Do Parents Matter? Peer Influence

I'm free, I look as an outsider at what the establishment has been producing

and saying hey, you guys, you've been following your own noses too long

she says look at your own evidence with new eyes

take twin studies

here are Debbie and Sharon, separated at birth

adopted, and raised by 2 different sets of parents

in 2 separate households

reunited just a couple of years ago

they turned out, well, had to tell apart

you're standing here and your there,

and you know you're not there, because you're here

twins who are split up are just as similar in personality as twins who are reared together

and that can't really be explained by the home environment making you turn out

the way you are

what does determine what sort of adult you'll become

well that's a very good question, part of the answer is genes

but the question is what besides genes makes people turn out the way they do

Harris believes children are molded by the people they hang out with, the kids, the peer group

I believe that humans are designed by evolution to adapt to a group and to become a

accepted and valuable member of a group

and that this is a child's goal almost from the very beginning

what they have to do is to look for people like themselves

figure out how that group of people acts and a child tries to adapt

his or her behavior to the behavior of the group

Harris says this adaptation is evident in immigrant families

The Ja's came from China 12 years ago, but mom and dad haven't been able to master any English

twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are...

Harris says they don't just speak the language, they do it with barely the trace of an accent

and that proves that child adapt to the group

one of the most influential linguists in this country agrees with her

Chairman of Psychology of MIT, Steven Pinker

kids are acutely sensitive to the fine nuances of what other kids are saying

and the way their parents talk makes no difference.

Harris' book is the turning point in the history of Psychology

What Harris is simply saying is get rid of the illusion that you can mold your child

like silly putty, that how you treat your child is going to determine what kind of grown up they become

Harris hit upon her theory almost by accident,

reading a study about adolescents who commit minor crimes

which concluded that youngsters acted out because they are trying to be like adults

and I said, wait, teenagers aren't doing these stupid things because they want to be like adults

if they want to be like adults they would be doing boring things like figuring out their taxes or sorting the laundry

they are trying to show that they can thumb their noses at adult customs and rules

teenagers identify with a group called Teenagers

She quotes studies on teenage smoking that found that kids took up the habit

not because their parents smoked but because their friends did

when i asked 8th graders in Long Island who they thought had more influence

it set off a debate

friends, because they are going to be out in the world with me, not my parents

friends, because they are around more than your family

you parent do support the foundation of how you act,

but you're getting more experience from your friends

I think my parents would influence me more because they have more experience

parents teach you the big things, right from wrong, you're friend teach you little things,

but they keep building up,

Dr Alan at the U of Mn has dedicated his career to studying parents and their children

he says Harris just ignores evidence that contradicts her theory, including his work

30 years of research show that what peers primarily influence are superficial aspects of behavior

how you dress, music preferences, slang vocabulary

hair and makeup styles, but what parents influence more, your basic moral character

your values, you conscience,

what comes to mind are these kids in Oregon, Mississippi, Arkansas who shoot their classmates

and we usually come to the conclusion that something was wrong at home

we should not jump to the conclusion, I think that this is a terrible tragedy for the parents

of these children, they deserve our compassion and not blame

what I notice about these children is that very often they have been rejected by their peers

and that they are unhappy for that reason

do you feel that it is more critical that the child adapt well with peers than that the child be happy at home?

in the long run, yes