You have one life. Live it | Sherry McConkey | TEDxUniversityofNevada

After the tragic death of her husband Shane in 2009, Sherry McConkey had to change in order to continue to thrive. Shane McConkey, regarded as the most influential skier in the world, believed that if you have the courage to be authentic, anything is possible. In this very authentic talk, Sherry discusses how the legacy of Shane empowers her daily to discover a new and better version of herself.

An avid world traveler, Sherry McConkey was born in Ireland, raised in South Africa, and began her global journey in 1989. After traveling through Europe and Canada, she landed in Lake Tahoe, CA, which she still calls home.
A passion for the outdoors connected Sherry to legendary free ski pioneer Shane McConkey. The two were married in Thailand in 2004 and their greatest creation, Ayla, came along in 2005. Shane passed away in 2009.
Through both her life with Shane, and his death, Sherry has come to believe that with desire, passion, and a goal, anything is possible. Despite the grief after losing him, Sherry knew she wanted to carry on Shane’s legacy. She turned moments of sadness into inspiration and used the power of positivity to build The Shane McConkey Foundation, and Executive Produce the movie, McConkey.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Hi.

My role was that he called me
after every jump.

I'd spoken to him the day before,

and he was so excited
about the way his trip was going.

The next day when the phone rang,
it was J.T. calling.

He said two words:

"Shane's dead."

I went silent, I screamed,
I hung up the phone.

I had no idea what to do,

my brain was screaming,
I couldn't breathe,

and my daughter was staring at me,
scared and confused.

I left South Africa when I was 21
to go travel the world

and find my Persian birth father.

I never met him,
and it's really pissed me off.

(Laughter)

But now that I look back,

it's thanks to him that I met
the love of my life and my soulmate.

Shane McConkey

was named one of the most
influential skiers in the world.

He completely disrupted the ski industry
by changing everything

from the shape of skis
to the way we ski in powder.

Shane won extreme ski competitions;
he was a ski movie star.

And he did insane skiing feats

like combining skiing
with BASE jumping and wingsuiting.

People loved Shane.

They loved him because he was real.

He made them laugh with his wacky
sense of humor and practical jokes,

and he invited them into his world
and made them feel special.

He loved oddballs and outcasts,
and he shattered the idea of cool cliques.

When he had an idea, he made it happen.

Like going to K2 and asking them

to spend millions of dollars
and change their skis.

They looked at him sideways,

but through dedication and determination
he blew the roof off the ski industry

both as an athlete and an innovator.

He was kind and he had empathy.

When "Make a Wish" approached him
to grant a kid's wish

he was honored and went above and beyond

to make this kid
have the time of his life.

He loved animals and our world

and was not afraid to preach
in what he believed in.

He was a horrible cook
and a terrible cleaner -

(Laughter)

but when he did do this,
it was awesome and entertaining.

We married in 2004,

and in 2005 he gave me the best gift ever:

our daughter Ayla.

We went through the world
with a wow and delight

and his infectious personality
poured into Ayla.

He was smitten
and he was an amazing father.

On March 26, 2009,

in the Dolomite Alps of Italy,

Shane and one of his
best friends, J.T. Holmes,

performing a wingsuit ski BASE jump -

this is where you ski off a huge cliff,
release your skis

and fly away and then eventually land.

Shane skied off this cliff,
did two huge backflips,

reached down to pull off his skis,
but only one came off.

You have to get both skis off
in order to pull your chute;

otherwise, they could get tangled
in your parachute lines.

By the time Shane got his skis off,

turned around to pull his chute,

it was too late.

My life changed forever.

There's no way
to explain that kind of pain,

it's a constant circle of emotions:

fear, guilt, loss, anger,

and those words don't do justice.

It's like somebody's squeezing your throat
and stepping on your chest;

you can't breathe.

In the last few years in Tahoe,
our community's seen a lot of death.

Not all of it has been BASE
or parachute related,

but a lot of it has.

Soon after I was asked to do this talk,
one of those deaths hit close to home.

This particular death was
a result of a sky diving accident

of yet another amazing friend.

I'm not an angry person,
but for the first time in my life

I was overcome with anger,
real raw gut-wringing anger.

I felt the pain of a grieving wife

and the kids that
wouldn't know their father.

And I saw herself in me, and it killed me.

I was re-living Shane's passing,
and I was emotionally exhausted

by so many of our friends
dying way too young.

All I wanted to do is run.

I wanted to leave Tahoe,
I wanted to go find a normal life,

I wanted to escape
the trauma and the pain.

I've always coped with pain
by riding my bike.

In fact, I actually call my bike
"my boyfriend," and his name's Bronson.

(Laughter)

Riding opens my mind;

it makes me a better mother,
and it lets me cry without being judged.

So, on that particular day
I cried, I screamed,

and then I had an epiphany.

I thought to myself, "What am I thinking?
I have no right being angry.

I get to live on this beautiful world,

I have an incredible community
of people that I love,

and I have a daughter
who's expecting me to be strong."

I also reminded myself
that I chose this lifestyle.

After all, I married a guy
who does unusual things for a living,

not a guy who works at Microsoft -
no offence, Microsoft guys.

(Laughter)

And this life is my normal.

Through my epiphany, I also came
to realize how much I learned from Shane

and made the decision to try my hardest

at things that I love
and that I have passion for.

There were times when I was so frustrated;
it was so hard for me.

Growing up, I always thought
of myself as the dumb kid.

My siblings had an easy time
at school, and I struggled.

I never went to college,

and I've carried out
this insecurity throughout life.

School didn't agree with Shane either,
but he didn't care.

He knew what he wanted to do,
and he was going to do it no matter what.

Shane taught me, if I had
the courage to be authentic,

hold myself into things that I love,

anything is possible.

After Shane's death, I came to realize

that the people who admired Shane
were grieving for him too.

So I got together with a group
of wonderful friends,

and we started the
Shane McConkey Foundation.

Over the last six years,
we've donated over 250.000 dollars

to causes that both
Shane and I care about.

We also started the
Shane McConkey Eco-Challenge,

a competition for kids,
for schools nationwide,

to learn about and implement
environmental change.

The response has been amazing.

And it's been an incredible process
of healing, self-discovery,

and figuring out that my passion
is to make a difference in the world.

I was also part of making
a documentary about my husband.

Although this movie has been
one of the hardest things I've ever done,

this movie has won awards,
it's made people laugh and cry,

and it's inspired thousands of people
all over the world;

and I've received
hundreds of amazing e-mails

about how Shane has influenced
somebody's life in a positive way.

And I cannot explain
how amazing that feels.

It is through Shane that I learned
the most about myself.

And it's through his death
that I learned how to endure heartache,

overcome obstacles,
and become a bigger version of me.

I persevere through his death,

and although I can't
and never will be able to explain

loosing the love of my life,

I can say

that through incredible tragedy,
I discovered a new me

and my story is far from over.

Being happy is not dependent
on my circumstance.

Pursuing passion and living life,

really living life,

is the greatest choice
I can make every day.

Thank you.

(Applause)