5 Money Questions to Ask Your Partner!

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Nothing is less romantic than talking to your partner about their financial history, but finances cause major stresses in relationships. A lot of these stresses can be tackled by communicating without judgment. Here are 5 financial topics you should discuss with your future partner.

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Two Cents was created by Katie Graham, Andrew Matthews, Philip Olson CFP® and Julia Lorenz-Olson and is brought to you by PBS Digital Studios. We love dropping some knowledge on all things personal finance and helping you make better money decisions.

Two Cents is hosted by Philip Olson, CFP® and Julia Lorenz-Olson
Directors: Katie Graham & Andrew Matthews
Written by: Julia Lorenz-Olson and Andrew Matthews
Produced by: Katie Graham & Amanda Fox
Images by: Shutterstock
Music by: APM

SOURCES:
http://www.businessinsider.com/love-and-money-what...
http://www.lifehack.org/.../30-money-questions-ask-your...
http://www.ihr.com/.../ivf-in-vitro-fertilization-cost.html
https://www.forbes.com/.../10-ways-to-prevent-money.../...
http://time.com/4575495/divorce-rate-nearly-40-year-low/
https://www.npr.org/.../study-record-number-of-people-are...
https://www.moneyhabitudes.com/financial-statistics/
https://www.theknot.com/.../more-couples-living-together...
http://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/the_costs_of_adopting

You've been dating for a while now,
and things seem to be going well.

You have the same hobbies,
you both love dogs and kids,

and neither of you
listens to dubstep.

It might be time for someone
to pop the big question...

"What's your credit score?"

Nothing kills the mood like prying
into your partner's financial history,

so it's not surprising
that many young couples

will spend hundreds of hours
planning their weddings

but almost none preparing
their financial merger.

And that's kind of a big deal.

Nearly one-in-three couples say finances
cause the most stress in their relationship,

followed distantly by intimacy,
children and in-laws.

More than a third of
millennials in relationships

fight about money
at least once a week!

Which is troubling, because couples
who disagree about money

once a week or more were over 30%
more likely to get divorced

than those who disagree
a couple times a month.

A lot of this marital strife
can be avoided

just by having a few honest
conversations before tying the knot.

It can be hard
to broach the subject,

so to make it easier for all
those young lovers out there,

here are five financial topics you should
discuss with your future partner.

Number 1

What do you earn, what do you own,
and what do you owe?

It can be difficult to reveal
this information,

but it's best to just
rip the band-aid off.

After all, lack of money is not
as bad as lack of communication.

According to one study,
4 in 10 couples

don't agree on what
their partner's income was.

And 10% of them got the number
wrong by $25,000 or more.

Good planning is impossible if each
of you only has half the information,

and getting everything out on
the table will only strengthen trust.

Philip and I suggest having
this talk in two parts.

Send each other an email with
a simple breakdown of your finances

and then a few days later come together
in a non-judgmental frame of mind

to discuss the human story
behind those numbers.

Number 2

How was money dealt with
in your household growing up?

As much as we don't
like to admit it,

we are heavily influenced by
the environment we were raised in,

so learning about your
partner's family traditions

can offer a lot of insight and
understanding into their financial habits.

Did they grow up
on a tight budget?

Did one parent run the show
or did they share responsibility?

Were they ever taught
to balance a checkbook?

The second part of this conversation
is figuring out what traditions

you each grew up with
that you don't want to replicate.

Maybe your partner's parents
struggled with debt

so it's very important to them
to not get into that same quagmire.

Number 3

What will be yours, mine and ours?

It's becoming more common for couples to
keep separate accounts even after marriage.

Maybe they're afraid of
losing independence,

maybe they just haven't
gotten around to it yet,

but they might be missing out
on some benefits of a joint account

like easier organization
and transparency.

If you and your partner decide
to keep separate accounts,

make sure that you're not creating
places where secrets can hide.

About one third of spouses admit
to committing financial infidelity,

which means intentionally
deceiving your partner

about how you're
spending or managing money.

Of those, 16% ended up in divorce
expressly because of it.

And remember, you don't need
to have separate accounts

to enjoy
financial independence.

Julia and I have agreed on a set amount
of personal splurge money per month.

It's always equal and we can do
whatever we want with zero discussion.

It gives us space to be ourselves without
fear of lectures or petty squabbles.

Number 4

How much do you want
to spend on kids?

While most couples will talk about
whether they want kids,

far fewer will discuss
the massive financial impact

- which can start
before they're even born!

About 15% of couples
struggle with infertility,

and the cost of a common
fertility treatment in the U.S.

ranges from about
$12,000 - $15,000.

The average private adoption
costs almost $40,000!

Once you've got the kid,
you have to decide about daycare,

public school versus private,
and of course, college.

Right now, the average cost
of sending a child

to a 4-year public university
is around $100K.

It's projected to be double that
18 years from now!

Of course, this is an ongoing conversation
that you'll be having for many years,

but it's important to weigh the financial
impact of these choices as early as possible.

Number 5

What are your financial goals
in order of priority?

Sharing your financial goals with
each other can actually be kinda fun!

But in our experience, taking on
too many goals at once

can make it less likely
you'll achieve any of them.

If one of you is focused
on buying a house,

and the other on starting a business,
neither of you may get very far.

But if you join forces and agree
on what to tackle first,

both of you will get where
you want to be faster.

A 2015 study asked couples for their best
piece of financial advice for newlyweds.

The top two suggestions were to save
as early as possible for retirement

and to make all
financial decisions together.

Not all of these conversations will result
in firm agreements, but when they do,

make sure to write them down in a sort of
Financial Constitution and then sign it!

It might sound
unromantic,

but it's all too easy
for two people

to remember the same
conversation differently!

And you can always jointly
decide to amend your constitution!

It's not set in stone.

Of course,
if you're already married,

you may have skipped over a few
of these questions - but take heart!

It's never too late to bring them up
and turn a fresh page.

And that's our two cents!