3 things new parents should consider before going back to work
-
0:00 - 0:03When I was pregnant,
I just got very frustrated. -
0:03 - 0:06Don't eat deli meats,
do this particular prenatal test. -
0:06 - 0:09Why did you make that choice?
Why didn't you make a different choice? -
0:09 - 0:13I felt like I was being told to do things,
and I never got the answer to why. -
0:13 - 0:16[The Way We Work]
-
0:18 - 0:21Sometimes in the world of modern parenting
you just can't seem to win. -
0:21 - 0:24If I go back to work,
I spend less time with my kid. -
0:24 - 0:27What if they don't get the attention
they need to adequately develop? -
0:27 - 0:29If I stay home
and give up my income stream, -
0:29 - 0:31will I look back and regret my decision?
-
0:31 - 0:34There's a lot of
conflicting advice out there -
0:34 - 0:36about whether to stay home
or go back to work, -
0:36 - 0:40so trying to make a choice between the two
can be confusing and emotional. -
0:40 - 0:42You love your kids
and want what's best for them, -
0:42 - 0:46but how do you determine what best means
when everyone has a different opinion? -
0:46 - 0:49There are many variations of parents
that a household can have, -
0:49 - 0:51and I think more families
should be asking the question -
0:51 - 0:54of whether it makes sense
for the male partner to stay home. -
0:54 - 0:56But the truth is that in the current time,
-
0:56 - 0:59most of the discussions
about stay-at-home parents -
0:59 - 1:00focus on women in particular.
-
1:00 - 1:02And it's usually the women
who say they feel -
1:02 - 1:06that what they do during the day
is going to determine at a deep level -
1:06 - 1:09what kind of mom and person they are.
-
1:09 - 1:11That is a huge weight
to put on yourself as a parent. -
1:11 - 1:13And when you're met with the side-eye
-
1:13 - 1:16after telling someone
you're going back to work or not, -
1:16 - 1:18it can poke holes in your confidence.
-
1:18 - 1:19I decided to dig in and find out.
-
1:19 - 1:22Is it better to stay at home
or go back to work? -
1:22 - 1:23It's an emotional decision, yes,
-
1:23 - 1:26but as an economist I've learned
that we can use data -
1:26 - 1:28to help navigate through
those emotional decisions -
1:28 - 1:31and feel confident we're making
the best decision for our family. -
1:31 - 1:35Specifically there are three main factors
you should consider before you decide. -
1:35 - 1:36First, you need to think about
-
1:36 - 1:39how this decision will affect
your family budget. -
1:39 - 1:40Let's do some numbers.
-
1:40 - 1:43Say your total household
income is 100,000 dollars, -
1:43 - 1:45with you and your partner
making 50,000 each. -
1:45 - 1:49That means you bring home
about 85,000 dollars after taxes. -
1:49 - 1:51If both of you work
-
1:51 - 1:54and the family pays
1,500 dollars a month for childcare, -
1:54 - 1:58your total disposable income
would be 67,000 dollars a year. -
1:58 - 1:59Are you with me so far?
-
1:59 - 2:00If you decide to stay home,
-
2:00 - 2:03your family makes less
but you don't pay for childcare. -
2:03 - 2:05Your disposable income
goes down in this scenario, -
2:05 - 2:09but not by as much as it would
if you didn't factor in the childcare. -
2:09 - 2:12It becomes more complicated if childcare
is more expensive in your area. -
2:12 - 2:15A full-time nanny
can run 40, 50,000 dollars a year -
2:15 - 2:16depending on where you live.
-
2:16 - 2:20If that's the case in your neighborhood,
in the scenario I outlined, -
2:20 - 2:22it would completely wipe out
one parent's income, -
2:23 - 2:26and you'd be better off financially
with one parent staying home. -
2:26 - 2:28Of course, this is only
a short-term analysis. -
2:28 - 2:32Childcare is less expensive sometimes
when kids are in school, -
2:32 - 2:36and you may make a higher income later,
so you want to factor that in if you can. -
2:36 - 2:39Once you've done the math,
you'll know what's possible -
2:39 - 2:41and you'll be able to make
a more informed choice, -
2:41 - 2:43which should feel empowering.
-
2:43 - 2:45Second, it's time to talk
about what's best for your child. -
2:45 - 2:48You may think this should be
the core of your decision, -
2:48 - 2:51but there's actually no right answer.
-
2:51 - 2:54According to studies
from Europe and the US, -
2:54 - 2:56the decision to go back to work
or stay at home -
2:56 - 2:59won't actually make or break
your child's future success. -
2:59 - 3:02Research shows that two parents
working full-time -
3:02 - 3:06has a similar effect on your child's
future test scores and income -
3:06 - 3:08to one parent working and one not.
-
3:08 - 3:10What seems to be most
important is the environment -
3:10 - 3:13your child is in during their spare time.
-
3:13 - 3:15As long as they're engaging
in enriching activities; -
3:15 - 3:18reading, practicing their motor skills,
interacting with other kids, -
3:18 - 3:21they're going to thrive
whether or not you're at home. -
3:21 - 3:23There is a bit of nuance in the data.
-
3:23 - 3:25For example, studies have found,
-
3:25 - 3:27that if both parents work,
-
3:27 - 3:31kids from poorer families
are impacted positively, -
3:31 - 3:34and kids from richer families
are impacted less positively. -
3:34 - 3:37So depending on your
household configuration, -
3:37 - 3:39the effects on your child
could be a little positive, -
3:39 - 3:41or a little negative,
-
3:41 - 3:42but the overall impact is negligible.
-
3:42 - 3:45Now I want to call out an exception:
maternity leave. -
3:45 - 3:49There is a growing body of evidence
suggesting that babies do better -
3:49 - 3:51when their mothers
take some maternity leave. -
3:51 - 3:54The early days with your child
can impact their development, -
3:54 - 3:57so if you have paid leave,
you should take it, -
3:57 - 3:58and if you don't, maybe consider
-
3:58 - 4:01taking some unpaid leave
for those first few months, -
4:01 - 4:02if your budget allows.
-
4:02 - 4:05And finally, ask yourself, what do I want?
-
4:05 - 4:07While this may seem simple,
-
4:07 - 4:09it's the factor that feels
most taboo to explore. -
4:09 - 4:13In talking to parents I find that
when a woman chooses to stay home, -
4:13 - 4:15she often feels obligated to say
-
4:15 - 4:18she made this choice
for her children's optimal development. -
4:18 - 4:21Which, sure, can be part of the reason,
-
4:21 - 4:25but a perfectly acceptable answer is,
"this is the lifestyle I prefer," -
4:25 - 4:27or "this is what works for my family."
-
4:27 - 4:29The same goes for the working mother.
-
4:29 - 4:32Saying, "I like my job, and that's why
I went back to work," is enough. -
4:32 - 4:34If you want to go back
to work, that's great. -
4:34 - 4:36You're lucky to have a job that you love
-
4:36 - 4:39and you have every right to keep it
once you become a parent. -
4:39 - 4:42Be honest with yourself
about what you'd like to do. -
4:42 - 4:45If you're upfront about that,
you're guaranteed to feel happier, -
4:45 - 4:48which will allow you to be
the best version of a parent you can be, -
4:48 - 4:50and isn't that the whole point?
-
4:50 - 4:52There is no right and wrong
when it comes to parenting. -
4:52 - 4:54The best decision is the one
-
4:54 - 4:56that will make you --
and your family -- the happiest. -
4:56 - 4:58Up to you to decide what's next.
-
4:58 - 5:01By acknowledging that the choice
to stay home or not -
5:01 - 5:03is just that, a choice,
-
5:03 - 5:06with factors pushing you
in various directions, -
5:06 - 5:10we can ditch the guilt and enjoy
doing what feels best for our families.
- Title:
- 3 things new parents should consider before going back to work
- Speaker:
- Emily Oster
- Description:
-
Should you go back to work after having kids? It's an emotional decision, but weighing three factors can make it easier, says author and economist Emily Oster.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TED Series
- Duration:
- 05:23
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Joanna Pietrulewicz edited English subtitles for 3 things new parents should consider before going back to work | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz edited English subtitles for 3 things new parents should consider before going back to work |