How To Meet Your Unmet Needs - Teal Swan -

Do you have unmet needs? This Ask Teal Episode is about How to Meet your needs and get what you want. What's the difference between needs and wants? The difference between needs and wants is sometimes merely a difference between subconscious and conscious.

Teal Swan is an International Spiritual Leader. She offers perspective on a wide range of topics including relationships, anxiety, meditation, shadow work, the law of attraction, The Completion Process, healing, PTSD, emotions and spirituality.

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http://www.askteal.com
Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel

I've said it before and
I'm gonna say it again,

Everyone on this earth has needs.

It doesn't matter whether you
want to have needs or not,

you have them.

A need is something that
is required in order to live,

succeed or be happy.

And here's the thing about needs:

you can't unneed them.

You can't decide that something
you need is not required.

You can't talk yourself out of it.

Your one option, when it
comes to having a need,

is to meet it.

How to Meet an Unmet Need

But this is easier said than done.

Why is it easier said than done?

Because we so often
have aspects of us

that are standing in a way
of having the need met.

This is not natural.

You are born understanding
that your need will be met

and that it will be easy.

A baby is not born panicking
that it will not get milk,

or worrying about having
its diaper change.

To a baby, being cuddled is
not an impossible dream.

We learn through our trauma
in our life experience,

that our need will not be met,

and worse than that,
that our needs are not OK.

A common pattern that we have

is we go to the places where
our needs can't be met,

in order to get our needs met.

It's a little bit like going
to an auto-repair shop

when you wanna shop for food.

Or it's the person who wants desperately

to have a loving connective partnership

and yet directly opts for partners

who are unavailable,
who are avoidant in nature.

The primary need in all beings

is the need for love.

But what's standing in the way

of us being able to get this need met?

Oftentimes, it's thoughts like:

"Love is not actually ever
going to come to me."

It's thoughts like:

"Love is dangerous."

If, in our life experience,

we experience love in a
context of ulterior motives,

we develop a belief,

that's embedded in our bodies,

that says, that love cannot
ever happen without a catch.

Because of these types of barriers to love,

we do not allow in the very thing
we need and want so desperately.

From this state, so often,

we are the person who's
starving for food,

in a grocery store, convinced
there's nothing to eat.

The people in our
life can see that

they are giving us the very
thing we need and want,

but we can't take it in.

We have to become
aware of what we need.

To do this, we have to
be able to recognize,

the feeling of dissatisfaction,

craving, wanting, emptiness, desperation.

For this very reason,

if you're having a difficult time feeling,

you obviously won't be able to feel

when you feel those feelings.

So the first step is to watch
my video on YouTube titled:

How to Feel

Once you watch that video,

and you start practicing how to feel,

and you start to notice those sensations

of craving, of wanting,
of emptiness, of lack,

you look to the opposite side of that

for what it is that you're lacking,

what it is that you're craving,

what it is that you're wanting.

Some of our needs are
quite simple to meet.

For most of us in the Western world,

we don't fly into a frenzy
when we feel hunger.

Why? Because we know
it's just as simple

as going to a grocery store,
or going to our own fridge.

However, if you're raised
in a Third World country,

where it was difficult to find food,

you can bet, that when you feel
that feeling of craving for food,

it comes with a lot of resistance.

Resistance because you don't believe

that need will actually be met.

Now, this is in the Western World,

much different, when it
comes to emotional needs.

We live in a day and age

where most of our emotional
needs simply are not met.

And so, when we feel
an emotional need,

we have the same reaction

as somebody who would
be starving for food.

We are completely convinced

that there's no way to
get that need met.

So we start to panic,

we start to go into lack,

we start to feel as if there is no way

that we're going to be able to satisfy

those negative feelings within us.

We are not going to be able to go
in the direction of what we need.

We don't even know how.

I want you to understand that trauma,

at its fundamental level,

is the experience of
lacking something

that we need and want.

Particularly when it applies
to emotional needs.

So, once you have identified
what your unmet need is,

that need you feel
is difficult to fulfill,

I want you to ask yourself
the following question:

"What would I have to
give up in order to have ...?"

fill in the blank with what you need.

For example, for me
to be able to feel love

when I'm sitting in the
room with someone,

I would have to give up my
belief that love is dangerous.

I would have to give up
my constant thinking,

because my mind brings
me out of my body,

so I can't feel connection to people
as real people in the room.

I would have to give up the story
that I always lose what I love.

I would have to give up
sending text messages

to that person who
never sends any back.

Keep in mind that, anywhere
we have an identification,

anywhere our identity is
wrapped up in a state

of being, or behaviour, or thought

that causes one of our
needs to not be met,

we will have to come up against

and let go of, our
own sense of identity,

which feels like a life
and death choice,

in order to meet that need.

For example,

let's say that you are
the family scapegoat.

If you are a family scapegoat,

you grew up developing an identity

that you are bad and wrong.

You didn't want to be that way,

but the ego (the ID),

became attached to the concept
of being bad and wrong.

So let's say that you want love,

love is a direct contradiction to shame,

which is feeling like something
about you is bad and wrong.

So, when you go to get love,

instantly your very ego is going
to fight against that love,

because it will perceive that
love as a death of itself.

The mental understanding of
what you have to give up

in order to get needs met
and actions you can take,

is absolutely no comparison,

to the actual physical experience,

of being able to feel
that need being met.

And you can actually do this.

I'm gonna teach you how.

For example,

let's say that you want connection.

Obviously, my best bet of
getting this need met,

is to find someone who
also wants connection.

So let's say I find that person,

I sit down across them in a room.

What I do is I focus all of my attention

on them and only them.

I feel myself open up to them
on an energetic level.

I may open up even verbally
by talking to them,

(If talking doesn't take
me out of connection).

And what I do is I watch the
resistance that I have to that.

I watch how my mind
wants to take me away.

I watch the thoughts
that come in like:

"This is not OK,

the only reason that this
person is here right now,

is because of...
some ulterior motive."

You want to watch the
ways that your own being

resists the very thing you want.

Stay with that resistance long enough

that the resistance
itself begins to settle,

and you start to feel yourself go
into more of a vulnerable state.

Once you notice where in your
body you can't feel connection,

switch your focus to where in
your body you can feel connection.

Pay attention to your heart.

Can you feel it there?

If not, can you feel in your skin?

If not, is there a part of your
body like even your knee,

where you can actually
feel that connection?

From there,

you wanna bring that
sensation of the connection,

as far and deep into your body
and through your whole body,

as you possibly can.

Or let's say that what
you want is abundance.

Go to a place that's super fancy,

something that symbolizes
wealth, for you.

Sit there and try to feel like a king,

try to feel like you own it,

try to feel that sensation that
you have so much money

that you literally can't find
enough stuff to spend it on.

When you do this, I want you to watch

the resistance that comes
up in your body.

What kind of thoughts
are trying to tell you:

"That this is not the case."

"This is not what you deserve."
"This is not the reality."

Anything that is getting in the way
of you actually having access

to that feeling within your body.

Stay with that as long as you can,

until those thoughts and that
resistance starts to settle.

And you feel yourself sort of opening
towards that feeling of abundance.

Once you notice where in your body

you can't feel abundance,

switch your focus to where
you can feel abundance.

So maybe you can't
feel it in your chest,

maybe it's closed off to
that sensation of having

lots and lots and lots of money.

But maybe in your arms,
you do actually feel

that feeling of expansion,
that feeling of abundance,

that feeling of wealth.

Put all your focus there,

and spread that through
your entire body if you can.

I did a video a while back
called: "Feeling Signatures".

If you haven't watched that video,
I highly suggest you watch it.

Or even if you have,
go watch it again.

Because I explained how people
can use feeling signatures

to make themselves feel better.

But as it applies to meeting
the unmet needs,

it is so valuable.

So for example, let's say that
what I want is belonging.

But I haven't really had a
direct access with belonging.

And so how do I know
what that feels like?

What I do, is I look for some
experience I've had in the past,

that was the closest

to what I think belonging
might have felt like.

So let's say, for me,

the closest I got to belonging

was this memory I have of
roasting marshmallows

over a campfire.

What I do is I take my
attention and I place it

fully and totally
(like in a meditation),

on that memory,
on that experience,

on the feeling of marshmallows.

When I feel that in my body,

I spread that sensation

through every cell,
into my bone marrow

around every single organ.

I use that sensation as a
resource for belonging.

The reality of this universe

is that it's governed by
the Law of Attraction.

Things of like frequency
match and coalesce.

This is the real reason that
people who are born wealthy

have no problem creating wealth.

They do not often have
many thoughts or actions,

or life experiences that contradict
the frequency of wealth.

In the absence of the contradiction

nothing is preventing them
from manifesting that need

immediately.

When you release resistance

to the things that are preventing
you from having what you need,

when you give up what you have to
give up, in order to get a need met,

you can allow yourself to feel the
opposite vibration of that lack.

When you feel the opposite
thing, the thing you need,

and even more than that,

when you recognize that
you are feeling it,

so it becomes real to your embodiment,

the need is being met.

Now, in a Law of
Attraction-based universe,

when that need starts getting
met on that very deep,

visceral, emotional and embodied level,

the Law of Attraction must respond to it.

It responds by bringing
this need to you

in ever increasing ways.

It lines you up with the people

who can meet those needs.

It lines you up with ways

that you can meet
your own needs.

It makes you coalesce

with the circumstances,
to bring about the goals,

that you want to achieve.

It's almost like the Universe
lays the path out

for you to get those needs met.

And it's no longer a question,

because the "how" is done for you.

Once you start this practise

of meeting your unmet needs,

especially those that you
feel are out of your reach,

there will no longer be
a lack within your being.

You will be restored to
a state of wholeness.

Have a good week.

Subtitles by: Krzysztof Piotrowski
& Tanya Duarte