-
Well, this is a huge privilege
-
and I really don't know why I'm up here
-
other than God has plans and purposes,
-
but I feel real inadequate,
-
especially as I look around this room.
-
We're all in the same boat.
-
Mandy, what is it that you just told me?
-
(from the room)
-
Women in need of grace
helping women in need of grace.
-
Ruby: So that's basically
what's happening here.
-
I'm in desperate need of
grace and we all are.
-
We're all in the same boat.
-
I just wanted to share
-
after considering lots of different things
-
I would like to say and share
-
in hopes of encouraging;
-
I just thought I would share three things
-
that have been very
critically helpful for me
-
that I've learned over the years
-
and I'm still learning and growing.
-
Bethany and Michelle, these are things
-
that you have heard repeatedly from me.
-
They're very basic fundamental,
-
can be perhaps like Peter,
-
just reminders,
-
and hopefully it will encourage you
-
to press on in what you already know
-
and just to excel and abound
-
in these good things.
-
So, they these things
happen to all start with "H's."
-
It just worked out that way.
I didn't plan it.
-
But it's three things
that I narrowed down.
-
And I left one out,
-
but if I have time, I'll include that.
-
I only have twenty minutes,
so I'm going to speak really quickly
-
and make things very
brief, hopefully concise.
-
Hopefully, they'll be some help.
-
It's humility, helper, and heaven.
-
And those three things
-
kept in right perspective in our lives
-
and kept in the forefront of our lives
-
as pastor's wives -
-
really it's just as a wife,
-
it's really as a woman
if you're married.
-
We happen to be married to pastors.
-
So we're called pastor's wives,
-
but we're all in need again
-
of the same grace,
-
whether you're a pastor's wife
-
or what not, but these three things
-
apply to any woman across the board.
-
I think we just have as pastor's wives,
-
we have unique challenges
-
and unique blessings as well.
-
So I considered all these things
-
in light of what we go through.
-
And there's a number of things
-
Dale and I were talking
about the other night.
-
I actually looked online for a list
-
of what pastor's wives struggle with.
-
I had to look for a list.
-
I cheated.
-
(incomplete thought)
-
You know, we go through
really difficult things
-
in different seasons in a church body.
-
There's division.
-
There can be slander.
-
We have to endure sometimes things -
-
maybe members that are discontent;
-
they don't like the way the leadership
-
is making their decisions;
-
coming to their conclusions;
-
the way the sermon went;
-
the color of the carpet.
-
Whatever people can come up with.
-
In light of all those things
-
and also I thought too,
-
I guess, depending on
everybody's relationship -
-
your relationship with your husband -
-
we know more than anybody else
-
in the church pretty much.
-
If you have a plurality of elders,
-
well, the elders will
equally know everything,
-
but I know my husband
and I are extremely close,
-
and he shares and we share
-
and we work very, very closely together.
-
And so that takes a lot of grace.
-
And that takes humility.
-
And to be a good helper,
-
we have to respond well
-
in light of all that we know.
-
And then ultimately,
-
the last stage being heaven,
-
we have to keep an eternal perspective
-
at all times, or else, we can just
-
be crushed under the burdens that we know
-
and that we experience and we endure.
-
Two verses that are very real to me,
-
and I remember them because they both have
-
the word "apart" in them.
-
I'm sure they're very
familiar to you as well.
-
John 15:5, "Apart from Me,
you can do nothing."
-
And Psalm 16:2, it starts,
-
"You are my Lord..." the second part,
-
"I have no good apart from You."
-
And so, that should be
-
our disposition,
-
that we have a real sense of our ability
-
to do absolutely nothing
-
apart from Christ.
-
And that needs to go in really deep
-
and the Lord is very faithful to cause us
-
to experience certain things,
-
big things, daily little trials,
-
whatever it might be.
-
In His love as our Father to His children,
-
He's faithful to bring things
-
so that this goes deeper and deeper,
-
that we're nothing and we can do nothing
-
apart from Him.
-
So it's very, very, very important
-
that we live in light of this reality
-
that Christ is everything.
-
And in His power,
-
through the power of the
Holy Spirit within us,
-
we can do all things.
-
All things through Christ
who strengthens us
-
I think we heard this morning.
-
So, another thing in regards to humility
-
in Romans 15:1, it says,
-
"We who are strong have an obligation
-
to bear with the failings of the weak
-
and not to please ourselves,
-
and let each of us please his neighbor
-
for his good to build him up.
-
For Christ didn't please Himself..."
-
So, another thing is Christ
-
being our example to follow.
-
He was humility personified.
-
We know we walked perfectly.
-
Perfectly humble
-
every moment of His existence.
-
So, He is our example to imitate.
-
He was patient. He was longsuffering.
-
And as pastor's wives, this is the way
-
we need to deal with all that we know
-
and all the different situations
-
that come about in the church life.
-
And it takes a lot of grace
-
and it takes a lot of humility
-
because there can be sometimes
-
maybe a temptation to be frustrated
-
when brother or sister
so-and-so did that again?
-
Or how could they have said that?
-
Or how could this have happened?
-
But we're all in different places,
-
and we need to really, really be sensitive
-
to God's dealings with His children,
-
and never think that we're beyond
-
doing anything that that person is doing
-
that you feel perturbed
or frustrated with.
-
There's no place in the heart
-
of a pastor's wife or anybody -
-
I'm going to say pastor's wives
because this is who I'm addressing -
-
but there's no place
in a Christian's heart
-
for frustration, impatience, disgust,
-
when we understand who we are.
-
It's only by God's grace if
we're doing anything right
-
in a moment.
-
He gives us the strength and the power
-
to obey and walk obediently in the Spirit.
-
And that way in our lives,
-
He gets all the glory.
-
So we are to live a supernatural life
-
in the Spirit - not a natural life.
-
And the natural responses
-
to the difficulties we encounter
-
in the ministry would be
-
frustration - all these sinful responses.
-
But God is glorified in us
-
when we respond in a not natural way -
-
a supernatural way.
-
And so then He gets all the glory.
-
And that, again, maybe I'll just go
-
right into that is how we
can help our husbands.
-
The number one ministry that we have
-
as pastor's wives
-
is to be our husband's help.
-
His helper.
-
And that started way back
in Genesis, we know.
-
With Adam, God was very gracious
-
to bring Adam a helper,
-
and that is our number one ministry.
-
Don't let any other women's ministries -
-
things that are very, very good,
-
and there's nothing
wrong with those things.
-
It's fine to lead a Bible study,
-
lead a book study,
-
get together for coffee -
-
all those things can be in their place
-
with your husband's approval
-
after you've prayed about it.
-
It can be very profitable.
-
But always filter these types of decisions
-
with: is this going to take me away
-
or hinder my ministry
-
in helping my husband?
-
Because if you don't have that in order
-
and you're ministering outside your home
-
or with other women doing good things,
-
but your husband is
left to fend for himself
-
or he's having to bear more work himself
-
because you're neglecting the home,
-
then that's wrong.
-
Because the number one ministry
-
is to help your husband.
-
We're helpers.
-
And again, we have gifts
-
and God gives opportunities
-
and so there's nothing
wrong in serving and doing.
-
Women are very useful in the kingdom.
-
They have gifts just like men do.
-
But we have to, as wives -
-
and particularly, I am going to say
-
particularly pastor's wives,
-
have to be careful
-
because our husbands
-
bear an enormous load,
-
an enormous amount of weight.
-
Mack said it last night
-
and I had that in my notes.
-
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 11:28,
-
the second part,
"...the daily pressure on me
-
of my anxiety for all the churches."
-
And I see that firsthand in my husband.
-
It's not just his family -
the Conway family,
-
but then, it's the Grace Community Church,
-
and then the church plants,
-
and then out-of-the-country works.
-
These things weigh real heavy.
-
And even when we have set
-
a church plant to have their independence
-
and have a pastor,
-
it's typically a very young man
-
that's over that work,
-
and so he's still very much in need
-
and very much in contact.
-
And that's not always the case,
-
even older, new in the ministry,
-
whatever it might be,
-
he gets phone calls almost daily
-
of things pertaining to what's going on
-
in all the different church plants.
-
So I see the weight that my husband bears
-
on a daily basis.
-
So I try to keep my life
-
as simple as possible for his sake
-
because he is my number one priority.
-
And I want to maintain that.
-
There's so much need,
-
and I do try to reach out to the women
-
as much as I can
-
without violating this priority,
-
or just keeping my husband the priority.
-
So he's the number one ministry.
-
And the number one way of helping him
-
is abiding in Christ,
-
because it doesn't matter what we're doing
-
or not doing,
-
if we're not cultivating a close,
-
intimate walk with the Lord,
-
self-controlled, disciplined
time with the Lord
-
on a daily basis;
-
time set aside for
communing with the Lord;
-
time set aside for prayer,
-
for meditation.
-
You're cultivating a real relationship.
-
And then you're just walking with the Lord
-
through the rest of the day,
-
but it's something very real.
-
And you're praying all day
-
as you're thinking of the needs
-
of your husband, your children,
-
the church body.
-
You're just walking, praying,
-
it's very real.
-
As Tim and I were talking
-
with a younger couple yesterday,
-
they're wondering how
do you make this real
-
like through the day?
-
Well, it takes effort,
-
like any relationship we know.
-
I know this is not new to this group here,
-
but I just want to encourage that
-
in the busyness of life and ministry
-
and little ones,
-
that you maintain and cultivate and grow
-
in your relationship with the Lord.
-
And that you enter in to the power
-
there is to be had
-
by walking close to the Lord,
-
and removing unnecessary things
-
in your life that can hinder you
-
from this close intimacy with the Lord.
-
And that really is helping
your husband tremendously
-
because in the course of your life
-
as a pastor's wife, like I said earlier,
-
there's going to be things that will come
-
on a daily basis,
-
and you will respond very differently
-
to the very challenging things
-
depending on your walk with the Lord.
-
And if your husband brings home news
-
that's difficult to receive -
-
something that took place in the church -
-
if you're not walking with the Lord
-
and it's very fresh in your mind
-
that God is sovereign,
-
this is the body of Christ,
-
this is not our thing,
-
this is not our doing.
-
We did not build this church.
-
We're just observing what God is doing
-
as He's building and removing
-
and purging.
-
As women, we can be very emotional
-
and we can respond if our thinking
-
is not right and we
haven't been in the Word.
-
And there is something very supernatural
-
we all know about times in the Word
-
when you're communing
with the Lord in prayer
-
and you leave that time, like I said,
-
and you have the fragrance
of Christ following you.
-
You have this sense that He's with you.
-
And so when you're faced with things
-
maybe later in the day,
-
instead of freaking out,
-
getting all emotional,
-
responding in a panic,
-
you can be a help by staying calm
-
and thinking biblically
-
and being an encouragement,
-
and just that your confidence is in God
-
and His Word and His promises.
-
You have to have these things
very fresh in your mind
-
in order to be the help
-
that your husband needs.
-
And then in Proverbs,
-
I just thought of Proverbs 31:23.
-
"Her husband is known in the gates
-
when he sits among
the elders of the land."
-
And I think that's really special
-
because the wife has a lot to do
-
with the husband's reputation
-
and who he is.
-
He had a reputation in the gates
-
among the elders because of her.
-
And so we want to be that type of help
-
to our husband.
-
We have a lot of influence
-
in our husband's life
-
and we have the power
if I can use that word
-
to really build him up
-
to be a better leader
-
that he could not be without us.
-
And so if he has somebody
-
that's submitting, encouraging, following,
-
walking close with the Lord,
-
helping in that way,
-
he can be a better leader than he could be
-
like I said without us.
-
And conversely, we can also
-
crush our husbands.
-
We have to be very, very careful
-
how we communicate,
-
what we communicate with our husbands.
-
If, again, like what we say
-
should be filtered though:
-
what does God's Word say?
-
What does God's Word say?
-
If you're going to be a help,
-
you're going to need to
be a woman of wisdom
-
and wisdom comes from God.
-
So, we want to have our thinking
-
aligned with God's Word and His will.
-
And that will truly, truly help him.
-
And the final H was heaven.
-
Again, as we go through the different -
-
I'm speaking a lot on the challenges
-
and the difficulties, but we all know here
-
that there are unspeakable joys
-
being part of the ministry as helpers
-
to our husbands.
-
I feel spoiled - the blessings
-
that we get to be involved in,
-
while you do know a lot
-
of every single person in the church
-
and their struggles,
-
you also know of all the joys
-
and the victories
-
and the counseling sessions
-
that turn out with a happy ending
-
that nobody else knows about.
-
And so we bear the weight,
-
but we also enjoy the
time of rejoicing as well.
-
These are again very familiar Scriptures.
-
Colossians 3:2 that we're to set our minds
-
on things above, not on earthly things.
-
Philippians 3:20 - our
citizenship is in heaven.
-
And we're eagerly awaiting
our Savior from there -
-
the Lord Jesus Christ.
-
And that is where we have to, again,
-
very intentionally set our mind
-
on things above.
-
We are living in the realm of sight here
-
and the "seen," but we know that
-
that which is seen is transient.
-
It's passing.
-
And so we have to keep our minds
-
on things above.
-
So no matter how difficult things can be;
-
how challenging,
-
whatever we endure,
-
there is an end.
-
Tim spoke on Wednesday here
-
the verse that says from Romans,
-
"...rejoicing in hope."
-
Like we of all people,
-
out of the mass of humanity,
-
this little remnant
-
that Christ shed His blood for,
-
we truly have reason and cause
-
to rejoice - to rejoice in the Lord.
-
And to have a hope, like Tim was saying.
-
Everybody has a hope.
-
They're hoping in this,
that, and the other
-
that is guaranteed to lead them
-
to disappointment
-
until they find Christ.
-
And then that's when we're truly satisfied
-
like we heard about today.
-
Satisfaction can only be found in Christ
-
and that's what we should be experiencing
-
in a very real way every day.
-
Our mind, our heart, and affections
-
set on things above where Christ is,
-
where our inheritance is.
-
And when we do have that mindset,
-
again, life is much easier to deal with.
-
When you think, we're
just passing through,
-
there is a reward at the end.
-
Don't feel like the way
you're living right now
-
making the sacrifices
that you are making
-
and suffering to whatever
degree you're suffering -
-
we all go through different things
-
to different degrees, different seasons.
-
But it's not for naught.
-
There is a reward at the end.
-
In fact, I was just reading this morning
-
(incomplete thought).
-
I'm going to just pass because it will
-
take time to remember where I read it.
-
But anyway, it's basically,
-
we're heading towards a judgment day.
-
And we will receive what is due.
-
Because of Christ, we can really
-
look forward to that day
-
and live in light of that day.
-
And we know that God has told us
-
this life is just a vapor.
-
It's here and then gone.
-
So, we need to live in light of that.
-
Not to waste time.
-
We live in a day and age
-
with all this technology
-
and electronics and social media
-
where it is such an enormous temptation
-
to waste time.
-
And we all really need
to be really careful
-
to redeem our time
-
and be good stewards of our time.
-
The time we have has been given to us.
-
Like, we all have an appointment.
-
We came in and we're going out.
-
So we want to be faithful
-
with the time that we have.
-
I don't know what time I started.
-
Is it time? Has it been 20?
-
Real quick, the last H,
-
in light of time.
-
Real quick, other Scriptures,
-
2 Peter 3:11 in light of what we know
-
that everything's burning up.
-
We're heading towards
everything burning up.
-
What sort of people ought we to be
-
to live lives of holiness and godliness?
-
And 2 Corinthians 4:17 -
-
we're familiar with this.
-
Light, momentary affliction -
-
whatever we're going through,
-
it's preparing for us an eternal
-
weight of glory beyond all comparison.
-
So there's those contrasts
-
of light vs. weight
-
and momentary vs. eternal.
-
So we have to live in light of that
-
and not get caught up in
the moment of difficulties.
-
Like, this is so hard.
-
No, actually, it feels that way,
-
but compared to what we're heading to
-
it's light and momentary.
-
And we have to have this perspective
-
very clear in our minds.
-
And 1 Peter 1:4
-
We're heading towards an inheritance
-
that is imperishable, undefiled,
-
and unfading, kept in heaven for us.
-
And then lastly, Hebrews 6:10,
-
"For God is not unrighteous
-
to forget your work and labor of love
-
which you have shown
-
toward His name and that you have
-
ministered to the saints and do minister."
-
So, that's very encouraging
-
that God remembers everything.
-
Our deeds follow us.
-
Everything that we do,
-
there is coming a day
-
when there will be a reward
-
and it's okay to be reward motivated
-
for what you're doing right now
-
because in the end, the reward is Christ.
-
And so, do everything you can now
-
to get the most then.
-
There is a reality to that.
-
Real quickly, the last H was holiness.
-
And I think we as pastor's wives -
-
sometimes, a pastor's wife can
-
maybe not really appreciate the position
-
of being an example
-
as a wife, as a mother, as a family,
-
as a husband and wife.
-
And sometimes it can even be something
-
that a woman can resent.
-
Like, why do they look at us all the time?
-
Why are they always observing us?
-
Eagle eyes always on us.
-
But I think that's good.
-
I think that our husbands are leaders
-
and they should be examples,
-
and there should be, obviously,
-
a level of maturity where
they are examples,
-
not perfect, but exemplary,
-
worthy of imitating.
-
And I think in like manner
-
that pastor's wife
should also be striving.
-
Every woman, like I said
in the very beginning,
-
should be striving for this.
-
But because we're in
a leadership position,
-
I think that it's a loving thing to do,
-
to live in such a way -
-
and we have a very young church,
-
20's, 30's, young single, young married,
-
young mothers, young everything.
-
And so I count it a privilege
-
to strive for that life that I can say
-
follow me or imitate me
-
because I know it's all of grace.
-
And I know that I've made
countless mistakes to this point.
-
And God has been very faithful.
-
So, I think that it's like I said
-
a very loving thing for us
to live in such a way.
-
And even in the mistakes that we make,
-
we can be examples in how we respond
-
in the mistakes that we make.
-
So it's not like we have this pressure
-
to live these perfect lives,
-
because everybody's watching us.
-
It's not like that at all.
-
We love the Lord Jesus.
-
And so we want to please and obey Him
-
and in so doing, our lives
should be examples
-
and an encouragement
-
that wow, you can go through a trial
-
and actually have peace.
-
You can go through a trial
-
and remain unwavering in your faith
-
and have confidence in the Lord.
-
And you can lose a loved one
-
and grieve well and glorify God
-
in doing all these things.
-
So, those are the four things
-
that have been extremely helpful for me
-
that God's taught me
-
and continues to teach me.