RESPONSIBILITY (Why, When and How To Take It) - Teal Swan -

Responsibility

Hello there.

Responsibility is the cornerstone of awakening.

Essentially, what responsibility is,

is owning your own life.

You can see how responsibility is ...

the ability to respond.

By taking responsibility
what we're doing

is stepping into
this choice that we're making

to consciously create
and then respond to what we create.

As opposed to passively react to life

as if it is happening to us.

It is stepping into authority over yourself.

It's a highly empowered state;

A state of accountability.

Responsibility is the opposite
of the state of victimhood.

In victimhood, one feels
that they do not govern themselves

or their own life.

One feels no ability to choose,

and one has lost touch
with their sense of free will.

They're in a state of powerlessness
relative to themselves in their life.

Responsibility is when
someone healthily claims

their power over themselves
and their own life.

This causes them to feel
a sense of their own free will

and to conciously choose.

If you have responsibility,

you are leading your own life;

you claim your ability to act autonomously

without the authorization of others.

This state of empowerment

makes you capable of facing
and owning the consequences

of any choice you may make.

To be responsible,

you have to be willing to see and own

your part in the causation

of the experiences that you're
going through in your life.

Now, before you say:

"This sounds easy",

this is that moment
in the movie The Matrix

where you're choosing
between the blue pill & the red pill.

If you choose one,

you don't have to take
the pressure of the responsibility,

but you also don't get the freedom
and the empowerment.

If you choose the other,

you get the freedom
and the empowerment ...

but you have to swallow
a rather harsh truth.

And that's that you do play a role

in everything that is happening to you.

If responsibility enables us
to feel empowered about our own life,

then why the hell isn't it easy to do?

You'd assume that something
that naturally feels good,

would be easy.

But here's the thing;

it's easy to take responsibility
when our life is going good,

but obviously it's pretty hard
to take responsibility for our life

when our life is not going so good.

It is difficult to take responsibility
for our life and for ourselves

when things aren't going good,

primarily because of what we make it mean.

To understand how meaning
impacts your life,

go ahead and watch
my YouTube video called:

Meaning (The Self-Destruct Button)

The point is,

when stuff is going wrong in your life,

you make it mean something.

Rather than just feed you with the answer,

I'd rather you just
ask yourself the question:

"If I were 100 % responsible

for everything that's going on in my life,

and the things that are
going on in my life

aren't going good,
and aren't going right;

What do I make that mean?"

We are addicted to being the victim.

Why are we addicted to it?

Because we live in a society

that fuels and feeds victim mentality.

We are trained to be victims.

Society rallies around
the one who is powerless.

If you're truly seen as the victim,
everyone's on your side.

The Powerless One is the one
that gets the validation,

the love, the assistance.

We mistake the concern and pity
we get from others, for love.

It begins to become
the only way we feel love.

We become scared that if we gain autonomy,

or our problems go away,
we will be all alone.

The problem is that people in our life

get tired of giving us attention
and validation eventually ...

and they begin to gravitate away from us

and then we feel abandoned,

so our only hope is to find
someone new to validate and pity us.

The Powerless One

also does not have to deal with
the pressure of responsibility.

The powerless one is seen as the good guy.

If you're the victim,

you don't have to take responsibility
for your present or your future.

It's hard to realize

that no one's going to save you
from your situation.

One of the most painful
realizations you can have

is realization that no one's going to
rescue you from yourself or your life.

When you feel powerless already,

the awareness that there is
no one to rescue you but you,

is enough to push you over the edge.

And many people do commit suicide
when they come to this realization.

Those of us who feel the most powerless

are faced with the decision
to either commit to life

and do what we can with what
we have from where we are,

or to commit in the other direction,
and that is to choose death.

The bottom Line is,

we are raised within a society

that functions according to the model
of reward and punishment.

And one of these punishments
that is doled out

is the withdrawal of love and connection.

What we have to understand
about the physical human

is that we are wired for connection

because connection means...

- And always did over the course
of our evolution -

survival.

So to lose love, lose approval,
lose connection,

is to die.

Obviously then,

if we understand as children

that in order to be rewarded
or be included ...

within our social group,

or to continue being loved,
we have to be good.

And if we are bad,

we're excluded from the social group,

and we are pushed out and ultimately

risk our survival,

then what are we absolutely addicted to?

We are addicted to the idea of being good.

We have to stay good,

we have to see ourselves as good,

we have to portray ourselves as good.

Obviously there's a problem then

if the victim is the good guy.

Now we have a motive; to be that person.

The ego is attached the idea of itself

as good, right, justified, and superior.

If you're ever in a circumstance
where taking responsibility

pushes a button which triggers
anything within you

that might make you feel:

Insecure,

not superior (i.e. Inferior),

unjustified, bad, or wrong,

then obviously,

the ego instantly is going to
latch on to the idea

or the vision of itself as a victim ...

so as to restore the idea
of being justified,

to restore the idea of being right,
and good, and superior.

For example:

Let's say that a man
chose to be with a woman

who had two kids
with an abusive ex-husband.

Let's say that this ex-husband

is actively trying
to turn the kids against him,

by making him out to be the bad guy.

If this presses the button within him

that activates insecurities
about being a good guy,

he's likely to start feeling like
a victim to the entire circumstance.

He will feel like a victim
to the ex-husband,

and a victim to his lover
because she is the one

who dragged him into this mess.

Being a victim in this way,

restores his sense of being a good person

and relieves the pressure of
his authority relative to the situation.

He doesn't have to own
that by choosing to be with her ...

he is choosing to expose himself

to someone who is pushing these buttons

and calling him a bad guy.

Anywhere you are feeling like a victim

indicates an area of life

that is currently a threat
to your self-concept

and specifically a threat to your ability

to feel like a good and valuable person.

Victimhood also gives you permission...

makes it okay to feel sorry for yourself.

Now here's the thing;

When I say the words
"feel sorry for yourself",

pay attention to the reaction
that just happened within your body.

Most likely you went into
a state of resistance.

You didn't like those words so much.

Why is that?

It's because we live in a society

that teaches you that
there is something pathetic

and inappropriate about
feeling sorry for yourself.

So it's not okay to feel grief.

Let's take this one step further;

We have this belief

- especially within the
law of attraction community -

that anytime you had
an actual hand in creating something

(i.e. were responsible in any way for it),

it is no longer okay for you to feel sad;

It is no longer okay for you to feel grief;

And it is no longer okay for you
to feel anger relative to the situation.

After all, you did it to yourself.

But the thing is,

whether or not we had a hand
in creating the situation or not,

we can't stop feeling
sorrow or grief or anger

no matter how hard we try.

Emotions don't work that way,

so we have to find a backdoor way
to be able to feel those things.

Seeing ourselves and
being seen as the victim,

is this backdoor way.

It allows us to be okay
to feel sorrow and grief and anger.

The next time you're starting
to feel sorry for yourself,

stop yourself in your tracks

and remind yourself of this thing:

It is perfectly okay to feel that way.

It's appropriate in this circumstance
to feel sorry for yourself.

There's nothing wrong with
feeling sorry for yourself.

It's not pathetic,

it doesn't make you a "bad guy",

it's justified.

You are where you are,

and the part of you that feels
that sorrow and grief and anger

needs your attention, like a small child

that is crying out
for presence and comfort.

Then, only when you begin
to feel a bit of relief

as a result of really
sitting with those feelings,

can you find a proactive
thing to do or choice make

that will cause you
to come into your power

and shift you, even if only a tiny bit,

out of that pit of despair.

We are in a role of victim

anytime we feel powerless
to something else,

whether we feel powerless
to a self-limiting belief,

a person, a government or a circumstance.

It is easy to slip into the belief
that we aren't in control of our lives.

But whenever we don't see
that we are in control of our lives,

we get stuck in the role of victim
and can't access responsibility.

So many of us fall into
this pit of feeling victimized,

because we feel like
the universe is against us.

For this reason,
if you struggle with responsibility

it's essential that you watch
my youtube video that's titled:

I Can't Trust The Universe
(I Feel Like God is Against Me)

For a brief minute I need to discuss

the fact that like all things,

taking responsibility comes with
a dose of potential shadow

or pitfalls, shall we say?

One of these shadows
is that we can use responsibility

to try to minimize
or nullify our own emotions.

We try to suppress them
using responsibility.

This is a form of emotional bypassing.

Another potential shadow
of taking responsibility

is we begin to take responsibility

for things that ultimately
aren't our responsibility.

Another way of putting this
is that we use responsibility

in order to gain complete control
over a situation or our lives.

Now, control is not
innately a good state to be in,

because it's innately resistant.

If we're trying to externally
control the conditions of our life,

we are in a state of resistance
to the flow of life.

Essentially we take responsibility
for other people and other things

that are not our responsibility,

in order to try to regulate our environment

to feel in control of our lives
and the people and things in our life.

By doing this we don't
give people the opportunity

to change and grow.

Instead, we disable them from
taking responsibility for their own life,

so we can be the one
in control at all times.

But by far the biggest potential shadow

that comes with responsibility

is the fact that we may slip instead,

into self blame.

Now it's very easy to mistake
these two states for each other,

when in fact,

they exist at entire opposite
ends of the vibrational scale.

They are easily disguise as one another,

because both recognize
one as having a play or a role

in the causation of whatever
circumstance that you are in.

However, responsibility is
innately an empowered state,

whereas self-blame,
is a self condemning state.

It is easy for self-blame
to disguise itself as responsibility.

Kind of like a wolf
would disguise itself in sheep's clothing.

So that we get this,
I have to state it clearly:

Self blame is self hating,

responsibility is self loving.

But self blame is in fact,

how we escape a feeling of
genuine powerlessness to someone else.

I will tell you as somebody who
sees people in a therapy type setting,

that one of the most
difficult things to do,

is to get somebody who has
experienced sexual abuse

out of a state of self blame.

Why is that?

It's because when
somebody is sexually abused,

it puts them in a state of
such extreme powerlessness,

that self blame is in fact a
vibrational improvement upon that.

So a person experiences it
as a form of empowerment.

In other words,
at least if I caused it somehow,

I'm not completely at the mercy
of an unjust world or person.

This is infinitely more frightening.

It means you really didn't
have any control at all.

The universe does not recognize blame.

It recognizes causation,
but not blame or fault.

Now obviously, there is no way
for me to condemn

blaming other people.

Blaming is a huge part
of not taking responsibility.

But if you're in a state of self blame,

in fact, blaming others
is a vibrational improvement.

So we can use it as a tool for healing.

But blame also can be
a level that you get stuck at,

a way of disempowering yourself,
and never taking responsibility

for the situation that you
may find yourself in.

Even when we have encountered
situations in our life

where on a physical level,
other people are causing what is occurring

and therefore to blame,

we need to stop trying
to get them to take responsibility,

and instead focus on
our role in the situation, entirely.

We do this by accepting that
we can't do anything about them.

There is a degree of empowerment
and accepting that "dead is dead"

or "gone is gone" or "over it is over"

or "done is done".

We cut our losses and work
only with what we do have.

We can't control anything about
what this other person is doing,

or has done, and so
we need to stop asking them

through our blame,
to change something.

This is profoundly empowering,

provided that we aren't
slipping into self blame.

To just focus all our efforts
on our own role in the situation

and on the lessons
we are learning in the situation

and on making changes we can make.

If you are struggling with a circumstance
that causes you to feel like a victim,

the reality is, is that
you have been deeply hurt

by a situation that now has you feeling

as if you're completely powerless.

What you must do first and foremost,

is to acknowledge and be fully present

with those feelings;

the hurt and the powerlessness,

the feeling of victimization.

You've got to do this before
you ever try to take a step forward

to take your power back
by becoming responsible.

But once you have been
fully present with these feelings,

I want you to ask yourself
the following questions:

#1.

How am I a match to this?

Now it's really important that you
don't take this to a space of self blame.

This is not the part of the process

where you are looking for how you did it,

and how you are
to blame for the situation.

This is the step where
you're essentially looking for:

"How might I vibrationally
be a match to this,

based on previous circumstances
or unhealed wounds within me,

or what actions or things
did I do that fueled the situation

or led to the creation of it?"

#2.

"What am I meant to learn from this?"

#3.

"what is this pain causing
me to know that I want?"

#4.

"What positive things have come from

or could possibly
come from this situation?"

#5.

"What can I do from right here and now

to change things for the better?"

#6.

What do I now know
to do differently in the future?

I am most likely going to
do an entire episode,

if not write an entire book

on forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an amazing aspect
of taking responsibility.

The ability to respond,
gives us the ability to forgive.

But for the sake of
this video on responsibility,

it is critical to understand

that forgiveness is the practice
of making peace with where you were

and are,

thereby releasing you

from the bondage that prevents
you from touching happiness.

When you forgive someone,

it is as if you are setting a prisoner free,

only to discover that you
were the prisoner all along.

Am going to be excessively aggressive,

and tell you that to really be
in a genuine space of forgiveness,

you have to be in a space of
approval for whatever occurred.

This is much deeper than pure acceptance,

or purely letting go.

If you have managed to find approval,

"I'm in complete approval
for whatever has occurred",

there is nothing left to forgive.

The only thing that is left
in the wake of genuine forgiveness,

is a state of gratitude

When we do not find a way

to make harmony with
the things that cause us to suffer,

they become wounds of the mind.

They become wounds that we carry with us

in our conscious
and subconscious every day.

The pain becomes like shackles
that we are so used to living with,

that we don't even realize
we have the power to take them off.

When we truly forgive someone,
the negative emotion no longer exists.

Instead, we sense a deep feeling of peace.

Because of this, forgiveness is freedom.

Sometimes though,
simply for the sake of knowing

the inherent goodness of forgiveness,

we try to rush ourselves into forgiveness,

when we have not yet changed
the thoughts we are thinking

about whatever we are trying to forgive.

It can never happen this way.

Forgiveness cannot be forced.

We cannot try to forgive.

Instead, it is the natural byproduct
of previous steps that we take.

But you can begin this process
by asking yourself these two questions:

"What do I need in order
to let go of this situation?

or "What do I need in order
to forgive in this situation?

and "What do I approve of
relative to this situation?"

You can write positive aspect lists
about the situation itself

that has you feeling like a victim.

Forgiving other people
isn't the most important part

of taking responsibility
and of owning your life.

The most important thing to do
is to forgive yourself.

Regardless of whether or not
somebody else is involved

in your process of forgiveness,

forgiveness is own ever unilateral.

How do you approve of yourself
relative to this situation

that has you feeling like
a victim or blaming yourself?

Happiness results as a kind
of internal freedom

that is the result
of altering your perspective

about any given circumstance.

If you zoom out far enough,

you are able to see that we
are only ever the victim of victims.

If you zoom out even further than that,

you see that victimhood
does not actually exist.

When we succumb to
seeing ourselves as powerless,

We are letting the people
and circumstances in our lives

dictate how we feel
and ultimately who we will become.

We feel powerless to our own lives
and we waste our time asking:

"Why me?"

Instead of doing what we can

with what we have from where we are.

Own your life!

Take responsibility for your future,

by dropping the thoughts words and actions

that aren't getting you anywhere.

This means you have to change
and let's face it, change is scary.

It's scary to hold the weight
of your own life in your hands.

But our lives will only ever become
lives of joy, freedom and peace,

when we can own the responsibility,

not only for what was,
but also for what is

and what is to come.

The time has come to see
that we have an active choice

in our life at all moments of the day.

We all too often, go through our lives

acting as if we're being dragged
into every circumstance

by some external force

that we can't quite put our finger on.

Here's an example:

A lot of people will say:

I have to go to work today.

The reality is,

you don't actually have to.

Quite literally, you could just
never show up to work again.

If you choose to go to work,

it is because you have decided
it is the best course of action.

So what I challenge you to do,
is own your choice either way.

Either you own the fact that
you have chosen to go to work,

or you own the fact that
you've chosen never to show up again.

Any time you make
excuses for past failures

or for why you can't do something
you really genuinely want to do,

This is a skirting of responsibility
as well.

I encourage you to just admit to why

the things fell through.

Why did you actually fail?

Why can't you actually
go through with what you're doing?

Or why are you choosing not to?

Were you too lazy, too afraid, too tired,

or just felt like doing something else?

It's okay to admit to it.

Even though it may not
paint you in the best light,

it is ten times better
to be genuinely authentic

and to realize you have control,

than to see yourself as a victim,
in a state of in authenticity.

If you are feeling like
a victim in the situation,

you are avoiding something in your life.

What is it you are trying to avoid?

Taking responsibility means facing
something you don't want to face.

But in order to live a life worth living,

you need to face that very thing.

Admit to your mistakes.

Admitting to your mistakes,
does amazing things for responsibility.

It enables us to learn from what was,

and to also take that lesson,

and create what is to become.

The kind of life we want to live.

If you have a difficult time
embracing mistakes,

It's because you have
a difficult time letting go of them.

So what I want you to do is
to watch my youtube video titled:

How To Let Go of Mistakes

Short-circuit you're complaining.

Complaining is just
another form of blaming.

It's a state of victimization.

It is to say:

"I don't have control over
all this stuff I can't stand in my life",

and the reality is
it sets up neural pathways

that bend us towards negative focus.

That just ends up

leading you down the path
to a really painful life.

Take initiative to change anything
you feel like complaining about,

or change your perspective about it.

Another great tool to shortcut complaint

is with gratitude.

Gratitude is an opposite vibration

to the vibration of
victimhood or powerlessness.

You can' feel bad about your life

and focus on things
you like about your life

at the exact same time.

So, when you feel yourself complaining,

it's a great idea to shift your focus

to looking around your environment
or whatever situation you're in

for positive aspects,

things that you feel grateful for.

Practice self-discipline,

set goals, take Initiative,

and do not allow
yourself to be distracted.

This means no procrastinating.

You have to see things through
to the end and commit.

Look, commitment is responsibility.

If you're afraid of responsibility,

that will dovetail
with a fear of commitment.

But the thing is,

is that nobody is really
genuinely afraid of commitment,

they're just unwilling to admit

to what they are genuinely
wanting to commit to.

To understand more about this,

I want you to watch
my video on YouTube titled:

How To Get Over The Fear of Commitment.

Look at your life
and ask yourself this question:

"If I were to take
full responsibility for my life

and really own my own life,

what would I do differently today?

Then, when you are ready, go for it!

You do not have to improve
all aspects of your life at once,

just take the next logical step
from wherever you are.

Once you are done with that step,
take the next one.

By taking responsibility

and simply taking the next step
that is directly in front of you,

you will eventually walk your way

into the exact kind of life
you want to be living.

A life that you genuinely are proud to own.

Have a good week.

Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte