Return to Video

How can I not let my anger explode?

  • 0:09 - 0:17
    (bell)
  • 0:27 - 0:29
    Dear Thay, Dear Sangha
  • 0:30 - 0:33
    (foreign language)
  • 1:25 - 1:28
    Dear Thay, our friend...
  • 1:31 - 1:34
    and she feels a lot of anger sometimes
  • 1:34 - 1:37
    and she doesn't want to let it come out
  • 1:37 - 1:40
    so she tries to keep it under control
  • 1:40 - 1:43
    press it down...at some point
  • 1:43 - 1:44
    it explodes and comes out
  • 1:44 - 1:48
    and she becomes another person
  • 1:48 - 1:51
    and she is sorry to hurt the other person
  • 1:51 - 1:55
    She feels compassion but it's not...(not clear)
  • 1:55 - 2:00
    (not clear)
  • 2:03 - 2:05
    Is she capable of seeing the
  • 2:05 - 2:07
    suffering of the other person
  • 2:10 - 2:14
    (in French)
  • 2:40 - 2:42
    (translated reply from girl by Sister Pine) :
  • 2:42 - 2:43
    I see their suffering
  • 2:43 - 2:47
    but I still have strong emotions
  • 2:47 - 2:49
    and what can I do
  • 2:56 - 2:58
    To control is not enough
  • 2:59 - 3:03
    To control may be to suppress
  • 3:04 - 3:06
    Suppressing is not good
  • 3:06 - 3:10
    because it is always there, you pin it down
  • 3:10 - 3:12
    but it is still always there
  • 3:13 - 3:17
    so suppressing is not good
  • 3:17 - 3:20
    We have to transform
  • 3:23 - 3:29
    And to transform you need compassion
  • 3:30 - 3:34
    The only antidote for anger, violence
  • 3:34 - 3:35
    is compassion
  • 3:37 - 3:39
    There is no other way
  • 3:40 - 3:45
    But how...how to fabricate compassion
  • 3:45 - 3:47
    How to generate the energy of compassion
  • 3:47 - 3:49
    That is the real question
  • 3:49 - 3:54
    and in this retreat we have learnt
  • 3:54 - 3:57
    that by recognizing the suffering
  • 3:57 - 3:59
    because suffering in that person is
  • 4:02 - 4:05
    the cause of his action
  • 4:05 - 4:08
    or words that can make you suffer
  • 4:11 - 4:15
    The anger in him water the anger in you
  • 4:17 - 4:22
    The violence in him water the violence in you
  • 4:25 - 4:26
    And that is why to breathe in and out
  • 4:32 - 4:38
    mindfully and to look...to look, to see
  • 4:38 - 4:40
    that the other person is a victim
  • 4:40 - 4:46
    of his own violence, his own suffering
  • 4:46 - 4:48
    his own misunderstanding is very important
  • 4:50 - 4:53
    This is the teaching of the Buddha:
  • 4:53 - 4:55
    look at suffering
  • 4:55 - 4:58
    and understanding suffering
  • 4:58 - 5:01
    When you understand your own suffering
  • 5:01 - 5:06
    you can understand the suffering of
    the other person
  • 5:06 - 5:09
    Understanding suffering always brings
    compassion
  • 5:09 - 5:17
    and only compassion can transform anger and violence
  • 5:19 - 5:23
    There are those of us who think we can
  • 5:23 - 5:29
    take the block of anger out of us
  • 5:30 - 5:34
    like to do surgery
  • 5:38 - 5:40
    But you cannot do that with anger
  • 5:40 - 5:45
    You cannot take anger out of you
  • 5:45 - 5:48
    You can only transform it
  • 5:48 - 5:52
    Anger can be transformed into something else
  • 5:52 - 5:56
    Anger can be transformed into
    understanding and compassion
  • 5:57 - 6:02
    And that is the work of the practitioner
  • 6:02 - 6:04
    Looking into the suffering
  • 6:04 - 6:06
    Your own suffering
  • 6:06 - 6:07
    And the suffering of the other person
  • 6:07 - 6:12
    and try to understand the cause
  • 6:12 - 6:16
    and then that is the way to generate
  • 6:16 - 6:19
    the energy of compassion
  • 6:19 - 6:22
    And when compassion is there
  • 6:22 - 6:24
    it transforms anger
  • 6:24 - 6:29
    You don't need to take it out
  • 6:29 - 6:34
    There are those who tries to take it out
  • 6:34 - 6:36
    There are those who advise you to
  • 6:36 - 6:42
    take it out by the practice of..ventilation
  • 6:42 - 6:46
    It's like a smoke in your room
  • 6:46 - 6:50
    and you want to ventilate the
    smoke to take it out
  • 6:50 - 6:57
    And the way is to go to your room
    and lock your door
  • 6:57 - 7:04
    And try to punch, to hit your pillow
  • 7:05 - 7:11
    To hit...10 minutes, 15 minutes
  • 7:11 - 7:13
    And they believe by doing so
  • 7:13 - 7:21
    you may...take anger out of you
  • 7:21 - 7:24
    'I am aware that anger is there'
  • 7:24 - 7:27
    'I want to take it out'
  • 7:27 - 7:30
    Because they think it is safer
    to hit the pillow
  • 7:30 - 7:34
    then to hit directly at the other person
  • 7:34 - 7:38
    And they called it 'take it out of your system'
  • 7:40 - 7:42
    But it does not work
  • 7:43 - 7:45
    It does not work
  • 7:45 - 7:50
    It may make your anger stronger
  • 7:50 - 7:54
    It is like rehearsing your anger
  • 7:59 - 8:04
    And they called it 'getting in touch with
    your anger'
  • 8:04 - 8:07
    It's good to get in touch with your anger
  • 8:07 - 8:12
    The Buddha also advises us to breathe in
  • 8:12 - 8:17
    to go home and get in touch with our anger
  • 8:17 - 8:19
    and embrace it tenderly
  • 8:19 - 8:24
    and look deeply into your anger
  • 8:24 - 8:32
    But in this practice of...
    pounding... the pillow
  • 8:32 - 8:37
    You don't really get in touch with your anger
  • 8:39 - 8:42
    You are a victim of your anger
  • 8:42 - 8:45
    You are not getting in touch
  • 8:45 - 8:47
    You are not even in touch with the pillow
  • 8:47 - 8:50
    (crowd laughs)
  • 8:50 - 8:53
    although you are hitting it
  • 8:53 - 8:57
    Because if you are really in touch
  • 8:57 - 8:58
    with your pillow. you will know that
  • 8:58 - 8:59
    this is only a pillow
  • 8:59 - 9:02
    (crowd laughs)
  • 9:02 - 9:04
    It's funny to hit a pillow
  • 9:04 - 9:05
    The pillow is innocent
  • 9:05 - 9:07
    (crowd laughs)
  • 9:07 - 9:09
    So if you cannot get in touch
    with the pillow
  • 9:09 - 9:13
    you cannot get in touch with your anger
  • 9:14 - 9:16
    And if you continue like that
  • 9:16 - 9:18
    maybe one day, meeting him on
    the street
  • 9:18 - 9:21
    you may like to...(punch gesture)...
  • 9:21 - 9:23
    to hit directly and you get in jail
  • 9:24 - 9:27
    so this work does not seem to help you
  • 9:27 - 9:31
    to get it out
  • 9:32 - 9:35
    So according to this practice
  • 9:36 - 9:40
    the practice of...that the Buddha recommends
  • 9:40 - 9:44
    You have to come home and recognize anger
  • 9:44 - 9:47
    and try to hold it with the energy
    of mindfulness
  • 9:47 - 9:49
    called mindfulness of anger
  • 9:50 - 9:53
    Mindfulness is always mindfulness of
    something
  • 9:53 - 9:59
    When I drink my tea and become aware
  • 9:59 - 10:05
    that I am here and now,
    drinking my tea
  • 10:05 - 10:07
    that is mindfulness of drinking
  • 10:08 - 10:10
    And when I breathe mindfully
  • 10:10 - 10:13
    that is mindfulness of breathing
  • 10:13 - 10:15
    When I walk mindfully, that is
  • 10:15 - 10:17
    mindfulness of walking
  • 10:17 - 10:18
    So when I come home to myself
  • 10:18 - 10:22
    and recognize my anger,
    and hold my anger
  • 10:22 - 10:25
    anger becomes the object
    of my mindfulness
  • 10:25 - 10:28
    It's called mindfulness of anger
  • 10:28 - 10:30
    There are 2 energies:
  • 10:30 - 10:33
    first, is the energy of anger
  • 10:33 - 10:37
    then. the second energy is the
    energy of mindfulness
  • 10:37 - 10:40
    and in order to have this energy
  • 10:40 - 10:43
    you have to practice breathing
    and walking mindfully
  • 10:43 - 10:46
    And with the 2nd energy, you recognize
  • 10:46 - 10:50
    the first energy and embrace it tenderly
  • 10:50 - 10:57
    not suppressing...
  • 10:57 - 11:00
    ...but embracing tenderly
  • 11:00 - 11:02
    Like a mother embracing her ...
  • 11:02 - 11:04
    suffering baby
  • 11:12 - 11:14
    And when the energy of mindfulness
  • 11:14 - 11:16
    is embracing the energy of anger
  • 11:16 - 11:18
    You suffer less
  • 11:20 - 11:25
    It's like the sunshine embracing the lotus flower
  • 11:25 - 11:28
    The lotus flower gets the warmth,
  • 11:28 - 11:32
    the energy, in order to bloom
  • 11:32 - 11:35
    So when you use the energy of mindfulness
  • 11:35 - 11:38
    in order to embrace your anger
  • 11:38 - 11:39
    You suffer less
  • 11:39 - 11:40
    You get a relief
  • 11:40 - 11:43
    You suffer less
  • 11:43 - 11:45
    And if you look more deeply
  • 11:45 - 11:50
    you can identify the cause of your anger
  • 11:50 - 11:51
    That may be a wrong perception
  • 11:51 - 11:54
    That may be your lack of capacity to
  • 11:54 - 11:58
    see the suffering of the other person
  • 11:58 - 12:01
    And if you identify your wrong perception
  • 12:01 - 12:04
    and if you can see the suffering
    of the other person
  • 12:04 - 12:08
    Suddenly that kind of understanding.
  • 12:08 - 12:12
    that vision make compassion arise
  • 12:12 - 12:14
    And when compassion arise,
  • 12:14 - 12:16
    that is a kind of nectar
  • 12:16 - 12:18
    That makes you suffer less right away
  • 12:18 - 12:19
    You get a relief
  • 12:19 - 12:26
    And you can transform it
  • 12:26 - 12:36
    And this...practice always work
  • 12:36 - 12:39
    You know that in Plum Village, in the past
  • 12:39 - 12:45
    we used to sponsor groups of Palestinans
    and Israelis
  • 12:45 - 12:47
    to come and practice
  • 12:48 - 12:52
    And there is a lot of misunderstandings,
  • 12:52 - 12:57
    anger and suspicions in each group
  • 12:57 - 13:01
    And if they can stay for 2 week,
  • 13:01 - 13:06
    transformation and healing can be possible
  • 13:06 - 13:11
    We practicing calming , releasing tension
  • 13:11 - 13:14
    We practice getting in touch with
  • 13:14 - 13:17
    the wonders of life in order to nourish us
  • 13:17 - 13:20
    And we also practicing breathing
  • 13:20 - 13:24
    in order to recognize our suspicion,
  • 13:24 - 13:29
    our fear, our anger
  • 13:29 - 13:32
    And then we sit down and try
  • 13:32 - 13:36
    to listen to each other
  • 13:36 - 13:39
    and to tell the other group about
  • 13:39 - 13:41
    our own suffering
  • 13:41 - 13:44
    our own fear
  • 13:44 - 13:49
    using the practice of the 4th
    mindfulness training
  • 13:49 - 13:54
    Loving Speech and Deep Listening
  • 13:54 - 13:59
    You can tell them everything in your heart
  • 13:59 - 14:04
    Your suffering, your fear, your anger
  • 14:04 - 14:05
    But you tell in such a way that
  • 14:05 - 14:06
    the other person, the other group
  • 14:06 - 14:09
    can understand you
  • 14:09 - 14:11
    Help them to understand
  • 14:12 - 14:16
    So during the time you speak,
  • 14:16 - 14:20
    you do not condemn, you do not blame
  • 14:21 - 14:24
    You just try to help them to understand
  • 14:24 - 14:26
    how much you suffer
  • 14:26 - 14:30
    You and your people and your children
  • 14:30 - 14:31
    and that is helping them to
  • 14:31 - 14:36
    understand your suffering
  • 14:36 - 14:41
    And then it will be your turn to sit
  • 14:41 - 14:44
    and listen to their suffering
  • 14:44 - 14:46
    They will tell you
  • 14:46 - 14:50
    Their suffering, their fear, their despair
  • 14:50 - 14:53
    And you have to listen
  • 14:54 - 14:57
    and during the time they speak
  • 14:57 - 14:59
    you may notice they have
  • 14:59 - 15:05
    wrong perceptions of you
  • 15:05 - 15:09
    and you want to correct them
  • 15:09 - 15:10
    But according to this practice
  • 15:10 - 15:13
    you shouldn't correct them
  • 15:13 - 15:14
    because if you correct them
  • 15:14 - 15:16
    while they speak
  • 15:16 - 15:17
    you will transform the session
  • 15:17 - 15:21
    into a debate
  • 15:21 - 15:24
    That's not the practice of deep listening
  • 15:24 - 15:27
    You say "Oh, they say wrong things because
  • 15:27 - 15:30
    they have not seen the truth"
  • 15:30 - 15:33
    "But I have the time to help them
  • 15:33 - 15:38
    to correct their perceptions in a few days"
  • 15:38 - 15:42
    Because they will be there for another week
  • 15:42 - 15:44
    So in a few days we will have a chance
  • 15:44 - 15:47
    to tell them, to give them the kind
  • 15:47 - 15:49
    of information that can help them
  • 15:49 - 15:50
    to correct their perceptions
  • 15:50 - 15:52
    but not now
  • 15:52 - 15:59
    Now I...we have to listen
  • 15:59 - 16:01
    Listen attentively
  • 16:01 - 16:03
    because listening like this is called
  • 16:03 - 16:07
    compassionate listening
  • 16:07 - 16:08
    And if you know how to listen with
  • 16:08 - 16:11
    compassion for 1 hour,
  • 16:11 - 16:13
    they will suffer less
  • 16:13 - 16:15
    So we are practicing compassion
  • 16:15 - 16:22
    We are giving them a chance to suffer less
  • 16:22 - 16:23
    And that is the practice of the
  • 16:23 - 16:25
    4th mindfulness training
  • 16:25 - 16:27
    Listening with compassion in order
  • 16:27 - 16:31
    to help people to suffer less
  • 16:31 - 16:34
    You may do it with your husband, your wife
  • 16:34 - 16:36
    with your son, with your daughter,
  • 16:36 - 16:39
    with your father or mother
  • 16:39 - 16:43
    and listen so that they have a chance
  • 16:43 - 16:47
    to empty their heart
  • 16:47 - 16:50
    That is compassion
  • 16:50 - 16:53
    And after a week of practice
  • 16:53 - 17:00
    we are able to remove many
    wrong perceptions
  • 17:00 - 17:03
    We increase our mutual understandings
  • 17:03 - 17:07
    and the 2 groups can sit down
  • 17:07 - 17:12
    can hold hands to do walking meditation
  • 17:12 - 17:16
    to share a meal together
  • 17:16 - 17:20
    Brotherhood, Sisterhood is born
  • 17:21 - 17:27
    So this is a very important practice
  • 17:30 - 17:31
    And we believe that politicians
  • 17:33 - 17:35
    have to learn this practice
  • 17:36 - 17:39
    When they come to a peace negotiation
  • 17:39 - 17:41
    They should follow the instructions
  • 17:41 - 17:44
    of calming,
  • 17:44 - 17:47
    releasing,
  • 17:47 - 17:49
    recognizing suffering inside
  • 17:49 - 17:53
    recognizing the suffering in
    the other person
  • 17:53 - 17:55
    And if they spent 1 week or 2 weeks
  • 17:55 - 17:57
    practicing like that
  • 17:57 - 18:04
    their negotiations for peace
    will be fruitful
  • 18:04 - 18:09
    And I think in school of political science
  • 18:09 - 18:12
    students have to learn this kind
    of practice
  • 18:12 - 18:14
    They don't need to be a Buddhist
  • 18:14 - 18:16
    in order to learn
  • 18:16 - 18:18
    This is applied ethics that can be
  • 18:18 - 18:22
    taught in every kind of school
  • 18:22 - 18:25
    including elementary school
  • 18:25 - 18:28
    Because children can learn the practice
  • 18:28 - 18:31
    and reconcile with their brothers
    and sisters
  • 18:31 - 18:33
    and reconcile with their parents
  • 18:33 - 18:36
    and even help their parents
  • 18:36 - 18:38
    They are many retreats organized
  • 18:38 - 18:40
    for young people, children
  • 18:40 - 18:42
    and the children are transformed
  • 18:42 - 18:45
    when they are able to see the suffering
  • 18:45 - 18:48
    in their father, in their mother
  • 18:48 - 18:50
    and they come home after the retreat
  • 18:50 - 18:52
    listen to their father and their mother
  • 18:52 - 18:55
    and help them to suffer less
  • 18:55 - 18:56
    It's a miracle
  • 18:56 - 19:08
    It always happen in our retreats
  • 19:08 - 19:22
    (bell)
Title:
How can I not let my anger explode?
Description:

more » « less
Video Language:
English
Duration:
19:42

English subtitles

Revisions Compare revisions