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I kid you not, as soon as I turned on the camera,
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my heart just like immediately started beating really hard but...
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ok.
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Hey what's up you guys,
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so today I wanna talk to you guys about something.
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So 2014 has been by far the biggest year for me.
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I've done a lot of things and gone a lot of places,
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and you guys know all about that.
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But you don't know the biggest thing
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that's happened to me this year.
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So I'm sitting here in front of you with
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no script, no plan, no fancy editing,
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and I'm just gonna be really honest.
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2014 is truly the year that I have accepted who I am
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and become happy with that person.
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So today, I wanna talk to you guys about that
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and be open and honest and tell you that
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I'm gay.
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This may come as a shock to a lot of you
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and it may be confusing,
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so I'm gonna backtrack a little bit.
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Growing up, I always knew I was a little bit
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different than everyone else.
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I always just had the feeling that I wasn't the same,
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but it wasn't until I was 12 years old,
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until I really had pinpointed what that was.
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For some reason, my 7th grade year,
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I had this thought in the back of my head
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'what if I'm gay?'
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And I immediately was so terrified.
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I'm from a small town in the mid-west.
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That's not a normal thing there.
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I didn't even know what that word meant.
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I had only met a couple gay people in my entire life.
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It was terrifying to me to have to think that
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I was something that I knew nothing about.
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So I immediately pushed it away
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and tried not to think about it.
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But as anyone who has gone through this knows,
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you can't not think about it.
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I was up all night,
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for I can't tell you how many nights,
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just thinking, like, looking at the ceiling,
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just thinking about this.
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And I was so scared of it that I never told anybody.
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So fast forward into high school,
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I tried to avoid it by dating girls.
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All I wanted to do was be like everyone else.
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So I would date girls, I would kiss girls,
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but I would feel nothing.
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I just wanted everything to be like everyone else said it was,
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I just wanted to be normal,
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I just wanted to talk about what I wanted to talk about
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and be who I was,
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but I didn't feel like I could be that.
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I felt so isolated because I had this secret
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that I couldn't even talk to myself about,
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let alone other people.
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And it wasn't until the sophomore year in college
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that I really thought about it.
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I thought about it so much
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that I became obsessed with it.
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And having that thought to myself for so long
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started talking over my life
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and I started feeling depressed.
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I felt like there was no escape from my own thoughts,
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but I thought to myself,
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'maybe I can continue to avoid this,
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if I just don't act on it,
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it'll never be a thing'.
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I don't know what it was but one year ago,
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I kept trying to get myself to look in the mirror
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and say it.
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I was tired of running,
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I was tired of hiding who I truly was,
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so I just tried to say it.
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I don't think you'll understand unless you've gone through it,
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but I couldn't say it.
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Like, I was not capable of saying it,
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my mouth could not utter those words.
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Until one time, I did.
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And it felt like a mixture of every emotion possible.
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I was really relieved that I finally said it,
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but I was also so terrified
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that I had finally admitted that to myself.
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Then the next step was to tell a person.
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So in January this year
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after keeping one of my friends up till like 5 am on his couch,
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I told him.
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And I felt great.
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From then on I was just continuing to tell people.
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I started to tell more friend,
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I told my parents, I told my siblings,
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and one by one,
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I just started checking people off this list.
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And everyone was so great.
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I am so fortunate that everyone,
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they didn't even, like,
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they didn't look at me different,
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they didn't treat me different,
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they just said 'ok' like it was no big deal.
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This whole thing that I had built up inside me
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to be this huge deal for 22 years,
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wasn't.
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In just one year, I've honestly felt like
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I am so happy with who I am,
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and I'm making this video
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because I was sick of having to think constantly about
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what I was doing, what I was saying, what I was wearing,
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just, I don't wanna have to think about everything I do.
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I just wanna be able to be me
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and not be afraid.
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I'm sick of censoring myself.
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This is just one little part of who I am,
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and I'm not gonna let my sexuality
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define or confine me.
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It's part of me. It's not all of me.
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So today I'm making this video for a couple of reasons.
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One, I put a vast majority of my life on the internet,
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and I want this to be one of those things.
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Two, the reason I accepted this information
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was because of the internet.
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I watched every coming out video possible, four times.
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I've googled, I went in chatrooms,
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I've found every way online
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to talk about this and to figure it out.
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Because I never felt comfortable
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actually talking about it to anybody.
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So I'm making this video for anyone who needs it.
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It's ok.
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It may not seem like it right now,
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but you are gonna be fine.
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I know it's scary but don't be afraid.
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You are who you are
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and you should love that person.
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I don't want anyone to have to go through
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22 years of their life
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afraid to accept that.
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Three, I just wanna set a precedent.
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Race, gender, religion, sexuality,
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we are all people and that's it.
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We're all people, we're all equal.
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I don't want anyone to have to be afraid.
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I don't want anyone to hold back who they are.
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It's not ok.
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It's not a good thing.
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I don't know what else to say.
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My friends, my family and you guys have supported me
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through anything and everything
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and I can't thank you for that enough.
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This has been easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do,
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but I'm so happy that I'm doing it.
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This video somehow turned into a sad, serious moment
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and I'm not gonna let it end on that note.
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In true Connor Franta fashion,
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I'm gonna end my video like I always do
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because this is just another video.
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It's just another video
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where you found out a little more about me.
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So until next monday... Bye!