-
Chicago Dave is living
the best life a human can.
-
And you went to college
with him.
-
I more than went to college
with him.
-
A little backstory
is needed.
-
Ugh.
-
It was the summer
of 21 years ago --
-
the start of my senior year
of college.
-
I was ready to take the throne
as Funniest Student
-
in the School
of Government.
-
But what I didn't know
was someone else
-
had eyes
on the same prize.
-
What are two examples
of a Republic?
-
Uh, Disneyland and Narnia.
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Uh, my butt and balls.
-
[ Louder laughter ]
-
Okay, shut up, shut up!
-
We're trying to learn
government here!
-
Stan: We became a team.
-
By winter break we were known
more for our comedy
-
than our schoolwork,
which we had stopped doing.
-
...which led to rules
governing search and seizure --
-
Seizure?
I barely know her!
-
[ Laughter ]
Checks and balances?
-
More like cheeks
and ball-ances!
-
[ Laughter ]
-
I didn't even say checks
and balances!
-
Promise me you will never accept
any sort of government job.
-
And do what instead?
-
Comedy?
Sure.
-
I despise comedy,
so that would be great.
-
Except for Mark Russell,
the political pianist.
-
You guys familiar?
-
What do you say, Stan?
-
Ya wanna move to Chicago
and chase this dragon?
-
Russell: ♪ Ross Perot,
he's an independent hero! ♪
-
♪ Giant sucking sound,
was a total zero! ♪
[ Laughing ]
-
Stan:
There was only one problem.
-
I can't go.
-
I'm too afraid.
-
Come on, Stan.
I can't go alone.
-
I need someone to talk to
on the drive.
-
Oh, wait.
-
Never mind! Bye!
-
Have fun
living a life of fear!
-
He moved to Chicago
without me.
-
Never talked to him again.
Tried to get in touch,
-
but who can touch
a shooting star?
-
You can't even touch
a regular star, Stan.
-
They're suns.
-
If I'd just gotten
in that Fiero,
-
I'd be a famous comedian.
-
[ Laughs ]
-
What? How?
-
You're not funny.
[ Gasps ] Tha...bha...
tha...bha...
-
I'm a funny guy!
-
That's what I identify as.
-
Stan Smith --
Funny. Guy.
-
[ Chuckles ]
I honestly don't know
-
if you're joking
right now.
-
It's always so hard
to tell with you.
-
Are you being crazy
right now?
-
Kids!
-
[ Scraping ]
-
Not you, Klaus.
-
Your Dad just said
he's a funny guy.
-
[ Both laugh ]
-
That's a funny thing
to say, Dad.
-
That's not like you.
-
It wasn't a joke!
-
Here's a joke --
-
have you seen these teens
-
eating their Tide Pods?
-
What the heck?
Those are for dishwashers.
-
Boo.
-
Stan, the last good joke
you made was Steve!
-
Nice, Mom!
You burned Dad and Steve.
-
Unlike Dad,
who's had 14 years to burn me
-
and never once scored.
-
Never once scored --
-
kinda like Steve!
-
Oh, ho! Wow!
-
You see that, Dad?
-
That's how you roast
Steve.
