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It is so that I distanced myself from the topic "refugees" for some time.
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My first thought was that we must help these people.
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I'm a humanist, and of the opinion that when someone is in need, he should be helped.
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That's why my first reflex was to be pro-refugees and to say that we must help all and everyone of them.
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I didn't reflect much on this, but at some point I had the need to see for myself how things were.
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Then, I went to one of the refugee centers and joined a organization, in which I could do voluntary service.
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This way, I took care of three refugees during the past 9 months.
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I was supposed to help one of them with his school homework.
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The second one needed a job.
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The third one had just recently arrived from Syria and I was a kind of language coach for him.
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But I also helped him with other things, like bringing his things in place, and trying to integrate him.
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Like I said before, my position was fundamentally pro-refugees, before I started working with them.
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Nowadays, after gaining personal experience with them, I'm very skeptical.
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Of course I still believe we should help people in need, but the things I have experienced, unfortunately overlap with that being said by many
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- and I'm trying to be apolitical here and objectively narrate the experience I have made without being judgmental or putting myself in either political corner -
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also, at first I took care of a refugee that came from Afghanistan
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he was still pretty young
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and, I didn't work with him for long
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he started an apprenticeship here in Germany
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and needed help with his homework
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I met him
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and, offered him my help to do his homework periodically together
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but he didn't commit himself to that
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and didn't contact me anymore
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That can happen. Perhaps he didn't like me, or had better things to do. It doesn't matter.
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The second refugee
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At this point I was a little bit disillusioned to be honest
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He comes from Syria and is married with two kids.
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He has been living here for ten years now. Also, he is no current refugee.
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Apparently, he studied Mathematics back in Syria
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He's a Mathematics Professor, but never really had a job in Germany
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always some sort of non-skilled job, when he actually did something
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I don't know why it was this way.
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Anyways, my task was to help him finding a job.
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The first thing to attract my attention was that he doesn't speak any German.
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After ten years in the country he still has lots of problems to formulate sentences.
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I looked for jobs with him
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and I was always confronted with resistance
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he couldn't do this, he couldn't do that
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he is a mathematics professor
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I kind of understood that. He was a highly qualified man, at least on paper, so I can understand when he doesn't want to do a dirty job
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I tried to explain to him that he has to learn German, he needs German, he must be able to speak German to get a job according to his qualifications
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He must do something about it, attend language classes, private classes or whatever
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He refused to all my proposals:
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German classes are too expensive, he cannot go to work because his wife is sick, or he can't do the job because he's overqualified.
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I was always a struggle against his will
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I found some language classes for him at the adult education center
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that were very cheap
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and with his social ID he would have paid even less
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a course would have costed him 10 or 20€
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and he could have done different levels
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and achieved a good qualification
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for a total cost of perhaps 150 or 200€
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- complete, all the courses -
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- they would have been 8 or 9 courses -
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- offered by the adult education center -
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I really did all the research for him
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and put effort putting the information together
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I looked for all the courses, the prices, what he would in fact pay with his social ID
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I also looked for jobs for him, made the appointments, explained him when and how to apply for the positions
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I told him I could correct the language of his application forms if he sent me them per email
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Also, I did everything in my power to help him find a job
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or to get a job
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I would have attended the job interview with him
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But he made every imaginable excuse
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and at the end he stop contacting me
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This was a experience in which I was a little disillusioned
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I tried to rationalize it. It doesn't mean anything.
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It was an isolated thing.
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I also somewhat understood him.
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His wife was sick and he had kids
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It's not so easy
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I can understand that in such situations people just don't want anything anymore. He was already in his 50s or so
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I was disillusioned and perhaps also a little disappointed
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But I wasn't a big deal
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I granted myself some time off
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and then I contacted this organization again
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They appointed my to a third refugee
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and the experience with this refugee
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made me make this video
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the range of feeling goes from fear, to rage and perplexity
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It was so that this refugee, he comes from Syria
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22 years old, I think, but I'm not sure anymore
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In any case in his early 20s
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The first impression was already a little... I thought to myself, well, perhaps he's traumatized or has been through a lot of shit.
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We met a couple of times
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He was... very disrespectful all the time
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He was continuously on his mobile phone during our meetings, talking to people
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or sending messages
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and received friends
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I felt like the 3rd wheel
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He wanted my help, my support
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but gave me to understand, that I have to follow him
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It's difficult to explain
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I wasn't in the center - I didn't ask for that either -
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but if we have a meeting, and you spend time together in this context
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then you expect the other person not to be continuously on the phone
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and that his attentions is with the person that is offering his time to help
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Anyways, with talked a lot, went hiking, he had a shot wound on his leg
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and I thought, ok, this is exactly the kind of refugees we hear from in the media
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one of those who really need help
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At some point we started talking about religion
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He was a Muslim
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but he drank alcohol
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and smokes
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and, when I told him that I am an atheist and don't believe in a god
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then
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the mood changed
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you could clearly see how he tried to pull himself together
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and stay calm
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but as the conversation progressed, he got more and more aggresive
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I was having a totally normal conversation
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and tried to explain to him
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that in Germany
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and generally in Europe
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and all over the world
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there are people that don't believe in god
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and I tried to explain to him that I just don't believe in a god
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and that there are very good reasons, in my opinion, in favor of atheism
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He got aggressive and tried to convince me that there is a god
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and specially the Muslim god, Allah
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and asked how it could be that I'm alive when I don't belive in any god
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He meant, that I haven't died in an accident, or because of misfortune, since there is no god to protect me
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The situation turned very scary, he got aggressive and mean
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I felt threatened
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because I could realize he couldn't come to terms with that
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I am an atheist, so I quickly ended the conversation
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This was the first situation where I thought, ok,
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I have to be careful with what I say
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My freedom of speech was actually constrained
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Nobody prohibited me to say something, but
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it was... somehow threatening
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I cannot say more about it. This was how I felt.
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Then I remember a situation
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He had a process going on... it was about his residence permit
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I don't know the details, but it was about whether he could stay in Germany or not.
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He came through Italy
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and he got registered there
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and that's why this process was going on
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I think it's called Schengen Agreement
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As I said, I don't really know the details
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In any case it wasn't clear if he could stay in Germany because of his registration in Italy, which is a safe country
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Anyway, the legal action went well for him
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and he got the approval for staying in Germany
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eventually he got a letter stating he owed 600€ in legal fees
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this letter was from his lawyer
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and he got incredibly upset about it
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he turned really mean because he had to pay the 600€
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he didn't understand, I tried to explain to him that when he hires a private lawyer he has to pay him
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his reasoning was that he had won the legal action and now is here in Germany
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I didn't understand what he meant by that
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What does it mean that "he's now here"
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he said, that if we won the case, than it's because everyone wants to have him here, so he shouldn't have to pay for the lawyer.
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That was very confusing for him
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Eventually he accepted it and paid the lawyer
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This wasn't a problem a for me, I though, ok, he just doesn't understand how things work here. Perhaps it's different in Syria or so.
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I didn't think much about it
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But when he started talking about his expectations in Germany
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He expects, literally... he thought that in Germany nobody has to work
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He was irritated about having to work
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He said he though that nobody has to work in Germany
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That's what people say in Syria and along the refugee routes.
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I explained to him that in Germany people have to work and that people in Germany have to gain their sustenance and prosperity
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Then I thought again that it was a misunderstanding created by some rumors and I shouldn't overestimate it.
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However, his statement was important later on
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when he spoke to me about his family after a couple of days
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What I understood was that he was a kind of pawn for the family
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He's the family's lackey and has to jump whenever his father snaps his fingers
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There is a clear hierarchy
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The father... better said the family, the father has the last word but the whole family sent this refugee to Germany
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Then I asked him why he was sent, because after wall he was the family's servant
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he told me it was so that he can earn money
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Now it's important to recall that he thought nobody has to work in Germany
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He told me his family sent him to Germany so that he can collect this free money
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Because everyone was assuming that in Germany nobody has to work
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Since he was the idiot in the family, who was willing to travel to Germany, he was the one they sent.
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He had to do it.
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It wasn't an escape from Syria, but a mission
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His mission was to find money for the family
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so I asked him if his family was in danger or doing bad, because he was always talking to them on his mobile
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I asked him how they were doing and if they are going to come to Germany too
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He said "no, no, they aren't coming to Germany". They are doing fine and have no worries.
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I started being skeptical.
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Because I imagine Syria as a big war zone.
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Perhaps there are regions now in which there are no wars going on
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at least this family didn't have any problems there
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and sent their son to Germany to procure money for them, because they thought there is free money here, without working
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then when talked about his qualifications
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he told me he studies computer science in Syria
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I was really excited and told him he would have a wonderful future here
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and the injure in your leg won't be a problem, since you just sit in front of a computer
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I told him, nice, we need people like you!
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We need skilled workers, that's what we are always getting told
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and I told him just that
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I was really happy about him
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Now, it is so that I also have a degree in computer science
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I studied technical computer science and financial computer science
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and I thought to myself: "ok, here is something we can have good discussions about"
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unfortunately I realized after just 3 minutes that he didn't know anything
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I was pretty obvious that he had never attended a computer science class
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This means he lied about his qualifications
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or the standards in Syria are extremely low
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I don't know, but I'd bet it's the former.
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He also told me that young girls and boys come to the refugee center on the evenings.
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and I asked him what are they doing there
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and he says, yeah, they buy drugs
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marihuana and things like that
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and I asked him, how so? In the refugee center or at the refugee center?
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he said, yes, every evening
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That irritated me a little bit
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and I asked him if he does it too
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he replied no no, he doesn't do that
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I tried to frighten him a little
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I tried to explain to him that the police is protecting the refugee centers and the officers will realize drugs are being sold there
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He was irritated about this
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he said, "really? In our refugee center nobody has been arrested, ever"
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Apparently they have been doing this for months now
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I was irritated, I tried to explain that the police is observing this
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and taking notes
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and waiting for enough delicts to be committed in order to act
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it's always difficult in isolated acts, so they collect them for a while
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and I showed him were the police car was
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it was parked near the refugee center
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when I pointed with my finger he got a panic attack
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and told "stop pointing at the police!"
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"they could arrest us!"
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they won't do such a thing, I told him
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"they'll ask us to take our pants down, and they'll search us and so"
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I don't know from which source he got that
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but he had a strong fear to get the attention of the police
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I have to be honest, I was very irritated
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because they have been selling drugs for months right under the nose of the police
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and nothing happens
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the problem is that there is a vocational school less than 20 meters away
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a big vocational school is there
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where about 800 pupils ranging from 14 to 21 years old attend school
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and 20 meters away there is a refugee center that is well-known as a place where you can get drugs without any problems.
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and the police haven't done anything for months
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I was really.... I must say stunned, I was really stunned
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I didn't understand how can someone come here as a refugee and the first thing this person does is to sell drugs.
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I thought this was just a rumor. I thought it was just right-wing propaganda
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But it wasn't. It is the reality. Just the reality.
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For the refugees it's a relieve that there is no action by the police
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The police don't do anything.
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This is obviously a free ticket for them.
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And the word gets around that nothing happens if they sell drugs
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and if their client attend to school 20 meters away, then it's even better
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it's good for the business
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Personally, something that really upset me was
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when he got the residence permit
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and the legal action was over
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when it was clear to him that he was allowed to stay in Germany
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I asked when what his plans were
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if he was going to look for an apartment, or so.
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I don't know, I haven't done this very often with refugees
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He told me he was going to look for an apartment
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but then he got really angry.
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I asked him why he was so furious
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And he told me he gets an apartment paid for up to 50m².
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I asked him if he was being serious. If he was angry because of that.
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He gets an apartment for free, up to 50m², paid for in this size.
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And he told me, "yes, it's very small".
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and that it was an infamy to put him in such a small apartment.
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It was hard to swallow. I live still live in 23m², this is my old student apartment, also I live in 23m² with two cats. I don't even have my own kitchen, just a kitchenette
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and been living here for 6 years. I paid for the apartment myself.
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That was really upsetting. These demands all the time.
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Free lawyer, getting money for not working, free apartment and then complain about it being too small with 50m², and then they are selling drugs in the refugee center, and the police don't care
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I tried without prejudice - I make this for 9 months now - and each time I had a bad experience I tried to interpret it in the context of each individual and each separate story
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I thought, ok, next time it will be better
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what is comming from the center, the fear of the so-called "concerned citizens" that are pushed to the right corner, I can understand them now because I have just experience it first hand.
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I had to deal with these refugees
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I was there. I saw it. I talked to them.
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My experiences with the 3rd refugee fulfill the negative picture we have about the refugees. I didn't want to believe it.
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But it's just the reality.
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I was furious. I was angry. And I drew consequences.
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If I have to have fear about my own security and the security of my family and friends.
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or I am confronted with these demands
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and them I am the one helping them
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for example I invited them to the cinema
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I invested time in them
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I gave to, shared with, invested in a person who didn't need it
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at the end I asked myself why I was helping them
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the fact is that the demands of these people are completely disproportionate.
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The notion of these people about Germany, and the rights in Germany, and the possibilities here were completely disproportionate.
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and that reality, my reality, my life, my experience, my money, my apartment, my whole living standard
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lie well below their expectations and demands
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and that what's already above my living standard, it's for these people too little.
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I'm not insinuating bad intentions. Of course they were falsely informed and they got the wrong expectations.
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But if you don't inform yourself in advance, or you don't let people explain things to you, and maintain the stubborn attitude that e.g. 50m² is too small and you want more
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and these people don't care that a lot of people in Germany live under much worse conditions than themselves
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than things turn personal
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and eventually I took it personally too
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and stopped helping this person and wrote a letter to this organization
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in which I clearly stated that I didn't have the impression that this person was in need for help
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I wrote about the three bad experiences I've had.
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that I was really disillusioned
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that I was disappointed
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and confronted with an unexpected reality
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We are being told something completely different
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We see in the media something completely different
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And we are gagged every time we try to speak about these things
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The argument always goes like "but have you experienced this first-hand or you have this information from people that just want to agitate against refugees?"
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Yes, I have experienced this.