Nuggets of love | Simon Scriver | TEDxDublinInstituteofTechnology

Simon Scriver speaks about how small actions can help change someone's world. Simon Scriver is a professional fundraising consultant, coach and trainer. He received Fundraising Ireland's 'Small Budget, Big Impact' award in 2016 and has previously won Supplier of the Year, Eircom's Start-up Award, and the Toastmasters UK & Ireland International Speech Contest. A board member of a small non-profit ‘Making Connections’, he also sits on the advisory panel of Rogare, the international fundraising think tank, and is a member of the Institute of Fundraising and the AFP.

Simon also offers consultancy to some of the biggest and smallest charities in Ireland and abroad. He offers advice and training to non-profits to make their fundraising more cost-effective, speaking regularly at international conferences.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

Can a chicken nugget change the world?

My first job, when I was 16,
was in McDonald's,

and my career has pretty much
gone downhill since then.

But I showed a flair for cleaning toilets,

and pretty soon, I was promoted
to the chicken station.

Now on the chicken station,
I was responsible for the chicken nuggets,

and what I would do
with the boxes of six chicken nuggets

is I would put in an extra nugget.

I would put in seven nuggets,

and then I would watch,
peeking out from the kitchen,

as a person opened it

and had that first nugget
and that second nugget,

and somewhere around the third nugget,

they would notice,

and they would look around suspiciously
as if they were going to get caught,

and then they would realize
that this was their lucky day.

They were being smiled upon
by the big guy upstairs, Ronald McDonald,

and this was significant,
this was a sign.

This was a symbol

that today should be the day
they took that leap:

they should move across the country
to follow their dreams,

they should quit their job
and start their own business,

they should propose
to the woman of their dreams.

I dread to think
how many children were conceived

(Laughter)

because of my nuggets.

(Laughter)

It's ridiculous, isn't it?

This idea that something so small

could have such an impact
on someone's life.

Let me read to you this letter
that I saw floating around

that someone wrote
in to a local newspaper in the UK.

"Thank you to the man
who gave me 20 p in the car park

at West Middlesex Hospital
last Tuesday morning

when I found myself short for parking.

Thanks to you,

I was able to see my father alive
for the last time.

He died that afternoon."

These days I don't work at McDonald's.

I work with a lot of nonprofits,

helping them to share their story,
helping them to raise more money.

One of the organizations I worked with

worked with survivors of sexual abuse,
people who were abused as children,

who were now adults.

And they helped them
through the legal system

to get some sort of justice,

and they helped them through therapy

to cope with this terrible thing
that had happened to them.

One of the clients was a farmer,

and he told his therapist

that sometimes he still thought
about what had happened to him.

And this darkness inside of him,

every once in awhile, it would rise up,
and it would overcome him,

and he would start to have
the most horrible thoughts

of how he could possibly escape it.

And his therapist said,
"What do you need?"

And he said, "I just
need you there with me

at those times to tell me I'm okay."

So do you know what she did?

This amazing super-fantastic therapist,

she wrote on a little bit of paper,

"You're okay."

And he kept it in his pocket,

and every time that darkness
rose up inside of him,

he took it out and read
those two simple words:

"You're okay."

When I think back over my life,

and the ups and downs,
and dealing with the death of loved ones,

and dealing with depression,
dealing with the hard times,

it isn't grand gestures
that got me through it and helped me,

and helped me survive,
and kept me here today.

It was the little things:

it was the hugs and cuddles;

it was the text messages,
six months later, to check if I was okay;

it was the cups of tea in bed;

it was the lasagnas
when I couldn't cook for myself.

Do you have those moments in your life?

Do you remember the people,
the friends, the families, the strangers

who did something small for you,
and it saved you?

It changed the course of your life;

it had a huge impact on you,
and they probably don't even remember it.

Do you ever stop to think of the number
of people that you've done that for,

that you don't remember,

and they still think of you
every once in a while

because you changed their lives?

These nuggets, these nuggets of love
that we can put out there,

they're huge.

You do them when you think of it
and when you feel a little bit brave

because they're the right thing to do.

But it's more than that;
they're good for you.

Research shows that they reduce
your anxiety levels

by being kind to other people
in those minor ways:

they make you happier over time,

they lower your blood pressure,

they make you live longer
by being kind.

And if you don't care about your health,
if you only care about money,

until we smash this capitalist society,

then they're good for business,
they're good for your career.

The interview panel remembers you
through those nuggets of love.

You keep more customers,
more people buy your stuff

if they're given that wow factor,

that little treat, that little bit extra
that they weren't expecting.

I use it myself.

I teach nonprofits, I teach charities

to write thank you letters
that surprise people, that delight people,

thank you letters that they put
on their fridge and show other people

and cause them to donate more
without even asking.

I do it as well, as an Airbnb host.

I rent out my apartment
when I'm not there.

Right now, there's possibly some people
going through my underwear,

(Laughter)

hopefully.

(Laughter)

And what I leave for them?

I leave for them cans of Guinness

because they come to Ireland
and that's what they want,

and they're delighted

because there's Guinness
sitting on the table for them.

And they all give me good reviews,

and they all send me a message to say,
"Thanks so much for the free Guinness."

Free?

You're paying for it.

(Laughter)

But you know the best thing
about these nuggets,

these little delighters?

Well, I tell you the super-amazing
thing about them:

they're easy,

they're accessible,

any of us can do them.

You might be a loser and a twerp like me,

you might have no talents,
you might have dropped out of college,

you might have so much emotional baggage

that you're probably going to die alone,

but ... you can still do these things.

You have to make a conscious effort

to give these nuggets of love,
these delighters to other people.

I try and manufacture them every day:

I wave at tour buses;

I stop and ask tourists
if they need help with directions;

I compliment more;

I say, "I love your hat,"

"You're beautiful,"

"I love your - "

Well, you get the idea.

(Laughter)

I pay for people behind me
when I go through toll booths,

and you can do the same.

Every day you have
that power in every action,

and every action you have the power
to change someone's life.

In TED Talks, we talk
about changing the world -

these grand schemes, these grand ideas
that are going to change the world.

But I have to be honest,

I don't think I can change the world,

and I'm not entirely convinced
anyone in this room can change the world,

but you can change someone's world.

You can change someone's world
right after I shut up speaking.

You can take out your phone,
you can send a two-sentence text message

that is going to cause this emotional
explosion in someone's brain,

and it's going to change
the course of their lives,

give them power, give them inspiration,

and give them hope,

and save them from whatever it is
they're going through.

You have that power.

It's inside of you, it's simmering,
it's waiting to boil over,

but you have to consciously do it.

You have to make a decision,
each and every day,

through every action,
through every interaction:

Will I offer this nugget?

Will I pay someone's parking?

Will I tell someone, "You're okay?"

Will I ask, "What do you need?"

You have that in you, but will you use it?

Thank you.

(Applause)