Grooming, virtual abuse? | Sebastián Bortnik | TEDxRíodelaPlata

What is grooming? Sebastián Bortnik tells us some of the risks children and teenagers are exposed to through the use of the Internet and a key to confronting them. Sebastián is an expert in Computer Security and President of Argentina Cibersegura. Is he a hacker? No, he's been engaged in education and research on computer attacks in Argentina from more than ten years.

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

This is Nina Rodriguez' Facebook profile.

This person had three different profiles

and 890 kids between 9 and 13 years old
on their list of friends.

These are parts of a chat
with one of those kids.

This is an exact copy of the chat

and it's part of the case file.

This kid started sending private photos

until his family noticed it.

The police report and
investigation lead to a house.

This was the girl's bedroom.

Nina Rodriguez was actually
a 24-year-old man,

that used to do this with lots of kids.

Micaela Ortega was 12

when she went to meet her
new Facebook girl friend

of her same age.

"Rochi de River," was her name.

She actually met Jonathan Luna,
who was 26 years old,

who, when he was finally caught,

confessed that he killed her because
the girl didn't want to have sex with him.

He had four Facebook profiles

and 1,700 women on his contact list.

90 percent of them
were less than 13 years old.

These are two different cases of grooming:

an adult contacts a kid
through the Internet,

and by manipulating or lying

leads that kid to sexual fields.

From talking about sex

to sharing private photos,

recording the kid using a webcam

or arranging a meeting.

This is grooming.

This is happening and it's on the rise.

The question is, "What will we do?"

because, in the meantime, kids are alone.

They finish dinner, go to their rooms,

close the door,

take their computer, their cell phones

and get into a bar,

into a club.

Think for one second about
what I've just said;

they are in a place full of strangers

in a uninhibited environment.

Internet broke physical boundaries.

When we are alone in our bedroom,

and we go online,

we're not really alone.

There are two reasons why
we are not taking care of this

or at least not in the right way.

Firstly, we're sure that everything
that happens online is "virtual."

In fact, we call it "the virtual world"!

If you look it up,

something virtual is
something that is not real

and we use that word
to talk about the Internet;

something not real.

And that's the problem with grooming.

It is real.

Adults, perverts, use the Internet
to abuse boys and girls

and take advantage of the fact
that the kids and their parents

think that what happens there
actually doesn't happen.

Some years ago, we founded a NGO,
"Argentina Cibersegura"

that works on bringing awareness
about online safety.

On 2013, we attended meetings

at the Chamber of Deputies

to discuss a law about grooming.

I remember that most people thought

that grooming was just the previous step

to arrange a meeting with
the kids and have sex with them.

But they didn't think about
what happened with kids

that were exposed to talk about sex
with an adult, without knowing it,

sharing private photos thinking
only another kid will see them

or even worse,

exposing themselves
using their web cam.

Nobody saw this as raping.

I'm sure lots of you find it weird to
think that one person can abuse another

without physical contact.

Our mindset is built this way.

I know, because I used to think the same.

I was just an information technician

until this happened to me.

By the end of 2011,

in a little town in Buenos Aires,

I heard about a case for the first time.

After giving a talk,

I met the parents of an 11-year-old girl
who had suffered grooming.

An adult had manipulated her

into masturbate in front of her web cam

and had recorded her.

And the video was on several websites.

That day, her parents asked us, in tears,

to tell them

how to delete those videos
from the Internet.

That broke my heart,

and changed me forever,

being their last disappointment,
telling them it was too late.

Once content is online,

we've already lost control.

Since that day, I think about that girl

waking up in the morning,
having breakfast with her family,

which had seen the video,

and then walking to school, meeting people

that had seen her naked,

arriving to school, playing with
her friends, who had also seen her.

That was her life.

Exposed.

Of course, nobody raped her body,

but hasn't her sexuality been abused?

We clearly use different standards
to measure physical and digital things.

And we get angry at social networks

because being angry with ourselves

is more painful and more sincere.

And this takes us to another reason why
we don't take good care of this topic.

We believe kids

don't need our help,

that they "know everything"
about technology.

When I was a kid,

my parents at some point started
letting me walk to school alone.

After walking with them
for many years,

one day they talked to me,

gave me the house keys

and told me: "Be very careful with them,
don't give them to anyone,

take the road we showed you,
be at home at the time we said,

cross the street at the corners
and look both ways before you cross,

and, no matter what,
don't talk to strangers."

I knew everything about walking,

however, there was a responsible adult

taking care of me.

Knowing how to do something
is not the same

as doing it safely.

Imagine this situation:

I'm 10 or 11 years old,
I wake up in the morning,

my parents give me the keys and say:

"Seba, now you can walk to school alone."

And when I come back late,

they say, "You should arrive
at the time we said."

And two weeks later,

they say, by the way, "You know what?

You have to cross at the corners

and look both ways before crossing."

And two years later:

"And also, don't talk to strangers."

It sounds absurd, right?

We have the same absurd behavior
in relation to technology.

We give kids total access
and we see if one day,

sooner or later,

they learn how to take care of themselves.

Doing something is not the same

as doing it safely.

When we talk to parents,

they often say

that they don't care about
technology and social networks.

I always ask them if they
care about their kids.

As adults, getting in touch or not
with technology,

means getting in touch or not
with the kids.

Internet is part of their lives.

Technology makes us rethink the
relationship between adults and kids.

Education was always based
on two main concepts:

experience and knowledge.

How can we teach to be safe online

when we don't have either?

Today, as adults, we have to guide kids

on fields that sometimes we don't know,

and that are more friendly to them.

It's impossible to find an answer

without doing new and
uncomfortable things,

things we're not used to.

A lot of you may think it's easy for me,

because I'm quite young,

and it used to be like this.

It used to.

Until last year,

when I felt the weight
of my age on my shoulders

the first time I opened Snapchat.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

I didn't understand a thing!

I found it unnecessary,

useless, hard to understand;

it looked like a camera!

It didn't have a menu!

It was the first time I felt
the gap that sometimes exists

between kids and adults.

But it was also an opportunity
to do the right thing

and get out of my comfort zone.

I felt I would never use Snapchat,

but then I asked my teenage cousin,

to show me how she used it.

And also why she used it.

What was fun about it?

We had a really nice talk,

she showed me her Snapchat
and talked about things,

we got closer, we laughed.

Today, I use it.

(Laughter)

I don't know if I do it right --

but the most important thing is
that I know it and I understand it.

The key was to overcome
the first impression,

and do something new;

something new.

Today, we have the chance
to create new conversations.

Which is the last app you downloaded?

Which social network do you use
to contact your friends?

Which kind of information do you share?

Were you approached by any stranger?

Could we have these talks
between kids and adults?

We have to make ourselves do it.

Today, lots of kids are listening to us.

Sometimes when we go
to schools to give our talks,

or through the social networks,
kids ask or tell us

things they didn't tell
their parents or their teachers...

They don't even know us.

Those kids need to know

which are the risks of being online,

to take care of themselves

but also that, as almost everything else,

they can learn this from any adult.

Online safety has to be a topic

in every house and in every classroom.

We did a survey this year that showed

that 15 percent of schools said
they knew cases of grooming

inside the school.

And this number is growing.

Technology changed
every aspect of our life,

including the risks we face

and how we take care of ourselves.

Grooming shows us this
in the most painful way,

messing up with the kids.

Are we going to do
something to avoid this?

The solution starts with
something very easy:

Talking about it.

Thank you.

(Applause)