People Pleasing and the Fear of Man - Ask Pastor Tim

Question.

"Can you explore this
topic of fear of men?"

So that's the topic: fear of men.

"Now, if a believer

is free from sin,

how can one feel so dominated

by this particular gripping sin?"

Now, he writes more,

but I'm going to stop right there.

I often get questions
that are worded like this.

You say, like what?

I often get somebody that says to me,

"I know I'm a Christian.

Please explain to me
how I can be living in sin."

That approach is common.

I know I've been regenerated.

I know I believed.

I know I'm a Christian.

And yet, would you please explain to me

how it is that I can be controlled

by this un-Christian conduct?

Those are the kind of questions

oftentimes that you get.

And it's like, ok, there's a fatal flaw

in logic there.

One of the things is this:

We don't want to just
assume we're Christians

and then ask the question -

it's like, I know I'm a Christian,

even though when I look at the Bible,

the things that the Bible says
are true about Christians,

I don't see are true in my life.
So would you please explain to me?

I know I'm a Christian,

but how is it that my life can be

characterized by un-Christian conduct

when I know I'm a Christian?

(Incomplete thought)

And I would like to turn it around

and say I'd rather you explain to me

how you can be a Christian

when your life is full of
un-Christian conduct.

I can't explain that to you,

because I think what's happening is

is you are basically starting out

by a faulty assertion.

You've got a faulty presupposition here

that is making your logic bad

all the way through.

You want to turn the thing around.

What you really want to do is say,

the Bible says that true and legitimate

Christianity looks like this;

ok, now I'm going to examine my own life

in light of what the Bible says

true Christianity looks like.

If I measure up to the standard,

that's a positive thing.

If I don't measure up to the standard,

that may mean I'm in trouble.

That's how you want to reason.

But anyway, we'll go on.

"As with matters of the soul,

a short question is hard
to compress everything.

I would like to ask you about

this deplorable sin of
fear of man in general.

It takes on many words today,

i.e. social anxiety, man-pleasing,

seeking glory in this world, etc.,

but strangely is not
something talked about

much in church.

Some personal context:

I recently discovered that my struggle

to communicate freely with people

without fear for many years

is directly proportionate to my desire

to seek God above all things.

(And that would make sense.)

I hate this sin,

yet in my pleading with
God for repentance..."

Can we just stop right there?

God never tells us to
plead for repentance.

God tells us to repent.

"I hate this sin, yet in my pleading

with God for repentance

and looking to Christ, it seems

I am only seeking to be
cured from such sin -

the burden of anxiety, without wanting

more of God.

How can this be?"

Again, he's asking me questions

about how can this be.

"I struggle in wondering how can such

an odious sin be present
in a believer's life."

You see, there's that bad logic again.

"How is it true repentance

if every day is just a repetitive struggle

to turn away from this?"

Well, it's not.

(incomplete thought)

He's asking how can it be true repentance

as though the first assumption is

it is true repentance.

Well, the reality is

he's describing that which is not

characteristic of true repentance.

"In conclusion, it really is exhausting.

Never have I felt so
dominated and controlled

by any sin as this.

It pains me that this is bigger than

the God I profess to believe in.

Never also have I felt so helpless,

like one who does not know Christ.

Yes, it makes me question
assurance deeply."

And it should.

And so in the end, it sounds like

his thinking is somewhat
on the right track.

"But in all this, thank you and James

for reading this."

(incomplete thought)

So the end is thankfulness.

But let's talk about this.

Aside from his making certain assumptions

which are backwards,

(incomplete thought).

Let's do a bit of a theology
of the fear of God.

Anybody think of any texts

that deal with the fear of God?

Or, being a man-pleaser?

Or, anything of that sort?

(from the room) Matthew 10:28

Tim: Matthew 10:28

Do you have it right there?

"And do not fear those who kill the body,

but cannot kill the soul.

Rather fear Him who can destroy

both soul and body in hell."

Then He goes on to say,

"Fear not, therefore, you are

of more value than many sparrows."

Tim: Anybody think of any others?

(from the room)

The beginning of wisdom.

Proverbs 1:7?

"The fear of the Lord is the
beginning of knowledge."

Tim: We're talking about the fear of man.

(from the room)

"Whoever confesses Me before men..."

Tim: "Whoever confesses Me before men..."

That's an interesting one.

Proverbs 29:25

That's a big one.

Why don't you quote that?

"The fear of man lays a snare,

but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."

Tim: The fear of man lays a snare.

(incomplete thought)

I often think of a text

very close to the beginning of Isaiah.

It's in Isaiah 2 that has to do with this.

Anybody know the text I'm talking about?

(from the room) Verse 22,

"Stop regarding man

in whose nostrils is breath,

for what account is he..."

Tim: I remember Paul Washer

preaching on that text.

Stop regarding man.

Another one that jumps to my mind

is this one:

It's found in John 5.

And this is very helpful.

Because what Jesus says is,

He looks at the leaders there.

You remember, He's been seeking

to make the case for
Himself being the Christ,

and He's putting all this proof;

all these witnesses before the people.

And He says, "I say these things so that

you might be saved."

But as He's getting toward
the end of the chapter there,

He says this:

"How can you believe..." who do what?

Seek the glory of men.

Receive honor from one another

and not the glory or the honor

that comes from God.

Here's the thing,

how can you believe...?

you know what?

It is an issue of faith.

It is an issue of believing,

if you really think about the fear of man.

How do we overcome the fear of man?

Faith.

What is it that you believe?

(from the room)

That you are of more
value than the sparrows.

Tim: Well, if you think about Jesus' words

that you ought not to fear those

who can kill the body only

and then there's nothing
more they can do to you,

but fear Him who can what?

The idea is you're
comparing God and people.

Even when you think about Peter

before the Sanhedrin.

We ought to obey God rather than man.

Now man will put pressure
on you to obey him.

The issue is this,

that you fear him most

whose approval you seek most.

That's a reality.

If you seek the glory of man,

then you fear man's disapproval

more than anything else.

And that's a real issue.

And see, what Jesus is doing is

He's confronting us with the truth.

It really has to come down
with what you believe.

You know, I remember situations

when I worked as an engineer.

I remember having meetings
with my department.

I remember being in a meeting

and I remember guys telling

some bad joke or something,

and I remember being in that situation.

And right there, it's:

Am I going to honor God or am
I going to laugh at these guys?

Am I going to make these
guys feel uncomfortable

by the way I respond right now,

or am I going to seek God's approval?

Is it their approval or God's approval?

And what happens is the scales come out.

Instantaneously, they come out.

Whose approval do I seek most?

Now a lot of that has to do with

do you really believe God is right here?

Do you believe He's right with you?

Do you believe He's watching?

Do you believe that there's an accounting?

Do you believe that there's an approval?

Do you believe that you can grieve Him?

Do you believe that if
you seek man's approval,

you're going to grieve the Spirit?

(incomplete thought)

Do you really believe those things?

That doesn't mean there isn't fear.

The thing about fearing God more than

fearing man doesn't mean

that the fear of man goes away,

but it means that when
you're confronted by it,

God gives you a courage

to do the right thing

and to believe the right thing

and to believe that He is worth

having the approval of more than man is.

But it really comes down to

you have to be convinced;

you have to believe that reality

when you're confronted with it.

Look, I don't know anybody -

maybe some of you can raise your
hand and say you know what,

I really don't care what any man

or any woman or any child thinks of me

in any scenario at all.

I care not at all.

I doubt there's any like that.

Why?

We're social creatures.

We do like the approval of man.

You know what the thing is?

We like to be liked.

And that's one thing that makes it hard

about becoming a Christian,

because you're thrown into a situation -

I'll tell you, this is one
of the tell-tale signs

of true Christianity -

is when men and women

claim they've been saved

and you throw them (incomplete thought).

This tends to be such a hallmark

of the hypocrite.

They're man-pleasers.

The hypocrite is a man-pleaser.

He appears holy in certain situations,

because you're watching him.

And he wants to appease you.

But I'll tell you, you take him

and you throw him on a bar stool,

and he'll appease the people there.

You throw him in the workplace,

and you have a guy
tell a dirty joke at work,

he'll appease.

I remember Craig telling the story

about checking out a piece of machinery

from a tool crib - a tool of some kind

he was checking out.

And the guy there used
the Lord's name in vain,

and Craig said something to him

about not using the name
of the Lord thy God in vain,

and the guy went off on him.

Craig was shocked how badly the guy

went off on him.

And that's the thing.

Sometimes people will go off on you.

Or sometimes you'll just be shunned.

Sometimes you'll be the outcast.

Sometimes it's just the
smirk on people's faces.

Sometimes it's just not
being included anymore.

See, it all comes down to,

you know what?

I want the approval of my Lord

more than I want their approval.

And that's really the issue.

It tests - to the hilt -

it tests what we believe.

It's powerful.

And there in John 5, that's the issue.

Jesus said I don't seek the glory of man.

And that really needs to be the place

we as Christians are.

Yes, there's a place to seek approval

in the sense that

you know, you want to be
a good worker at work.

But you know what, when your boss

wants you to do something wrong?

My brother-in-law Rick,

his boss wanted him to cheat

on the item list/inventory

on these shipments that come in

on these pallets,

and he resigned.

I'm not doing it.

His boss told him,
"you are going to do it."

There was a time they
had to take inventory

on something and his boss had been

wrongly inventorying
things for a long time,

and he told Rick, you are going to do it.

And Rick said I'm not going to do it.

This is where we get put to it.

How can you believe?

See, that's the thing.

What's Jesus saying there?

Think about those words.

How can you believe

when you seek the glory of man?

(unintelligible)

It's like loving God and money.

They're conflicting loves.

They're conflicting interests.

(Incomplete thought)

It's like, ok, I'm there in
the engineering meeting,

and a guy says something that's wicked,

and everybody else is laughing.

How am I going to respond?

(incomplete thought)

Where's my love?

What is it that I desire most here?

And Jesus talked about it.

Eric brought up the text.

Before men - what we do before men.

How we proclaim Christ.

How we testify to Him.

How we stand for Him before men.

That's a real issue.

And it comes down to the truth.

It comes down to what you believe.

That's really the issue.

(from the room)

I also think it comes back

to the validity of the walk.

I was talking about earlier today

Luke 22

and how Christ commanded Peter to pray,

and he slept instead,

which led him to follow at a distance,

and following after that,

he denied the Lord before a servant.

And I think it just goes back to

our personal walk with the Lord

on a daily basis.

If we don't have that intact,

there's no power going forth

in the workplace or at school

or at Walmart or wherever we're at.

I mean, I've seen significant difference

in my own walk when there's days

where I've spent little time in the Word,

and I go to work

and face the same situation

where I'm denying the
Lord in a certain way.

Versus on another day when I spent

quality time with Christ,

and then go to work,

face the same trials and
the same temptations,

but I overcome it.

So I think it just comes back to

your daily walk with the Lord.

Tim: Well, if we think about this

being a matter of faith -

faith comes by hearing the Word of Christ.

There's a reality that when a person

is prayerfully in the Word

and then he goes off into this world,

the Spirit grips people's
minds with truth.

That truth is prevalent.

It's before your eyes.

It's there. It's fresh.

The Spirit makes it so.

And it tends to be powerful.

And it's not like
Christians don't hesitate,

but you know, when the Word is fresh

and it's there and it's vivid,

it's constraining - it's compelling.

Yeah, you're not going to do well

in this battle if you're not in the Word

and your faith isn't being constantly

stirred by the Word, by the Spirit of God

using the Word in your life.

One more before we end.

(from the room)

(unintelligible) make a distinction

for, say a new convert may
get confused on this,

but like in Galatians 1:10 it says,

if I'm still trying to please man,

I would not be a servant of Christ.

But then in 1 Corinthians 10,

Paul says I try to please everyone

in everything I do.

Now, he says not seeking my own advantage,

but some new Christian,
they read 1 Corinthians 10,

and it says I try to please everyone.

And then in Galatians 1:10,

it says if I'm trying to please man,

I'm not a servant of Christ.

I think you kind of already hit on this,

but what's the big difference there

between both of those verses

in what Paul's saying?

Tim: Well, obviously, there's a time

to please God when it offends men.

And then there's a time

to make sacrifices for the sake of

proclaiming the Gospel which pleases God

and pleases the men
that you're preaching to.

For instance, when you think of Paul

addressing the Corinthians,

he did things like not accept money

to please men -

to put men in a place where

he wasn't creating a stumbling block.

Basically, when he's talking about

pleasing man in that case,

he's not talking about pleasing them

while he's disobeying God.

He's talking about pleasing them in a way

that pleases God, because it promotes

the Gospel.

And basically, are we not told

that as much as possible we should

live at peace with all men?

That is a way that God is pleased with

as we're seeking to live with man in peace

as much as possible.

But what happens is we get confronted

by situations where the
two are in conflict -

pleasing God or pleasing man.

They're not consistent.

And when they butt heads -

when it's pleasing God or pleasing man

and you can't do both,

that's where Jesus is saying

that you need to testify
of Him before men,

and you need to proclaim Him before men.

You need to stand for
what's right before men.

And you need to not fear man.

The issue is this:

when pleasing God brings
the scowl of a man,

or even brings the sword,

where they can kill your body.

(incomplete thought)

You know, in all of it,

you want your eyes on the Lord.

Ok, what pleases You?

Does pleasing You please my parents?

I mean, pleasing You is pleasing
my parents right now, Lord?

Yes. Ok, I'm going to please my parents.

My parents are happy.

(incomplete thought)

What it means to be a Christian

and to obey the Lord is
making my parents happy.

But He also said He's bringing a sword.

There's times I look to Him and He
says you need to go to the left.

And it's like, ok, I look at my parents

and they're scowling
because they don't want me

to go to the left, but I look at the Lord

and He's saying go left.

Ok, I go left.

Now the sword comes in the family

and there's division.

But see, all the time
my eyes are on the Lord.

That's what Paul's talking about.

Paul's talking about, ok,
his eyes are on the Lord,

when it has to do with
what's being encountered

over there in the Galatian churches,

you've got Judaizers who are in opposition

to the truth of God and the Gospel of God,

and he's going to stand for the Gospel

even though it offends
all these other people.

Now in another case, with the Corinthians,

it's a matter of - to
not make any obstacle

for the Gospel, I'm not
going to take any money

when I preach the Gospel.

And God's pleased with that too.

My eyes are on the Lord.

And so, when following the Lord

is going to put me
in opposition to men,

so be it.

When following the Lord is going to
put me at peace with all men,

so be it.

Some seasons are going to be one.

There are times He will make our enemies

to be at peace with us.

And there are other times that

even the closest people
will be at war with us.

And we just have to keep our
eyes on the Lord all the time.

That's another reason we
need to be in His Word.

We need that Word.

We need to be renewing our minds

with that Word all the time.

All the time.

Because everything about this world -

this world is given to man-pleasing.

And if you're not
constantly in the Scriptures;

constantly in the Word;

constantly renewing your mind,

you just end up thinking worldly.

And the worldly way is to please.

It's to dress to please.

It's to act to please.

It's to put on a show to please.

It's to get the applause.

It's to get the smile.

It's to get the approbation of mankind.

That's what the world does.

And even more, it's to get the jealousy

of other people.

It's to get the envy of other people.

It's to outdo other people

so that they admire you

and they want what you have

and they covet what you have

and they covet your spouse

and they covet your house

and they covet your vehicle.

It's just living with this
mindset all the time

of other people, other
people, other people.

I mean, even as a preacher,

it's like, ok, this thing can hit you

at any level.

You're going into the pulpit.

Is my primary objective:
I want to please the Lord?

You look at men.

There's lots of preachers that preach

the way they do because

that guy might not give as much.

They might leave the church.

At every level, we're confronted by this.