Burnout: How addiction to distraction is eroding our capacity | Melanie Sodka | TEDxWindsor

Have you ever said you wished you had more time? How about wishing you could make time for something? Melanie Sodka is a human behaviour enthusiast helping overwhelmed people who are overcommitted and distracted. Through her structures and frameworks, she reveals how our addition to distraction is literally breaking down our bodies. During this talk, she takes us on an entertaining and thought-provoking journey that will have you better understanding your capacity and your commitment tendencies.

Melanie Sodka is the founder of Capacity Creator Corp. and a speaker, writer, podcaster and business professor.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

So, we are the most distracted society
that has ever existed.

In fact, we are distracted
every three minutes of the day.

And what's even more interesting than that

is that the University
of California, Irvine, states

that it takes us 15 minutes
to get back on track.

We swipe, scroll, tap, touch our phones
over 3,000 times a day,

and nine is the average windows or apps
open at any given time.

Yet we crave more time.

So, we invent systems to keep us on task,
on track, on time, in the black.

We use our devices,
our wearables, our apps -

any software to make us more productive.

The funny thing is we still complain about
being time-starved and time-deprived.

How many of you have caught yourself
saying, "I wish I had more time"?

"I wish I could make more time"?

Well, I want to challenge that,

and I want to arm you
with some new vocabulary.

So I'd love for you to replace
the "I wish I had more time"

with "I want to create capacity."

Capacity is entrenched in our values.

It is the long game.

It is fueled by passion,

it is supported by energy

and results in fulfillment.

And one can't live without the other,

because if you only had passion,
you probably wouldn't get very much done.

And if you only had energy, you would be
overwhelmed and overcommitted.

And if you only focused on fulfillment,
your passions might be a little shallow.

Human behavior is so interesting
to observe, isn't it?

Think about yourselves at a bookended day,

backed by meetings after meetings
after meetings and commitments.

And how we react is we try
to crawl out of this crevice.

We're squeezed for time.

And this climb is exhausting.

But some people will say,
"Mel, I am great at multitasking."

How many of you would say
you're great at multitasking?

Raise your hand right now.

Fantastic.

Well, I don't have
fantastic news for you, actually.

(Laughter)

Multitasking is actually
creating some havoc.

This woman here -
I asked my eight-year-old,

I said, "What do you see in this picture?"

And she said, "Mom, I see a woman
doing the splits, reading a book

and making a movie."

I said, "Okay."

And then she said, "But Mom,
she doesn't look very happy.

She should be doing one thing."

I was like, mind-blown!

#MomForTheWin. Right?

This was a fantastic.

And then I said to my husband, I said,
"Hon, what do you see in this picture?"

And he said,

"A woman."

So I will not deconstruct
that answer right now.

We will save that for later.

But the point is that multitasking
and task-switching

is actually making us dumb!

It is decreasing our IQ by 15 points.

It is actually like operating
on a sleepless night.

It is like getting an eight-year-old
to write the most important email.

And would we do that?

No.

That's not what we want to do.

A lot of people will say,

"You know what, Mel,
this is how I operate.

Multitasking, I'm used to doing it.

I can do it.

But I can't get rid of any of these things
because they're all obligations."

And I challenge back softly, and I say,

"You have capacity.
It's just being eroded somewhere.

And we need to find that erosion."

One of the main culprits
for these capacity thieves

is our addiction to notifications.

And our addiction to notifications
is killing us slowly.

Research is actually telling us
that the addiction to the notification,

the disappointment and the anticipation

is creating an excess of stress hormone
and cortisol in our bodies

that our bodies can't
break down fast enough.

Therefore, it's depleting
our cells and our tissues.

This is not the way
we should be operating,

so we need to take note
of where we are distracted.

I have a quick story
about how I was overcapacitating,

and I was overcommitted and overwhelmed

and addicted to adrenaline

and coffee,

loads of coffee.

And I found myself at my doctor's
more often than I would want to admit

because I was experiencing symptoms
that I had never experienced before:

acute nosebleeds, skin issues,
hair loss, migraines, cellulitis.

And so I went back
to the doctor's one last time,

and she looked at me,

and then she looked at her notepad,
and she wrote ... something,

handed it to me,

and I read it.

And it said, "This patient is disabled
from all duties for one month."

And I wanted to refute it.

And I wanted to contest it.

But I didn't.

I took it back.

The world works in strange ways

because that day on my way home,
I received a phone call

that was probably one of the best
phone calls I had ever received,

and the message was that I had been
the recipient of a 40 Under 40 award.

I was ecstatic, but I was conflicted.

Because the world had just rewarded me
for overcapacitating.

So I immediately called
the doctor's office back

and negotiated one week
instead of one month.

(Laughter)

But I took that week,

and in deep self-reflection,

I really took a deep look
at how I was operating

and how I needed to change.

Because I knew

I didn't want to be at the mercy of other
people's commitments or requests,

and I didn't want to go home

hoping I would have enough energy
to read my kids a book

without wanting to take a nap instead.

And so I did something.

In deep self-reflection, I create.

And I created a structure,

because I knew I wasn't the only one
suffering from this.

I knew there was other people
that could benefit

for something that I could learn
from all of these experiences.

And so after research and observation

and discussion and listening to people
and how they were talking about time,

I discovered that there were four states
of capacity that we operate in

at any given time.

And it's not based on personality.

It's not based on IQ.

It's not based on your left brain
or your right brain.

It's simply the decisions that we make

that make us operate
in one of these states of capacity.

There are four.

And it will take you
on a bit of a journey,

which could be a typical trajectory

of how someone can actually
fluidly flow through

these four states of capacity.

We have indulgent, fatigued,
reserved and maximized.

Let's start with indulgent, shall we?

Indulgent state of capacity
is where we say yes;

it's where we're addicted
to the adrenaline.

It's where we want to validate our talent.

It's where we say yes a lot.

But when we say yes too much,
we become overcommitted and overwhelmed,

and when we're not
taking care of ourselves,

many of you will know

that this happens.

It's the second state of capacity,
which is fatigued and it's burnout.

This is not where we want to be.

Because a reboot is clearly in order.

We need to resign
from some of these habits.

We have no capacity to give
to anyone or anything.

Burnout, actually,

is something that has just
been deemed a medical condition

by the [World] Health
Organization just last week.

Very interesting, but very scary
at the same time.

So we want to emerge from this;
we want to get out of this state.

We want to move to another state,

and this is the third one
called the reserved state of capacity.

Now, a couple of different
things can happen here

because this is where
we have now restored our capacity,

but we're very hesitant to give it away

because we don't want
to end up back in fatigued.

It's also a place where
we can do restorative activities

to maintain,

to build capacity.

Where we really want
to spend most of our time

is in the fourth state,
and it's maximized.

This is where we say yes with discernment
and no without guilt.

This is where we're connected to our why.

This is where we want to be.

This is where we want
to spend most of our time.

As a business professor,

I teach time management,
prioritization, decision making,

but as a student,
I never learnt about capacity,

and so I teach it.

It's important.

We are so good at booking ourselves
back to back to back.

Any space we can find
in the calendar, we might book.

My wish is for that the next generation
to avoid being diagnosed with burnout,

to be able to stand
on their two feet firmly,

centered in their values,
discerning in their decisions

and respecting their capacity.

I want you and I
to be able to use new language.

I want us to be able to tell each other

"I'm sorry, I don't have
the capacity for that right now."

And it's different.

There's a shift.

There's a mutual understanding.

Simply put, capacity is the ability
to say yes to something,

wholeheartedly,

but also knowing you have to say no
to something else.

[YES. NO]

You said yes to listening to this today,

and I am eternally grateful.

But you also said no to something else
that you could have been doing today.

And that's what this is all about.

It's reframing the way
we make commitments.

So right now,

I want to give you an experience
of what capacity actually feels like.

So you have these rubber bands,

and I want you to put them
between your two fingers,

your two index fingers, right now.

Alright.

This is capacity elasticity

because our capacity has elastic.

We can stretch our capacity.

So I'm going to ask you
a series of questions,

and you're going to say yes
whether you want to or not.

But don't worry, I won't hold you to it.

Okay? Everybody's with me?

Alright. Fantastic. Okay.

Hey, do you think
you can join this committee?

We'd love to have you on this committee.

Yes.

Okay, fantastic.

At the first meeting,
do you think you can lead it?

You're the best person to do that.

Yes.

And, we need coffee.

Can you pick up the coffee
before we get to that meeting?

Great, okay.

We're having a BBQ next weekend.

I'd love you to bring your family.

Come on over. Right?

And, hey, while you're there,

we have some furniture we need to move,
and I'd love for you to help us.

Okay, yes.

Your elastic band should be stretched.

Your fingers should be shaking
a little bit, okay?

This is how we walk around
when we're overcommitted.

This is the feeling.

Your faces are a little
contorted right now.

I'm not sure if it's because
the band is going to snap -

and I'm not responsible for any injuries.

However, this is how we walk around,
and this is how we show up.

So release that band
and find the right tension.

Because when we are intentional
about our capacity,

there's a comfortable tension.

But there's also a state
of being underleveraged

when there's not enough tension.

So pay attention to that.

We make time for groceries!

We make time for errands!

We make time for meetings
and quick coffees!

We shouldn't be making time
for moments like this.

This is where we should be
creating capacity for our loved ones,

for moments that
we don't get a do-over for.

This is where we need
to preserve and pace.

We measure everything else.

We measure our calories.
We measure our weight.

We measure our macros,
our micros, our bank accounts.

We measure time.

But how many of us actually
really consider measuring our capacity?

It's like when somebody asks you,

"Hey, you want to come over
for a party or come to this event?"

and you check your calendar
and realize you are booked

back to back.

But in some way, you say,

"You know what? I'm busy,
but I'll squeeze you in."

And in some strange way,
we intend to flatter the person

by "squeezing them in."

This is what we're going to do?

I really want us
to challenge that thinking

because it's not flattery at all.

This is the way we show up
when we're overcommitted.

How many of you can relate to this photo
whenever you show up to an event

because you have just
ran from another event

to literally just to try
and make the next one,

and the next one,

and the next one?

No more showing up like this.

[Ego cake]

So what next?

What do we do?

Well,

in time of self-reflection,
I created something.

And this came from
a conversation with my mom.

And the structure is called "ego cake."

And the name comes
from discussion that went like this:

So my mom says to me,

she says, "Mel, your life looks
like this decadent dessert table

filled with mouth-watering desserts."

And I was like,
"Yeah, it does. Thank you."

And then she says, "You have taken a bite
out of every single one of them."

I was like, alright, where's this going?
I didn't really expect it to go this way.

I said, "Okay."

And she said, "Which one
have you enjoyed the most?"

I didn't have an answer.

I didn't know which one
I had enjoyed the most.

I couldn't possibly
have enjoyed one of them;

I had taken a bite out of all of them,
and I was bloated and full

from all of the opportunities
that I had tried to take advantage of.

I was overcommitted.

And so, I went back
and created a structure

that helps us deconstruct
our commitment patterns,

that helps us observe
our indulgent behaviors.

So just like a cake, it has five layers,
and it starts from the bottom.

Options in abundance leads to stagnation.

We are sold to 24/7.

"Buy this." "Do this." "Be this."

How do we possibly decide?

Distraction is the death
of productivity and creativity.

When we are distracted,
we don't do our best work.

And the third layer is resignment.

And it is the juiciest
layer of this structure

because this is where
we get to say no with discernment.

We need to resign from the things
that are no longer serving us.

Because when we do that,

it allows us to be more aware
of what's in front of us,

more aware of the opportunities
that bring us joy and fulfill our souls.

And once we do that,
we have the power to commit,

which is the fifth layer.

Now, I want you to remember this,

and I want you to do this
anywhere, any place, any time.

So I'm going to ask you to join me

by raising your left hand,
palm facing your chest,

pinkies down, fingers nice and tight.

Alright, perfect.

The pinky finger represents options,
obligations and opportunities,

and notice how our pinky is pretty short,

so choose wisely.

The second layer is our ring finger,
and it's about distraction.

And usually it's adorned
by some sort of jewelry,

and it's like, oh, wow,
that's really shiny.

Sorry, I got distracted
there for a moment.

Okay?

And then our middle finger
is about resignation.

And it is by no coincidence
it is our middle finger

to say no to the things
that are not serving us anymore.

(Laughter)

And the fourth layer is our pointer,

and it's awareness,

and it's about creating and observing

and being aware of all
of the newfound space we've created

from resignment.

And finally, commitment.

Remember that when we are able
to say yes to something,

we also have to say no to something else.

Thank you so much,

and I trust that you're respecting
your capacity today.

(Applause) (Cheers)

Thank you.