Therapist Seeing A Therapist? | Kati Morton

- Hey everybody, happy Thursday.

Now, today's question is all about

therapists seeing their own therapists.

But before we jump into that,
are you new to my channel?

Welcome, I'm a licensed therapist

creating educational mental health videos,

and I release those videos
on Mondays and on Thursdays.

So make sure you're subscribed

and have your notifications turned on,

so that you don't miss out.

Now, let's jump into
today's question, and it is,

"Kati, would you mind doing
a video about how and why

"a therapist may need to see
their own therapist as well?

"I think that it would be interesting.

"'Cause I think most
people think therapists

"don't need to see someone
else since they should be able

"to fix their own issues."

And I had, to be honest, I
really had to spend some time

thinking about this question.

Because as you know, I've
been in therapy off and on

since I was like, 15 years old.

And if I'm being honest,
I just always thought

everyone should be in therapy,

but once I got this question
I started asking around,

and much to my surprise,
people didn't think that

their therapists should need
to see another therapist.

Many stating that if they were
actually good at their jobs,

they shouldn't need to
see someone about it.

Needless to say, I was completely shocked.

But if I really think about it,
I can understand why people,

you know, could think like that.

If I do know all about
people and relationships

and the power of our own thoughts,

and ways that we can work to change them,

then why can't I just,
you know, fix any issue

that comes up for me?

Well, the truth is, that I am more aware

of how I think and act,

but that doesn't make me
immune from being a human.

Like, I can still be a complete jerk,

I can take things personally,

or let my mind take me down a dark path.

And I also have my own upbringing,
that for better or worse,

does shape my automatic
responses to things.

And yes, I have worked
on that stuff in therapy

to better understand my own
responses, where they come from,

you know, why they happen and
what I can do to be better.

But as I am sure we all know,

knowing and doing can be
completely different things.

And also consider that
I work with my husband,

you know, I work with my
husband, Sean on the channel.

And while we get along very well,

and working together is
actually wonderful in many ways.

We do struggle to separate
our life from work sometimes.

So I talk about that a lot in therapy,

and turn to my own therapist

for her insight into this issue.

Because I'm just so in it, you know.

Sometimes it can help to
get an outside perspective,

because I'm almost
blinded by the fact that,

that's my day to day life.

And there's also the self-care
that needs to come along with

just being a therapist,
because we can take on

so much of what other
people are going through.

I mean, just consider, like, for example,

I'll give you one of my regular days

where I go to my office.

And this isn't to make you
feel bad for me at all,

I just really want you
to understand what I mean

when I say that therapist
need therapy for self-care.

So I get up, and I hop online,

I try to answer some of your questions,

I respond to many of you in
the comments below a new video,

on Twitter, on Tumblr sometimes

and I post in the Community
Tab, and Facebook Group,

you know, the list goes on and on and on.

Then I hop over to my office
and listen to my patients

and what they're going through,

you know, trying to focus and be with them

present in the moment,
asking the right questions,

offering tips and tools
where they may be needed.

And then I could go home,
or even stay in my office

and do more research or order workbooks,

or look into different
tools and techniques

that I should find to
better assist my patients.

Then I go home, I go to bed

and I wake up and I do it all over again.

And that's a lot of me giving
of my energy out to others.

So, it is a necessity that
I make time to re-energize

and to give it back to myself, you know.

Not to mention that if I don't
give myself enough me time

and self-care to recharge,

I could bring all of my own
bullshit into my sessions

that could lead me to talking
about myself all the time,

when it's someone else's session,

or even countertransference.

Which if you're not aware
of what that term means,

it's really when a patient

transfers another relationship on to me.

But instead of noticing
that and talking it through,

figuring out where it came from,

I react back to them from
my own past experience.

And then could like, and then
I transfer on my own feelings

and pass on to them in return.

Countertransference is
really bad stuff, okay.

And so if I'm not in therapy,
not taking care of myself,

that could happen more.

Not to mention that
just an overall struggle

to uphold safe and healthy boundaries

with my patients can be hard.

There's so much that goes
into being a therapist.

Correction, there's so
much that goes into being

a good therapist.

So, I truly believe that every therapist

or mental health professional
should see their own therapist

so that they have time to process it all.

And I was just talking with
my good friend Malik Ducard,

he'll be in a video very
soon, so stay tuned.

Anyways, he was telling
me that he is really good

at compartmentalizing things,

but he's not really sure if
that's a good or bad thing.

And it really made me think

because I'm also very good
at compartmentalizing,

but sometimes compartmentalization
can turn into repression.

By telling myself, oh yeah,
that bad thing happened,

you know, but I don't,
I don't really have time

to deal with that right now.

I can get so used to doing
that, pushing things back,

that I never actually take the time

to look back at that issue
and allow myself to feel it,

and process it, you know.

There even times when
something really exciting

will happen for me like
getting to ride with my book,

or go on a wonderful trip and
get to meet so many of you.

And I find myself struggling
to really feel it,

to let myself just soak it in.

And to be honest, I hate that I do that.

And I'm trying to work on it in therapy.

And my hypothesis is really
that it's because I'm so busy,

that I get distracted by the
next thing that I need to do,

so I don't really make the time and space

to just be in the moment.

And Malik described this so beautifully.

He said that when he's compartmentalizing,

he feels like he's building these cities,

like placing issues in houses or parks

where he can leave them.

And then I added when he
was saying that I was like,

well then, that means that
therapy is kind of like making

a point to take a trip
to that certain city

to see what issues have been left there.

And anyways, compartmentalizing
is imperative

when you're a therapist,

so that you don't bring your own stuff

to therapy with your patients

or another patient's stuff
into another session,

or worse, taking all
of that home with you.

However, we still need to take the time

to drive back into those
cities that we've created

and clean it up, you know.

Does that even make any sense?

I just really like that,
like visualization,

it worked for me, so
hopefully it works for you.

Also, I really think it's
important for a therapist

to know what it's like to be
on the other side, you know?

Like, I know what it's like
to call around to see someone,

to be nervous about my
first therapy appointment.

To fill out all that annoying paperwork,

try to figure out how
I'm gonna pay for it.

You know, flip the light switch on

to let them know that I'm
there and actually do the work.

And I know therapy can be
really hard, exhausting,

and so incredibly life changing.

And I know all of that because
I've been there myself.

And I think that that makes me a better,

not worse therapist.

And I guess my final thought is that,

you know, a surgeon can't
do surgery on themselves.

A hairdresser cannot always
successfully cut their own hair.

And a therapist cannot do
therapy on themselves either.

Some tasks just require some outside help

and perspective to get the job done.

And I personally I'm so thankful
for all of the therapists

that I've had over the years,
and how much they've pushed me

to become a better version of myself

because I really wouldn't be
who I am today without them.

But that's just my opinion.

And honestly, I would
love to to hear yours.

Would you prefer that your therapist

not see someone themselves?

Do you even care?

Maybe you don't, but
you wouldn't want them

to tell you about it.

I'm just curious what your
thoughts are about this.

So let me know on those
comments down below,

and I will see you next time.

Bye.

(laughing)

Okay.

What month is up?

Shit, (mumbles) they always notice.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry (mumbles).

Okay, ready?

Sorry.

(mumbles).

Okay.