Ash Beckham at Ignite Boulder 20

LGBTQ acceptance in schools. Find Ash on Twitter https://twitter.com/ashbeckham

Hello, Boulder [Colorado]

my name is Ash

and I can say unequivocably that I am SO gay.

[*CHEERS FROM AUDIENCE*]

My Ignite topic is eliminating the word "gay" as a pejorative from our lexicon.

Explain to you the difference between what I just said and what this image conveys.

Now you may be saying "Ash, we live in Boulder, we love gays here,

we have Pride, we have BCAP"

All true.

But I guarantee you there are places you go every day

where someone will describe something pejoratively as "so gay",

despite the fact that it's neither homosexual nor happy.

Now why is this important?

First of all it's critical to know that there's a difference between tolerance and acceptance.

Tolerance is to put up with,

the capacity to endure continued subjection to something.

Now I don't know about you, but that is not exactly something I strive for.

Acceptance on the other hand

is to regard as proper, normal or inevitable; to recognize to be true.

Tolerance is when the school district allows you to bring your same sex date to prom.

Acceptance is when your classmates don't whisper and laugh when you dance.

The difference is tremendous.

Now "gay" is not the first word in our language to need a makeover.

All of these words evoke emotion.

They're hard to read,

hard to say.

Your body physically reacts to seeing these words.

I have a similar reaction when I hear someone describe something pejoratively as "so gay".

I was at a gym in Boulder once, and a trainer was teaching us how to spot.

And another trainer came up and said

"well you better never grab me like that, dude, that's so gay."

And he was just saying it to give his buddy a hard time,

but can you hear the homophobia in it?

Now there's plenty of things it's ok to call "gay".

Me, for example.

The top row, they've all come out.

Now the bottom row, we cross our fingers but...

[LAUGHTER]

Until they do, they're cartoons and muppets,

so at the very least, they're happy.

Now there's a long list of things that you should never call "so gay".

An assignment you don't want to do is not "so gay".

Someone's new hair cut is not "so gay".

A workout you hate is not "so gay".

A test that you bombed is not "so gay".

Someone's car is not "so gay".

Now again, I may be preaching to the Boulder gay-loving choir...

some of you are gay,

even more of you have gay friends.

But I chose this topic because you can legislate tolerance, you can't legislate acceptance.

What that takes is societal shift.

[*CHEERS FROM AUDIENCE*]

So you're not sure if you should use the word "gay", here's a flowchart:

Is it a person?

No.

Tough start, we'll get you on the next slide.

So it is a person.

Is it actually a self-identified homosexual?

No.

Are you describing their happiness?

Reeeally their happiness?

Then you're ok.

Alright, so it's not a person.

Is it a place or thing related to gay gulture like a gay bar or Pride or a rainbow flag?

Ok then you're good.

If not, "gay" is not the right word for you.

You're using it in a derogatory way.

What it often comes down to is not hate or bigotry, but laziness.

"Gay" is a really easy word to throw in, but it's not what you're trying to convey.

Look at all these other options!

Say what you mean and mean what you say

because the words that you choose matter.

When you use "gay" in a pejorative way

the effect that it has on the gay kid in the room or the kid with gay relatives

is that being gay is less than or inferior to.

And our bar cannot be

that a day that you just get through life, or just get through school and don't get harassed qualifies as a good day.

Now, in Boulder, we're much more like the guy on the right than the guy on the left, without question.

In Boulder it's rarely so overt, but it does happen.

So when it does, what do you do?

What do you say to the trainer at the gym?

Do you just stomp out and quit your membership the next day?

Do you muster your best Gary Coleman and just glare?

Or do you sit him down afterwards and say "hey you know what? I know you're just trying to dig your buddy,

but what you said was hurtful."?

That part's up to you.

You do what you can, no more, but certainly no less.

We need all hands in on this one.

Societal change begins with small steps.

When you hear someone describe something pejoratively as "so gay",

it's an opportunity for connection and conversation not to be missed.

And silence is consent.

And you know what?

We're better than that.

We're Boulder, dammit.

And you all, you are the difference makers,

you are parents and teachers and business owners,

and all in all just freaking awesome people

that have more influence than you give yourself credit for.

It speaks volumes in our society,

that we're more comfortable seeing a picture of 2 men holding guns

than 2 men holding hands.

And the way that we right that

is to make sure that the words that we use to describe the latter are never used in a way

that is less than, or demeaning, or inferior to.

Now, I'm not perfect,

and I'm not trying to get you all to join the gay police.

I did this topic because I didn't have an answer for the guy at the gym.

I did my best Gary Coleman, but that was about it,

but it inspired this, talking to 850 people instead of 1.

So when you can, say something.

Because in the end, it takes a village, people.

And I can't think of a better group of folks to make change happen than the people in this room.

Thank you to Ignite for allowing me to speak,

and to those of you inspired to be part of the change,

I thank you in advance for being the change that you wish to see.

Enjoy the rest of your night.