I’m JEALOUS of my Therapist's other Clients? [CC English & Español] | Kati Morton

- Hey everybody, happy Thursday.

Now today's question is an interesting one

about the relationship that
we have with our therapist

but before we jump into that,
are you new to my channel?

Welcome, I'm a licensed
therapist talking about

all things mental health
and I release videos

on Mondays and on Thursdays
so make sure you're subscribed

and have those notifications turned on

so that you don't miss out.

Now let's get into today's question

and it is, Katy, why am I jealous

of my therapist having other clients?

Now this can happen for
many specific reasons.

Remember everyone is gonna be different

but there's really one
root reason to explain

why someone could feel this way

and that is attachment in childhood.

Now that could be due to a trauma

or having an emotionally
unavailable parent or parents

and this could be triggered by therapy

because it could be the very first place

that you have felt safe talking

and sharing your real feelings.

And most of all, being
heard and understood

and validated by the other person.

And that's why transference
is so common in therapy.

If you don't remember,

transference is when we transfer

a past feeling or
experience that we've had

on to someone in our present
which is usually our therapist.

And I have a whole video
about transference,

I'll link it in the description

so you can learn more about
it but just think about it.

If you were never listened to

or cared for or even validated,
when we find a person

who does even just one of those things,

we never want them to go away.

And it may feel like we
found something extra special

and that can only be ours,

it's like our secret little thing.

And we won't want to share that person

for fear that they will leave us.

Remember, our past trauma or neglect.

And that is what leads
us to feeling jealous.

Now while I truly
believe that transference

is the root most often that causes this,

I also think that confidence plays a role.

And hear me out, because if we don't think

that we're good enough or even
worthy of care and support,

we may worry that our therapist

is going to feel the same, right?

If we truly believe that about who we are

that we're not worthy, no one loves us,

no one really cares,
then why would we think

this relationship would be any different?

Or we can worry that another patient

may take away from their time with us.

This can even be exasperated

if our therapist has to
cancel an appointment

or move a time slot,
we can begin to believe

that it's because it's
something we did or didn't do.

I had patients do this in the past

where when I've had to cancel,

like let's say I got
sick, I have to cancel,

I'm like oh my God, or
I ate something bad once

and I had to cancel all
my patients that day

'cause I was super, super sick.

A couple of my patients
were really offended

like their feelings were actually hurt.

Like they thought that
I really didn't care

and we spent the whole next session

when I was finally back in
the office and feeling better

just assuaging those fears
and letting them know

that that wasn't the case,
that I was actually ill

and I would never try to
leave them or hurt them

and just making them feel more comfortable

and confident in our
therapeutic relationship.

Now whatever the reason,
it's really important

that we talk about this feeling

and what we're experiencing
with our therapist.

Let him or her know what you are feeling

and what's coming up for you.

You can even let them know
why you think it's happening

and help them guide you
and support you through it.

Because in all honesty,

the jealously isn't the real problem.

It's just a symptom of the real

and probably more hidden
and shame-filled issue.

And so taking the time to
really dive in and lean into it,

I know it's super uncomfortable,

I know a lot of you don't
wanna talk about this

with your therapist for fear
that they maybe will leave

or that they'll say
yes, you are unlovable.

Trust me, I promise,

that's not what a therapist is gonna do.

A therapist is gonna
consider why it's happening,

they're gonna ask you if
you know the triggers.

So maybe just take some time to think back

when that was hardest for you,

when you started considering this,

was it when they changed your time slot?

Was it when you saw your mom

or were reminded of something like that

and then you went to
therapy to talk about it?

Was it this certain trauma
you're working through?

Think about what brings it up for you

because that's a clue, remember
we have to be detectives,

so that's a clue into kind
of the bigger or deeper issue

that we may be struggling with

and maybe what this
transference or feeling jealous

that our therapist is
seeing other patients,

that might be where it's coming from.

And overall, just know that
this is completely normal,

this happens so often, I can honestly say

that I think roughly
like 70% of my patients

at any given time are jealous

that I have other patients that I see.

Even though we know that that happens,

it can still be hard for us

to knowledge and process through.

So just be patient, give yourself the time

to figure out what's causing it for you

and know that by doing that
and putting in the time,

it can and will get better.

I hope that answer was helpful.

Like I said, it's so common,

so thank you for asking that question.

And if you didn't know,
I wrote a book, Are U Ok?

And it is a guide to caring
for your mental health

and I talk all about therapy,
the therapeutic relationship,

how to find a good versus bad therapist,

I talk about all of that,
and if you like my channel,

you're gonna love my book
so you can click the link

in the description and check it out now.

Thank you so much for watching

and I will see you next time, bye.