The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont
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0:06 - 0:08In 2015,
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0:09 - 0:11at the age of 23,
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0:11 - 0:15I had what I consider still today
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0:15 - 0:18to be one of the single
most profoundly intense -
0:18 - 0:22and equally terrifying
experiences of my life. -
0:23 - 0:24I’d returned to Belfast
-
0:24 - 0:27after having been in work
in London for a few days, -
0:28 - 0:32and I decided that the next morning
I’d make the journey back home. -
0:33 - 0:35So I got up,
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0:35 - 0:37I made the way to the train station
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0:37 - 0:42and I got on a train in Belfast
and got off in Ballymoney. -
0:42 - 0:44And no, being in Ballymoney
is neither the terrifying -
0:44 - 0:46nor the intense part of the story.
-
0:46 - 0:48(Laughter)
-
0:48 - 0:51But my brother was waiting for me,
-
0:51 - 0:55and I got in the car and we made
the drive back to the family home, -
0:55 - 0:57where my mom and dad
were surprised to see me. -
0:58 - 1:01I hadn’t told them that I would be there.
-
1:03 - 1:08And the moment that followed
probably only lasted for a few minutes, -
1:08 - 1:11but at the time,
it felt like hours were passing. -
1:12 - 1:16And in that moment, I told my parents
something that had been consuming me. -
1:17 - 1:21In that moment, I told
my parents that I was gay. -
1:23 - 1:24Now,
-
1:24 - 1:31I was met by a response of nothing
but unconditional love and acceptance. -
1:32 - 1:34And to this day,
-
1:35 - 1:38it was the greatest sense of relief
I’ve ever experienced. -
1:38 - 1:43It felt like a physical weight
being lifted from my shoulders. -
1:44 - 1:46And I remain conscious of two things:
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1:46 - 1:50the first, that not everyone
is as lucky as I am -
1:51 - 1:54from the response that they get
from their loved ones when they come out, -
1:54 - 1:59and the second, that up until that point,
and even in moments since, -
2:00 - 2:04I’ve led an existence of variations of me.
-
2:05 - 2:07And it’s funny,
-
2:07 - 2:12because despite knowing, really knowing,
in my head and in my heart, -
2:12 - 2:13that my family loved me
-
2:13 - 2:17and that of course
they'd accept me for who I am, -
2:17 - 2:20it was the world around me
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2:20 - 2:24that had told me to expect
a very different response. -
2:25 - 2:30LGBT people are conditioned
to expect the worst, -
2:30 - 2:33while holding on to a little bit
of hope for the best. -
2:39 - 2:43When we think about
the experiences of LGBT people - -
2:44 - 2:49I now work for Europe’s
largest LGBT rights organization. -
2:49 - 2:53I often joke that that allows me to say
that I’m a professional homosexual now. -
2:53 - 2:55(Laughter)
-
2:56 - 2:59That doesn’t mean there are amateurs;
it just means I’m better at it. -
2:59 - 3:00(Laughter)
-
3:04 - 3:08But the reality is
that in every new interaction, -
3:09 - 3:11with every new job or every new boss,
-
3:11 - 3:14with every new colleague,
in every new social situation, -
3:14 - 3:18or in every new introduction
to a friend of a friend, -
3:19 - 3:22LGBT people make decisions.
-
3:23 - 3:28We make conscious, pragmatic decisions
about who knows what. -
3:28 - 3:33We make split-second assessments
about what we disclose. -
3:35 - 3:37And I’m not talking about
anything particularly intricate. -
3:38 - 3:41I’m talking about things that are
everyday interactions for other people. -
3:42 - 3:46If I get into a taxi and the driver asks,
“What are you getting up to this weekend?” -
3:46 - 3:49do I say, "I’m going for dinner
with my boyfriend"? -
3:49 - 3:51If I do, do I say
“boyfriend” or “partner”? -
3:51 - 3:54If I say “partner,” is that as obvious
as saying “boyfriend”? -
3:54 - 3:58So if I choose not to say anything at all,
what do I have to make up instead? -
4:00 - 4:02You might be surprised
-
4:02 - 4:07by how often we go through these things
in our head and in our life -
4:07 - 4:12because the world around us
has told us to expect the worst. -
4:15 - 4:17But when I came out,
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4:17 - 4:19that sense of relief
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4:19 - 4:24was one of the single most empowering
feelings I’ve ever experienced. -
4:25 - 4:27And so, I want you to imagine
-
4:28 - 4:34if the choices we face on a daily basis
range from being entirely open and honest, -
4:34 - 4:36and the vulnerability
that comes with that -
4:37 - 4:41to offering a redacted
or edited version of ourselves, -
4:42 - 4:44to withholding our truth entirely,
-
4:45 - 4:49are any of those things
more or less authentic than each other? -
4:51 - 4:52Probably.
-
4:53 - 4:54But I want you to imagine
-
4:55 - 5:01what it must be like to be faced
with those choices every single day -
5:01 - 5:03for an individual.
-
5:03 - 5:05I want you to imagine
what it must feel like -
5:05 - 5:09to be faced with those choices
every day of every week -
5:09 - 5:12of every month of every year
-
5:12 - 5:15for an entire community of people.
-
5:19 - 5:21Earlier this year,
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5:21 - 5:27the UK government published the findings
of the first-ever national LGBT survey. -
5:27 - 5:30Spoiler alert: it was pretty grim reading.
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5:32 - 5:34Around a quarter of all LGBT people
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5:34 - 5:37have accessed some kind
of mental health support service -
5:37 - 5:39over the course of the last year.
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5:39 - 5:44Forty percent have experienced an incident
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5:44 - 5:48of something like either
verbal harassment or physical violence -
5:48 - 5:50in that same period.
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5:51 - 5:52Over two-thirds have said
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5:52 - 5:57that they have avoided holding the hand
of their same-sex partner -
5:57 - 6:00for fear of the response
that they will receive. -
6:02 - 6:06That is still our lived reality today.
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6:09 - 6:10But what can you do
-
6:11 - 6:15other than continuing to be
decent human beings? -
6:17 - 6:19Well, I want to tell you another story,
-
6:19 - 6:23and it might seem a bit odd,
but there’s a point to it, I promise. -
6:23 - 6:26I want to take you back
to November 3, 2008, -
6:26 - 6:29the night before
the US presidential election. -
6:31 - 6:32The then soon-to-be president,
-
6:32 - 6:34Barack Obama,
-
6:34 - 6:35was addressing his final rally
-
6:35 - 6:39before votes would be cast
the following morning. -
6:39 - 6:42And with the crowd gathered
in front of him in Virginia, -
6:42 - 6:44he recounted a story
of an experience he’d had -
6:44 - 6:47at a much earlier stage of his campaign.
-
6:47 - 6:52He talked about getting in his car
with his staff really early one morning, -
6:52 - 6:53in the pouring rain,
-
6:53 - 6:58to make a trip to an isolated part
of South Carolina. -
6:58 - 6:59He was in a bad mood.
-
6:59 - 7:00They arrived.
-
7:00 - 7:03It was an hour and a half
away from anywhere else. -
7:03 - 7:06And when they arrived at the venue
and opened the doors, -
7:06 - 7:07lo and behold,
-
7:07 - 7:09there was about 20 people
there to greet him, -
7:09 - 7:11a small crowd.
-
7:11 - 7:13But Obama is a professional.
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7:13 - 7:17He smiled, he shook hands,
he made his way around the room, -
7:17 - 7:20and as he was doing that,
he heard a voice from behind him. -
7:21 - 7:24“Fired-up!” the voice said.
-
7:24 - 7:28“Ready to go!” it continued.
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7:28 - 7:31And Obama turned around,
confused, of course, -
7:31 - 7:35and saw that the origin of this voice
was a small, slightly older lady -
7:35 - 7:39wearing what he called a big church hat.
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7:41 - 7:43And Obama looked at her,
and she looked at him, -
7:43 - 7:46and she smiled and continued.
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7:46 - 7:49“Fired-up!” she said to the room.
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7:49 - 7:52“Ready to go!” she continued.
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7:53 - 7:55And to his surprise,
the room responded to her. -
7:55 - 7:59At this point, he looked at his staff
and the staff looked at him, -
7:59 - 8:02and they all shrugged their shoulders
as they had no idea what was going on. -
8:02 - 8:04But as this continued -
-
8:04 - 8:06“Fired-up!” the crowd responded,
-
8:06 - 8:09“Ready to go!” they responded again -
-
8:09 - 8:12Obama admitted he was starting
to feel fired-up. -
8:12 - 8:15By the end, as this went on
for a few minutes, -
8:15 - 8:19his mood had gone and he felt ready to go.
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8:21 - 8:25And the point of that story,
for anyone who follows US politics, -
8:25 - 8:31you’ll know that that had an influence
in how Obama engaged with his crowds, -
8:31 - 8:32with his rallies,
-
8:32 - 8:36and he learned lessons to keep
in his toolbox for further campaigns. -
8:37 - 8:39But there’s another point to that story,
-
8:39 - 8:42because at that rally,
the night before the election, -
8:42 - 8:47he told the crowd in Virginia
that that woman taught him something. -
8:47 - 8:49That little woman with the big church hat
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8:49 - 8:52taught him that there’s
power in one voice, -
8:52 - 8:57that if one voice can change a room,
then one voice can also change a city. -
8:57 - 8:59And he said if one voice
could change a city, -
8:59 - 9:01it could also change a state;
-
9:01 - 9:04and if one voice can change a state,
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9:04 - 9:06it can also change a nation.
-
9:06 - 9:09And Obama believed that if one voice
could change a nation, -
9:09 - 9:12then one voice could
also change the world. -
9:14 - 9:19And so, I want you to think
about authenticity, -
9:19 - 9:23and I want you to think about the scale
of the challenges that we face today, -
9:23 - 9:26both locally but also
as a global community. -
9:28 - 9:30And I want you to imagine:
-
9:30 - 9:34imagine a world where
people aren’t conditioned -
9:34 - 9:36to expect the worst.
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9:36 - 9:43Imagine a world where people don’t need
to be given permission to be themselves. -
9:43 - 9:45We’re not there yet.
-
9:45 - 9:49Arguably, we’re quite far
from being there. -
9:51 - 9:55But what if the voices
that we’re not currently hearing -
9:55 - 9:59are the ones that could help us to deal
with the challenges that we face today? -
10:00 - 10:02What if the voices
that we’re not currently hearing -
10:02 - 10:08are of the people who are most impacted
by the challenges that we face today? -
10:09 - 10:12Because then we all have a responsibility.
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10:12 - 10:17We all have a responsibility
to elevate those voices. -
10:19 - 10:22And it’s fitting that we’re here today,
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10:23 - 10:25in this building, in Stormont,
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10:26 - 10:28in the home of power-sharing,
-
10:29 - 10:34because that is exactly
what I want to ask of you today. -
10:34 - 10:37When you leave,
when you return to your life, -
10:37 - 10:42I want you to take stock
of the power that you hold. -
10:42 - 10:46I want you to reflect
upon the spaces that you occupy, -
10:46 - 10:50where you have power
and authority and influence. -
10:50 - 10:53And in those spaces,
I want you to make space. -
10:53 - 10:58I want you to elevate the voices
of the people that we hear from the least. -
10:59 - 11:01Because here’s my hope:
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11:01 - 11:06that if we believe that one voice
can change a room, -
11:06 - 11:12imagine the possibility of that one voice
that can also change the world. -
11:13 - 11:14Thank you.
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11:14 - 11:16(Applause)
- Title:
- The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont
- Description:
-
"Bring true to yourself" is an easy thing to say, but often a much more difficult thing to do. As a young gay man in Northern Ireland, Fergal McFerran knows that LGBT people are experts at editing themselves in particular situations or scenarios. Each and every day, we all make decisions about the version of ourselves that is presented to those around us. In this talk, drawing on his personal experiences, he will reflect on what it means to be true to yourself, and the power and tension that come from living authentically.
Fergal McFerran is 27 years old and works for Stonewall, Europe’s largest LGBT rights organization. From Dunloy, in North Antrim, he moved to Belfast in 2010 where he studied Theology at Queen’s University before graduating in Politics, Philosophy and Economics. Before working for Stonewall, Fergal served as President of NUS-USI, the body which represents students in higher and further education in Northern Ireland between 2015 – 2017. His time in office was a politically charged one; during his term he was responsible for the student movement’s response to two Northern Ireland Assembly elections, the referendum on the UK’s membership of the European Union and a UK General Election.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 11:27
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont | ||
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont | ||
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont | ||
Leonardo Silva approved English subtitles for The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont | ||
Amanda Chu accepted English subtitles for The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont | ||
Amanda Chu edited English subtitles for The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont | ||
Amanda Chu edited English subtitles for The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont | ||
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for The power and tension of authenticity | Fergal McFerran | TEDxStormont |