HAZBIN HOTEL (PILOT)

(film reel clicking)
♪ (light orchestral music) ♪

- ♪ At the end of the rainbow,
there's happiness ♪

♪ And to find it,
how often I've tried ♪

♪ But my life is a race,
just a wild goose chase ♪

♪ And my dreams
have all been denied ♪

♪ Why have I always
been a failure? ♪

♪ What can the reason be? ♪

♪ I wonder if the
world's to blame ♪

♪ I wonder if it could be me ♪

♪ I'm always chasing rainbows ♪

♪ Watching clouds drifting by ♪

♪ My schemes are just
like all my dreams ♪

♪ Ending in the sky ♪

(fireworks pop)

♪ Some fellows looking
find the sunshine ♪

♪ I always look
and find the rain ♪

♪ Some fellows make
a winning sometime ♪

♪ I never even make
the game, believe me ♪

♪ I'm always chasing rainbows ♪

♪ Waiting to find
a little bluebird ♪

♪ In vain ♪
(clock tower tolling)

♪ (somber musical sting) ♪

♪ (demonic music) ♪
(creature screaming)

(thud!)

(moans) Huh?

Oh. I'm alive! I'm alive!

(splat)
(car honks, tires squeal)

- (man) Heh. Thanks for
the fun time, hot stuff.

- Yeah, yeah, listen.
Keep this discreet, you hear me?

I can't let it get out
I'm offering my services

to randos on the street.

It was a quick
cash grab, you got it?

- (sputters) Whatever
you say, slut. (chuckles)

- (sarcastic) Ouch, ooh, such an insult.

Let me know when you
come up with something

creative to call me, you sack
of poorly packaged horseshit.

Tell the missus I said hi...
(smooch) shnookum.

- Back up.

(mutters as car screeches
away and crashes)

- Hmm?

(machine clatters)

(distant boom)

- Yoink!
- Hey!

- Up yours, drag show!

(thud)

- (gasps) Oh, my God!

My drugs! Damn it!

(lasers firing and explosions)

- (laughing maniacally)
(egg creatures giggling)

Those other cowardly sinners

dare not hinder
my territorial takeover!

A wise decision. The power
of my machines are unmatched!

No other demon can
compare to the likes of I!

- Gee, that was
pretty swell, boss.

- Yeah.

- You really showed
them what for.

I liked it when you shot them
with your ray gun.

- I wish he'd shoot me
with his ray gun.

- At this rate, I will seize
control of the entire west side

of the pentagram by day's end.

And nothing, not a single beast
in this inferno of suffering,

will be able to take
back this empire

from my constrictive grasp!
(party favors toot) (eggs cheer)

- Oh, boy!
- Hell will be mine,

and everybody will know
the name of Sir--

- (woman) Edgelord!
- Pardon? Who said that?

What did you just say to me,
you fried chicken fetuses?

Speak up!
- That wasn't us, Mr. Boss Man.

(object whistling and hissing)

(glass breaks)

(fuse sizzling)
(thunk, thunk, thunk)

(boom!)

- (hacking)

- You looking for
a fight, old man?

Why don't you get that
tinker toy bullshit off my turf

before I smash it!

(crash)
...More.

- Oh, you want to go, Missy?
Well, I'm happy to oblige!

AH HA HA!

♪ (news theme) ♪

- Good afternoon.
I'm Katie Killjoy.

- And I'm Tom Trench.

Chaos out of
Pentagram City today

as a turf war is raging
on the west side

between notable
kingpin Sir Pentious

and self-proclaimed spunky
powerhouse Cherry Bomb.

- That's right, Tom.
After the recent extermination,

many areas are now up for grabs.

(background fighting)
Demons all over Hell
are already duking it out

to gain new territory.

- (Tom) Those two seem
to really be going at it, huh?

- Looks like they're fighting
tooth and nail for that hot spot.

- And I'd sure like to nail
her hot spot. (chuckles)

- Hehe, you are
a limpdick jackass, Tom.

Or should I say... no dick?
- Not again!

- Coming up next up next,
we have an exclusive interview

with the daughter of
Hell's own head honcho,

who's here to discuss
her brand-new passion project.

All that and more
after the break.

Suck it up, you little bi--
(test tone)

- (sighs) Okay. You
remember what to say?

- (takes deep breath)
Yes. Let's do this.

- Just look at me,
and I'll mouth it to you.

- (annoyed) Come on,
Vaggie, I know what to say.

I just feel like we need
to, I don't know,

make things sound more
exciting? (gasps) Ohhh!

What if I si--
- Sing a song about it?

- You knew I was gonna say that.
- Because I know you.

But please don't sing.
This is serious.

- Well, you know, I'm better
at expressing myself

and my goals through song!

- But life isn't a musical, hun.

- Fine, but I have these
other ideas of what to say.

(eagerly) The highlighted
bits are the best parts!

- Uh, it's all highlighted.

Is this a drawing?

- Yes! That's the happy
ending. See?

Everyone's smiling
and happy in Heaven.

- I don't think
it's that simple.

Just PLEASE follow the talking
points we went over.

(emphasizing) And do not sing.

- (annoyed) Okay, fine.

(terrible British accent)
I'll just have to resort

to my impeccable improv skills.

Hi. I'm Charlie.
- (low growl)

Katie Killjoy.
(blows)

I'd say it's a pleasure to meet
you, but that would be a lie.

You can put that away.
I don't touch the gays.

I have standards.
- Yeah?

How's, uh-- how's that
working out for ya?

- Look, my time is money,
so I'll keep this short.

You're not here because
we wanted you here.

You're here because
Jeffrey couldn't make it

for his cannibal
cooking segment.

(oven bell dings)
You might be some

royal big shot, but that
doesn't mean shit to me.

I'm too rich and too influential
to give a flying fuck

about what some tux-wearing
demon "princess"

wants to advertise.
- But I--

- So don't get cute
with me, honey,

or I will fucking bury you.

- (director) And we're live!

- Welcome back!
(cracking)

So Charlotte.
- It's Charlie.

- Whatever. Tell us about this
new passion project you've been

insistently pestering
our news station about.
(knife shing!)

- Well... (clears throat)

(sighs) As most of you know,
I was born here in Hell.

And growing up, I always
tried to see the good

in everything around me.
(slug shrieks)

Hell is my home and--
(splat!)
--you are my people.

We-- we just went through
another extermination.

We lost so many souls,
and it breaks my heart

to see my people being
slaughtered every year.

No one is even given a chance.
I can't stand idly by

while the place I live is
subjected to such violence.

So... I've been thinking.
Isn't there a more humane way

to hinder overpopulation
here in Hell?

Perhaps we can create an
alternative way to change souls

through... redemption?
Well, I think yes.

So that's what this project
aims to achieve.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm
opening the first of its kind,

a hotel that
rehabilitates sinners!

(silence)

(creak)
(nervously) You know?

'Cause hotels are for people
passing through temporarily.
- (murmuring)

- (chuckles)
Is this girl for real?

She thinks-- you hear
what she thinks?

She-- ha ha! Oh, she's nuts.

- (Charlie) I figure it
would serve a purpose,

a place to work
towards redemption.

(sheepishly) Yay.

(footsteps)

(radio feedback)

- Stupid bitch.

(pow!)
(crashing)

- Look, every single one of you

has something good
deep down inside.

I know you do.

Maybe I'm not
getting through to you.

- Oh, no.

(fingers snap)

- ♪ I have a dream
I'm here to tell ♪

♪ About a wonderful,
fantastic new hotel ♪

♪ Yes, it's one of a kind,
right here in Hell ♪

♪ Catering to
a specific clientele ♪

- (chorus) ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

- ♪ Inside of every demon
is a rainbow ♪

♪ Inside every sinner
is a shiny smile ♪

♪ Inside of every creepy,
hatchet-wielding maniac ♪

♪ Is a jolly, happy,
cupcake-loving child ♪

♪ We can turn them 'round ♪

♪ They'll be Heaven-bound ♪

♪ With just a little time down ♪

♪ At the Happy Hotel ♪

♪ So all you junkies,
freaks, and weirdos ♪

♪ Creepers, fuck-ups,
crooks, and zeros ♪

♪ And downfallen superheroes ♪

♪ Hope is here ♪

♪ All of you cretins,
slobs, and losers ♪

♪ Sexual deviants and boozers ♪

♪ And prescription drug abusers ♪

♪ Need not fear ♪

♪ Forever again ♪

♪ We'll cure your sin ♪

♪ We'll make you well ♪

♪ You'll feel so swell ♪

♪ Right here in Hell ♪

♪ At the Happy Hotel ♪

♪ There'll be no more fire
and no more screams ♪

♪ Just puppy dog kisses
and cotton candy dreams ♪

♪ And puffy-wuffy clouds ♪

♪ You're gonna be like, "Wow!" ♪

♪ Once you check in with meeee ♪

♪ So all your cartoon
porn addictions ♪

♪ Vegan rants,
psychic predictions ♪

♪ Ancient Roman crucifixions ♪

♪ End right here ♪

♪ All you monsters,
thieves, and crazies ♪

♪ Cannibals and crying babies ♪

♪ Frothing mouthers
full of rabies ♪

♪ Fill with cheer ♪

♪ You'll be complete ♪

♪ It'll be so neat ♪

♪ Our service can't be beat ♪

♪ You'll be on Easy Street ♪

♪ Yes! Life will be sweet ♪

♪ At the Happy Hotel! ♪

♪ (holding note) ♪

Yeah!

(silence) (Charlie panting)

- Wow!

That was shit.

(demons laughing uproariously)

- Boo.

- What in the nine circles

makes you think
a single denizen of Hell

would give two shits about
becoming a better person?

You have no proof that this
little experiment even works.

You want people to be
good, just because?

(laughter continues)
- Well, we have a patron already

who believes in our cause, and
he's shown incredible progress.

- Oh? And who might that be?

- Oh, just someone
named Angel Dust.

- The porn star?
- You fucking would, Tom.
(nails screech)

In any case, that's not
even an accomplishment.

I'm sure you can get
that hooker to do anything

with enough
booger sugar and lube.

- Oh, I beg to differ.

He's been behaved, clean,
and out of trouble

for two weeks now.
- (man) Breaking news.

♪ (news theme) ♪
- We are receiving word

that a new player has
entered the ongoing turf war.

Let's go to the live feed.

(rioting sounds,
Angel Dust cackling)

- Oh, shit.
- "Oh, shit," indeed.

It looks like the one
who just joined the battle

is none other than (gasps)
porn actor Angel Dust.

What a juicy coincidence.

You must feel really
stupid right now.
- (wolf whistle)

- (both chuckling) Ratings!

- (frantically)
Don't look at this!

- Well, it sure looks
like your little project

is dead on arrival.

Tell us, how does it feel
to be such a total failure?

(laughter)
- Yeah, well, how does it feel

that I got your pen, huh?
...Bitch?

♪ (dramatic chord) ♪
Heh-heh. Oops.

(Tom scampers away)

(shing!)

- (roars)

(poof!)
- Hey,

thanks for the backup, Angie.
- (laughs) You kiddin'?

This is the best action
I've seen in ages.

- Where you been anyway?

I thought you up
and died or some shit.

- Oh, I wish. I've been
staying at this crappy hotel

on the other side of town.
(whistle of bomb falling)

Some broads are letting me
stay rent-free if I play nice.

(poof!)
(sighs) You know, no fights,

no pranks, no "problematic
language." Her words, not mine.

These crazy bitches are no fun!
I've been clean for two weeks.

- Holy shit.
- Well, sorta clean.

Just clean as you can get
while doing a shitload

of Bolivian marching powder.

(yelps)

(chains rattle)
Oh, harder, Daddy~

- (gasps) Son?

(train horn sounds, loud wallop)

(enraged snarl)

You whores have no class.
In war, the side remembered

is the side with
the most... style.

- Or the side that ain't dead.
- Speaking of style,

is your hat, like,
alive or something?

- Oh, well, that's none of your
goddamn business. Now, is it?

- (chuckles) Would that make your hat
the top and you the bottom?

- Ooh!
(distant air horn blares)

(bonk!)
- I'm going to blow you to bits.

- Hmm, kinky.
- Oh, not like that, pervert!

(egg scrambling)

(shove)
- (Cherry Bomb) Oof!

Not so cocky now, are we?
- You know,

you really gotta watch
what comes out of your mouth.

I've been making these sex jokes
the whole... TIME!

And it's obvious
you ain't catchin' on.

I mean, it's just sad!
(gunfire)

- So, think you're gonna get
in a lot of trouble for this?

- Ehh, what's one little
brawl gonna cause?

(panicking and rioting)

- (Tom) Why won't anyone help me?!

- (Cherry Bomb) Glad you haven't changed.

You know you're my
favorite guy to party with.

- You know it, sugar tits.

- You ready to finish this?
- Born ready, baby.

(collective screaming)

(engine rumbling)

(window whirring up and down)
- (sighs)

(whirring continues)

(whirring stops)

- What?
- "What"? "What"?!

What were you doing?!

- (sighs) I owed my
girl buddy a solid.

Isn't that a
"redeeming quality,"

helping friends with stuff?

- Not with turf wars that
result in territorial genocide!

- Ehh, you win some, you lose
a few hundred. (chuckles)

It wasn't that bad anyway.

(fwip, thunk!)
(crackle)

- (low growl)
- Oh, come on! I had to!

My credibility was
on the line. (sighs)

I mean, what kind of
reputation would I have

if people found out
I was trying to go clean?

It just throws out
my entire persona.

- Your credibility?
What about the hotel's?

Your little stunt made us
look like a fucking joke.

- (laughing) No, no, no, babe.
Jokes are funny.

I made you look, uh,
sad and pathetic...

like an orphan with
no arms... or legs...

uh... Oh! With progeria.

Great, now I'm bummed
thinking about it.

This thing have any liquor?

- Can you please just try
to take this seriously?

- Fine, I'll try. Just don't get
your taco in a twist, baby. (snap, ding!)

- Was that you trying
to be sexist or racist?

- Whatever pisses you off more.

Is there seriously
no liquor in here?

- I'm gonna kill him.

- Too late, toots. Wait, would
that make me double-dead?

Heh. Where exactly do I go,
to Double Hell? (laughing)

Sorry, you're stuck with me,
bitch. Get used to it.

- (muttering) Come
mierda, malparido.

- Listen, who cares
if some jagoffs got hurt.

Most of them are ugly
freaks. Look around.

You got a bunch of fuckin'
harlequin babies down here. (laughs)

- You're one to talk.
- Hey! This body is flawless.

Everyone wants some of me,

and I got the creepy
fan letters to prove it.

♪ (saxophone note) ♪
- (growls)

- That was really uncool,
you know, Angel.

- "Uncool"?
After that train wreck,

there is no way anyone is gonna
want to stay at the hotel,

all thanks to you
and your selfish bullshit!

- Does that mean I don't
have a free room anymore?

(creaky rattle)

Ah, well, shucks.

- Hey, come on. We don't
know if things are over yet.

Try to relax, Vaggie.
It'll be okay.

♪ (soft piano music) ♪

(doors bang loudly)

(footsteps and creaking echo)

- Ugh!

(dripping)

- It's probably
a good idea to get

some actual food in
this place. You know,

to feed all the wayward souls
you got in here. (chuckles)

(chuckling dies down)

Ehh...

(Angel Dust walks away)

(demon grunts)

(series of tones)

(beep)

- Hey, Mom. Um, I know I keep
calling, and you must be busy...

Really busy... Uh, but, um,
the interview didn't go well.

And... I don't know if I'm
going to make a difference.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I could really use
some advice, Mom.

I... I think Dad
was right about me.

Eh-heh, oof, ehh, anyway, I'll stop
talking before this gets long.

Love you. Bye.

(taps screen)

(door shuts)

(echoing knocking)

♪ (ominous music) ♪

(eerie strings)

(light static warble)

- (tinny voice) Hel...

...lo.
- Hey, Vaggie?

- (annoyed) What?

- The Radio Demon
is at the door.

- What?!
- Uh, who?

- What should I do?
- (scoff) Well, don't let him in.

♪ (eerie music) ♪

- May I speak now?
- You may.

- Alastor! Pleasure to be
meeting you, sweetheart.

Quite a pleasure!
Excuse my sudden visit,

but I saw your fiasco
on a picture show,

and I just couldn't resist.
What a performance!

Why, I haven't been
that entertained

since the stock market
crash of 1929.

(laughs with studio audience)
So many orphans.

- Stop right there,
cabrón hijo de perra.

I know your game, and I'm not
gonna let you hurt anyone here,
- (static warble)

you pompous, cheesy,
talk show shit lord.

- Dear, if I wanted
to hurt anyone here,

I would have done so already.
(heavily distorted static)

(silence)

- No, I'm here because
I want to help.

- Say what now?
- Help. Heh-heh-heh.

Hello? Is this thing on?
Testing, testing.
(tap, tap)

- (another voice) Well,
I heard you loud and clear.

- Um, you want to help with...?

- This ridiculous thing
you're trying to do, this hotel.

I want to help you run it.
- But... why?

- Ha-ha-ha. Why does
anyone do anything?

Sheer, absolute boredom! I've
lacked inspiration for decades.

My work became mundane,
lacking focus, aimless.

I've come to crave a new form
of entertainment. Ha-ha-ha!

- Does getting into
a fistfight with a reporter

count as entertainment?

- Ha-ha-ha! It's the
purest kind, my dear.

Reality! True passion!
After all, the world is a stage.

And the stage is a world
of entertainment.

- So does this mean
that you think it's possible

to rehabilitate a demon?

- (laughs with studio audience)
Of course not.
That's wacky nonsense.

Redemption, oh,
the nonexistent humanity.

No, no, no, no. I don't
think there's anything left

that could save such
loathsome sinners.

The chance given was
the life they lived before.

The punishment is this!

There is no undoing
what is done.

- So then why do
you want to help me

if you don't believe
in my cause?
(audio feedback)

- Consider it an investment

in ongoing
entertainment for myself.

♪ (swing music) ♪
I want to watch the scum
of the world struggle

(music stops)
to climb up the
hill of betterment,

only to repeatedly trip
and tumble

down to the fiery pit of failure.
(demonic growls and screams)

- Riiight.

- Yes, indeedy. I see big
things coming your way,

and who better
to help you than I?

- Uh, so, uh, what's the deal
with smiles over there?

- Wait, you've never
heard of him before?

You've been here longer than me.
(shoulders creak)

The Radio Demon,

one of the most powerful
beings Hell has ever seen?

- Ehh, not big on politics.
- Ughh.

♪ (eerie music) ♪
Decades ago, Alastor manifested
in Hell, seemingly overnight.

He began to topple overlords who
had been dominant for centuries.

That kind of raw power
had never been harnessed
(static warbles)

by a mortal soul before.

Then he broadcast his carnage
all throughout Hell,

just so everyone could
witness his ability.

Sinners started calling
him the Radio Demon...

as lazy as that is.

♪ (ominous music swells) ♪
Many have speculated what
unimaginable force

enabled him to rival our world's most
ancient and destructive evils.

But one thing's for sure,

he's an unpredictable
source of danger,

a wicked spirit of mystery,
and a violent monster of chaos

the likes of which we can't
risk getting involved with

unless we want to end up erased.

(music cuts)
- Ya done? (laughs) He looks
like a strawberry pimp.

- Well, I don't trust him.

- To be fair, do you trust
any man? Any men?

(chuckles) Men?

- Charlie, listen to me.
You can't believe this creep.

He isn't just a happy face.
- (Alastor hums)
- He's a deal maker, pure evil.

- He can't be redeemed and is
most likely looking for a way

to destroy everything
we're trying to do.

- I... we don't know that.
Look, I know he's bad.

And I know he probably
doesn't want to change.

But the whole point of this
is to give people a chance,

(radio distortion)
- (Charlie) to have faith things will be better.

How can I turn
someone away? I can't.

It goes against
everything I'm trying to do,

everything I believe in.

Just trust me.
I can take care of myself.

- Charlie, whatever you do,
do not make a deal with him.
- (radio feedback swells)

- Don't worry. I've picked up
one thing from my dad.

(deep voice) "You don't
take shit from other demons."

Okay. So Al,
you're sketchy as fuck

and you clearly see what
I'm trying to do here as a joke.
(whoosh)

But I don't.

I think everyone
deserves a chance

to prove they can be better, so
I'm taking your offer to help...

on the condition
that there be no

trickster voodoo
strings attached.

- So it's a deal then?
♪ (magical music) ♪
(whoosh)

(loud, resonating warbling)
- Agh!

- Nope. No shaking.
No deals. I... hmm.

As Princess of Hell
and heir to the throne,

I, uh, hereby order that
you help with this hotel

for as long as you desire.

(distant howl)

Sound fair?
- Hmm.

Fair enough.
- Cool beans.

- ♪ (hums) ♪

Smile, my dear!

You know you're never
fully dressed without one.

♪ (humming) ♪

So where is your hotel staff?

- Uh... well...
(creaking head turn)

(chuckles) Oh, you're going
to need more than that.

And what can you do,
my effeminate fellow?

- I can suck your dick.

(screeching)

- Ha! No.
- Your loss. (zip)

- Well, this just won't do.

I suppose I cash in a few
favors to liven things up.

(snap) (whoosh)

♪ (whimsical musical sting) ♪

(fire crackling)

(smoke hiss)

(squeaking )

(squee!) (poof!)

This little darling is Niffty.

- Hi, I'm Niffty.
It's nice to meet you.

It's been a while since
I've made new friends, heh-heh.

Why are you all women?
Are there any men here?!

I'm sorry if that's rude.
Oh, man, this place is filthy!

It really needs a lady's touch,

which is weird because
you're all ladies, no offense.

Oh, my gosh, this is awful.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

(gasps) Nope.

- Ha. Read 'em and weep, boys.

Full h--whoa-tel?
(radio tuning warbles)

What the fuck is this?
(coin jangles)

(scornfully) You!

(studio audience claps)
- Ah, Husker, my good friend.
Glad you could make it.

Don't you "Husker" me,
you son of a bitch.

I was about to win
the whole damn pot!

- Good to see you, too.

- What the hell do you want
with me this time?

- My friend, I am doing
some charity work,

so I took it upon myself
to volunteer your services.

I hope that's okay.
- Are you shittin' me?

- Hmm... (morse code beeps)
No, I don't think so!

(audience laughter)

- You thought it would be
some kinda big fuckin' riot

just to pull me outta nowhere?

You think I'm some
kinda fuckin' clown?

- Maybe.

(audience laughs)
- I ain't doin'
no fuckin' charity job.

- Well, I figured you would
be the perfect face

(drum roll)
to man the front desk of this
fine establishment.

(audience clapping)
With your charming smile
and welcoming energy,

(droop )
this job was made for you!
(ratcheting smile)

Don't worry, my friend. I can
make this more welcoming...

if you wish...

(slot machine warbles down)

- What? You think you can buy me

with a wink and
some cheap booze?

Well, you can.

- Hey, hey, hey-hey-hey.
No, no bar, no alcohol.

This is supposed to be place
that discourages sin!

Not some kind of now...
brothel... man cave.

- Shut up! Shut up!
(intensely) We are keeping this.

(flirtatiously) Hey~
- Go fuck yourself.

- Only if you watch me~

- Oh, my gosh!
Welcome to the Happy Hotel!

You are going to love it here!

- I lost the ability
to love years ago.

- So what do you think?

- This is amazing! (squeals)

- It's... okay.
- (chuckles)

This is going to be
very entertaining.

(laughs using radio distortion)

♪ (upbeat show music) ♪

♪ You have a dream ♪

♪ You wish to tell ♪

♪ And it's just laughable ♪

♪ But hey, kid, what the Hell? ♪

♪ 'Cause you're one of a kind ♪

♪ A charming demon belle ♪

♪ Now let's give these
burning fools a place to dwell ♪

Take it, boys!

♪ (jubilant swing music) ♪

Ha-ha!
(chorus) -Boo!

♪ Inside of every demon
is a lost cause, ha ♪

♪ But we'll dress 'em
up for now with just a smile ♪

- (chorus) ♪ Wicked smiles! ♪
- ♪ And we'll chlorinate ♪

♪ This cesspool with some
old redemptive flair ♪

♪ And show these simpletons
some proper class and style ♪

- (chorus) ♪ Class and style! ♪
- ♪ Oh! ♪

♪ Here below the ground ♪

♪ I'm sure your plan is sound ♪

♪ They'll spend a little time ♪

♪ Down at this Hazbin Ho-- ♪
(loud explosion)

(Niffty yells)
(crash!)

(radio distorition)

♪ (dramatic music) ♪

- Ha! Well, well, well.

Look who it is
harboring the striped freak.

We meet yet again, Alastor.

- Do I know you?

- (deflates)

Oh, yes, you do!

And this time, I have
the element of... (sing-song) surprise!

HA HA HA!

I'm so evil! (laughing)

Whoa... whoa... whoa... oh...

(screaming)

That hurt!

(screaming continues)

(eggs howling)

(static warbling)

♪ (menacing music) ♪

(static warbles)

(loud blast)

(warbling winds down)

- Well, I'm starved!
Who wants some jambalaya?

My mother once showed me
a wonderful recipe for jambalaya.

In fact, it nearly
killed her. Ha-ha-ha!

You could say the kick
was right out of Hell!

(laughing) Oh, I'm on a roll!

Yessir! This is the start of some
real changes down here.

The game is set.

Now... stay tuned.

(devilish chuckle)

Captioned by Sebby

(smoke hissing)

(rattling)

- Now will you shoot me
with your ray gun?

(thump)