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It’s the FCB Factor!
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The search for Niko Kovac’s replacement!
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Jose from Portugal!
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I’ve won the league in England,
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I’ve won the league in Spain
In Portugal and Italy
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But those leagues are totally lame!
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What? SHUT UP!
Jose Jose
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What?
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Jose, we all know your talent has faded with age.
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That’s a little bit rich.
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Ha
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And so are you after all those sackings.
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We don’t think you’ll be motivated to succeed here.
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Well how is this for being motivated?
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I’ve already started learning German!
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Listen:
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Ich bin derjenige,
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der besondere Bedürfnisse hat!
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What did he say?
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I am the special needs one, sniggers
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Bastian Schweinsteiger has been giving me lessons.
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Ha. Well done Schweiny. NEXT!
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Jurgen from Germany!
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You’re through to boot camp!
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Woh woh woh. I don’t really want this job
I just came to show Phil this
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Here’s what you could have won! Boom!
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Shit Adam Lallana!
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You’re just a shit Adam Lallana!
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I’m out of here. See you in 2022!
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What?
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Ernesto from the...
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People’s Democratic Republic of Catalonia!
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Congratulations!
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You’re through to Boot Camp!
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Arsene from France!
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Bonjour can I start by asking if you have
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a Bayern Munich Fan TV YouTube Channel?
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No we don’t.
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You see Arsene, we are a big club.
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Perfect... Then count me in!
You should choose me because I guarantee
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I will win lots of these
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some of these
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and absolutely none of these
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Damn you Gnabry!
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Wait, let’s have a vote.
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All those in favour of Mr. Wenger say AYE
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AYE!
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All those against!
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AYE!
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Oh, what a surprise, you lost 5-1!
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DAMN YOU MULLER!
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Argh! Son of a bitch!
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Louis from the Netherlands
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Security to the stage please, quick!
Before he shows me his testicles again!
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Too Late!
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Unai from Spain!
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Guten abend
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Gute nacht!
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It’s a no from me.
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You’d probably sign David Luiz,
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AKA The Brazilian Boateng.
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It’s a no from me.
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You’d probably make Jerome Boateng captain
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Ha. Good one Phil.
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Though not as funny as me, naturally. Next
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Pep from Spain!
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No no no. I’m not here for my old job back.
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You should be so lucky!
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I’m just here to negotiate
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the sale of Leroy Sane.
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His leg is much better now.
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Leroy is missing
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a lower leg and he still doesn’t dive!
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Take note, Sadio Mane!
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Nico from Croatia
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No, no, no.
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I just wondered if
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you wouldn’t mind giving me a reference?
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Just a few sentences?
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Or even just a few words, anything really
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Security to the stage please,
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security to the stage
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Niclas, will you… give… me a ...
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Rafael from Spain!
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You should pick me because...
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I’ll save you a lot of money!
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Er, how so?
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Well instead of paying me in euros,
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you can pay me in bratwurst!
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Not again.
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The last time this happened
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it took them three hours to get me out.
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It’s a good job I have enough food
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to last me at least the next 15 minutes.
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Mauricio from Argentina!
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Not a chance Poch!
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Even we managed to beat you 7-2!
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And we didn’t have a manager!
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You had me!
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Precisely. Ha! Security!
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Massimiliano from job center!
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Good evening.
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Plagiarist!
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Massimo - why should we choose you?
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Because I have unparallelled experience
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of managing in a one-team league.
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You’re through to boot camp!
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Join us next time to see
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how Allegri and Valverde
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get on at Boot Camp and to see how
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and why the judges will no doubt
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end up choosing
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Jupp Heynckes as their next coach!
Good night!