The Therapeutic Relationship - Self-Harm and Eating Disorder Video with Kati Morton

The Therapeutic Relationship - Self-Harm and Eating Disorder Video with Kati Morton

Recently someone asked me about the nature of the therapeutic relationship. I hope that this video gives you more insight into the world of a therapist and our relationship with clients. If you have any questions please feel free to post in the comment section.

xoxo Kati

Kati Morton, MFTI
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Shake it out, shake it out

okay

Hey everyone,

this week's video comes from a question that I got

and I thought it was really good,

it was about what is the therapeutic relationship,

and why is it so important?

So stay tuned.

[Kati Morton MFTI]

[Healthy Mind, Healthy Body]

So I got a great question,

I believe it was on Twitter,

last week or the week before,

asking about the therapeutic relationship

because as many of you know,

whether you've been told this or whether I've told you

because I say this a lot

but it's very important that we like our therapists

and we have what we call a "therapeutic relationship."

And sometimes I use these terms,

these "therapist terms," and it's kind of frustrating

because you're like "Kati,

I don't know what the hell you're talking about,

because I'm not a therapist..." Right?

And so thanks for cluing me in to that because

I'm kind of silly sometimes.

But, the therapeutic relationship is just that,

it's your relationship with your therapist

and how you feel about him or her.

And all of the research, ALL of the research

(If I was on a movie set all these file would fall down...it's research, right?)

All of it shows that the most important thing

is how we feel about our therapist

and how that relationship works.

So, that's the most important thing

because if we like them and we respect them

and they respect us and we understand one another,

miracles can happen, right?

We can actually feel confident and comfortable enough

to talk about those things that we're like

that you guys tell me "uh, I don't want to tell him,

I'm so nervous..." right, but we feel comfortable

because they're like our partner in crime, you know?

And it can make things a lot easier for us.

So, that's what the therapeutic relationship is.

It's when you sit with your therapist

and when you meet with them for the first time,

you know how some of you are like,

"yeah, I met with this person, it's just not right..."

I'm like, "Find somebody else!"

If we can, I know insurance makes things all annoying,

but if we can, I always encourage people,

let's find somebody else for you,

because if you don't like them already,

and you've only met them once,

chances are you probably won't like them.

But, when you go to see somebody,

and you're like "Kati, it was amazing!

You're right, it's not as scary as I thought it was going to be!"

then that's a great pair.

You've met someone you can really work with.

And that's why it's so important.

Especially when we're finally reaching out.

Right, because I know it's so nervewracking

and it makes us really nervous,

and we think about it and we second-guess and we question and we think again

whether we should tell someone, whether we should get help

and I always urge people: do! Do!

But, like any job,

there are people who are really good at their job

and there's people who are really shitty at their job.

You know?

It's like you might go to the same Starbucks every morning,

I'm guilty, and there's somebody that makes your coffee

"uh, it's so good, it's just amazing!"

And then there's somebody else who's like

slopping it together and there's stuff running down the side

and they're like "Here's your soy latte."

I'm like, "Thanks a lot..."

So, it's the same with therapists.

And I'm not calling anybody out,

but there are people who love their jobs who have compassion

and really want to help

and they do research

and we go to conventions and we go to conferences

and we stay up on everything and we want to know,

and we get excited to hear how things are going.

Right? There's always those people.

I love my job, and other people love their jobs too,

but then there's people who don't, and so

if it doesn't feel right, don't make a second appointment.

Make another first appointment with somebody else.

And that's okay.

And that's why it's so important to our treatment, because

we need to have a team behind us that's rooting for us,

that we feel comfortable coming in and being like

"Well, I cut this week. I'm sorry."

or, "I binged and purged," or "I restricted, I

hid food in my jacket in my pocket when I was out

on a meal out with my friend." Or whatever.

We need to be comfortable enough to say those things because

that's what the treatment is about, that's what therapy's about

is me knowing what's going right, what's going wrong,

and then us working together to change our goals

and to say "okay, that was really hard,

what can we do to make it better?" Right?

Because we're always trying to get better,

and to work through things.

And it's a process, it's not perfection.

It's a process, and everybody's process is different.

And we can't compare.

And we can't get competitive.

You know, everybody's different.

So, make sure that when you make that appointment

and you meet with a therapist that you have that kind of spark,

not to sound creepy and it's like romantic or anything

but you need to have that friendship spark,

where you're like "Wow, this person really gets me, and I feel comfortable

and I could really cry if I needed to or scream

or shout or throw a pillow or something." Right?

We need to have that.

So, I hope that helps a little bit,

and I know many of you are in the process of looking

into seeing that first therapist and you're really nervous,

and I have an old video,

back when I first started about making that first therapy appointment

so check that out, okay? Because it's really helpful

and it kind of walks you through what to expect.

But this is more about what you should feel in the moment

when you're sitting with your therapist, okay?

So that you know that this is your therapist,

this is part of your treatment team,

this is someone you want to make weekly appointments with.

Okay?

I hope that helps and kind of makes sense,

I know I've been getting that question a lot.

And don't forget to subscribe to my channel,

because often times I put out videos

not on a Monday or a Sunday,

it might be in the middle of the week,

and then you get an e-mail and you know about it right away

So I know some of you are like

"Kati, I'm having a really bad week,

I hope there's a mid-week video!"

And then you'll know if there is!

So please subscribe.

And also, leave the comments below,

let me know about good and bad experiences,

and kind of what you felt.

Try to help people know what they're going to feel and think in the session

because I know it's really hard to describe,

like that little spark and that click, it's like,

talking about the how you meet person you're going to marry,

"I just knew!" Right?

But we need to kind of know what to look for.

"Yeah, it was kind of uncomfortable, but it was just my anxiety,

but I really liked them." So, please share what it was like

when you met that therapist, that match for you,

that worked out.

And you had that good connection,

and they were part of your treatment team for a long time.

Just let us know, so that we can learn from one another

we're a big community, we're growing,

we're getting to know one another

we're sharing our successes and our little failures

and our let-downs and our excitement and

it's great, so please keep sharing,

and we'll keep working together, and I'll keep putting out videos

as we work towards a healthy mind and a healthy body.

Find out from friends and family

if anybody's seeing somebody that they're comfortable with

it's possible that you'll be comfortable as well.

But if that's not the case, you don't feel comfortable asking someone,

you can also call your insurance company...

[Click here to view video-Making your 1st appointment with a Therapist]