fat body (in)visible

Title:
fat body (in)visible
Description:

this is the trailer. Here is the dialogue for the whole film:

Description:

0:04 – 0:06
[MUSIC: "Breathe" by Télépopmusik
0:06 – 0:11
I brought you something close to me
0:13 – 0:20
Left for something you see though you're here
0:22 – 0:26
You haunt my dreams
0:27 – 0:31
There's nothing to do but believe
0:33 – 0:36
Just believe
0:37 – 0:39
Just breathe...]
0:40 – 0:49
The way people view fat today is, I wanna right away say disgusting.
0:49 – 0:56
We are told that we can't even love each other in public, because it's so revolting.
0:56 – 0:58
I just feel like it's a love-hate.
0:58 – 1:01
I think people are scared to show their appreciation for some big women.
1:01 – 1:04
and some people don't care after a while. More than anything
1:04 – 1:18
I feel, like it's an indifference.
1:18 – 1:24
While I have all the confidence in the world, I am being told every day that my body is revolting
1:24 – 1:30
I look at it like this, you know there is so many beautiful, natural wonders in this world, and all these
1:30 – 1:37
natural wonders theyr'e huge right. You know? The Taj Mahal, umm, the Grand Canyon
1:37 – 1:41
all these things are big, and people come from all around to see it.
1:41 – 1:46
So it is as we know, with me being a larger woman, i'm like an attraction
1:46 – 1:51
you know? Like, you can't miss me and I am a good thing to look at as well.
1:51 – 1:54
When they see a fat body it's very challenging to their politics.
1:54 – 2:04
It's very challenging to this, what they view as their, um, their moral code is challenged by a fat body.
2:04 – 2:06
Especially a confident fat body.
2:06 – 2:14
I think I've always felt, moderately at peace with my body. I think my issues always been everyone else.
2:14 – 2:22
I first realized I was fat when my mom stopped introducing me as her daughter and started introducing
2:22 – 2:29
me as her fat daughter, her fluffy daughter, my chubby Jessica.
2:29 – 2:35
I stopped being a human, I started being a body.
2:35 – 2:41
For me, I'm at my heaviest. And, ironically, or maybe not ironically
2:41 – 2:44
but at my heaviest, I am the happiest.
2:45 – 2:54
I first realized I was fat, (laughs) probably at a young age. I was an 11 pound baby, so
2:54 – 2:57
I never had a skinny phase.
2:57 – 3:00
And my family, they accepted me.
3:00 – 3:05
Dieting for me started, really young. It started off as restricting
3:05 – 3:14
and by 10 I was in Jenny Craig, and then Weight Watchers, and pills and special physicians.
3:14 – 3:18
When I look at the word diet, I see the word die. Die-et.
3:18 – 3:24
I have never dieted. Um, the only time I kinda could think of dieting was when I was young.
3:24 – 3:26
Probably like 7. When the doctor said, oh you should cut back on X,Y and Z.
3:27 – 3:31
And I did it. But afterwards I was like, psh, this ain't for me.
3:31 – 3:32
You know what I mean?
3:32 – 3:41
Around high school I got a personal trainer. Got my calories down to what almost killed me.
3:41 – 3:49
Um, and still, couldn't lose any weight. When I moved out of my mother's house
3:49 – 3:52
um, I gave up dieting for good.
3:52 – 4:02
[MUSIC: "Dimestore Diamond" by The Gossip
4:02 – 4:07
"Everybody knows the things she does to please"
4:07 – 4:12
Low cut sweaters with her skirt above her knees
4:12 – 4:18
She's a dimestore diamond
4:18 – 4:23
Everybody knows just where she gets her clothes
4:23 – 4:27
A water coloured painting in a Renoir pose
4:27 – 4:36
She's a dimestore diamond
4:41 – 4:43
Everybody knows but no one can tell..." ]
4:47 – 4:52
Um, fat acceptance is just, uh the radical idea that every body is a good body
4:52 – 5:00
and that regardless of your shape or your size, that you deserve just as much respect as the next person.
5:00 – 5:04
Fat acceptance is just accepting where it's at. You know, whether you're
5:04 – 5:06
bigger or you're smaller, just accepting what it is.
5:06 – 5:10
Your arms, your double chin, your thighs, you know,
5:10 – 5:12
and just not worrying about how people may view you.
5:16 – 6:00
[MUSIC: "Be" by Common]
6:01 – 6:02
(inaudible + laughter)
6:17 – 6:18
Growing up, I compared myself to images I'd see on t.v.
6:22 – 6:26
As a young black girl, it wasn't really so much for the size, it was the skin color.
6:26 – 6:33
You know, watching t.v. you don't see really a lot of young black girls on t.v.
6:33 – 6:42
And it wasn't until probably in my later teens that I felt more conscious about my body
6:42 – 6:44
because that's when I saw the music videos.
6:44 – 6:49
My 'aha' moment, um, was through the fat community.
6:49 – 6:51
You know, the fat acceptance group.
6:51 – 6:53
And that really started when I was in high school
6:53 – 6:58
when I saw that as, you know, a celebration of plus size women.
6:58 – 7:02
And that's been going on for I'd say like, 10 years now, since the early 2000's.
7:02 – 7:08
So uh, from there the lightbulb went off, I love myself more
7:08 – 7:13
Uh, I didn't want to wear the baggy clothes to hide myself.
7:13 – 7:16
You know my mothers told me to cover my arms, I didn't wanna cover it
7:16 – 7:21
You know? I felt more comfortable in my body because I saw other women who looked like me
7:21 – 7:24
doing the same things, so I was, like why can't I?
7:24 – 7:30
I think high school, um, is a struggle to feel visible for anybody.
7:30 – 7:34
As a fat person, I think I took on the role as the class clown,
7:34 – 7:39
because I wasn't allowed to be um, an object of desire by my classmates.
7:39 – 7:44
I think once I started um, finding that people were attracted to me
7:44 – 7:50
and, that um men and women found me desirable as I was
7:50 – 7:55
I felt that was an invitation and permission to start loving myself as well
7:55 – 7:58
and as much as they did.
7:58 – 8:05
(inaudible hotties)
8:05 – 8:08

8:09 – 8:13
Recently, I was walking home, and I live in my own world,
8:13 – 8:16
I know that a lot of negativity happens around me
8:16 – 8:22
so I just try to phase it out, but I was walking home and a woman called me a 'fat piggy bitch'.
8:22 – 8:26
For no reason, she just yelled it.
8:26 – 8:30
And, in my head I heard "Miss Piggy Bitch!!"
8:30 – 8:36
And so I looked at her and said thank you and I kept walking and I was feeling great about myself
8:36 – 8:42
and a man said, "Did you hear what she said to you? She called you a fat piggy bitch".
8:42 – 8:48
Which just seemed like, ludicrous to me, because I didn't even irritate her in any way,
8:48 – 8:51
but by purely existing, she felt is was necessary to take me down.
8:52 – 8:58
I hate to say it, as ironic as this may sound, I still feel invisible today.
8:58 – 9:02
Like uh, I would say probably like most of my life
9:02 – 9:05
as big, as colorful as I am I still feel invisible in a sense.
9:08 – 9:16
The way I make myself present and visible, um, is I've really allowed myself to
9:16 – 9:18
give in to everything I've ever wanted to wear.
9:18 – 9:22
And a lot of the times that means looking a lot like a cartoon character.
9:22 – 9:30
I get called babydoll a lot, people always ask me if I am working birthday parties.
9:30 – 9:35
But in, um allowing myself to dress the way I've always wanted to
9:35 – 9:39
and never allowed myself when I was hating my body, um,
9:39 – 9:44
I make myself very present for other people.
9:44 – 9:50
Recently, I met a woman online, maybe 2 years ago,
9:50 – 9:53
that was involved in an online community called fatshionista
9:53 – 10:00
which is a fat fashionista, on live journal, which just brought me into this myraid
10:00 – 10:06
of blogs and books and people that were involved in this movment that gave me
10:06 – 10:12
sort of a more substantial argument when people initially would say fat is bad,
10:12 – 10:15
and I could only say no its not
10:15 – 10:22
Um, I was the introduced to this community that gave me substantial reasons why fat was okay,
10:22 – 10:26
and why my body was beautiful and why i deserved more than
10:26 – 10:29
society was ready to give me.
10:29 – 10:34
I discovered fatshionista, I was just always inspired by the outfit posts
10:34 – 10:36
so that's how I got inspired or posted my own,
10:36 – 10:39
then from there it was just a wealth of information.
10:39 – 10:43
With the fat-o-sphere, there is a lot of fat fashion blogging.
10:43 – 10:43
There is always what fat girls wear, what fat girls wear.
10:43 – 10:55
There's a lot on - not a lot on what fat girls think, um, in relation to what they wear.
10:55 – 10:58
Fat touches everything I do.
10:58 – 11:01
K: See with this one, it's kind of thick.
11:01 – 11:03
J: That's cute!
11:03 – 11:03
K: Yeah
11:03 – 11:04
J: Yeah I like that. Are you trying it on? I really like this though. Did you make it?
11:04 – 11:11
K: Thank you
11:11 – 11:13
Again I really don't see a lot of art out there that reflects me.
11:13 – 11:16
I'm a plus size woman, you know, I love afrocentric themes.
11:16 – 11:22
So I'm like, you know, lemme try and play around with it.
11:22 – 11:27
I don't feel like I'm the best artist, but it's my work, you know?
11:27 – 11:34
And I've always wanted to see, the few black artists that are out there to do,
11:34 – 11:35
you know, show images of bigger women.
11:35 – 11:36
When it comes to crocheting, um, the challenge is sometimes,
11:36 – 11:39
that there aren't many patterns in plus sizes.
11:39 – 11:45
but, the beauty is, is just, you know just winging it, just adding more stitches.
11:45 – 11:47
Same thing with constructing clothes.
11:47 – 11:48
Clothes are nothing but shapes.
11:48 – 11:53
Like, I made a skirt in 45 minutes. I was just draping the fabric on me, you know,
11:53 – 11:56
2 squares, put it together - bam you got a skirt.
11:56 – 12:02
Fat style is um, one of the biggest ways I believe you can be politcal as a fat body.
12:02 – 12:11
Um, because it's very subversive given that we as fat people we are given limited choices.
12:11 – 12:16
When you're thin, you have the entire mall at your beck and call.
12:16 – 12:23
When you're fat, you have one store that has matronly, shaming clothes.
12:23 – 12:31
J: It fits fine.
12:31 – 12:35
(laughter)
12:35 – 12:41
J: Keena, does this fit good?
12:41 – 12:45
When you look good, you feel good. And people feel good around you as well.
12:45 – 12:50
People don't expect for larger women to wear bright colors, or god forbid a mini-skirt
12:50 – 12:52
or even, got forbid, stripes.
12:52 – 12:59
So, it feels good to stop outside the box and wear things that's not the norm
12:59 – 13:09
as a larger woman. And get compliments for it because you rock it a certain way.
13:21 – 13:25
Recently, I went to um an indie fashion event at a plus size
13:25 – 13:31
thrift store called re-dress and it was just really inspiring to see
13:31 – 13:38
all these fat bodies, all these loving, fat bodies in one space being really positive.
13:38 – 13:45
A lot of, most, not all of the people present were um, part of my online community.
13:45 – 13:51
My fat acceptance activists, and my fashionistas, and it was just really inspiring
13:51 – 14:00
to see people doing what they love and promoting this self-accepting, positive, environment.
14:00 – 14:02
14:02 – 14:05
We've noticed that it's really powerful to see um,
14:05 – 14:09
more than one fat body enjoying each others company in public.
14:09 – 14:13
And, um, I think initally people are too intimidated to say anything
14:13 – 14:17
but occasionally you'll get people who will make comments
14:17 – 14:25
Uh, I just think it's really intimidating for people to see fat bodies together,
14:25 – 14:27
it's really powerful.
14:27 – 14:37
(laughing)
14:37 – 14:40
I think because I make such a point in making myself
14:40 – 14:48
visible on my own terms,there's very little places where I feel invisible.
14:48 – 14:54
I feel hyper-visible when I am in restaraunts eating.
14:54 – 14:59
I feel like the spotlight's always on me.
14:59 – 15:07
When i'm at the doctor's it's a weird mix of hypervisibility and invisibility.
15:07 – 15:11
I feel so detached from my body, and not a human,
15:11 – 15:17
but I also feel really under the microscope and sort of
15:17 – 15:23
like a mutant as well. So it's really... going to the doctor's is challenging.
15:23 – 15:30
A couple months ago I, back in June I bought an airplane ticket
15:30 – 15:33
through Southwest Airlines to Las Vegas for my aunts wedding.
15:33 – 15:38
Got to the airport early and I just thought, hmm, maybe I should ask
15:38 – 15:41
about my return boarding pass, if it got printed.
15:41 – 15:46
That day I wore a mini skirt and a sleeveless top. Didn't think nothin' of it.
15:46 – 15:49
Didn't think people were watching me or scrutinizing me.
15:49 – 15:55
Went to the counter, asked the lady about it, and she was like, you know
15:55 – 16:01
I think that you could use another seat. I'm like, so what are you implying?
16:01 – 16:04
And she's like, well me and a few other people we have been observing you and we
16:04 – 16:09
feel that you could use another seat so that will be $179 dollars.
16:09 – 16:12
I was like, excuse me? How are you just going to assume that
16:12 – 16:16
I need to take another seat? And she was like well, you know, the seat you're sitting in over there is
16:16 – 16:23
smaller than an airline seat. So, long story short, you know, it just took me by surprise
16:23 – 16:28
that one that people were watching me. And just , visualizing if I could fit in the seat or not.
16:28 – 16:32
And maybe that's a time where I kinda felt kinda hypervisible.
16:32 – 16:36
Like, unbeknownst to me there was someone watching me
16:36 – 16:40
and just juding by my body frame that I need to pay another $200
16:40 – 16:46
for a lousy seat on an already crowded aircraft.
16:46 – 16:49
You know, we worked it out, I talked to the supervisor
16:49 – 16:56
And, another thing, I really wanted to lash out, but I couldn't because it was one of those things
16:56 – 17:00
where you don't want to be the "angry black woman" let alone at a airport, you know?
17:00 – 17:05
So I was looking around, just watching to see people like, observing me, see what's going on,
17:05 – 17:12
but it didn't seem like it. Uh, talked to the supervisor, went on the plane
17:12 – 17:15
while they were boarding the handicapped so the aircraft was empty.
17:15 – 17:18
Sat in the seat, put down the armrest, and the supervisor said,
17:18 – 17:22
"well, you're borderline on safety, we will let you pass this time"
17:22 – 17:27
And so - i'm about to cry just thinking about it, so it's just like,
17:27 – 17:31
I just never thought I would be picked out like that, you know?
17:31 – 17:36
And it's just, before I got on the plane, I was just thinking,
17:36 – 17:38
that was a time where I thought, maybe I should change my body
17:38 – 17:43
to appease others. You know? Like maybe if I weren't so big,
17:43 – 17:50
I wouldn't be a hazard to someone.
17:50 – 17:53
But, it went well, but it just left a bad taste in my mouth because
17:53 – 17:58
I want to travel more, and with the whole airlines charging more
17:58 – 18:04
for luggage, it's just that Southwest is the only place that has inexpensive airline tickets.
18:04 – 18:14
But, I just feel like when I travel, or when I go out. I have to be conscious of the space I take.
18:14 – 18:21
You know, no I can't fit in every chair, but I still like being a plus size woman.
18:21 – 18:27
Like I don't want to change myself to make others feel comfortable.
18:27 – 18:45
[MUSIC: "Be" by Common]
18:46 – 18:51
I just sort of, uh go day to day and talk to people when they approach me.
18:51 – 18:57
I am confronted a lot about my body, on the street, by strangers.
18:57 – 19:01
It gives me a chance to open up a dialogue about fat acceptance and maybe get other
19:01 – 19:05
fat people I meet involved in this community.
19:05 – 19:11
The Adipositivity Project is a project that a woman made to photograph
19:11 – 19:16
plus size women and their bodies, just in the nude.
19:16 – 19:21
So I contacted her earlier this year when I had a trip to New York
19:21 – 19:26
and I just had to be a part of it. It was a very very liberating experience
19:26 – 19:29
and I would love to do it again and I would encourage other women,
19:29 – 19:32
especially women of color, to do it.
19:32 – 19:38
I make myself present online, I have, um, I'm just fully exploiting every outlet for myself.
19:38 – 19:43
I have a tumblr, which has really helped promote my blog,
19:43 – 19:54
Um, I'm on twitter, and I try to read other blogs, comment, create a community with other FA bloggers
19:54 – 20:01
and just really inundate everyone with my image, and my thoughts.
20:01 – 20:07
On my tumblr, I just mostly post pictures and words of things that inspire me.
20:07 – 20:12
Um, what made me create an account, because I wanted to show a person who was
20:12 – 20:19
fat, and black, afrocentric, and who is unashamed of who she is, you know, post there.
20:19 – 20:23
Right now I have over 500 followers, I would never thunk it.
20:23 – 20:28
I hope that my activism and my blogging and the work I do online
20:28 – 20:35
helps give people of all shapes a safe place to feel good about their bodies
20:35 – 20:39
and to talk honestly about what they are feeling and why they are feeling it.
20:39 – 20:49
And just, in hopes of , you know, this um, that someday we will just all feel very neutral and loving
20:49 – 20:53
about our bodies and there won't... fat people won't feel so isolated.
20:53 – 20:59
My message to young girls who are plus size in this day and age is just to live life,
20:59 – 21:05
enjoy yourself, and don't let nothing stop you. If you want to take a plus size, or
21:05 – 21:08
you know, take pole dancing, take it. I've done it.
21:08 – 21:10
If you wanna be a dancer, do it.
21:10 – 21:12
If you wanna go to the beach in a bikini, do it, I've done it, you know?
21:12 – 21:17
Just don't let nothing stop you, don't let the naysayers, you know, get to your head.
21:17 – 21:24
Just live life, because at the end of the day you will want to die knowing that you've done everything
21:24 – 21:25
that you you want to do.
21:25 – 21:27
Even my experience with Southwest Airlines,
21:27 – 21:29
I know at the end of the day it's not going to stop me from travelling.
21:29 – 21:31
I just have to do it in other ways.
21:31 – 21:34
You know? Um, I just want to die knowing that I did everything
21:34 – 21:37
um, that I loved and wanted to do.
21:37 – 21:40
So I hope that other women, young or old,
21:40 – 21:45
big or small, black or white, inbetween, they do that as well.
21:45 – 21:46
21:46 – 21:51
If I could say one thing to um, young fat people dealing with bullying
21:51 – 21:55
and their body image, I don't really think there is anything you can say
21:55 – 22:01
to young teens because we all struggle with how we feel about ourselves. But, it's not about you
22:01 – 22:09
it's about the bully. It's about their own issues, it's about what people are telling them
22:09 – 22:13
they should feel, and you just... don't let anyone police your body.
22:16 – 22:19
[MUSIC: "Breathe" by Télépopmusik...
22:25 – 22:36
"I'm used to it by now...
22:36 – 22:38
another day...
22:38 – 22:42
just believe...
22:42 – 22:44
just breathe...
22:45 – 22:49
just believe...
22:51
just breathe...

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Video Language:
English
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible
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