What being a lesbian and a sorority president taught me about sisterhood | Jacki Bradshaw | TEDxOU

University of Oklahoma student, Jacki Bradshaw shares her story about coming out amidst the heteronormative stereotypes of university Greek life.

My name is Jacki Bradshaw and I am originally from Jenks, Oklahoma. I am currently studying Mechanical Engineering at the University of Oklahoma. What I feel everyone needs to know about me is I love to make people laugh, I am without a doubt an extrovert, and I am obsessed with Game of Thrones.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

I'm just going to take
this in for a minute.

Good morning, everybody.

In May of 2014, a short documentary
was posted about the life of Shannon.

Now Shannon has since then gone on
to be a social media

and YouTube phenomenon.

Her life and her story have impacted
people across the globe.

In this documentary,
Shannon told the two lives

that she felt she had to live
while in college.

One, being an active
and proud member of her sorority,

and the other, being a lesbian.

Now although Shannon's story
is incredibly inspiring,

it's not entirely unique.

There are many people on college campuses

that feel they have
to pursue a double life

in order to maintain their social status
within their organizations.

And I was one of those people.

Hi, I'm Jacki.

I'm a proud member of the Greek community,

I'm a former sorority president,

and I am a lesbian.

I came to terms with my sexuality

the summer after my
sophomore year of college.

It was at this point of my life that I had
been established at my unversity,

I was a leader within my sorority,

and it was looking as though I was going
to become the next president.

And it was also at this time,
because of the fear of the unknown

and the absolute feeling of isolation,

that I decided to keep my sexuality
a secret from everyone around me.

Because there are many stereotypes
that are applied to the Greek community.

The expectation is that you are going
to be white, blonde, priviledged,

rich, straight individuals,

and all you want to do is drink,
haze, and have sex.

Now many parts of this stereotype
are actively being fought

on an international,
national, and local level

but the conversation
of everyone being straight

hasn't yet come to the surface.

And it's because of this
lack of conversation

that I wanted to give this talk.

I actually got a little bit of validation
from one of my best friends.

She just sent me a text because she had
explained what my talk was about

to a casual person at her university

and that individual is going through
the same thing that I went through.

This is my story of what it's like
when you don't check the straight box.

Because honestly,
if you google "gay and greek,"

what you primarily get,
if you get anything,

is an equal parts amount of local articles
about fraternity members

either accepting or rejecting
their gay members,

but there really isn't
anything for lesbians.

And not surprisingly,
if you google "lesbians and sorority,"

what you typically get is porn,

(Laughter)

with one anonymous article

about what it's like being
the closeted lesbian of your sorority.

There isn't that much out there.

So I don't check that box.

I'm not straight.

And I'm here to tell you what happens.

A lot of interesting things
started happening.

When I finally got the courage
to start telling people,

I distinctly remember two
of my sorority sisters.

One of them is the most Catholic
and the most Republican person

you will ever meet in your life.

And I thought to myself,

"Well if she can love me,
surely everyone else can."

And surprisingly, sadly surprisingly,

she completely accepted me
without a second thought

and has been my biggest
advocate to this day.

Another one of my
sorority sisters, when I told her,

I was very anxious for a date
that I was about to go on,

and she could tell
that there was something off.

She talked me through it
and later that night sent me a text

that still brings me
to happy tears to this day,

but one line in particular was,

"Jackie, I never loved you
because you were straight,

I love you because you're you."

And as I started to come out
to more and more people,

I ended up getting introduced
to other women who were like me.

I started to feel that I wasn't alone

and some of these women I ended up
becoming a mentor for

because they were just now
exploring their sexuality

and they were going through that
isolation, feeling utterly alone,

but the difference is that I was able
to catch them at the very beginning.

I've seen developments,

Greek ally programs being established
on different college campuses,

training individuals on how to be
an advocate, an ally,

someone to support the people around you.

I've seen date party policies
completely change,

to where they're no longer
gender-specific,

you can take anyone you want,

and I've seen women take advantage
of that and take their girlfriends

or whoever they were dating at the time.

And one thing in particular is,
this is what I truly want to say.

Althought it may be baffling,

every single person that I have told
in any of my communities,

but specifically the Greek community,

has accepted me without a second thought,

without a question,

because they truly do love me as a person.

They never loved me
because I was straight.

It's because of this
that I was brave enough

to stand in front of my entire chapter
and come out to them

which ended up with resounding applause

and an awkward joke about how:
"Don't worry I'll never hit on you!"

(Laughter)

But now that I'm on the other side,

I've become a better leader,

I've become a better sister,
I've become a better person,

because when you pursue a double life,

it's not two of you
in two different worlds;

it's half of you trying
to sustain two identities,

which is emotionally,
physically exhausting.

And if you are not entirely yourself,

you can't be the person
you truly want to be.

So as I've told some of the women
that I've mentored,

I wish I had been honest
at the very beginning.

I wish I had told my sorority sisters
whenever I finally accepted

this part about myself.

I wish I had given them the chance
to prove my fears

and the idea of becoming
a social pariah wrong,

as they have today.

Times are changing

and it is time to change with them.

Thank you.

(Applause)