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How can I not let my anger explode?

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    Dear Thay, Dear Sangha
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    (foreign language)
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    Dear Thay, our friend...
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    and she feels a lot of anger sometimes
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    and she doesn't want to let it come out
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    so she tries to keep it under control
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    press it down...at some point
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    it explodes and comes out
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    and she becomes another person
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    and she is sorry to hurt the other person
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    She feels compassion but it's not...(not clear)
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    (not clear)
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    Is she capable of seeing the
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    suffering of the other person
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    (in French)
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    (translated reply from girl by Sister Pine) :
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    I see their suffering
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    but I still have strong emotions
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    and what can I do
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    To control is not enough
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    To control may be to suppress
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    Suppressing is not good
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    because it is always there, you pin it down
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    but it is still always there
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    so suppressing is not good
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    We have to transform
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    And to transform you need compassion
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    The only antidote for anger, violence
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    is compassion
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    There is no other way
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    But how...how to fabricate compassion
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    How to generate the energy of compassion
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    That is the real question
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    and in this retreat we have learnt
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    that by recognizing the suffering
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    because suffering in that person is
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    the cause of his action
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    or words that can make you suffer
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    The anger in him water the anger in you
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    The violence in him water the violence in you
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    And that is why to breathe in and out
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    mindfully and to look...to look, to see
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    that the other person is a victim
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    of his own violence, his own suffering
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    his own misunderstanding is very important
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    This is the teaching of the Buddha:
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    look at suffering
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    and understanding suffering
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    When you understand your own suffering
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    you can understand the suffering of
    the other person
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    Understanding suffering always brings
    compassion
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    and only compassion can transform anger and violence
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    There are those of us who think we can
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    take the block of anger out of us
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    like to do surgery
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    But you cannot do that with anger
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    You cannot take anger out of you
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    You can only transform it
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    Anger can be transformed into something else
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    Anger can be transformed into
    understanding and compassion
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    And that is the work of the practitioner
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    Looking into the suffering
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    Your own suffering
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    And the suffering of the other person
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    and try to understand the cause
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    and then that is the way to generate
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    the energy of compassion
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    And when compassion is there
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    it transforms anger
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    You don't need to take it out
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    There are those who tries to take it out
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    There are those who advise you to
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    take it out by the practice of..ventilation
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    It's like a smoke in your room
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    and you want to ventilate the
    smoke to take it out
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    And the way is to go to your room
    and lock your door
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    And try to punch, to hit your pillow
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    To hit...10 minutes, 15 minutes
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    And they believe by doing so
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    you may...take anger out of you
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    'I am aware that anger is there'
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    'I want to take it out'
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    Because they think it is safer
    to hit the pillow
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    then to hit directly at the other person
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    And they called it 'take it out of your system'
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    But it does not work
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    It does not work
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    It may make your anger stronger
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    It is like rehearsing your anger
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    And they called it 'getting in touch with
    your anger'
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    It's good to get in touch with your anger
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    The Buddha also advises us to breathe in
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    to go home and get in touch with our anger
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    and embrace it tenderly
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    and look deeply into your anger
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    But in this practice of...
    pounding... the pillow
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    You don't really get in touch with your anger
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    You are a victim of your anger
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    You are not getting in touch
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    You are not even in touch with the pillow
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    (crowd laughs)
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    although you are hitting it
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    Because if you are really in touch
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    with your pillow. you will know that
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    this is only a pillow
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    (crowd laughs)
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    It's funny to hit a pillow
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    The pillow is innocent
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    (crowd laughs)
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    So if you cannot get in touch
    with the pillow
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    you cannot get in touch with your anger
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    And if you continue like that
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    maybe one day, meeting him on
    the street
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    you may like to...(punch gesture)...
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    to hit directly and you get in jail
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    so this work does not seem to help you
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    to get it out
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    So according to this practice
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    the practice of...that the Buddha recommends
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    You have to come home and recognize anger
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    and try to hold it with the energy
    of mindfulness
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    called mindfulness of anger
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    Mindfulness is always mindfulness of
    something
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    When I drink my tea and become aware
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    that I am here and now,
    drinking my tea
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    that is mindfulness of drinking
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    And when I breathe mindfully
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    that is mindfulness of breathing
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    When I walk mindfully, that is
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    mindfulness of walking
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    So when I come home to myself
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    and recognize my anger,
    and hold my anger
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    anger becomes the object
    of my mindfulness
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    It's called mindfulness of anger
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    There are 2 energies:
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    first, is the energy of anger
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    then. the second energy is the
    energy of mindfulness
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    and in order to have this energy
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    you have to practice breathing
    and walking mindfully
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    And with the 2nd energy, you recognize
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    the first energy and embrace it tenderly
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    not suppressing...but
    embracing tenderly
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    Like a mother embracing her ...
    suffering baby
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    And when the energy of mindfulness
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    is embracing the energy of anger
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    You suffer less
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    It's like the sunshine embracing the lotus flower
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    The lotus flower gets the warmth,
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    the energy, in order to bloom
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    So when you use the energy of mindfulness
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    in order to embrace your anger
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    You suffer less
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    You get a relief
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    You suffer less
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    And if you look more deeply
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    you can identify the cause of your anger
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    That may be a wrong perception
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    That may be your lack of capacity to
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    see the suffering of the other person
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    And if you identify your wrong perception
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    and if you can see the suffering
    of the other person
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    Suddenly that kind of understanding.
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    that vision make compassion arise
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    And when compassion arise,
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    that is a kind of nectar
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    That makes you suffer less right away
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    You get a relief
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    And you can transform it
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    And this...practice always work
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    You know that in Plum Village, in the past
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    we used to sponsor groups of Palestinans
    and Israelis
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    to come and practice
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    And there is a lot of misunderstandings,
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    anger and suspicions in each group
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    And if they can stay for 2 week,
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    transformation and healing can be possible
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    We practicing calming , releasing tension
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    We practice getting in touch with
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    the wonders of life in order to nourish us
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    And we also practicing breathing
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    in order to recognize our suspicion,
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    our fear, our anger
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    And then we sit down and try
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    to listen to each other
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    and to tell the other group about
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    our own suffering
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    our own fear
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    using the practice of the 4th
    mindfulness training
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    Loving Speech and Deep Listening
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    You can tell them everything in your heart
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    Your suffering, your fear, your anger
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    But you tell in such a way that
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    the other person, the other group
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    can understand you
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    Help them to understand
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    So during the time you speak,
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    you do not condemn, you do not blame
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    You just try to help them to understand
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    how much you suffer
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    You and your people and your children
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    and that is helping them to
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    understand your suffering
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    And then it will be your turn to sit
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    and listen to their suffering
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    They will tell you
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    Their suffering, their fear, their despair
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    And you have to listen
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    and during the time they speak
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    you may notice they have
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    wrong perceptions of you
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    and you want to correct them
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    But according to this practice
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    you shouldn't correct them
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    because if you correct them
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    while they speak
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    you will transform the session
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    into a debate
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    That's not the practice of deep listening
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    You say "Oh, they say wrong things because
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    they have not seen the truth"
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    "But I have the time to help them
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    to correct their perceptions in a few days"
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    Because they will be there for another week
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    So in a few days we will have a chance
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    to tell them, to give them the kind
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    of information that can help them
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    to correct their perceptions
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    but not now
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    Now I...we have to listen
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    Listen attentively
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    because listening like this is called
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    compassionate listening
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    And if you know how to listen with
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    compassion for 1 hour,
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    they will suffer less
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    So we are practicing compassion
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    We are giving them a chance to suffer less
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    And that is the practice of the
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    4th mindfulness training
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    Listening with compassion in order
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    to help people to suffer less
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    You may do it with your husband, your wife
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    with your son, with your daughter,
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    with your father or mother
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    and listen so that they have a chance
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    to empty their heart
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    That is compassion
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    And after a week of practice
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    we are able to remove many
    wrong perceptions
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    We increase our mutual understandings
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    and the 2 groups can sit down
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    can hold hands to do walking meditation
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    to share a meal together
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    Brotherhood, Sisterhood is born
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    So this is a very important practice
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    And we believe that politicians
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    have to learn this practice
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    When they come to a peace negotiation
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    They should follow the instructions
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    of calming,
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    releasing,
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    recognizing suffering inside
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    recognizing the suffering in
    the other person
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    And if they spent 1 week or 2 weeks
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    practicing like that
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    their negotiations for peace
    will be fruitful
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    And I think in school of political science
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    students have to learn this kind
    of practice
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    They don't need to be a Buddhist
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    in order to learn
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    This is applied ethics that can be
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    taught in every kind of school
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    including elementary school
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    Because children can learn the practice
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    and reconcile with their brothers
    and sisters
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    and reconcile with their parents
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    and even help their parents
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    They are many retreats organized
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    for young people, children
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    and the children are transformed
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    when they are able to see the suffering
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    in their father, in their mother
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    and they come home after the retreat
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    listen to their father and their mother
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    and help them to suffer less
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    It's a miracle
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    It always happen in our retreats
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    (bell)
Title:
How can I not let my anger explode?
Description:

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Video Language:
English
Duration:
19:42

English subtitles

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