How to use family dinner to teach politics
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0:02 - 0:03Twenty years ago,
-
0:03 - 0:09my family introduced a system
called "Friday Democracy Meetings." -
0:10 - 0:15Every Friday at 7pm, my family
came together for an official meeting -
0:15 - 0:18to discuss the current family affairs.
-
0:20 - 0:23These meetings were facilitated
by one of my parents, -
0:23 - 0:26and we even had a notetaker.
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0:26 - 0:28These meetings had two rules.
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0:28 - 0:31First, you are allowed
to speak open and freely. -
0:31 - 0:34Us kids were allowed
to criticize our parents -
0:34 - 0:37without that being considered
disrespectful or rude. -
0:37 - 0:40Second rule was the Chatham House rule,
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0:40 - 0:44meaning whatever is said in the meeting
stays in the meeting. -
0:44 - 0:45(Laughter)
-
0:45 - 0:47The topics which were discussed
in these meetings -
0:47 - 0:50varied from one week to another.
-
0:50 - 0:53One week, we'd talk about
what food we wanted to eat, -
0:53 - 0:56what time us kids should go to bed
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0:56 - 0:58and how to improve things as a family,
-
0:58 - 1:03while another meeting discussed
pretty much events that happened at school -
1:03 - 1:06and how to solve
disputes between siblings, -
1:06 - 1:08by which I mean real fights.
-
1:09 - 1:13At the end of each meeting,
we'd reach decisions and agreements -
1:13 - 1:17that would last at least
until the next meeting. -
1:17 - 1:21So you could say
I was raised as a politician. -
1:23 - 1:27By the age of six or seven,
I mastered politics. -
1:27 - 1:30I was negotiating, compromising,
-
1:30 - 1:33building alliances
with other political actors. -
1:33 - 1:35(Laughter)
-
1:35 - 1:39And I even once tried to jeopardize
the political process. -
1:39 - 1:40(Laughter)
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1:41 - 1:46These meetings sound very peaceful,
civil and democratic, right? -
1:46 - 1:48But that was not always the case.
-
1:48 - 1:53Because of this open, free space
to talk, discuss and criticize, -
1:53 - 1:56things sometimes got really heated.
-
1:57 - 1:59One meeting went really bad for me.
-
1:59 - 2:01I was about 10 years old at that time,
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2:01 - 2:04and I'd done something
really horrible at school, -
2:04 - 2:05which I'm not going to share today --
-
2:05 - 2:06(Laughter)
-
2:07 - 2:11but my brother decided
to bring it up in the meeting. -
2:11 - 2:13I could not defend myself,
-
2:13 - 2:17so I decided to withdraw from the meeting
and boycott the whole system. -
2:17 - 2:20I literally wrote an official letter
and handed it to my dad, -
2:20 - 2:22announcing that I am boycotting.
-
2:22 - 2:24(Laughter)
-
2:24 - 2:28I thought that if I stopped
attending these meetings anymore, -
2:28 - 2:30the system would collapse,
-
2:30 - 2:32(Laughter)
-
2:32 - 2:34but my family continued with the meetings,
-
2:34 - 2:38and they often
made decisions that I disliked. -
2:38 - 2:40But I could not challenge these decisions,
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2:40 - 2:42because I was not attending the meetings,
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2:42 - 2:45and thus had no right to go against it.
-
2:46 - 2:50Ironically, when I turned
about 13 years old, -
2:50 - 2:53I ended up attending
one of these meetings again, -
2:53 - 2:56after I boycotted them for a long time.
-
2:56 - 3:00Because there was an issue
that was affecting me only, -
3:00 - 3:04and no other family member
was bringing it up. -
3:05 - 3:09The problem was that after each dinner,
-
3:09 - 3:13I was always the only one
who was asked to wash the dishes, -
3:13 - 3:16while my brothers didn't have to do
anything about it. -
3:17 - 3:22I felt this was unjust,
unfair and discriminatory, -
3:22 - 3:24so I wanted to discuss it in the meeting.
-
3:24 - 3:30As you know, the idea that it's a woman
or a girl's role to do household work -
3:30 - 3:34is a rule that has been carried out
by many societies for so long, -
3:34 - 3:38so in order for a 13-year-old me
to challenge it, I needed a platform. -
3:39 - 3:42In the meeting, my brothers argued
-
3:42 - 3:45that none of the other boys we knew
were washing the dishes, -
3:45 - 3:48so why should our family be any different?
-
3:48 - 3:53But my parents agreed with me and decided
that my brothers should assist me. -
3:53 - 3:57However, they could not force them,
so the problem continued. -
3:57 - 4:02Seeing no solution to my problem,
I decided to attend another meeting -
4:02 - 4:06and propose a new system
that would be fair to everyone. -
4:06 - 4:09So I suggested instead of one person
-
4:09 - 4:13washing all the dishes
used by all the family members, -
4:13 - 4:17each family member
should wash their own dishes. -
4:17 - 4:19And as a gesture of good faith,
-
4:19 - 4:21I said I'd wash the pots as well.
-
4:22 - 4:25This way, my brothers
could no longer argue -
4:25 - 4:27that it wasn't within their responsibility
-
4:27 - 4:31as boys or men to wash the dishes
and clean after the family, -
4:31 - 4:36because the system I proposed
was about every member of the family -
4:36 - 4:40cleaning after themselves
and taking care of themselves. -
4:40 - 4:42Everyone agreed to my proposal,
-
4:42 - 4:46and for years, that was
our washing-the-dishes system. -
4:48 - 4:52What I just shared with you
is a family story, -
4:52 - 4:54but it's pure politics.
-
4:54 - 4:58Every part of politics
includes decision-making, -
4:58 - 5:01and ideally, the process
of decision-making -
5:01 - 5:04should include people
from different backgrounds, -
5:04 - 5:07interests, opinions, gender,
-
5:07 - 5:11beliefs, race, ethnicity, age, and so on.
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5:11 - 5:14And they should all have
an equal opportunity to contribute -
5:14 - 5:18to the decision-making process
and influence the decisions -
5:18 - 5:22that will affect their lives
directly or indirectly. -
5:23 - 5:29As such, I find it difficult to understand
when I hear young people saying, -
5:29 - 5:33"I'm too young to engage in politics
or to even hold a political opinion." -
5:34 - 5:36Similarly, when I hear some women saying,
-
5:36 - 5:40"Politics is a dirty world
I don't want to engage with," -
5:40 - 5:44I'm worried that the idea of politics
and political engagement -
5:44 - 5:48has become so polarized
in many parts of the world -
5:48 - 5:53that ordinary people feel, in order
for them to participate in politics, -
5:53 - 5:56they need to be outspoken activists,
-
5:56 - 5:57and that is not true.
-
5:58 - 6:04I want to ask these young people,
women and ordinary people in general: -
6:04 - 6:10Can you really afford not to be interested
or not to participate in politics? -
6:10 - 6:12Politics is not only activism.
-
6:12 - 6:13It's awareness,
-
6:13 - 6:16it's keeping ourselves informed,
it's caring for the facts. -
6:16 - 6:18When it's possible, it's casting a vote.
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6:19 - 6:22Politics is the tool
through which we structure ourselves -
6:22 - 6:24as groups and societies.
-
6:24 - 6:27Politics governs every aspect of life,
-
6:27 - 6:29and by not participating in it,
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6:29 - 6:34you're literally allowing other people
to decide on what you can eat, wear, -
6:34 - 6:37if you can have access to health care,
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6:37 - 6:38free education,
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6:38 - 6:40how much tax you pay,
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6:40 - 6:41when you can retire,
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6:41 - 6:43what is your pension.
-
6:43 - 6:47Other people are also deciding
on whether your race and ethnicity -
6:47 - 6:49is enough to consider you a criminal,
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6:49 - 6:54or if your religion and nationality
is enough to put you on a terrorist list. -
6:54 - 6:58And if you still think you are a strong,
independent human being -
6:58 - 7:01unaffected by politics,
-
7:01 - 7:02then think twice.
-
7:04 - 7:07I am speaking to you
as a young woman from Libya, -
7:07 - 7:10a country that is
in the middle of a civil war. -
7:10 - 7:13After more than 40 years
of authoritarian rule, -
7:13 - 7:16it's not a place
where political engagement -
7:16 - 7:19by women and young people
is possible, nor encouraged. -
7:19 - 7:23Almost all political dialogues
that took place in the past few years, -
7:23 - 7:25even those gathered by foreign powers,
-
7:26 - 7:28has been with only
middle-aged men in the room. -
7:29 - 7:33But in places with a broken
political system like Libya, -
7:33 - 7:38or in seemingly functioning places,
including international organizations, -
7:38 - 7:42the systems we have nowadays
for political decision-making -
7:42 - 7:45are not from the people for the people,
-
7:45 - 7:49but they have been established
by the few for the few. -
7:49 - 7:56And these few have been historically
almost exclusively men, -
7:56 - 7:59and they've produced laws, policies,
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7:59 - 8:04mechanisms for political participation
that are based on the opinions, -
8:04 - 8:07beliefs, worldviews, dreams,
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8:07 - 8:09aspirations of this one group of people,
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8:09 - 8:12while everyone else was kept out.
-
8:13 - 8:17After all, we've all heard
some version of this sentence: -
8:17 - 8:21"What does a woman,
let alone a young person, who is brown, -
8:21 - 8:23understand about politics?"
-
8:23 - 8:25When you're young --
-
8:25 - 8:27and in many parts of the world, a woman --
-
8:27 - 8:32you often hear experienced politicians
say, "But you lack political experience." -
8:33 - 8:34And when I hear that,
-
8:34 - 8:37I wonder what sort of experience
are they referring to? -
8:37 - 8:41The experience of corrupted
political systems? -
8:41 - 8:43Or of waging wars?
-
8:43 - 8:45Or are they referring to the experience
-
8:45 - 8:48of putting the interests
of economic profits -
8:48 - 8:50before those of the environment?
-
8:50 - 8:52Because if this is political experience,
-
8:52 - 8:53then yes --
-
8:53 - 9:00(Applause)
-
9:03 - 9:08we, as women and young people,
have no political experience at all. -
9:09 - 9:15Now, politicians might not be
the only ones to blame, -
9:15 - 9:21because ordinary people,
and many young people as well, -
9:21 - 9:23don't care about politics.
-
9:23 - 9:28And even those who care
don't know how to participate. -
9:28 - 9:31This must change, and here is my proposal.
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9:31 - 9:34We need to teach people at an early age
-
9:34 - 9:38about decision-making
and how to be part of it. -
9:38 - 9:41Every family is its own
mini political system -
9:41 - 9:44that is usually not democratic,
-
9:44 - 9:48because parents make decisions
that affect all members of the family, -
9:48 - 9:51while the kids have very little to say.
-
9:51 - 9:55Similarly, politicians make decisions
that affect the whole nation, -
9:55 - 9:58while the people have
very little say in them. -
9:59 - 10:01We need to change this,
-
10:01 - 10:04and in order to achieve
this change systematically, -
10:04 - 10:06we need to teach people
-
10:06 - 10:09that political, national
and global affairs -
10:09 - 10:15are as relevant to them
as personal and family affairs. -
10:15 - 10:20So if we want to achieve this,
my proposal and advice is, -
10:20 - 10:23try out the Family Democracy
Meeting system. -
10:23 - 10:27Because that will enable your kids
to exercise their agency -
10:27 - 10:30and decision-making from a very early age.
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10:30 - 10:33Politics is about having conversations,
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10:33 - 10:36including difficult conversations,
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10:36 - 10:38that lead to decisions.
-
10:38 - 10:42And in order to have a conversation,
you need to participate, -
10:42 - 10:44not sign off like I did when I was a kid
-
10:44 - 10:48and then learn the lesson the hard way
and have to go back again. -
10:48 - 10:50If you include your kids
in family conversations, -
10:50 - 10:51they will grow up
-
10:51 - 10:55and know how to participate
in political conversations. -
10:55 - 10:58And most importantly, most importantly,
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10:58 - 11:00they will help others engage.
-
11:00 - 11:01Thank you.
-
11:01 - 11:08(Applause)
- Title:
- How to use family dinner to teach politics
- Speaker:
- Hajer Sharief
- Description:
-
Everyone should participate in decision-making and politics -- and it starts at home, says activist Hajer Sharief. She introduces a simple yet transformative idea: that parents can teach their children about political agency by giving them a say in how their households are run, in the form of candid family meetings where everyone can express their opinions, negotiate and compromise. "We need to teach people that political, national and global affairs are as relevant to them as personal and family affairs," she says. "Can you really afford not to be interested or not participate in politics?"
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 11:21
Oliver Friedman edited English subtitles for How to use family dinner to teach politics | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to use family dinner to teach politics | ||
Brian Greene approved English subtitles for How to use family dinner to teach politics | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How to use family dinner to teach politics | ||
Krystian Aparta accepted English subtitles for How to use family dinner to teach politics | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to use family dinner to teach politics | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to use family dinner to teach politics | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for How to use family dinner to teach politics |