Your Awakening Is Your Gift to the World

[music]

Online Weekend Retreat with Moojibaba
24 - 26 April 2020

Your Awakening Is Your Gift to the World

26 April 2020 / Satsang Excerpt
(with subtitles)

'Dear Moojibaba.'
This is a letter from Jennifer.

I don't know if Jennifer is here.

'My dear Moojibaba.'

Ah! Jennifer, very nice, very nice.

'I see that I am only a visitor
to this 'lifetime'.'

'I see that I am only a visitor
to this 'lifetime'.

This experience is passing.'
Yes.

'The previous lives of my loved ones
are also passing.

I notice that this moment of seeing
is also temporary,

and that a force within me pulls back,

hunkering down behind a wall of resistance,

to cry out, "I cannot accept this!"'

A voice is saying,
'No, no, I cannot accept this,

that everything is flowing by.

Everything that I see, every shape, every form,
is an aspect of time.'

Time says, 'All that you see,
all that you imagine,

all that you can ever aspire for, belongs to me.

I consume them.

There is only one thing that I cannot consume,

which is that out of which I am born,
which is pure awareness.'

Time cannot eat awareness.

Time itself dissolves in awareness.

So, 'Mooji, how can I purge
this stubborn fear of death?

How can I fully enjoy this opportunity to be free

while in this body?

Papaji told you,
"To be free, you need to vanish".'

It is true.

Can you imagine,
you go for spiritual instruction,

and your Master says to you,

'To be free, you must disappear!'

And then I said,
Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy now!

But if I disappear,
who is there to find the fulfilment?

Who is there to be enlightened, if I disappear?

I have to be here, to enjoy my enlightenment!

So the mind is there, saying,
'Whoa! Slow down here. No, no, no!

Remember me? I am part of this.

I want to be here to get the prize!'

But he said to me,
'To be free, you must vanish'.

'You must vanish.'

So how can someone tell you,
'You must vanish'?

How do you vanish?
Can you say, 'Abracadabra',

and hit yourself on the head, and vanish?

So my mind came up,
to sort of fight with Papaji's words.

But it was already too late.

The serum was in, his words had gone inside

and touched something very deep.

But on the way to going to this depth,
it got the ego going.

The ego said,
'Oh no! We are not having ... No. Whoa!

No, I am not having this.
You are not my Master.

You are not Ramana Maharshi.
I know I should not be here.'

All of this stuff.
It was flapping about like a headless chicken.

But the serum was in,

because the Master was not telling my ego,

'You must disappear'.

His words and his grace, somehow,

were injected into the ...
passed the solar plexus of my defences,

into the very core of my being.
And it detonated there.

And the mind went completely bananas,
it was going crazy.

And because I was still identified
with the mind at that time,

I was taking on this craziness like,
'Oh! This is not ...

Oh, I am so angry. He insulted me!
And, blah blah blah.'

But deeper down, something was happening that

would somehow come to the surface very soon.

And I will tell you how soon.

Because after that satsang with Papaji,

I went home and decided,
I am leaving this place!

The place where Papaji lived was called Lucknow.

Luck-now, but for me, I said,
it was all bad luck now.

I was not having it!

My mind was very ...
'Oh no! I am getting out of here.'

I was very angry.

Inside, it was like
a thousand chips frying in hot oil.

And it was a very hot day and I felt, OK ...

I had to leave my packing for the moment,

to go out and get some fresh air.

And I went into the middle of the town,
and I sat under a tree.

And after a while, sitting there,
just somehow seething,

I decided to come home.

And I started to go home to pack my clothes,
to leave town.

And on the way, walking there,
something happened.

It is like ... [exhales sharply]
Everything vanished.

I vanished. An 'I' inside here vanished!

It is a strange thing to say, I vanished.

I vanished,
because suddenly, I could not recognise,

or find a context for the person
I thought I had been all my life.

I was even looking at my hands,

and noticing having a feeling that
there is nobody in these hands.

Where am I?

I could not find 'I',
but yet, something was here.

A greater 'I' was here that
couldn't find my historical 'I'.

It couldn't find personal identity.

And it was so powerful.

It is like everything vanished

and in that moment,
my Master appeared, somehow,

as though he was everything for me.

And that took place in 1993.

Now you are reminding me of this, Jennifer.

'Mooji, how can I purge
this stubborn fear of death?

How can I fully enjoy this opportunity to be free,

while in this body?

Papaji told you, "To be free, you must vanish".

I stand on a cliff, and cannot jump.

I know that if I do not do this,
I will stay as a person,

and create suffering for myself and others.

Can you help me find peace with Truth?

Thank you for your abundant blessings, Moojibaba.

Love,
from Jennifer.'

I am just going to go over
this part of the paragraph now,

which contains everything I need to know,

and everything you need to say.

'Mooji, how can I purge
this stubborn fear of death?'

Death only comes for the body and the person.

Death comes for the body and the person,
you imagine yourself to be,

not what you are.

'How can I fully enjoy this opportunity to be free,

while in this body?'

With the fullness of my presence with you today,

I don't see anything standing in the way,

when I have finished talking with you.

'Papaji told you,
"To be free, you need to vanish".'

I did not vanish by some action I did.

He was not instructing
my mind and my ego to vanish as a sadhana.

It was a command.

'I stand on a cliff and cannot jump.'

Awareness does not need to jump anywhere.

You are already here,

with this idea that you are standing on a cliff,

a cliff of, 'I must jump from here,
and jump into my awakening'.

But this is the mind's imagining. OK?
Because people have done this,

they've gone on cliffs,
they've jumped out of planes,

they've done things,
imagining this is jumping into the Self.

That isn't jumping into the Self.

You are already the Self that
is aware of this feeling that

has grown to a level of intensity,
that, 'I am not here yet.

I need to do something,

to stop being this person who I am now,

because if I don't jump out of this person,

then I am always going to continue being here,

and create suffering for myself and others!'

These are ideas!

You are already the Self.

Someone once told me,
'Guruji, I am ready to be the Self'.

I said, You are already the Self.

Now the mind says,
'No, no, no. I wasn't expecting that.

I want to get to it.
I want to have the experience of finding it!'

And this is the cleverness and cunningness
of the mind.

You have always been the Self.

You have no choice about being the Self.

But you have, somehow, a choice
to keep dreaming you are not the Self.

You have no choice to become the Self.
You are the Self.

You may have a choice to wake up out of the dream

of believing you are not the Self.

And the mind is cunning.

He might say, 'Oh no, no!
He is not really answering your question.'

I am answering you!

And the answer to your question is you.

Let me explain.

'I stand on a cliff, and cannot jump.

I know that if I do not do this',

which is to surrender,

you can call jumping a kind of surrender also.

And some people have said to the Master,

'I surrender everything. I surrender my job.

I surrender my education.
I surrender all my studies.

I surrender my past. I surrender my family.

I surrender my religion.'

And the Master may say,
'Very good. But one thing is left to do,

surrender the surrenderer also.'

You are there all the time.

You say, 'I stand on a cliff, and cannot jump'.

You are referring to you as some entity,
some person,

with this desire to do something.

But a deeper awareness in you

recognises that you are far more than a person.

The person is the dream you have of yourself,

imagining it needs to do something,
to be fully what it is.

What you need to do is to wake up,
to understand,

and to recognise the Truth of my words that

are pointing to That in you already.

The Self is not going to be something new,

it is not even something old,

it is simply timeless.

'I stand on a cliff and cannot jump.

I know that if I do not do this,
I will stay as a person.'

That is not true.

You are not a person.

Even now, you are just dreaming you are a person.

These words are true.

What I speak is true,

but what you hear, and what you believe,
may override what I say.

But I am confirming, and I stand with what I say,

You are already the Self you are searching for.

When I told you two things, one was Rumi's poem,

which I like, and I have shared many times.

He wrote in his poem,
'Standing at a door knocking'.

Knocking. Why?
To go in, 'Please let me in'.

'Suddenly, the door opens.

Aah! I have been knocking from inside', he says.

How amazing!

He was already inside,
but he imagined he is outside.

He is dreaming,
'I am outside. Please let me in!

Somebody open it. Let me in!'

Then the door opens.
Why? Grace.

Grace says, 'He is dreaming,

but in his dream, he is longing to be inside'.

So the door opens.

If the door did not open,
you would not know where you are.

But when the door opens, you realise, 'Aha!

I have been knocking from inside.'

You are knocking at your door from inside.

You are already the Self you are seeking!

Saint Francis of Assisi said,
'What you are searching for',

meaning the Truth, your Self,

'is already the place you are searching from'.

And I added to that,
what you are searching for,

which is your Self,
if you found something, whatever you find,

your Self is still behind,
watching you searching for something,

finding something, taking that to be your self,

while your Self has always been here.

You cannot create your Self.

Your Self has never been
even one millionth of a millimetre away from you.

It is all a dream.

But do you see this?

Can you accept this?

What stops you?

Conditioning, habit, belief in your mind
for a long time, that tells you,

'Yes, you are getting somewhere.
You are getting closer.'

If it takes another 100 years,

or another 50 lifetimes to discover the Truth,

in the moment that you discover it,

it will not be different from this moment now.

Maybe your mind is saying,
'Yes, if I was really That,

I wouldn't be feeling like I do.

I would not be having these doubts.'

The doubts are coming, because it is as though,

if you could give a character to the mind,

the mind would be saying,
'Aha! She still doesn't get it.

Show her another one.
Give her another illusion!'

Because we have been somehow cultured,
through conditioning,

conditioned to accept the mind,

and the mind-play
has been organically connected to you.

So you believe all these thoughts,
but they are not true.

And everyone who has woken up,

has come to see, 'But it is just my mind'.

Your mind is telling you,
'Look, look! Go up the hill!'

You are running up the hill.

'OK, down this way!'
You run down this way.

'OK, climb this tree.'
You climb up the tree.

'OK, relax. Take some breaths.'
[panting]

'Now you are good. Go down the tree.'
You go down the tree.

'OK, jump in the river.' [imitates jumping]
'Swim!' [panting]

We are doing that all our life, I am telling you.
[laughs]

The mind is saying, 'Good!'

'Mind, I just want to go home.
I want to be my self.'

'You are very near. Keep swimming harder.'
[panting]

'OK. But I should be there by now.'

'No. Just the next river. Come. Up, up, up!
Next one.' [imitates diving]

We are doing this. We are all doing this.

But we don't get the joke. We don't see it.

I don't want to limit it to a joke.

It is a joke when you discover.

When you discover, you think, 'Oh my gosh!'
[laughs]

It is a joke when you get it.

It is not a joke when you don't get it.

When you don't get it, you say,
'Life is so cruel!

Why is life so unkind?

Why is God doing this to me?'

I want to see your face again.

[Mooji] Talk to me. I am seeing you.

[Q.] It is exhausting,
exactly what you just described,

the running and the searching.

[Q.] The place ... Can you hear me?

[Mooji] Yes, I can, very clearly.

[Q.] The place where I get caught

is in seeing that my loved ones,
I will lose them.

My person will lose this.
And this is where I get caught.

I see clearly certain beliefs I have about myself,

I can see these things,

but when it comes to losing those I love,
then I get very small,

like I described in the letter,
I pull back into this kind of ...

like in the army,
when they are huddled on the ground.

And I see this. I see this. And this ...
[laughs] I see this.

[M.] OK. See it now,
like you are watching a movie,

just like you are talking about it,

you are not exactly experiencing that live,

but you are looking at the movie of it.

In the same way, even while it is happening,
you are seeing it,

but you don't acknowledge your seeing,

you don't acknowledge your distance from it,

because of the strength of your identity.

And the fear of losing the family,
or losing your loved ones

tightens your hold,
and you are holding onto the wrong thing,

you are holding onto the thing that
is generating the fear.

[Mooji] Can you see this?
[Q.] Yes.

[Mooji] From where are you seeing this?

In the place where you are seeing this,
where you are looking from,

right now, is there any fear there?

[Q.] No. [laughs]

[Mooji] You can tell me this now.

Has there ever been any fear there?

Don't look to your person.
Look to your looking.

Look to the environment
from where you are looking.

The ability to look at your person

and your person's life appears in front of That.

But That, is That involved in that,
this pure place of seeing?

[Q.] No.

[Mooji] Are you imagining it?

[Mooji] Or are you seeing?

[Q.] I'm seeing, like a movie.
[Mooji] Yes.

[Q.] And it is like when I feel the fear ...

[Mooji] Did you create this place?

[Q.] I am just here.
[Mooji] You are just here.

[Mooji] Can it go away?

[Q.] No.
[Mooji] Why?

[Q.] As the movie has a beginning and an end,

I am perceiving this.

[Mooji] Yes. So, how does it feel right now?

How are you right now,
being where you are here,

conscious of where you are here?

[Mooji] Don't look at the movie right now!
Just be here.

[Mooji] How is here?

[Q.] Space.

[Mooji] Is there any possession here?

[Q.] No.

[Mooji] Is there any fear here?

[Q.] No.

[Mooji] Are you dreaming?

[Q.] No.
[Mooji] No.

[Mooji] Can this go away?

[Q.] I feel my mind coming
and saying, 'I don't know'.

[M.] Yes. But you are aware of it.

Your mind is like another cloud, you see it.

When it's loud, it's loud,
but it cannot keep being loud.

It goes away and comes back in another form.
It's going to come and go.

You must come to recognise that,
that may be a feature for a while,

but that is not This!

Mind will keep coming in different forms.

He will change his clothes,
and come in different forms,

but he can only intimidate your personal identity.

Right now, what is your identity?

Who are you?

[Q.] I just am.
[Mooji] What?

[Q.] I am.
[Mooji] Just 'I am'. Yes.

[Mooji] Are you a role that you are playing?

[Mooji] Are you playing a role?
[Q.] No.

[Mooji] Are you running away from your family,
by being as you are now?

[Q.] No.
[Mooji] No.

[Mooji] See, this smile,
this face is the face they need to see.

[Mooji] Do you understand?

I have not given you an experience.

I have only helped to show you

where you truly are, the reality of you.

It is not something that you create.

The person is created, out of conditioning,

and so many other factors create it.

And it is never stable.
It is always changeful.

But this is your uncreated Self.

And it is always stable.

It is always peaceful.

It is always true.

It is always loving.

It is always open.

And it is imperishable.

This I wanted to share with you,

the greatness and the perfectness
of your true Self.

Is it personal?

[Q.] No.
[Mooji] Great. Great.

[Mooji] Most troubles come in life,
because we take life too personally.

Sometimes you think, if you are impersonal,

it means that you don't care.

That is not true!

When you watch from this place of detachment,

you are much more powerful, more wise,

more present, more alive!

And this is the greatest gift
your family can receive.

Without you giving, you are your gift to them.

And just honour your Self.

[Mooji] I am not paying you a compliment.

[Mooji] I am just showing you your Truth.

I cannot give you your Truth.
You are your Truth.

I can only point out the ignorance
and the misconceptions.

And they will keep coming.

They will keep coming,
but don't see them as enemies.

See them as, 'They come to test me,

to see where I am still indulging in personhood,

because that is where I feel pain'.

But watch from here.

Keep watching from here,
and be conscious of your watching,

and all of this will subside.

Did you take one step to be here?

Did you jump off a cliff? No.

Beautiful!

Beauty-full.

[Mooji] Ah! Yes. Yes. Yes!
[laughter]

[Q.] Thank you, thank you.
[Mooji] Love you so much.

[Q.] I love you, Mooji.
[Mooji] Who is sitting next to you?

[Q.] Habea.
[Mooji] Hi darling, nice to see you.

[Friend] I am very, very happy
for this specific time.

[Mooji] Wonderful.

[F.] I can feel that,

the sangha gets stronger and stronger
through Zoom and ...

There is so much interaction with Sahaja,

with the UK Sangha, with the German sangha,
all together.

[F.] I am so, so happy for this.

[F.] It is a big chance for all of us.

[Mooji] Thank you. So wonderful to hear you
and just to see you.

And lovely, lovely letter, Jennifer.
Thank you.

[Q.] Thank you, Mooji.
[Mooji] Wonderful.

[Mooji] That is good.

I think it is time for a little tea break.
Short, short.

Stay with me. Don't go away.

I don't know, maybe, some people
want to go and put the kettle on,

but my tea is already made. OK?

[Mooji] Yes, this is, I think,
some rooibos tea again.

[Mooji] Thank you. Just some little eye drops.
The eyes are a bit dry.

The room is bit warm today,
and the lights, somehow,

they create some dryness in the eyes.

It is not that I am crying.

I actually am crying with joy inside,

but maybe I am just masking it
with the eye drops, I don't know.

I am so happy in meeting you now, Jennifer,

in such a wonderful way.

And it is so uplifting, and so inspiring,

I am sure for so many people,

to see someone who is themself ...

Like a hidden beauty, within you.

And if there is a shame in life,

it is that we can live our life
without discovering this gem.

And what is this gem?

Your own Self!
[laughs]

Amazing, amazing, amazing!

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