BEST SUMMER EVER (FPC)

[clapping]

Where is everybody?

Yeah… I thought you said

there was a party…?

Yeah it's on fire

What's up fresh meat! Y'all ready
to break some ice?

Ronnie, not that kind of ice!

Alright, bandbeaters.

We're go around in a
fucking circle and talk about

what makes each of us
fucking special.

Timmy, you go first.

Umm ok.

Uh. I'm Tim. This is
my first year of college.

And uh. I got a I got a

2150 on my SAT.

Oh shitttt!

Fucking Tims.

Look at the fucking big brains on Tim man.

I barely passed the 2000 mark myself.

Connolly, please take it away.

Sup guys, Matt.

Captain of my football team. Sooo...

Hope you wore a helmet bro

cause brain trauma ain't no joke.

The thought of CT in the NFL

fucking makes me sick.

Jan, take it away.

I'm Jimmy. I come up for a neighborhood.

I used to play water polo.

Uhh… I ran over my little brother
last summer.

I just kept driving.

BALL TAP!

Smell those butts from here.

Aye. I hope you guys like strange

burning sensation.

Cause the dean is being an

irritating fascists.

Man, what did the mean old dean
do this time?

Dude, he's not trynna let us go
on the camping trip

cause of last year.

Shit man. Man.

That's a real slap

in the barrels.

Well, what'd you guys do last year?

Nothing man. It's tradition.

We do it every year.

Times are changing.

It's just PC culture.

PC culture is ruining everything man.

I'll figure something out.
You know I do.

You always do man.

First order of business.

Pledges.

Let's fucking rage!!!

Chug chug chug chug chug chug chug!

Dicks dick dicks dicks dicks dicks dicks!

It's a 1978 Chateau.

Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss.

Shiiiiit.

When your grandmother has passed away

but you get the lake house.

There's bitterfingers.

Bitterfingers

for those bitter sweet moments.

What happened, bro.

Where's Jimmy?

Hey, don't worry bout Jimmy.

He couldn't hang.

But you two bitches.

You made it! Welcome to
Flavortown!

Hey bro, don't be such a pansy.

Being in a frat is all about partying
and being a dude.

Look at Jessie.

What is the meaning of this?

Very is an insult to the culinary arts.

Dean, what're you doing here.

I knew you were up to no good.

And I was right. Stay out of the woods.

You know what Dean.

Aye, aye. Seize the masturbatory
motions immediately.

What're you gonna do Dean.

I got it, Tim!

Go make the Dean
some tea.

You were always the brightest of
the bunch, Spenny.

There may be hope for you.

Dean… Dean. Dean. Dean.

Wake up.

Can we go on that camping trip?

Dean, the camping trip.
Can we go on?

You guys hungry?

What. No. You can't be hungry.

Tell you what boys.

Make me some brownies and
we'll see bout the camping trip.

We can't do this. This is
impossible!

Bruh, let's just prank his ass.

Yes?

Hi Dean-- Oh, ahem. Mr. Whiteman

This is the hospital calling.

Oh God...

Is it my wife?

Yea, yea. It's your wife.
I'm afraid she's hurt.

What's happened?

She has cancers of the berries.

Excuse me. That was my nurse.

Yes, I'm afraid. I'm afraid
it has spread to her butt.

Oh God… Oh God…
Oh God!!

I tried to warn her about that
damn rascal.

She tried to tell me and I didn't listen.

Yea. You should probably hurry
to the hospital, she may not have long

I'm on my way.

You darn hooligans.

This is the last time you'll trick me.

Mark my words, the camping trip is
now off!

What're we gonna do now?

I got it.

Bro you ever hear of the buckle text?

Man, last week after the rager.

I'm gonna need all sorts of texts.

Hehehe.

Naw naw naw man.

It's like the indicator for the
active presence of a woman

in film and other forms of fiction.

Basically it calls for the idea of gender
and equality and fiction do it sexism.

Tight man.

So, how did Jessie get the Dean to let
us go on this trip anyways?

Don't worry bout it Tim.

That mean old dean won't be
bothering us anymore.

Hahahahahhahahaha.

Ayeee, fuck yea!

Jessie fucking came through again yall!

What?!

Hey you, you having trouble being manly?

I got a surprise for you my friend.

Masculinity in a can.

Yea, one gulp of this salty surprise

and you'll be on your way to
man city in no problem.

Yo dudes, Jessie came through.

The parties on! Yo check this out.

That's a slap in the berries.

Shut the fuck up.

That's Ronnie's line.

Brothers, gather round.

Let's go Levinstein, Connolly.

I'm going to introduce you to an old

Alpha Sigma Sigma tradition. Okay?

First order of business, is the annual
branch hunt!

Bring it on, let's go.

Fuck yea, there he is.

There, run boy, run!

Ronnie bro, where's your robe?

Fuck man, I forgot it at home.

My brothers, it's been one hell of a year.

We've thrown some killer parties.

Our pizza fundraiser for the SPCA is over
twelve hundred dollars!

We murdered the dean. That's pretty sweet!

Cause uh, most important of all

we've made best friends for life.

So now is the moment you've
been waiting for.

Connolly, step up! Bring me the
pledge blood.

Yes brother yes.

Are you ready

to become Alpha Sigma my brother.

I've been ready all my life brother.

BEST

SUMMER

EVER

FUCK

YEA!