

Sooner or later, the problems

are going to mount up

and they can be traced to
that one fountain head:

you don't talk about things.

And so that's a big one.

We've got to talk, shouldn't we.

It's a necessity.

And then there's such things

as ministries to one another -

a ministry of comfort.

When one is bereaved,

when one is grieving,

one is going through a difficult time,

the other one has got to be there

as a comfort.

That's all part of the
intimacy of marriage.

And so that's a big one.

Selfishness.

That will drive a nail in the coffin.

I mean, if you have two
people that are selfish

or you have one person
that's a selfish individual,

there's going to be a lot
of grief and heartache

when it could have been a happy marriage

had one person been more selfless

rather than selfish.

Self-centeredness -
it shows up all the time.

Not considering the other person

more important than yourself.

So that's a big one right there.

Question: What are some examples

of the ways you've seen selfishness

manifest itself that sometimes

people might be slow to recognize

that they're even being selfish?

Clint: Insistence oftentimes

has in parentheses selfishness.

I insist on this or that.

You know, that seems to
come to mind immediately.

I guess I couldn't give
a real example of it

that would be useful.

And it comes out all of the time.

I insist we celebrate this
holiday with my family.

You know, that could
just simply be selfish.

Those kinds of things.

Question: If someone came to you

and they said brother,

how can I fix the problems in my marriage?

What would you say to someone

whose mindset is maybe like a mechanic?

Who is like I've got to fix all
these things in my marriage?

Is that a good mindset to have?

Or are there pitfalls there?

What would you say?

Clint: Well, we've got
to pray for one another.

For sure.

And I don't fault someone

for wanting to improve their marriage.

I mean, a marriage is something
you've got to work at.

It's a hands on endeavor.

It takes two people.

In fact, the problems mount up

when people don't work on their marriage.

They get lazy.

They don't spend the time together talking

that they need to.

They don't minister to one another.

Those problems begin to mount up.

They begin to live
separate lives and so on.

So I don't fault someone for wanting

to fix their marriage.

It could be that what they need

is to prioritize the problems

and not try and fix all
of them all at once.

Take the most dangerous ones

or the most affecting ones.

Work on them through prayer,

through godly counsel.

Not peer counsel.

I'm not a big fan of peer counsel.

But rather, godly counsel.

Go to your pastors.

You know, there's such a thing

as casting your pearls before swine

when you take intimate matters

and begin to talk to your
best friend about them,

who three months down the road

is no longer your best friend,
but your worst enemy.

And now he knows your
intimate secrets and issues.

And you've cast your pearls before swine.

They turn and rend you

as it says there in the King James -

tear you.

So, we've got to be really cautious

who we seek counsel from.

So often, a word of counsel is very apt

because that pastor is

not emotionally tied up in the situation.

Emotions run high in marital problems.

And he can give an unbiased word

of counsel from the
Bible or his experience.

A man who's been a pastor

and has been married for a number of years

has a real advantage that way.

There are some men that are pastors

who are single pastors.

They're not married.

And they have real
difficulties, I would say,

counseling married couples.

They don't have those
experiences to fall back on.

So as far as a hands on approach

of fix my marriage kind of a mentality,

it seems like prioritizing
would be the first step.

This is the biggest issue right now

that we have to face,

so let's just work on that one.

Then we'll move on from there.

Marriage has got to be the
most sanctifying institution

God has put on the planet

except for maybe kids, child rearing.

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