ITE_JAN_2_2016_HD

This episode of

It's the End of the World as We Know it

and I Feel Fine

was made possible by contributions

from slaves like you.

Spank you very much.

"Which brings us once again

to the urgent realization

of just how much there is

still left to own.

Item 6 on the agenda:

The meaning of life."

Gooooooooood morning slaves

and welcome to another sedition of

It's the End of the World as we Know it

and I Feel Fine, where the long journey

to a brighter tomorrow

begins with a single step.

"In the past few weeks, uh...

five high profile bankers have died

all from apparent suicides."

"Another one!"

"Hmm?"

"Another one just went past. Downwards."

"Must be a board meeting."

I am your host, the Stimulator

and it seems like just about

every other week I get a message

that goes something like this:

"Yo Stim!

Big fan of the show.

I just have one question...

when are you going to do a sedition

on anarcho-capitalism?

Have you ever read Murray Rothbard?

True anarchy is synonymous

with free markets."

For the most part, I don't

respond to these types of questions.

So... for all those of you

who have asked me over the years,

the answer is

Ahem:

Fuck anarcho-capitalism!

Seriously… at best, the attempt to

marry anarchism and capitalism

is a nonsensical contradiction.

And at worst,

it's the political equivalent of

what would happen if

Ayn Rand and Mussolini

spawned a fedora-toting,

Austrian love-child,

who happened to be born with a disease

that meant it couldn't go outside

and so was forced to live its entire life

confined to the bowels of

online Reddit forums.

Now… to be clear,

as an anarchist

I'm all for smashing the state.

but there's nothing particularly

revolutionary or liberatory

about smashing the state

if it just means handing more power

over to corporations.

If anything,

it only makes shit way fucking worse.

And if you don't believe me…

just ask the people of Flint, Michigan.

"We started to lose our hair,

all five of us.

And we started developing rashes

on our arms and our face."

Back in March of 2011,

Michigan's an-cap Governor, Rick Snyder

"I'm an accountant."

signed a bill which allowed for

the special appointment of so-called

“emergency financial managers”

which are essentially just a cabal

of corporate technocrats

who are granted the supreme authority

to override decisions

made by local governments,

all in the name of market efficiency.

"Get in there. Get the job done.

Get out."

In 2014,

in an effort to pinch some pennies,

Flint's Emergency Manager

Darnell Earley,

switched the source

of the city's drinking water

to the heavily polluted Flint River,

which is chock full of a delicious,

thirst-quenching,

industrial chemical solvent,

called trihalomethane.

This toxic fucking slurry immediately

began corroding the city's pipes,

causing a "trickle-down" effect of sorts

- with shit tons of lead

leaching into the water supply

and ultimately exposing the city's

100,000 residents

to severe fucking lead poisoning.

"I think in retrospect... uhh

if we all had, uhh, you know,

20/20 hindsight,

we'd do a lot of things different."

"I'm an accountant."

"I love you cuz you kill people."

And now, impoverished Flint residents

who can’t afford to pay

for their poison fucking water

are getting their pipes shutoff altogether

"Stop the water shutoff!

Water is a human right!"

just like their neighbours

in the cash-strapped city of Detroit

where thousands of peeps

have had their drinking water cut off

in strict accordance with

the libertarian logic

of the free fucking market.

Or maybe you can ask

peeps living in California's

San Fernando Valley,

who for months now

have been dealing with

a giant fucking natural gas leak...

"Hey Stim!

I've got a natural gas leak for ya!

Jesus Fucking Christ, that's rank.

You're a sick fuck Agitator.

Anyway, as I was saying…

residents of the Porter Ranch community

north of Los Angeles,

are currently facing the United Snakes'

biggest environmental disaster since 2010,

when the BP's Deepwater Horizon oil rig

blew the fuck up in the Gulf of Mexico.

For months now,

a steady stream of methane

has been spewing out the Aliso Canyon

underground natural gas storage facility,

causing a slew of health problems

for local residents.

"And I have terrible headaches,

my daughter experiences stomach pain,

my son's got nosebleeds.

It's just really bad."

forcing the evacuation of thousands

of peeps from the surrounding community,

and leading the state governor to declare

a motherfuckin state of emergency.

To make matters even worse...

methane is about 86 times more powerful

than C02, in terms of its

greenhouse gas effect,

meaning that this fuck-up is making

a gigantic contribution to the

runaway climate change already

fueling a historically unprecedented

regional drought.

At its highest level,

this leak accounts for a whopping 25%

of California’s total emissions

– roughly equivalent to the effects of

driving 4.5 million fucking cars,

every single motherfuckin day.

This epic clusterfuck

has been compounded by the fact that

Southern California Gas,

the company which owns the site,

inexplicably removed the facility's

emergency shut-off valve

and never replaced it.

No doubt because doing so

would have cost them money

that they didn't want to spend.

And since the leak is 8,000 feet

underground, and extremely hard to get,

its expected to take several months to fix

meaning that there's nothing that peeps

can do but wait for the free market

to do its magic.

Fuck anarcho-capitalism.

So yeah....

I hope that answers your question.

Now stop bugging me about it.

♫♫ "These them droppers

who don't hold heat.

Gangstas who don't stroll streets.

Next level criminality

keeping shit low key.

Not like Bobby Shmurda's dumb ass

but they do the Shmony tho.

I mean they show money

then the police dance on our bones.

It's time to overthrow

cuz these banksters don't play

plus made the rules up in this shady game.

Gangbanging for major pay

they pushin their laws like narcotics.

Brown and Black males in them prisons

box up they products

while how Nike be bankin

of the prison complex.

Even Michael Jordan a gangsta

- he also bank off the process.

Ooo... so fuck your idol.

Your idol about that greed...

plus them Nikes don't fit

my place, so dues

That's why I sold my freeze.

What about our babies?

They get employed overseas.

And our women?

Y'all know what happens

to our women overseas.

Prostitution rings,

cuz poverty's to blame.

Exploitation at its highest

always made in the USA

by these gangstas

and these pimps

The trill us to trap us

y'all know what is is." ♫♫

For weeks now,

high-priced financial analysts,

hedge fund managers, and wall street execs

have been shitting their

ten thousand dollar designer suits

as a convergence of warning signs

indicate that a clusterfuck

of epic proportions is about to hit the

global motherfuckin economy.

"Mr Plouffe, have you seen the latest

stock price?

It's hitting an all-time low of $18,

and it's still dropping.

Almost 400 billion dollars of wealth

was lost today."

Unlike the great financial shit storm

of 2007 and 2008,

when bankers and coked-out stock brokers

were too busy groping around

in a greasy fucking orgy of CDO

and mortgage-backed derivatives trading

to see the writing on the fucking wall...

"And then that happens."

this time around,

this same assortment of capitalist scum

are completely fucking aware of

the ten story shit-nami

looming on the not-so-distant horizon

but have no fucking way to stop it.

While millions of peeps were

glued to their screens this month

cycling through photos of J-Beebs'

fucked up new hairdo

and reading an endless supply of clickbait

articles about the new Star Wars flick,

several top bankers were sounding the horn

alerting their fellow rats

that the time has come to abandon ship.

"Shit!"

Cheering

"Hey that was Wilkens of finance."

"No that was Robertson."

On January 8th a leading economist

from the Royal Bank of Scotland

published a memo, urging investors

to, quote, “Sell everything!”

"How can the price be going down?!"

"Something's wrong!"

and warning that 2016 is going to be a

quote, “cataclysmic year” that could see

up to one fifth of the total

global stock market wiped the fuck out.

"What you're telling me is that

the music is about to stop,

and we're going to be left holding

the biggest bag of odorous excrement

ever assembled in the history of....

capitalism?"

This gloomy prediction has been

more or less echoed by economists

at several behemoth fucking banks,

including Morgan Stanley, Barclays,

Bank of America Merrill fucking Lynch,

Deutsche Bank, and JP Morgan.

This time around

the epicenter of the crisis is China,

the very engine of global economic growth

that has been propping up

the entire international economy

since the 2008 meltdown.

For years now,

gangsta capitalists have been pouring

billions of dollars into

a giant fucking construction boom in China

building sprawling ghost towns

that nobody fucking lives in.

Agitator: "Except for maybe...

these chickens."

This insane fucking building bonanza

has used up a huge percentage

of the world's total output of oil,

concrete, coal, steel and other metals….

and now that the party's wrapping up,

the prices of these commodities are

in total fucking free-fall,

with some analysts predicting

that the price of oil could drop down to

as low as $10 a motherfuckin barrel.

"Bring it down more, fuck!"

This is yet more good news for

opponents of the Motherfuckin' Tar Sands,

since the energy and extractive

corporations most heavily invested

in mining and refining this toxic sludge

are going to take a serious fucking hit.

Who knows… some of them might go bankrupt

and have to shut down!

"What do you mean you fuckin got laid off?

"The fuckin price of oil... or some shit."

But while this looming economic collapse

may seem like great news

to peeps eagerly awaiting

the violent death of capitalism, and

the chance to piss on its fucking grave,

the unfortunate reality is that

it will be mostly poor peeps

who get fucked in the end.

Further economic turmoil risks

increasing the nationalist backlash

that is already reaching a fever pitch

in the West

and will no doubt make life

even more desperate

for peeps in the Global South,

who are already suffering the brunt

of global inequality and

runaway climate change.

After the 2008 crisis,

rich fucking bankers got bailed out

on the public dime

while millions of poor peeps

found themselves homeless,

and millions more lost their jobs.

Politicians around the world

followed up this economic shock therapy

by gutting pensions,

privatizing public services and industries

and pushing through painful cuts

to public spending.

If we want to avoid having

the same thing happen

next time around, peeps will

have to be ready to seriously throw down.

Voting for Bernie's just not gonna cut it.

"Raaar!" "Oh.... jesus!"

A recent report published by Oxfam

pointed out that

the 62 richest motherfuckers on earth

now possess the same amount of wealth

as the bottom 50 percent

of the world's population.

Now I'm no economist…

"Just tell me the truth!"

but it seems like the most sensible

and financially prudent thing to do

would be to round up these 62 posh,

caviar-sucking parasites,

put them all onto a cruise ship,

tell them they’re going to a luxury resort

in the Maldives,

steer that cruise ship into

the middle of the Arctic fucking ocean,

sink it,

and start divvying up their shit.

This might not fix everything…

but it’d be a good start.

And that about does it for this sedition

of It’s the End of the World as we Know it

and I Feel Fine.

Many of you found this fuckin show

through the corporate spy website

known as FedBook.

Since we don’t own this infrastructure,

we’re quite sure that at any moment

they could yank our pages

and you muthafuckas wouldn’t know

when we put out a new sedition.

One way to get this

filthy fuckin show

without Zuckerberg’s interference

is to subscribe to our podcast.

But if that’s not your thing,

you can always sign up

to our twice-a-month guacomail newsletter.

This month we will raffle one of

our bad ass subMedia t-shirts to a lucky

person who subscribes to guacomail.

To do so, just visit my fuckin website:

With that said,

I want to thank the peeps who donated

despite living

in these shitty economic times.

So... much gratitude to Jonathan, Kyle,

Cristian, Bruno, Steven, Miguel, Shannon,

Francois, John, Benjamin, Jennifer,

Yania, Claire, Samuel, Veronica,

Darren, Justin, Guillaume, Robin, Ranko,

Hassan, Hansen, Deda, Raul, Max, Baraton,

Karlis and Blade.

Tostilocos!

I also would like to welcome

the newest member of the taconspiracy -

Nada.

Stay tuned next time for another

riotus roundup of the news

from the global muthafuckin resistance.

Hasta la pasta compañeros!

♫♫ "Tryin to kill us and trap us,

they handlin they biz.

They the real gangstas,

they the real pimps,

they trill us to trap us,

y'all know what it is.

Tryin to kill us and trap us,

they handling they biz." ♫♫