Slimmers haven't a clue about the slim | Marina Maggi | TEDxKirovka

Marina talks about the hidden aspects of how slender people remain slim and about difficulties and misconceptions among slimmers.

Marina Maggi is a leader of the project 17:45 (or "Quarter to Six"). She helps women change their bodies and lives. She is an expert in her field and produces remarkable results.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Good evening, Chelyabinsk.

My name is Marina Maggi.

Today my topic is:

Slimmers haven't a clue about the slim.

I have dedicated
the greater part of my life

to recovery from acute food addiction.

In February 2013,
my weight was already 92 kg.

Three years ago,
I looked something like this.

Not the easiest time in my life.

I began each day promising myself

that today would be
the day I changed my life.

But by lunchtime, the person who'd made
that promise that morning had vanished.

By supper no trace
of determination remained.

I sank into failure,

punished myself with a sense of guilt,

conclusions about myself ...

This went on for
about 10 years of my life ...

every day.

Can you imagine?

I thought, "What's wrong with me?
Why isn't it working?"

There really was
something wrong with me.

The fact was that all this time
I was a "slimmer",

an absolutely typical slimmer

with an absolutely typical slimmer's type
of thinking and level of consciousness.

Even when I succeeded
in losing weight through my efforts,

I always just remained a "slimmer".

Today my topic is called:

"Slimmers haven't a clue about the slim."

And I would like to add:

"... that's why you didn't lose weight."

So, let's get started.

With a career of more than
16 years as a coach,

the last four years
working closely with slimmers,

I find a very strong similarity
among them.

And, where there's similarity,
systemacity is to be found.

I divide slimmers into three categories,
depending on the level of excess weight.

The first: the indulgent.
They're 3-5 kg overweight.

The second: the suffering.
They're 10-15 kg and above overweight.

The third: sectarians.
They are not overweight at all.

Before I continue, I want to say,

that all coincidences with actual people
are pure coincidence.

To be clear, I do not mean it about you
if you don't think it applies to you.

So, "the indulgent".

The indulgent, these are girls
with excess weight of 3-5 kg.

Let's just say they have
no serious weight problem,

but they already sense
uncomfortable changes at the microlevel.

Jeans don't sit properly in places,
the swimsuit doesn't do up.

At the microlevel, they're already uneasy,
but are not yet doing anything about it.

They are not ready to take real action.

The indulgent like to talk a lot
about losing weight,

love to put it into heads all around
that they need to lose weight.

Sounds familiar?

I think men will understand me now,

if they have "indulgent" women.

Some are frankly given to hysterics,

others behave more delicately,

tearfully grimacing,
portraying painful emotion.

In a word, those who whine a lot,
and, ultimately, do nothing.

I'll tell you about the games they play

by which they manipulate us
and deceive themselves.

The indulgent do not feel pain
from the excess weight itself.

They feel guilty
because they see the problem

and do not do anything about it.

In order to somehow justify themselves,

they, at first, go on about it a lot,
because it gives them a sense of action,

or an illusion of action
towards a solution.

We often do this regardless of whether
there's a weight problem or not.

And the second: those who indulge
and take on the role of a martyr,

they seem to suffer.

Why do they suffer?

Because martyrs in our society
are always justified, always good.

With us, this is even found
on a legislative level.

Repentance as a mitigating circumstance
in determining guilt.

I just happen to have a legal education,
at least it came in handy somewhere.

So, the indulgent.

On the one hand,
they submittingly admit they do,

on the other, they're OK.

They assuage themselves
with: "It's no problem,

one can continue to indulge
and not lose weight."

This is a visceral,
manipulative game they play.

With this, they really irritate us,
because we all have to listen to it.

The suffering are the second category.

The suffering are of the indulgent.

The principal difference from the first

is that it is a full blown problem
with inescapable extra kilos.

The suffering are girls
who will no longer be whining.

They will not say that they have
put on weight and need to lose weight,

because they know
that it will result in the response

"Yes, you need to lose weight,"
or silence confirming their own view.

They already, most likely, have problems
with self-esteem and confidence,

they do not like to go shopping.

Most likely, one of them has already
lost a guy citing outright the problem.

They do not like to be photographed.

The suffering experience pain
directly from the excess weight.

If the pain of the indulgent
is a sense of guilt from inaction,

then the pain of the suffering
is in the excess weight itself.

The suffering also fall
into this category of slimmers.

The third category.

The indulgent or the suffering
may well become familiar with effort,

and with the help of effort
they manage to lose those extra kilos.

They become slimmer,

but go on to the next category:
sectarian slimmers.

Sectarian slimmers are slim people.

Physiologically they have
no weight problem.

The problem is that they still
continue with their efforts.

They continue their efforts,
they're fixed on them.

They're fixed on food, what they eat:
when, at what time and how much?

They're fixed on diet, nutrient values,
diet compatibility, exercise:

when, at what time,
before or after exercise?

They are not well balanced,
they are pendulums.

They tend to periodically put on weight

in order to feel alive
and then start to lose weight again.

Sectarians: why do I call them sectarians?

Because sectarians tend to create
a religion around their body.

They are people who believe in effort,

who believe that the body
is to be subjected to just such hard work.

This work is superhuman expenditure
yielding a result.

Faith unites them in their effort.

I study physiology,

the theory of functional systems
of Pyotr Kuzmich Anokhin.

And I want to talk about
effort and willpower.

There are two concepts:
willpower and effort.

Two different concepts, though
many put an equals sign between them.

[Willpower ≠ effort]

Effort is not physiological, and today
I'll tell you what it's fraught with.

Exercising on the energy of willpower
is not dangerous in itself.

First, you know
that you have the willpower

as well as strength in your biceps.

You know that without any outward display.

You can apply willpower
towards a possibility

since one might say

that given the availability,
there is some potential.

When movement is willpower driven,

you do not need recovery, deep rest.

Willpower does not create
a fear of future steps,

of future accomplishments.

Effort is the opposite.

Effort: the etymology of the word
implies a doubling of force, put simply.

You apply twice the force,
you overstrain yourself.

Half of that force is spent
suppressing internal resistance

which is all out of line
with your natural physiology.

Only with the other half

do you seem to be progressing
towards a possibility.

All physiology is based on
the principles of balance.

If your system deviates from the norm,
your system wants to restabilize itself:

to stabilize itself by balancing out
deviations to the degree necessary.

In other words, for the deviations
resulting from your effort -

and you deviate

because there is a discharge
of energy and a recoil from it -

your system provides a balance,
to wit a positive feeling.

So when you put effort into your body,

you expect a reward.

You add to what you demand of your body,

but the body is physiological
and can give you nothing but the norm,

because the body or organism
is like the Sun or the weather,

it is impossible to meet this demand,

it does not play with us
in these demand games.

But we know how to get round this.

We need recompensation
in some way for our efforts.

And what recompensation
provides a positive feeling for us?

It's hearing flattery
and compliments about our bodies.

Vanity was not simply acknowledged
as one of the most basic mortal sins:

its test is passed by few.

Sectarians are people
who believe in effort,

and in order to balance
deviation with positive feeling

they need to hear the voice of believers.

Their bodies are a totem,

a temple of worship, an altar of worship.

The indulgent and the suffering,
their believers come every day

to the temple of Instagram

and put candles in the form of "likes".

The sectarians themselves are deeply
rooted in faith in their own bodies,

consider themselves to be special.

Believe me, I know trainers,

who see that they are really worshipped.

That's not religion?

But all would be nothing,
but for another law of physiology

about adaptation
to an already existing deviation,

about adaptation to external stimulus,

according to which any deviation
later becomes normal.

The system adapts and ceases
to respond to the stimulus.

What does this mean for us:

it means that, in order for the system
to react again to the next stimulus,

be aroused by the following stimulus,

the dose must be constantly raised,
or sectarians cease to feel worship.

This means that they need
the voices of new believers.

And the indulgent and the suffering,

they also restabilize with respect to
the perception of the external stimulus,

and they will put a new candle
in the form of a "like" just in case,

if a new sectarian action

demonstrates a skill
beyond the previous one.

We drive ourselves into a system in which
we constantly amplify deviations,

deviating even more from the norm.

So, we have three categories:

the indulgent,

the suffering

and the sectarians.

So, I've now told you about
all three categories of slimmers.

Why are sectarians treated as slimmers?

Because despite the fact
that it seems that physiologically

they do not have a weight problem,

they nevertheless,
in their mindset, remain slimmers.

They eat much the same way ...

In the picture, coaches who do not know
how to impress their believing followers.

Here there is already overamplification.

Sectarians use ideas in the same way.

They preach effort,

monitor, forbid,
place great expectations on bodies,

manipulate the rate of weight loss.

They often have breakdowns in their lives,

after which they have a sense of reversal,
guilt, punish themselves,

draw conclusions about themselves.

The picture is identical:
in terms of their mentality,

they are no different from
the indulgent and the suffering.

Only, the sectarians
have two further problems:

fear of loss of results

and fear of loss of surrogate pleasure
from derived gains of vanity.

Observing the practice of slimmers
for very many years,

being myself of the category,

I noticed,

slimmers forget how to be slim.

And they begin to act out
the image of the slender,

follow their models,
create models, the image of the slim.

Whom do they see before them?

An image of the sectarian slimmer

with overplayed ideas
on healthy living and nutrition.

Right, after all, someone who creates
a religion around her body

is always going to be rather imperious.

They need new followers, new believers,
new candles in the form of "likes".

They take banners, go outside,

and try to convert
everyone to their faith.

And they are good at it.

Slimmers do react to these signals.

But, I remind you, I consider all three
categories to be those of slimmers.

And who are such
"healthy, slender people"?

The fundamental difference between
a healthy, slender person and a slimmer

is that healthy, slender people
do not lose weight.

First, they don't lose weight
in their minds,

don't lose weight in their thoughts.

So they succeed.

And if you get close to
a healthy, slim person,

do you know what you find?

Nothing.

You will discover nothing.

They do not think about food,

do not think more about eating
than about using the toilet,

don't make a religion of their bodies,

photos of figures stripped for gym
from all angles are also unlikely.

Addressed with hot compliments,

such people will most likely
react with embarrassment,

genuinely not understanding why there's
such excitement about their body.

And it's all just so.

The excitement forms in the minds of those
for whom to have such a body

means work, effort,
unearthly power of abstinence.

Slimmers, becoming thinner through effort,

crave for compensation
for the lost calorie input.

These people write books about
the difficult path of the Samurai

and film documentaries about themselves
craving reward for their effort.

For a healthy, slim person, such a body

is completely natural,
something given at birth.

They do not do anything special
to maintain their bodies.

Healthy, slender people
will not impose aggressive motivation

with posters about slimming,

because there is no gain from vanity.

They don't get carried away with effort.

Healthy, slender people
won't call you a fat-ass

because they are not
angry about fat people.

Fat people don't annoy them.

They've no cause for anger with them.

Anger dwells in those
whose lives centre on effort.

It is their own so special game.

The more they hate fat
and the fuller body,

the easier it is for them not to give in
and go that way themselves.

Healthy, slender people are,
for the most part, calm,

at least not irritated by fat people.

There is one problem
with healthy, slender people.

They do not pay
any attention to themselves.

They, for the most part,
have no special characteristics.

And I am here today,
my talk devoted to this fact,

to shift your focus of attention
from those who go with banners

to those who most often remain unnoticed.

Because you should orientate
yourselves towards them,

no matter how strange it may sound.

Do not expect healthy, slender people
to sound off about their inconspicuity.

It would be very strange.
Nothing you'll hear.

Healthy, slender people are inconspicuous.

And your task, your job,

is to pay attention to such people
if you are worried about excess weight.

Pay attention to them
and start watching them.

Who are they? How do they live?

What do they think about?
How do they relate to food?

My sister became such a teacher for me.

I lived together with her for 30 years,
and I didn't notice that she was healthy.

I looked to obsessed coaches

who do not let go of motivational slogans,

but I realized
who was really my motivation,

when I realized what result I wanted.

I wanted to be just as crazy,

or I wanted to be healthy, calm and slim?

When I realized this,
I did not tell my sister about it.

I just started to watch her.

And you know, it changed everything.

I understood why I had not
lost weight all that time.

I had generally gone
the entirely wrong way about it.

You see, slim sectarians,
after losing weight,

became even more fixed
on the topic of food.

In their heads, there was
ever more confusion about food.

With my sister this was not the case.

Not at all.

She did not think about food.

And it really shifted my thinking,

because I realized
the direction I had to go in.

My direction had to be

to rid my head of nonsense
in my approach to slimming.

Above all, no more nonsense.

This was the path I took,

but, on the other hand,
it also became for me a strong test,

one of the strongest tests,

because I began to not understand
how not to think about the white bear.

How not to think about food,
when you already think about it?

It really was a very
difficult task, believe me.

But it was she who changed my idea,

that's why I'm currently
working with slimmers

and helping them to renormalize
away from food addiction.

Slimmers cannot imagine
how a healthy, slender person thinks.

And your task is really to start watching

those who for the most part remain
unnoticed, balanced and calm.

Start to observe the inconspicuous,

start watching those
who are even-keeled towards food,

unworried.

I'm now starting to conclude,

and in closing I would like to address
each of those categories

about which I spoke today.

Indulgent: stop spoiling yourself.

Playing with being overweight
is a very dangerous game,

and recovery is
a very time-consuming, long process.

Believe me, I speak as a person
who is still recovering.

Noticing changes at the microlevel?

Take action.

Sign up at the gym, cut down portions.

Act, don't whine, or you'll inevitably
end up in the sufferer category.

Sufferers, you can become subject
to the hullabaloo of the sectarians,

and if you fall in with effort,
then for sure you will end up among them.

You'll develop ever more
fixed ideas on food,

and you will become
ever more confused about what to eat.

You will realize
that this was a false way,

that you didn't find there
what you sought.

You are still not
well balanced, not healthy.

You've not recovered, you've just moved
into another category of illness.

Think about whether you need
to make this detour?

After all, at its height, it's the same,
just removed from its normal location.

Sectarians, forgive me
for such a comparison,

I know that among you
there are many of my friends.

I hope they'll not expose
my critical remarks.

I'm a fitness coach and understand

that, in a sense, I spit into the well
from which I myself drink.

But I just want this well to be cleaner.

I just want it to be less turbid.

Sectarians, you already
have the main thing -

a slender body that is beautiful,
that motivates and inspires.

You are already chosen as a benchmark
for those who indulge and suffer.

You have power and influence.

So become a true example of the health
and integrity of a living cell.

Healthy and slender people,
my last appeal goes to you.

Most likely, you do not even know
that you are healthy.

I personally know many healthy people
who caught the weight loss bug

because those around them began to slim

and they decided that it was not normal
to not think about eating so much.

I have good news for you.

You are perfectly fine.

You are healthy.

Remain an example to us all,

well balanced, calm.

We will quietly watch you and learn.

Thank you.

(Applause)