An aerialist on listening to your body's signals
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0:01 - 0:03I'm quite comfortable sitting here.
-
0:04 - 0:05Don't get me wrong,
-
0:05 - 0:08my heart's beating so loud
I'm surprised you can't hear it. -
0:09 - 0:10There's a lightness in my head,
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0:11 - 0:13and my hand is a little sweaty.
-
0:14 - 0:18Luckily, I'm not only familiar
with these sensations -- -
0:18 - 0:19I enjoy them.
-
0:22 - 0:25(Music)
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0:25 - 0:27Over my career as an aerialist,
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0:27 - 0:30I've learned to listen
to those signs from my body, -
0:30 - 0:33whose most important job
is to keep me alive. -
0:34 - 0:38This visceral sensation of fear
can be part of the fun. -
0:38 - 0:40Why do you think we go on roller coasters,
-
0:40 - 0:42watch horror movies
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0:42 - 0:44or in my case, fly through the air?
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0:45 - 0:48But it will only be fun
if we have choice in those moments. -
0:48 - 0:53Those who enjoy horror movies do so
when they know they can look away. -
0:53 - 0:54When I swing through the air
-
0:54 - 0:57to take the hands of a partner
high up in a circus tent, -
0:57 - 1:02ultimately, I have a choice of releasing
if I trust that person to catch me. -
1:03 - 1:07Listening to these signs
is an incredibly important life skill, -
1:07 - 1:09and not just for adrenaline
junkies like me. -
1:10 - 1:15If we don't know how to listen
and respond to our warning signs of fear, -
1:15 - 1:17we risk being overwhelmed
-
1:17 - 1:20by a fight, flight
or freeze stress response. -
1:21 - 1:23When teaching circus,
-
1:23 - 1:27I see my students
feel these sensations every day, -
1:27 - 1:28and when they do,
-
1:28 - 1:31there's a unique opportunity
to talk about them, -
1:31 - 1:34to acknowledge and trust those feelings,
-
1:34 - 1:37including how to say no
when something doesn't feel right. -
1:38 - 1:40This is a great foundation
-
1:40 - 1:43for communication
about our bodies elsewhere -
1:43 - 1:45that isn't scary or awkward.
-
1:45 - 1:47It's normal and expected.
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1:48 - 1:53Because the truth is I'm not just
teaching circus skills; -
1:53 - 1:54I'm teaching consent.
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1:55 - 1:57Alongside teaching circus,
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1:57 - 2:01I have the privilege of working
with hundreds of young people each year -
2:01 - 2:04in my role as a sexual harm
prevention educator. -
2:05 - 2:07I hear their stories firsthand,
-
2:07 - 2:10and know from statistics and experience
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2:10 - 2:13that the majority of survivors
know their abuser -
2:13 - 2:18and teenagers experience high rates
of intimate partner violence, -
2:18 - 2:20that is, from someone they're dating.
-
2:20 - 2:24Young people want to know
how to talk to each other about intimacy. -
2:25 - 2:29The more I help teenagers
understand sexual consent, -
2:29 - 2:34the more I realize learning aerial
can help us navigate life on the ground. -
2:34 - 2:39So let me explain what I mean
by teaching consent through circus. -
2:39 - 2:42Let's imagine it's your first
time on a trapeze. -
2:43 - 2:46Usual instruction might go something like,
-
2:46 - 2:48"OK, you're going to hook
your legs over the bar, -
2:48 - 2:50climb your hands up the ropes,
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2:50 - 2:51pull yourself to sit
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2:51 - 2:53and don't let go."
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2:53 - 2:58This approach is driving something forward
without fully checking in with the person -
2:58 - 3:00and is focused on what I want from them.
-
3:01 - 3:04I'm telling them how to move
their body and when, -
3:04 - 3:06regardless of their comfort or fear.
-
3:07 - 3:11This often results in terrified beginners
who never come back. -
3:12 - 3:15Meanwhile, the way
I now talk to my students -
3:15 - 3:17gives a lot more care to the person,
-
3:17 - 3:20ensuring they're fully informed,
-
3:20 - 3:21ready
-
3:21 - 3:23and part of the conversation.
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3:24 - 3:27Adie Delaney: How do you feel about it?
Student: Really good. -
3:27 - 3:29AD: I feel like you could probably do it.
Want to have a go? -
3:29 - 3:31Student: OK.
AD: That's it, yes. -
3:31 - 3:33AD: Yes, but the inside of your foot.
-
3:33 - 3:35That's it, yes.
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3:35 - 3:37Nice. How does that feel?
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3:37 - 3:39Student: Perfect.
AD: Perfect, good. -
3:39 - 3:42That's it, I'm going to put
my hand on your back -- -
3:42 - 3:43There you go.
-
3:43 - 3:46I'm going to hold onto your leg,
then I'm going to put my hand here. -
3:46 - 3:48Do you feel safe
to put your hand on the bar? -
3:48 - 3:49I got you.
-
3:49 - 3:51How's that for you, OK?
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3:51 - 3:52Student: Yeah?
-
3:52 - 3:55AD: Look, I can stop you going
forwards and backwards, see? -
3:55 - 3:56Woo, I got you!
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3:57 - 3:59(Voice-over) AD: This type of language,
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3:59 - 4:00like "How are you feeling?
-
4:00 - 4:02Are you OK with my hand here?"
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4:02 - 4:05helps circus performers succeed.
-
4:05 - 4:08I believe it also reduces
the risk of accidents, -
4:08 - 4:11as a result of my students trusting
-
4:11 - 4:13and being able to act
on what they're feeling -
4:13 - 4:14at any given moment.
-
4:15 - 4:18This specificity is required later in life
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4:18 - 4:21if and when someone wants sexual intimacy,
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4:21 - 4:25but because it's not a normal
part of our interactions, -
4:25 - 4:27it can feel so awkward,
-
4:27 - 4:30and people might think
it's easier to say less. -
4:31 - 4:34But saying less can lead to ambiguity,
-
4:34 - 4:36problems and potentially, abuse.
-
4:37 - 4:41There is of course no specific
script for the language of consent. -
4:42 - 4:44The tone and words will be unique to you.
-
4:45 - 4:50It's just a slight reframing
of our lexicon to inject choice -
4:50 - 4:53any time we're interacting
with others' bodies intimately -
4:53 - 4:54or otherwise.
-
4:54 - 4:55For example,
-
4:55 - 4:58using "I" when I'm talking
about what I'm feeling, -
4:58 - 5:02and questions more than statements
when it involves the other person. -
5:03 - 5:04When discussing intimacy,
-
5:04 - 5:07check-ins like "Does that feel good?
-
5:07 - 5:08Do you like that?"
-
5:08 - 5:12in addition to letting your partner
know what you need, want and like, -
5:12 - 5:16helps us have experiences
we remember fondly -
5:16 - 5:17and have no regrets about.
-
5:18 - 5:21We need to broaden
our understanding of consent -
5:21 - 5:23and start thinking of it as a verb,
-
5:23 - 5:24not a noun.
-
5:24 - 5:28To consent is an active,
ongoing agreement, -
5:28 - 5:30not a checkbox to be ticked.
-
5:31 - 5:33When talking to young people,
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5:33 - 5:35we have an opportunity to show them
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5:35 - 5:38what it's like to communicate
with care for another person, -
5:38 - 5:42checking in and respecting them
as the authority on what they're feeling. -
5:43 - 5:46If we normalize consent everywhere,
-
5:46 - 5:50by the time someone is ready
for a sexual experience, -
5:50 - 5:53they will know that they're allowed
to ask questions, -
5:53 - 5:55stop at any time,
-
5:55 - 5:56and most importantly,
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5:56 - 5:58to enjoy themselves.
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5:58 - 6:00Children are our future,
-
6:00 - 6:03and they will learn to give care
in the ways we give care. -
6:04 - 6:08Sexual consent doesn't
have to be a mood killer -
6:08 - 6:10or "the talk" either.
-
6:10 - 6:14Like circus, it can be joyful,
fun and exciting. -
6:15 - 6:19Our intimate experiences
should not only be safe, -
6:19 - 6:21but as thrilling
as flying through the air. -
6:22 - 6:23Thank you.
- Title:
- An aerialist on listening to your body's signals
- Speaker:
- Adie Delaney
- Description:
-
In the circus, flying confidently through the air requires consistent communication with your fellow performers. Check out how aerialist and educator Adie Delaney teaches her students about trust and safety on the trapeze -- and provides helpful lessons for navigating everyday life on the ground.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 06:37
Oliver Friedman edited English subtitles for An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | ||
Erin Gregory approved English subtitles for An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | ||
Erin Gregory edited English subtitles for An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | ||
Krystian Aparta accepted English subtitles for An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | ||
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | ||
Leslie Gauthier edited English subtitles for An aerialist on listening to your body's signals | ||
Leslie Gauthier edited English subtitles for An aerialist on listening to your body's signals |