From Bombs to Bread | Aala El-Khani | TEDxManchester

Good Morning

Worldwide, over 1.5 billion people
experience armed conflict

In response, people are forced to flee
their country.

leaving over 15 million refugees.

children without a doubt are

the most innocent and vulnerable victims

but not just from the obvious
physical dangers,

but from, the often, unspoken affects
that wars have on their families.

The experiences of war leave children
at real high risk

for the development of emotional
and behavioural problems.

children as we can only imagine,

will feel worried, threaten and at risk.

but there is good news.

The Quality of care that children recieve

in their families, can have a more significant effects

on their well-being, than from

the actual experiences of war that
they have been exposed to.

So actually, children can be protected

by warm, secure parenting.

during and after conflict.

In 2011, I was a first year PHD Student

in the University Of Manchester

School Of Physiological Sciences.

Like many of you here, I watched
the crisis in Syria

unfold in front of me on the Tv.

My family are originally from Syria,
and very early on

I lost several family members
in really horrifying ways.

I sit and I gathered with my family
and watched the TV.

So we have all seen those scenes,

bombs destroying, buildings,
chaos, destruction.

and people screaming and running.

it was always the people screaming
and running

that really got me the most.

Specially those terrified looking children.

I was a mother to two young,
typically inquisitive children.

They were five and six then.

At an age when they typically ask lots and lots of questions

and expect real convincing answers.

So I began to wonder what it might be like

to parent my children in a war-zone
and a refugee camp.

Would my children change?

Would my daughter's bright happy eyes lose their shine?

Would my sons' really relax
care-free nature

become fearful and withdrawn?

How would I cope?

Would I change?

As psychologists and parent's trainers

we know that arming parents

with skills and caring for their children

can have a huge effect on their well-being.

We call this parents training.

So the questions I had

was could Parent Training programs be useful for families

while they're still in war-zones or refugee camps?

Could we reach them with advise or training

that would help them through the struggles?

So, I approached my PHD supervisor,

professor Rachel Calam,

with the idea of using my academic skills

to make some changes in the real world.

I wasn't quite sure, exactly,
what I wanted to do.

She listened carefully and patiently,

And to my joy, she said:

"If that is what you want to do,

and it means so much to you, then
let's do it.

Let's find ways to see if
parent programs can be useful

for families in this contexts."

So for the past five years myself and my colleagues,

professor Calam and Dr. Kim Cartwright

have been working on ways
to support families

that have experienced war
and displacement.

Now, to know how to help
families that have been

through conflict, support their children,

the first step must obviously be

to ask them what are they struggling with. Right?

I mean, it seems obvious,

but often those are
the most vulnerable

that we are trying to support that we actually don't ask.

How many times have we just assumed

we know exactly the right thing that is gonna help someone or something

without actually asking them first.

So i travelled to the refugee camps in Syria and in Turkey.

And i sat with families and i listened.

I listened to the parenting challenges

I listened to the parenting struggles

And I listened to their call for help

And sometimes that was
just paused

as all I could was hold hand
with them and just join them

in silence crying and prayer

So they told me about their struggles

They told me about the ruffle, harsh
refugee camp condition

That made it hard to focus on
anything but practical chores

like collecting clean water

He told me how they watch their
children with draw

the sadness, depression, anger
bed-wetting, thumb sucking

fear of loud noises, fear of nightmares
terrifying terrifying nightmares

this families had been through
what we had been watching on the TV

the mothers almost half of them were
now window of the wars

or didn't even know their husbands
were dead or alive

describe how they thought they
were coping so badly

They watch their children change

and they have had no idea
how to help them.

They didn't know how to answer
their children's questions.

why I found incredibly
astonishing and so motivational

was that these families was so
motivated to support their children

to spice all the challenges they face

they'll try to help their children

they will making attempt that they
can support from