Dr. Seuss The Cat in the Hat

The story of a zany cat spicing up the boring day of two kids.

The Cat in the Hat presents

Dr. Seuss "The Cat in the Hat"

The sun did not shine, it was too wet to play.

Just sit in the house all that cold, cold, wet day.

Goodbye kids, I'm leaving now.

Have fun! I'll be back at -uh- 3:30 sharp.

Sit by the window, just sit there and stew and wish there were something...

something to do. Too gooey and dunky outdoors to play ball.

nothing at all.

Fun, fun, how can you have fun?

Just sitting doing nothing when there's nothing to be done.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing absolutely nothing, nothing.

Positively, absolutely, absotively, posolutely, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing to be done.

Nothing to do but sit, sit, sit.

Just sit in the the house. Just sit there and grubble, and...all of a sudden...

Something went...

BUMP!

Look!

A cat!

In a hat!

You will note, I am neat, wiped my feet on the mat.

Why must you- why do you sit there like that?

I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny

I know it is damp and the sidewalks are runny.

But what I can't see-

Now you listen here cat-

-is why you'd sit there like that.

I know some good games we could play.

Listen cat-

I know some great tricks!

Listen cat in the hat-

I know that your mother won't mind if I do and I'm simply itching to show them you...and to you.

Out of this house. I'm warning you. Get-

Who's that? I believe we haven't yet met.

The name is Krinklebine. Carlos K. Krinklebine.

Ooh.

Now please go away. Tell that top-hatted cat he should not be about.

He should not be here when your mother is out.

My dear Mr. Krinklebine, my tricks are quite safe.

I invite you to join in the fun if you wish. A game that I call "Up! Up! Up! with a fish".

Fish: Put me down. P-P-Put me down you fool cat!

Outrageous. Now let me repeat, and I don't like to shout, but he should not be here when your mother is out!

It's up to you kids. Whatever you say. If you think me untrustworthy, send me away.

Well, he is getting the house sort of messy and dirty.

And mother-

Yeah mother, back home at 3:30.

Hmm. A vote of no confidence.

I most humbly bow to voice of the majority.

Goodbye now. Off to Siberia.

Ha!

Somebody stole my moss covered three handled family gradunza.

Nobody's gonna leave this room until I find it!

Pardon me sir, you lost a moss covered what?

Three handled family gradunza.

Fish: Hmph.

So, that's your attitude, hey Krinklestein? Did you steal it?

There's a gradunza snatcher in the house.

Things'll never be the same. [Singing] How dear to my heart was that beautiful gredunza.

That my old feline father bequeath-ed to me.

That old family gredunza. The old three handled family gredunza.

The ol' moss covered three handled family gredunzaaaaaaa!

That hung on the family tree.

I've been burgled, flurtled, by a fish.

Aww, give it back to him Mr. Krinklebine.

Come on now, don't be mean.

But I didn't steal his what-sis.

I'm guiltless. I'm clean!

Flurtled by a fish.

I'll never see my darling

moss covered

three handled

family gredunza

anymore.

By the way cat, just what is a family gredunza?

Oh they come in all styles, from triple-G to minus-aught.

Is it bigger than a-

Cat: Occasionally, but on most occasions not.

Is it smaller than a-

They no longer make that kind.

But one family gredunza is always smaller than another.

Should all family gredunzas be forgot and never brought to my-

-now if I were a fish, where would I hide a moss covered three handled family gredunza?

Boy: Whatever it is, it isn't here.

And whatever it is it isn't here!

Wherever it is, it is left in some lurch.

Wherever it is we must speed up the search.

I'll tell you this, it's not in the Unabridged dictionary.

But let's find that thing and get rid of that cat!

There are more [clears throat] scientific methods of searching than that.

And just what kind of science does the cat recommend?

Why the principle of calculatus eliminatus my friend.

Calculatus what?

Calculatus...eliminatus.

I went to Cat-tech where I studied the same.

What other cats you know could make such a claim?

Very well Dr. Calculatus.

Find it and eliminatus yourself!

I shall indeed.

When you've mislaid a certain something keep your cool and don't get hot.

Calculatus eliminatus is the best friend that you've got.

Calculatus eliminatus always helps an awful lot.

A way to find a missing something is to find out where it's not.

It isn't here, I'll mark this 'X'.

It isn't there, I'll mark that 'Y'.

It isn't underneath the apple, mark the apple 'HKI'.

It isn't in this keyhole.

No?

And it isn't on my knee.

Cat: Hmm.

Mark the keyhole 'K-300', mark the knee '5-7-B'.

We just jot down all the places where it isn't and gee-whiz!

Very shortly we will locate where the missing object is.

It isn't here.

8-42-J.

It isn't there.

F-6-O-7.

You can mark the piano 22000 -decimal point- 11.

It isn't in the icebox.

That's strange.

It's not on this TV.

Hrmm.

Icebox O-24 and a half. TV 1 million and 3.

When you've mislaid a certain something keep your cool don't get too hot.

Calculatus eliminatus is the best friend that've got. Calculatus eliminatus always helps an awful lot.

The way to find a missing a something is to find-

-out-

-where-

-it's-

not.

Look at this house.

Look at this.

Look at that!

This uncouth, barbaric, pompestuous lout!

He should not be here when their mother is out.

Very well.

I'm a punk.

A cretunkulous shnunk.

Nobody loves me.

Not one tiny hunk.

I agree.

I'm a grifulous grofulous grue.

I'm a shmoozler!

A smankler!

And a poopoobler too!

I'm a horrendous object...which nobody loves.

I'm untouchable...unless you wear...antiseptical gloves!

So what? I'm a punk.

A cretunkluous shnunk.

Nobody loves me...

Not one tiny hunk.

I'm a punk.

Cretunklous shnunk. Shetunklous cat. Incratulous- out! Out! Out! Out!

Krinklefish old fellow, your little fish nerves are so jumpy wumpy.

Fishenstein you poor fellow.

Your little heart's going bumpy wumpy.

Fish, poor old fellow, I know exactly what you need.

You need a small tranquilizer.

You do, you do indeed.

Poor troubled crinkled fish friend.

Just relax.

Close your eyes.

Your good old Uncle Cat will now proceed to tranquilize.

Beautiful kitten fish.

Sleep baby sleep.

Your eyelids are droopy. Bloop bloop bloop bleep bleep.

The Sandman on tiptoes comes creep, creep, creep.

Hush your mouth. Shush your mouth.

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

Safe in your beddy-bye, sweet dreams to you.

With your teddybear steady by blue blue blue.

Beautiful kitten fish, sleep baby sleep.

Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bleep...bleep...bleep...bleep.

You sure relaxed Mr. K.

He needed sweet sleep in his bad addled brains.

But problem of finding my mossed covered family gredunza remains.

Hmm. I need help.

I most truly fully do.

In this box are my helpmates: Thing 1 and Thing 2.

From this box will emerge Thing 2 and Thing 1 and they can find anything under the sun.

It can be done.

It can be done.

They can do anything, anything, anything under the sun.

If you nerves are getting nervous.

And your house is topsy turvus.

They are always at your service.

Thing 2 and Thing 1.

Fish, fish there's always one some long-faced sour-belly son of a gun.

There's always some fish, some sour-bellied fish who's only one wish is to flatten the fun.

Doesn't like fun. Doesn't like fun.

Good clean wholesome innocent fun.

[Talking] FBI? F-FBI?

Listen-listen.

I am a fish residing at 2322 Magnolia Boulevard and I want to report a cat in the hat.

FBI. F-FBI!

Somebody please answer.

Where is everybody?

Sorry, that line is temporarily out of order.

There's always some fish who doesn't like fun.

Good clean wholesome innocent fun.

They can find anything anything under the sun.

This reactionary fish faced louse.

Doesn't like flying kites in the house.

They can find anything anything under the sun.

Of all the bigoted, bigoted bores,

captured fish oughta fly outdoors.

Cat: Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Thing 2 and Thing 1.

They can find anything anything anything under the sun.

Hello.

Thank you.

22-37-23-10-67-21-14-8 Hike!

There's always some fish some crotchety one.

There's always some fish some blotchety one.

There's always some fish some sour-bellied fish.

There's always some fish some fish!

If your nerves are getting nervous.

And your house is topsy turvus.

They will both be at your service.

On the run.

They'll find my long lost moss covered three handled family gredunza.

Thing 2 and Thing 1.

Out! Out! Out of this house!

Out?

Out?

Why, every house should have a cat in it.

Curled up by the fireplace little warm-

Out!

And take those Things with you! Out!

Take the Things?

Who's ever heard of a house without Things in it?

They're not things they're...they're...and you're not a cat!

Whoever heard of a six foot cat?

But I am a cat.

Technically I'm a cat in a hat.

You're-You're not a cat in a hat.

That's not a hat!

You're not a cat!

You're a-

I am indeed a cat.

And this...indeed...is a hat.

In English: cat, hat.

French: chat, chapeau.

It really is quite obvious don't you know.

In English: cat, hat.

In French: chat, chapeau.

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, here we go!

I repeat: cat, hat.

In French: chat, chapeau.

In Spanish: el gato in a sombrero.

Together: He's a cat in a hat.

He's a chat in a chapeau.

He also is a gato in a sombrero.

Ole! Ole! Ole ole O!

Where were we?

Oh yes!

Cat, hat.

In French: chat, chapeau.

In Spanish: el gato in a sombrero.

And I'll tell you something more.

Now you listen to me good.

In German I'm a katze und dies ist mein hut.

Ist das nicht ein katze hut?

Together: Ya, das ist ein katze hut! Katze hut! Katze hut! Ya, das ist ein katze hut!

Now, if you're in a receptive state of mind, I'll recapitulate.

Cat, hat.

In French: chat, chapeau.

In Spanish: el gato in a sombrero.

In German I'm a katze in a hut and don't you know.

I'm a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk...in Eskimo.

You're a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo?

Right!

He's a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo.

Ist das nicht ein bunka-kwunk? Ya, das ist ein bunka-kwunk.

Gwunka-bunka. Gwunka-bunka. Yes indeedy, that is so. He's a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo.

Now to be certain that I have this straight, I'll re-recapitulate.

Cat, hat. In French: chat, chapeau.

In Spanish you're el gato in a sombrero.

Hmm!

In German, you're a katze in a hut, I also know.

Perfect.

You're a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo.

Why George I think he's a got it!

Now, would you will allow me, sir, don't think, I'm pushin'. I think I can tell you what you are in-in-in Russian.

Shapka, shylapah. You're a shapka in a shylapa. Hey!

I am?

Why that's splendid!

I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa.

I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa, I'm a shapka in a shylapa.

That's enough of that. I'm a cat in the hat.

He's a cat of many countries, he's a cat of many hats.

He's a guffy in a buzby. He's snaka in a snatz.

And in Scotland up in Scotland.

In bonnie Scotland.

In bonnie Scotland I'm a- [toot]

In a [toot toot toot]. In bonnie Scotland he's a [toot] in a [toot toot toot].

In Switzerland in Switzerland

in Switzer-witzer-witzer I'm a yodel yodel yodel in a yodel ey-ee hoo. He's a yodel yodel yodel in a yodel ey-ee hoo.

And what am I in dear old Ireland?

Why you're a cate in a kinfert.

And in Holland?

You're a, let me see, oh you're a kat in a hoe.

Glory be!

He's a cat of many countries he's a cat of many hats.

Many many many foreign countries and an awful lot of hats.

In Boogoo-boogoo he's just darlin' he's a scoogoo in a swarling!

He's a bonka in a best, He's a wonka in a west.

Out in Fira Foda-Foda I'm a perk in a pagota.

I'm a Futz in a fedora.

How are things in Glocamora?

What a cat! What a cat!

In a hat! In a hat!

Your mother.

Mother?

Mother?

Thank you for a fascinating afternoon.

What do we do now?

She's passing Mrs. Blumberg's house.

Sweep...sweep up the memories.

Those old untidy memories.

Broken, mixed-up memories of what we had one day.

She's passing Mrs. Thompson's house.

Sweep.

Sweep out the nonsense.

That crazy happy nonsense.

This world's too old for nonsense.

Sweep.

Just sweep it all away.

Here she is. She's coming up the driveway!

Everything in a state of grace.

Everything back in its proper place.

No more rainbows for us to chase.

No more games to play.

Garage door is open. She's inside the garage.

Sweep.

Sweep out the laughter.

There's no more time for laughter.

At least not until after I come back-

Now she's taking her groceries out the car.

-and you know-

Here she comes!

-I just may.

Mom: Hi kids. Hope you had fun today.

Well you kids will never believe this but I could almost swear I saw a cat!

A cat in a hat mind you.

Going down the street with a moss covered three handled family gradunza.