A song about China

EDIT; ok here are the lyrics; I think this is what I said or at least what I meant to say

PREAMBLE

Population density around the world; it varies (it varies)*
and that makes it very tricky** to find a lover you will cherish (you will cherish)*

I spoke to a statistician on the matter
he said "james I'm actually in a meeting can you
come back in an hour"
So I did and he told me what I'm going to say to you (he's going to say to you)*

INTRODUCTION TO THE THEME

Statistically speaking my one true love lives in China
(how will I find her?)
Statistically speaking my one true love speaks chinese
(and drinks many teas)***
And I can't speak Chinese, nor Mandarin nor Cantonese
and to be honest those don't sound like languages
they sound like restaurants***

INTERSTITIAL DISCLAIMER

In fact the difference in cultures would mean that I would
need to learn a whole lot more about China
than a series of cultural stereotypes
albeit told
in a
quas-ironic
way ****

FUN ENDY BIT

What's the point in going out on weekends?
You may as well stay in and lie in bed
'cos there are 7 billion people in the world
and only 17 of them are in the Old King's Head.

I think governments around the world should spend
Their GNP on a big speed-dating event
I don't believe in destiny
It's just a way of coping with entropy.

But you say
"James, I met my girlfriend in a lido
it really does happen you just have to wait and see
I say
"yes but you were *working* in the lido
you added her on Facebook; I think that's creepy."

HAPPY TURNAROUND BIT

And I'm saying all these things in the Old King's Head
I've had three Staropramens and I wish I was in bed
but is that a group of girls coming in that I see
I recognise one and she looks at me

She's got bright red hair and Spanish eyes *****
Electronic cigarette and a Foster's Ice ******
I want to talk to her but I've got the fear
then suddenly I see her coming over here.

She says
"James I like your songs and I think you're kind of funny
It doesn't bother me that you've got no money
the world's a crazy place but it gets better
Come with me and we'll be terrified together.

SPIRIT BOOSTING CHORUS

Just be patient and you will find her
you don't need to go to China

Just be patient and you will find her
you don't need to go to China

Just be patient and you will find her
you don't need to go to China

* textbook repetition here
** I had to put the emphasis on the last syllable here but I think I got away with it
*** Self effacing irony, not racism that could, in itself be racism masked as self effacing irony, I'm on the fence.
**** senseless line splitting here to make it seem more modernist
***** ??? basically this is from a lyric I always liked from U2 "in a little while"
****** Brutal combination